Richard Hernandez13 said:The very first thing that popped into my head the second I walked out of the theater was just... wow. I mean, seriously, Peter Jackson is GOD !!!!
Man, whenever I hear this kind of blind worship going on, I just know exactly where this is headed...
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I guess most of the "historical" research out there for... Troy I mean, I guess it all just boils down to watching the LOTR trilogy. Seriously, there isn't a single thing in that movie that hasn't been touched or borrowed from Jackson's films. What's so glaringly missing from Petersen's work is exactly what he couldn't just copy-paste from LOTR: that true vision, the willingness to take risks, and just pure, raw passion!
Hey, Bejzikli! Troy I mean, seriously... you've got this absolute powerhouse cast, right? Like, top-tier, A-list talent that belongs on every awards podium. And the production value? Totally incredible—everything looks absolutely stunning on screen. But then... the script. Man, the script is just third-rate. It’s like they had all these amazing pieces but couldn't quite put them together. I guess it's just one of those cases where a great look can't quite save a weak story, maybe. Such a bummer!
The very first thing that hits you—and I mean really hits you—is the dialogue. It is just... man, it is CATASTROPHIC!!! Like, seriously, what were they thinking? Who actually sat down and wrote this stuff? Was it R. A. Salvatore? Robert Jordan? Or maybe even Danielle Steel? I honestly feel like it has to be some super ambitious but painfully untalented fantasy writer who has spent their entire life reading nothing but R. A. Salvatore, Robert Jordan, and Danielle Steel. I was just sitting there, basically waiting for the moment when Paris would turn to Helen and say... Hey! So, I was just sitting here thinking... baby! Seriously, isn't that just the cutest thing ever? I don't know, maybe I'm just being silly, but there's just something about it, you know? It’s like, wow! Just... baby! Anyway, just wanted to share that little thought with you all. Hope everyone is having an awesome day!.
I mean, honestly, all the characters in the movie feel just so... I don't know, incredibly obvious? They’re all super clear-cut and very, very specific, which I guess makes them feel really well-known right off the bat. Because they're so defined like that, it feels totally natural that certain parts of the story seem kind of "predictable" to you, you know? And maybe that's exactly why they don't feel all that convincing or immersive. Just my two cents!
On the flip side, I mean, all the other characters are just as incredibly strong and they’re so well-defined—and honestly, the acting is top-tier—all because of those dialogues. It's really that good!
Alright, look. I’ve heard people saying that dialogue is basically the least important part of any Hollywood blockbuster. And honestly? I get where they're coming from. But then you look at those big action sequences... man, some of them are just a total letdown. They end up looking like a soggy, half-baked dream for anyone actually hoping for something epic. It's just kind of underwhelming, I guess! American GladiatorI mean, I can't exactly say I walked away from this without learning some major history lessons, you know? Thanks to the movie, I finally figured out that back in the ancient world, you'd have two massive armies—like, fifty thousand soldiers each—just charging at one another, hacking away for a bit, and then suddenly they’d just... stop. They'd just stand there and start circling around some incredibly important guy. It's wild! Man-to-man. So, looking at those clashes... you've got Hector versus Ajax, and then that whole messy situation where Hector goes up against Patroclus—who, let’s be honest, he totally mistook for Achilles for a second there. I mean, jeez, they both probably go to the exact same barber! 😁 ).
Honestly, my absolute favorite thing about those "critiques" from people who clearly don't have a clue? It’s when they single out one tiny little detail like they're making a profound point, only to totally trip over their own feet and score an absolute massive self-goal. It’s just so funny!
The whole key to these battles—and honestly, the entire Trojan War—is the one-on-one, mano a mano combat. It really just boils down to that, I guess!
I mean, it’s just not like a regular hand-to-hand brawl, you know? It’s never just two people fighting fairly. There's always some Ares or Aphrodite swooping in out of nowhere to bail out their favorite person!
I mean, if you look at the mythology, those circles around the really important warriors are definitely intentional. It’s like... they were actually drawn there! I guess since they didn't have any other way to show it, the gods probably wouldn't have allowed some mere mortals to mess up their grand plans right when things were getting intense for those fighters. It just makes sense, maybe?
I won't beat around the bush—the battles are just like the rest of the movie... honestly, they feel totally lifeless and pretty boring to me.
I honestly think the battles in Troy are probably some of the best mass combat scenes ever put on film. Like, seriously, maybe even the best there is!
As far as I know, anyway—but hey, please feel free to set me straight if you can think of any movies where they actually pulled it off better!
Man, when the characters were just talking—I was practically counting the seconds until the action started. But then, once the action actually kicked off? I was just sitting there waiting for them to stop yapping!
…
And honestly, maybe the whole thing wouldn't have been such a headache if the cast hadn't almost entirely flopped (like, seriously, looking at 🙂 Brian Cox, Brendan Gleeson, and Eric Bana).
The acting was actually totally great across the board.
Do you even realize who those characters were supposed to be?
I say "almost entirely" because you've got Peter O'Toole there, who basically outshines everyone by a mile. I guess you really do need like sixty years of acting experience to deliver that terrible dialogue in such a phenomenal way.
The absolute worst part, no contest, has to be Brad Pitt. I mean, look, I like him as an actor and he’s definitely got talent, but who on earth told him that portraying Achilles should look like some narcissistic, prima donna quarterback?
That guy has been the ultimate alpha male for thousands of years.
Just try to imagine a man like that, coming from that kind of environment.
At least give it a shot.
- briskjackal5 -
