Under 30

My grandmother actually had three kids after she turned 30. And honestly? Zero issues. They’re all healthy and have families of their own now. That was back when people actually thought you were getting "too old" to start. But then I lived in Germany for a while, and I realized that over there, most women don't even seriously consider having kids until they're well past 30. Before that, it's seen as way too early, especially if you're still grinding through college or trying to climb the ladder at work.

I mean, sure, the odds of conceiving drop as you get older, and yeah, there's a higher risk of things going sideways. But on the flip side... it seems like older parents tend to be more grounded and responsible. They usually have their lives together, fewer divorces, established values—and most importantly, they actually *wanted* those kids. It wasn't some unplanned accident or something they felt rushed into, so the kids often end up feeling more loved. I guess it's just more responsible to marry someone who's actually mature and that you truly love, rather than dealing with a divorce down the line because the dad spent his youth being reckless, or a mom who’s totally bitter and unfulfilled because she feels like her career took a hit for a kid she wasn't ready for.

I'm not saying waiting is better—obviously, biologically, it's easier and more likely to happen earlier—but I'm just saying there's another perspective here. It’s not all as black and white or simple as people make it out to be.

@Carol Rodriguez16/">@@Carol Rodriguez16, I suppose I’m inclined to agree 👍
But, first and foremost—if we're being realistic—it all seems to boil down to a woman's specific biology. Genetics play a massive role, obviously, alongside lifestyle factors and, I suppose, whether she actually feels ready to take on parenthood.
In my case, my oncologist actually started advising me quite a while ago that I should consider having a baby before I hit 30—mostly due to breast cancer risks and whatnot. Though, honestly, who can say for sure? It seems like women in America are waiting longer and longer to start families these days. 🙂

Michelle Cook83 said:So, what exactly happened to you?

Three herniated discs in my lower back and a messed up pelvic joint where I've actually grown two bone spurs. I've been basically disabled by constant pain for six months now, and who knows how long it'll last—maybe forever. I can't lift my baby, I can't even crawl around on the floor with her... Doctors can't do anything except hand me more painkillers.

Joints, bones, connective tissue... they just get old. Sadly. Never really gave it a thought, nor realized it was an actual thing, until it hit me...

crimsongull20 said:Three herniated discs in my lumbar spine and a messed up symphysis pubis joint where two bone spurs grew. I've been basically semi-disabled with constant pain for six months now, and who knows how long this lasts—maybe forever. I can't even pick up my baby, let alone crawl around on the floor with her. Doctors can't really help me either, other than just handing out painkillers to dull the ache.

Joints, bones, connective tissue... they just age, I guess. It’s depressing. I never really thought about it, or even knew this kind of stuff could happen, until it hit me.

Did that all happen six months after you gave birth (if I got that right)? Or was it during the pregnancy or labor itself?

If it helps at all, I've dealt with a herniated disc too—still have it, by the way, never had surgery—plus some other injuries, though mine were from a car accident rather than pregnancy. At first, the pain was honestly unbearable; I could barely walk, and sometimes it took me like two hours just to get out of bed. Eventually, I figured out which exercises actually work (and which ones to stay far away from), and after years of sticking to a routine and changing up my diet, things improved a lot. Now, I often forget I even have it. I move around normally, stay active, lift moderate weights...

Keep your head up, it gets better. Believe it or not, sometimes these things can actually improve as you get older.👍

Okay, this works for both posts:

Carol Rodriguez16 said:Did that happen six months postpartum (if I understood you right)? Or was it during pregnancy or labor?

If it helps, I’ve dealt with a herniated disc myself—still have it, didn't go the surgery route—along with other injuries from a car accident, not pregnancy. The pain was soul-crushing at first. Barely walking, sometimes taking two hours just to get out of bed. Eventually, I figured out which exercises actually work and which ones don't. Between sticking to a routine and fixing my diet, things improved significantly after a few years. Now I mostly forget about it. Moving normally, staying active, lifting moderate weights...

Keep your head up. It gets better. Sometimes these things (believe it or not) can actually improve as you age👍

The groin pain started during pregnancy, but they didn't find the herniated discs until seven months after I gave birth. I was solo with the baby, carrying her all day long. She was already over eighteen pounds, and after three weeks of that, the leg pain became unbearable. Just endless doctor visits and diagnostic loops. Took more than two months to finally get an answer.

