Under 30

I have no idea what you're getting at. As said:Don't have kids. It’s better that way. 🙂

Exactly. Having children should be reserved for those who truly want them. If you’re second-guessing your priorities, don't bother. There are already far too many unloved, unwanted kids out there.

restlessmarlin6 said:If you’re actually focused on self-growth, it’s probably better to skip the kids. Honestly, I respect people who make that call. Maybe they're "selfish," 😁 but at least they aren't lying to themselves 🙂

.

Selfish toward whom, exactly?
I don't have kids, I pay my taxes, I don't bother anyone, and I'm certainly not taking anything from anyone. The only thing I deal with is those moralizing busybodies constantly getting in my head about this topic... 😠
Whenever I feel like having a kid—if that ever happens—I'll do it whenever the time is right, regardless of age. I'm not talking about giving birth at 45, obviously, but before then... it's fine.

Carol Harris64 said:In Sweden, that high-risk threshold is 35. Basically, first-time moms aged 35 and up go in for extra amniocentesis screenings...

It’s the same way in Germany, too. If you're between 30 and 35, you're still considered a "young mom" over there. I actually saw a famous TV host discussing her first pregnancy at age 40 and debating if starting a family then is okay. But when women have their first baby at 30 or later in Germany, nobody really makes a big deal out of it. It's surprising that things are still viewed this way here in America...🙂
By the way, I'd suggest the moderator move this thread over to "Parents and Kids."

Michelle Cook83 said:An adopted child will never be loved as much as a biological one. I know from experience.

... which isn't representative of the whole. It's just an unfortunate outlier in a sea of happy, well-loved families.

plaza said:If it’s actually true that women need to have their first kid before thirty—especially for their own health—then I am officially spiraling. I turn thirty in a month (yikes, that sounds brutal), and apparently, that "rule" doesn't apply to me anymore. If this is real, I just hope I haven't missed my window...

In Sweden, they don't even consider the high-risk threshold until 35; they basically only trigger those extra amniotic fluid checks for first-time moms who are 35 or older.

Melissa Cruz2 said:But who exactly are they being selfish toward?
Look, I don't have kids, I pay my taxes, I don't bother anyone, and I'm certainly not scamming anybody. The only people giving me grief are those self-righteous busybodies who won't shut up about this topic. 😠
If I ever decide I want a kid—and when that happens—I’ll do it regardless of how old I am (I mean, I'm not planning on giving birth at 45, but any time before then is fine by me).

That's why I put "selfish". 🙂 Those quotation marks matter.
From what I can see in the world around us, people act incredibly selfishly, yet they seem perfectly fine with it themselves. At least, that's my takeaway whenever I observe people without children.
And honestly, it's totally normal for those moralizing types to push their views on you. 😁
But hey, what can you do? Not every woman is built to be a mother, period.

restlessmarlin6 said:So I put "selfish". 🙂The quotes matter here.
Looking at their surroundings, they seem incredibly selfish, though honestly, they seem perfectly fine with themselves. At least, that’s my takeaway when looking at people without kids.
And the fact that "do-gooders" are pushing this stuff... well, that's just standard procedure. 😁
But hey, what can you do? Not every woman is cut out for motherhood, period.

I mean, I don't really get it...🙂 but I’d actually love to know what people mean when they say "selfish." It’s a word that gets thrown around at us childless folks constantly, so I'm wondering what the actual argument is? The only thing I can think of is that, in the long run, I haven't brought another taxpayer into the world...😁

Most people are just going to jump to the conclusion that if you don't want kids, you're being purely selfish.
Honestly, my response to them would be: "Yeah, I am. So what?" 😁
Your life basically goes down the drain the second you have a baby. It’s a fact. I mean, sure, there are certain types of women who feel like motherhood is this essential thing they need to feel whole. And hey, that’s fine by me 🙂 But if that’s not how I’m wired, who exactly gave anyone the right to push that on me?
I can already see my relatives starting to nag me about it 😁 I'm still young, so they're keeping quiet for now, but I know that won't last forever 😁

restlessmarlin6 said:Most people just assume that if you don't want kids, you're being selfish.
If they said that to me, I'd just be like, "Yeah, and?" 😁
Your old life basically vanishes the second you have a baby. It's just a fact. Sure, some women are wired for motherhood and feel like they need it to feel whole, which is totally fine... 🙂 But if that isn't me, who are they to tell me otherwise?
I can already see my relatives starting to nag me about it 😁 since I'm still young, they're quiet for now, but I know it won't last long... 😁

Actually, deciding to have children can be just as selfish—people usually have kids for themselves, not for anyone else. So, I don't really get why those who don't want them are seen as more selfish than those who do. 👍

Around here, people don't even really start looking into prenatal care for a first pregnancy until they're well into their mid-thirties.
I honestly don't think there’s some magic rulebook for when you should have kids. It’s one of those things where if it's too early, it's a mess, and if it's too late, it's a mess.
I’ve got two kids myself, both born after I hit thirty, and everything went totally fine.
To be real, kids used to drive me absolutely insane; back in the day, I was all about hitting the town, traveling, and partying with my friends, but now? Now I’d much rather just crash on the couch and binge some mindless crap on TV... though, weirdly enough, I actually wouldn't mind having more little ones running around driving me crazy again.

