Under 30

....and what about men ???...nobody cares, it's always been like this and it'll stay that way

I’m not out here hitting people with a baseball bat just to get some attention here, but a man is a man
except for those two, they haven't shown up
and I'm not gonna waste my breath on their drama, I've got enough of my own going on

stormylynx14 said:Explain to me how a woman could feel judged for not having kids if she didn't have them when the timing was actually right. It’s like... nature takes its course, you know? It's out of your hands, so how can you be blamed for it?

I mean, the whole "what if" thing is a total rabbit hole... maybe if I'd gotten pregnant by accident at 19, the kid would've been perfectly healthy—who knows, really? Nobody has a crystal ball. But look, when I talk about women feeling judged—and I don't care what you or anyone else thinks, honestly—it's more about that internal struggle. It's hard not to beat yourself up over infertility when you waited too long because of a war, or some health issue, or just life getting in the way... it leaves you feeling pretty crushed. Especially after all those constant warnings floating around here—you know, the ones creating these mental roadblocks like "fertility drops off a cliff after 30," or "you should've prioritized this differently," or "if only I knew back then what I know now"... it's just exhausting.

My dad told me the same thing... but I have NOBODY to go with

rustymoose54 said:... regardless, they seem pretty discouraged after your constant warnings and all those psychological barriers you keep throwing up here ("fertility drops off a cliff after 30," "you need to rethink your priorities," "if only I knew then what I know now..." and so on).

You know who actually has the right to feel discouraged? Couples who have gone through three rounds of IVF without a single pregnancy. For everyone else, my stance remains the same: stop wasting time. Get to a specialist immediately and start treatment.

I was going to let this thread sink into oblivion to avoid rubbing salt in the wounds of women in such a difficult position. Hannah Scott69, it's your fault this topic resurfaced. 😉

stormylynx14 said:And honestly, for everyone else out there... what I said before still stands: stop wasting time. Just get yourself to a specialist right now and start therapy immediately.

Wait, hold up a second... so you're telling me every woman who hits 30 just has to sprint to the nearest doctor if she ever wants to be a mom? Like, the clock just runs out for them at 30? wtf 😕

rustymoose54 said:Wait, hold up... so you're telling me every woman over 30 needs to sprint to the nearest fertility specialist immediately if they ever want to be moms? Like, is time just officially up for them? wtf 😕

hm, yeah, that's how I took it too... though I guess stormylynx14 was going for something else entirely...? 🙄

That advice about seeing a specialist only applies if you've been having unprotected sex for a full year without getting pregnant.

Turning 30 isn't an excuse to lose hope, if that’s what I was implying.

Turns out, waiting until you're over 35 to have kids might actually be a silver lining when it comes to fighting off invasive ovarian cancer.
According to some recent research from American scientists, having a baby after 35 can slash that risk by about 58%. If you’ve already had at least three full-term pregnancies before then? That protection jumps up to a 64% reduction. Even birth control pills play a role here—the study found that for every year you're on them, your risk of developing ovarian cancer drops by about 6%.

Bulletin, Dr. Harvey
🙂

Rita said:Girls, please stop talking nonsense. This is my first pregnancy, and I'll be turning 32 this February. In my social circle, I'm actually one of the younger moms. But that’s not the case in America; people here still hold onto those primitive, outdated ideas about women being "old" when they have kids. Times have changed so much, and women are having babies much later on average without any issues. No one treats me like some "old first-timer," whereas in America, I’d definitely face certain judgments. I'm nearing the end of my pregnancy now, and I haven't had any health problems at all. I still stay active every single day—swimming, hiking, riding my scooter, and I even went skiing until the end of the season (when I was three months along). It really just depends on your mindset. The body can handle way more than we realize...👍 And if I wanted to, I still have plenty of time to have five more kids.

Rita, which country are you in? I totally agree with you...🙂

I'm living in Germany, where the average age for a first-time mom is 30, and one in five women doesn't even start until after 35. Generally speaking, in all developed nations, that threshold has shifted because women are staying in school longer...

Looking for the father of my future kid. Any takers? Just kidding... mostly.
I'm 25. 🙂

I had my first child at twenty—literally squeezed between two college finals.
👍 The upsides? An easy pregnancy, a quick delivery, and a sudden push to finish my degree—I didn't waste any time and graduated ahead of schedule. Career-wise, my climb toward more senior roles synced up perfectly with my child growing up; my absences weren't a major issue for anyone. Now, in what I suppose are my prime middle years, I have an adult child—the generation gap was never really an issue...

