Topic of the day: What's the ideal age to get married?

I know plenty of folks who became parents in their late 30s or even early 40s, and honestly, I don't see them struggling or regretting not jumping in sooner. I mean, it’s mostly people who don't exactly view hitting 40 as being ancient.

The sixties are the new sixteen. 😁

Nicholas Cook4 said:I don't think there's really a "perfect" age to get married.
To me, marriage is basically just a legally recognized partnership between two people that comes with certain administrative perks.

If you're looking at marriage as a precursor to starting a family, I guess the sweet spot would be somewhere between 25 and 30.
By 25, most people have probably gone through their wild phase and figured out what they actually care about, plus a younger parent might find it a bit easier to keep up with the chaos of kids.😁>

Looking at some folks I know, I see how much easier it is for some people to have college-aged kids by the time they hit 40👍 compared to those who are still dealing with infants or toddlers.😵

Why are they acting like it’s such a shock that the kids are already college-aged? Of course it’s easier now—it was always going to be. You really should have been paying closer attention—and asking the right questions—back when they were actually little. 😁

Nicholas King said:The reality is that managing someone else's teenage meltdown is a lot easier when you've just barely survived your own—but believing you can somehow make up for two decades spent playing nanny once you hit forty is a complete delusion.

Look, I get it, I really do. People love to say forty is the new fifteen... as if that actually means anything.

It’s irreplaceable—if you can even call it that. 😳
While everyone else your age was out making mistakes and living it up, you were stuck being the responsible kid—the one who actually had their act together. Now that you're finally ready to let loose and make up for lost time, you realize there's no one left to go with. Most of them are already busy playing suburban parents and chasing toddlers around. It’s a bit of a catch-22, I guess. 🐔

I feel the same way about this idea. It really hits home now that I'm in my 40s and the kids are grown and independent; it stems from the fact that they didn't have those wild experiences in their 20s, so now, in their 40s, they don't even have a clear sense of what they actually missed out on. 😁

Yeah, sure, you can still stay up until dawn in your 40s, but it just doesn't carry the same weight as it did back in your 20s. 😁

Nicholas Cook4 said:I don't think there's really a "perfect" age to get married.
To me, marriage is basically just a legally recognized partnership between two people that comes with certain administrative perks.

If you're looking at marriage as a precursor to starting a family, I guess the sweet spot would be somewhere between 25 and 30.
By 25, most people have probably gone through their wild phase and figured out what they actually care about, plus a younger parent might find it a bit easier to keep up with the chaos of kids.😁>

Looking at some folks I know, I see how much easier it is for some people to have college-aged kids by the time they hit 40👍 compared to those who are still dealing with infants or toddlers.😵

Well, quite true; life is certainly more manageable for a forty-year-old whose children are nearing adulthood rather than one still dealing with tiny ones.
And if we look back twenty years, it was arguably better to be twenty and childless than to be twenty with a newborn in tow. 🤣

Drew Ross2 said:Why are they acting like it’s such a shock that the kids are already college-aged? Of course it’s easier now—it was always going to be. You really should have been paying closer attention—and asking the right questions—back when they were actually little. 😁

It’s irreplaceable—if you can even call it that. 😳
While everyone else your age was out making mistakes and living it up, you were stuck being the responsible kid—the one who actually had their act together. Now that you're finally ready to let loose and make up for lost time, you realize there's no one left to go with. Most of them are already busy playing suburban parents and chasing toddlers around. It’s a bit of a catch-22, I guess. 🐔

Okay, so one woman was constantly acting all miserable because she had a kid. I think she was still going on about it at 30, complaining about having another baby and having zero time for herself, and so on. Now she’s finally calm because she’s "dealt" with the kids and can finally focus on herself. 🤣

The others were pretty chill; they had kids, but they knew how to go out with their friends, head to a girls' weekend, stuff like that. It wasn't like they were whining and moaning about being stuck at home with children. 🤷

But honestly, it all comes down to someone's personality. If a person is a complainer, they’re going to be a complainer at 25, 35, or 45. If they're chill, they'll always be chill. 😁