Does anyone have any actual leads on where I might find some decent resources regarding social-emotional learning for kids?
I feel like I've scoured the entire internet and come up completely empty-handed.
Thanks, everyone.

hollowpilot5 said:Does anyone have any leads on where I could find something regarding social-emotional development in kids? I've been scouring the web and coming up empty...
Thanks everyone.....

Maybe check some local bookstores?

I had my first child at 31 and I’m expecting my second now at 33. Both times, we conceived on the first try. Everything went smoothly with the first pregnancy and birth, and so far, this one is following suit. I was always aware of the statistics regarding fertility declining with age—it wasn't that I was avoiding kids, it just happened that I met my partner later in life. I didn't go out of my way to rush things; I just kept those statistical warnings in mind.
It's worth mentioning that until about age 27, my cycles were pretty irregular and long. They gradually stabilized, and it’s only in these last few years that I can say everything is finally working properly. I consulted with gynecologists, but they didn't offer much beyond suggesting birth control pills to regulate my cycle, which I declined. Some might claim it was due to an unstructured lifestyle or higher stress levels in my younger years, but I wouldn't say that applies to me; everyone deals with stress at every stage of life. Perhaps for some women, sexual maturity simply arrives a bit later, in their thirties, just as it begins to decline for those who matured earlier.

mellowbadger8 said:Times have changed quite a bit; women are having kids much later on average now without any issues. No one here treats me like some ancient relic, whereas in America, I’d probably be hit with all sorts of special restrictions. I’m nearly at the end of my pregnancy, feeling fine, still hitting the gym, swimming, hiking, riding my scooter... I even finished the ski season while three months pregnant. It really just depends on your mindset. The body can handle way more than we give it credit for.👍 And if I felt like it, I’d still have plenty of time to pop out five more...

Depends on your biology, too. For me, everything was perfect until about six months after giving birth (when I was 34), then my entire system just completely collapsed.

Based on my own (bitter) experience, I’d definitely suggest having your first child before thirty...

Kate Kern6 said:If it’s actually true that women need to have their first kid before thirty—especially for their own health—then I am officially panicking. I turn thirty in a month (brrrr, sounds absolutely terrifying), and apparently, that "rule" doesn't apply to me anymore. If it's real? I just hope it won't be too late for me later...

You're stressing over nothing—as long as you're healthy, in my opinion.😉 If you're healthy, you can give birth without issues as long as you're still fertile. If you aren't, having a baby at twenty isn't going to magically fix that either. It’s highly individual. Age is really just a statistical data point—every woman is obviously much more than just a number. For instance, women around 35 typically get sent for amniocentesis just because they hit that age milestone. Of course, not everyone does it since they have the right to say no. But a fetus with Down syndrome can happen way before 35, just as it might never happen at all. Plus, the test itself carries about the same risk as the statistical chance of Down syndrome for a woman that age (around 0.5-1%). In that scenario, if people blindly follow every statistical claim doctors make, a 35-year-old might undergo the test just because of the stats and end up with a miscarriage, even if the fetus was perfectly healthy and didn't have Down syndrome.🙄

Obviously, health—including reproductive health—is a moving target, which is why I think the best way to deal with these fears is to actually know your own body. Listen to it and track it; you'll be able to figure out most things yourself, regardless of medical opinions—which, let's be honest, aren't always the smartest.☕

Honestly, ladies, we are revisiting a topic from 2007 😉

crimsongull20 said:It really depends on your body type. For me, everything felt perfectly fine for about six months after I had my baby (back when I was 34), but then—bam—my whole system just completely fell apart.

Based on my own (pretty bitter) experience, I’d definitely suggest having your first child before you hit thirty.

What exactly happened to you?

Michelle Cook83 said:So, what exactly happened to you all?

Yeah—honestly, I’m curious too.

Sophia Wells72 said:Yeah, I'm curious too.

Me too.😕

Are we going to waste five whole pages debating how much this actually matters to us, or shall we simply wait for the lady in charge to make herself heard?😉