👎 The downsides—navigating an early pregnancy during college requires a massive amount of family support. You’re still essentially treating the baby like a toy; you're often too young for that level of responsibility or serious parenting. Early marriages also tend to fall apart—that was certainly my experience—and you definitely miss out on those peak college years...

In my view, having children in your thirties is the sweet spot—you're physically resilient enough for a smooth pregnancy, yet mature enough to actually be a parent. 👍

There is zero chance of me settling down before I hit thirty—I feel like my studies are going to drag on for a freaking eternity! A friend of mine actually told me, "Just keep your head down and stay single until you finally wrap up college." 😁

Look, let's be real, what kind of career are we even talking about here? Being a doctor in $3.75 or a TA at some university doesn't pay nearly enough. I mean, do you really think Americans are just naturally this healthy and have so many kids? It’s mostly because they start young, which seems to be the rule. I guess I wonder if people actually want a second child... there are really just two things at play here: personal comfort and just lying to yourself. That's what I think about those couples who claim they just didn't have the "conditions" to have a kid.

If you were in Switzerland, maybe things would be different, but even then, you get six weeks of paid leave, daycare costs more than a third of a woman's salary, and rent is insane.

Having kids is basically the one gift you're entitled to; if someone can't do it biologically, I guess they should just adopt.

stormylynx14 said:I’m actually having second thoughts now. My partner went through so much just to have this one child, and looking at them, I can tell they'll be an only child forever. And honestly, I know how only children turn out—I see it in myself.😬

That’s exactly why I’ve decided against having any children at all. What would be the point? Why should I deal with all that hassle? It isn't worth putting my partner through the physical toll and risking their health. Besides, what am I going to leave behind? Just more money for Pampers to pocket, especially since I don't even own P&G stock. I value my lifestyle and my privacy too much to trade it all in for constant crying and diaper changes.😎

Look, you're the one asking why anyone would bother having kids if it just ruins your sex life. Honestly? Don't have them. Better that way. 🙂

I don't know, maybe it's just me, but the older I get, the more the whole idea of having kids feels like it's drifting further and further away from my reality 😁
Especially after hitting thirty... let alone before that.

But honestly? Who cares. Some people do it in their 20s, some in their 30s, some even in their 40s. It is what it is. 🙂

Eric Robinson81 said:I have my own life and my own privacy, and I’m certainly not willing to trade them just to deal with constant whining and changing diapers.😎

Look, if you’re all about "self-actualization" and personal growth, honestly, maybe it’s better not to have kids. I actually respect people who make that choice; sure, they might be labeled as "selfish," 😁 but at least they’re being honest with themselves. 🙂

The thing is, this isn't really about "privacy" or some kind of suffering—it’s just a simple fact: the second a child's life begins, yours effectively ends.

George Gray3 said:Look, let’s be real here—what kind of "career" are we even talking about? Being a doctor in $3.75 or a teaching assistant at some university? It doesn't pay that much. You think Americans are just naturally this healthy and have all these kids? No, they start young—that’s just how it works. Do you guys actually plan on having a second child? There are really only two things at play here: personal comfort and lying to yourself. That's what I mean when I talk about those couples claiming they just don't have the "means" to have a kid.

Even if you were in Switzerland, sure, maybe you get six weeks of paid leave, but childcare costs more than a third of a woman's salary—sometimes even more. Plus, rent is through the roof. It's tough.

Having kids—it's the one thing you're entitled to. If you can't do it biologically, then adopt.

Just because you feel that way doesn't mean everyone else will agree. The "ideal" age for having kids has shifted, plain and simple. People tend to wait until they actually have some maturity—which means they're actually ready for the massive responsibility of being a good parent. You know, someone who can provide social, emotional, and financial stability. Do you honestly think some 20-year-old kid could handle that without treating their baby like a toy or totally throwing away their own youth? Come on, man, give me a break! And another thing—if you can't conceive, adoption isn't the only answer; there are plenty of fertility treatments out there now. But honestly, from my own experience... an adopted child is never loved quite the same way as your own.

Michelle Cook83 said:An adopted child will never be loved quite the same way as a biological one—I know this from experience.

👎 👎 👎 👎

plaza said:If it’s actually true that women need to have their first kid before thirty—mostly for their own health—then I am officially panicking. I turn thirty in a month (yikes, that sounds brutal), and apparently, I’ve already missed the boat according to this rule. If this is real, I just hope it won't be too late for me later on...

In Sweden, they actually set that high-risk threshold at 35; basically, first-time moms over 35 are the ones who get sent in for those extra amniotic fluid screenings.