Thanks for the encouragement. I really needed it today. 🙂

In the grand scheme of things, a few years isn't much. But getting through them... these last six months have felt like an eternity. The worst part is just fearing it'll stay this way, or get worse...

Karen Brooks said:Exactly, Sekunda—all five points. But consider the women who have passed thirty without finding a life partner yet. It doesn't always boil down to career ambition; sometimes, the reasons are much more complex than that. This kind of narrow-minded logic certainly isn't doing them any favors.

What on earth are you people talking about? The idea that if a woman hasn't given birth by age 30, she's somehow broken and needs "help" to fix her "situation"...😲😲😲

I'm 26, and I have zero intention of having children before I'm at least 32. Between finishing my degree, finding a career, and securing a place to live—it's a lot. Besides, why would I want to be one of those frustrated parents who never actually grew up or found their footing? A person's character is still evolving well into their late twenties, after all.

What do you think happens after that? You end up with frustrated parents who can't actually raise their kids because they're just projecting their own failures onto them—not to mention being unable to support them financially.

No, thank you.👎

Carol Rodriguez16 said:Of course, the odds of conception drop as you get older, and there’s definitely a higher risk of complications. But on the flip side, I think older parents tend to be more grounded and responsible. They aren't as likely to go through a messy divorce, they already have their lives together, and most importantly, they actually seem to have a deeper appreciation for parenthood by the time they get there.

I'm with you on that. Though, I know plenty of people who had their first kid in their late 30s—36, 37, 38—and their kids turned out perfectly healthy and well-adjusted.

Everyone keeps saying life expectancy has shot up—that things aren't what they were twenty or thirty years ago...
Yeah, sure, but look at the timeline today: you finish school, land a job, build a career, sort out the housing situation, and *then*—only after everything is perfectly lined up and following some ideal blueprint—do you finally consider having kids. But let's be real: who actually gets everything to go exactly according to plan?

It’s true that waiting longer to have children is much more socially acceptable now than it used to be, but I’m honestly not convinced biology is keeping pace with this social shift... I mean, have women suddenly started getting their periods later in life just because society says so? You're fertile from that first period, and that damn biological clock starts ticking away right then and there...

And even if conception and childbirth go perfectly fine, what about the sleep deprivation and the sheer exhaustion that hits the second you bring a baby home? I can already tell that at 28, I can't party like I did when I was 18 or 20—I have to go straight from a late night to work and somehow function like a normal human all day long...
My sister tells me that now, at 30, having her second child is way harder; she's struggling to get up in the middle of the night and feels ten times more exhausted than she did with her first back when she was 24...

Even my parents—both of them work in healthcare—constantly remind me that while I might look a lot younger on the outside, my biological clock and my organs definitely know exactly how old I am...
Up until now, I just wasn't ready. My sister had her baby at 24 and couldn't wait to start a family... me? Not so much. And even knowing that it’ll get tougher later on, I refused to just get pregnant simply because the clock was ticking. I wanted it to happen when I *actually* wanted it!

So, here I am—I just had one spontaneous moment (not that it wouldn't have happened four or five years ago), and my fiancé is a merchant marine who's gone for half the year. That means we basically have half the chances or time compared to someone whose husband is home twelve months a year. I’m not panicking, though; I believe we’ll succeed quickly. Even if we don't manage it before that "magic" age of 30 everyone treats like some massive turning point, so what? I'll make it happen at 31... Sure, it might be a little harder than it would have been earlier, but that's my choice!

Rebecca Bailey16 said:What on earth are you people talking about? The idea that a woman needs mental health intervention just because she hasn't given birth by age 30 is ridiculous.😲😲😲

I'm 26. I have zero intention of having kids before I'm 32. I need to finish college, find a career, and get my own place first. I refuse to be one of those frustrated parents who never grew up or found emotional stability. A person’s personality is still evolving until they hit 28 anyway.

Otherwise, what's left? Just a bunch of resentful parents who can't raise their kids properly, take their frustrations out on them, and struggle to afford even the basics.

No thanks.👎

Well, you've swung straight to the other extreme.🙄 Does that mean everyone who had kids before 28 is automatically a resentful parent who can't provide for their children?
That's nonsense.

When you feel ready and actually want a child—especially if you have a partner and the basic means to support them😁—then that's when it happens. Whether you're 20 or 35 doesn't matter.
Physically speaking, you're definitely more prepared at 20.

casualscout65, I am right there with you (P.S. I’m actually moving to Miami soon) 🙂...I want kids too, but only when I am truly ready and when I actually feel the urge. You can just sense it. I’m young, I just graduated from college, and I believe my priority right now needs to be building my career. I know people will say these are my prime years for starting a family (I’ll be 25 soon), but I simply refuse to rush into this until my life is actually in order.

I turned 37 this past Friday. I haven't had a child yet, but that doesn't mean I'm suddenly going to give up on the idea just because of my age. My mind is sharp and my body is healthy. Why should anyone assume otherwise?

Unfortunately, life doesn't always line up quite the way we hope—and more often than not, it’s completely out of our hands

To give you a bit of my specific story:
I spent ten years of my life with a man who wasn't exactly supportive of me seeing my child—after a long relationship and a very brief marriage, I ultimately decided to walk away, and honestly, looking back, I'm so relieved we didn't have children together during that time.
I was thirty at the time, just starting over from scratch...
Two years later, I met my current husband, and the more I got to know him, the more I realized he was truly "the one" for me.
We moved in together after just a month of dating, started planning a wedding after a year, and once we tied the knot two years later, we naturally began the conversation about having kids.
We had discussed it before, and our visions for parenthood were perfectly aligned, of course 🙂
But we’ve recently entered much more serious discussions because, well, things haven't happened naturally—plus, both he and I are aware that we face some little hurdles along the way.
About a year ago, we made the decision to seek medical help.
And oh boy... between getting all the tests done, trying out those first rounds of Clomid, waiting for an appointment for IVF, praying the stars would align, and dealing with this and that... basically, nothing has worked since we started the first round of fertility treatments.
We’re heading in for a second procedure this September, and if that doesn't work within a few months, we'll move on to a third—by then, I’ll already be 36.

So, that's how it goes—just when we want it most, and right when everything seems perfect—financially, mentally, the timing feels ideal, the stars are finally aligned—our own bodies just seem to pull the rug out from under us.

I’m not saying it wouldn't be different if I had started treatment at 25—maybe it would have been—but if I had, I probably would have reached a point at age 30, after five years of unsuccessful attempts, where I could say, "That's enough, let's look into adoption."
Now, I don't really have that luxury, because by then, I'll be too old for the adoption process...

I hear you, feralmoose32, but let’s be real: the whole argument assumes that once you hit thirty, you're suddenly "old" for having kids. That’s just not how biology works. Everyone's body responds differently. I'm not saying I won't run into issues, but does being 37 mean I'm automatically incapable of conceiving without my baby having Down syndrome? Not necessarily.

The truth is, nobody actually knows if they’ll run into issues until they finally decide to try for a baby. And honestly? I have zero interest in rushing into anything just to test my fertility. It feels completely pointless. I refuse to dwell on those kinds of negative scenarios. My only hope is that both my partner and I are perfectly healthy, and that we'll be able to start a family whenever we feel ready.

Sarah Adams48 said:I hear you, feralmoose32, I really do—but the whole point being discussed here is that once you hit thirty, there's this assumption you're "ready," yet everyone’s biology works so differently... I'm certainly not saying I won't run into hurdles, but just because I'm 37 doesn't mean I can't conceive without issues or that my child will automatically have Down syndrome.

You aren't "old" if everything is going smoothly, but if things get complicated—well, time just slips away from you way too fast...

On a side note, one of my close girlfriends actually conceived naturally and had a perfectly healthy baby, no complications at all during the pregnancy—and she was 42! 😉

brighteagle23 said:Nobody actually knows if they'll face problems until they actually try to have a child... and honestly, I don't want to rush into anything just to test my fertility... it's pointless... I'd rather not dwell on those kinds of negative scenarios... I just hope that both I and my partner stay healthy so we can have kids whenever we feel ready...

Of course not, I was just sharing my own experience...😉

I actually think just like you do—even now—it's just that my current situation has shaken my confidence a little bit...

I feel so incredibly bad for feralmoose32... I honestly, truly hope you two can pull through this. Honestly, who wouldn't be shaken up by a situation like this? If it were up to me, I’d wish for everyone to have the chance to have children they actually want.🙂