It’s way better for those kids who are still in college at twenty. 🤣

Ashley Vaughn79 said:I feel the same way about this idea. It really hits home now that I'm in my 40s and the kids are grown and independent; it stems from the fact that they didn't have those wild experiences in their 20s, so now, in their 40s, they don't even have a clear sense of what they actually missed out on. 😁

Yeah, sure, you can still stay up until dawn in your 40s, but it just doesn't carry the same weight as it did back in your 20s. 😁

For me, though, since I don't have kids and I'm pushing 40, I don't really have a specific idea of what I've missed. I guess it's more about the individual and where they are in life. People at that age just end up in the situation they're in, so now, in their 40s, if they wanted to have kids, they don't necessarily have to, and they can just "live" in a way that fits their age. Whether they actually missed out or not, I don't know. I suppose it depends on whether we're talking about things that are borderline questionable for a 20-year-old (like experimenting with anything or passing out drunk in some random field or whatever), or stuff you can just make up for whenever you want (like traveling, sex, and things like that).

Walter Davis said:I know plenty of folks who became parents in their late 30s or even early 40s, and honestly, I don't see them struggling or regretting not jumping in sooner. I mean, it’s mostly people who don't exactly view hitting 40 as being ancient.

Look, I had my baby at 34 because, let’s be real, I just wasn't ready before then! Personally, I think deciding to become a parent is one of those massive, life-altering calls—you know, once you're a mom, you're a mom for life... there's no such thing as "returning" a kid if they aren't your vibe! Some people are ready to jump in early, others wait until later. And honestly? I don't feel like I'm missing out by being an older parent at all—if anything, it keeps me on my toes! I have to stay current with all the new trends and keep learning constantly... it’s basically like a fountain of youth 😁

Nicholas Cook4 said:Okay, so one woman was constantly acting all miserable because she had a kid. I think she was still going on about it at 30, complaining about having another baby and having zero time for herself, and so on. Now she’s finally calm because she’s "dealt" with the kids and can finally focus on herself. 🤣

The others were pretty chill; they had kids, but they knew how to go out with their friends, head to a girls' weekend, stuff like that. It wasn't like they were whining and moaning about being stuck at home with children. 🤷

But honestly, it all comes down to someone's personality. If a person is a complainer, they’re going to be a complainer at 25, 35, or 45. If they're chill, they'll always be chill. 😁

Victim or not—it's irrelevant to the main point. 😳 The point is that you can't compare your mental state when you're only responsible for yourself to your mental state when you're responsible for the life of another (helpless) being.
Personally, I think your twenties are the ideal time to have a mindset of—well, let's just say my ego takes precedence over everyone else's. 😁

ruggedscout76 said:We spend our best years chasing the perfect partner and the ideal circumstances, believing if we just collect enough of these "right" pieces, everything will click; yet, the more you hunt for perfection, the harder the fall when you realize how many of those components were actually wrong all along. 🐔

Or perhaps there is no such thing as right or wrong, only what you desire and what brings you a sense of peace in the moment 🕺

That's the only real answer.

When you finally meet "the one," you marry them. Simple as that.

It lasts as long as it lasts. Life keeps moving, and paths cross and diverge. Sometimes people just drift apart at those crossroads.

There isn't much point in overthinking it.

😳

Sent from my Galaxy Note20 using Reddit

Drew Ross2 said:Why are they acting like it’s such a shock that the kids are already college-aged? Of course it’s easier now—it was always going to be. You really should have been paying closer attention—and asking the right questions—back when they were actually little. 😁

It’s irreplaceable—if you can even call it that. 😳
While everyone else your age was out making mistakes and living it up, you were stuck being the responsible kid—the one who actually had their act together. Now that you're finally ready to let loose and make up for lost time, you realize there's no one left to go with. Most of them are already busy playing suburban parents and chasing toddlers around. It’s a bit of a catch-22, I guess. 🐔

I suppose it depends on when someone actually starts going out. For me, I started around fifteen, but by the time I hit eighteen, the whole scene just lost its appeal... though it's not like I felt like I missed out on anything essential.

I don't think it's really about trying to make up for lost mischief once your kids are grown; it’s more about the fact that they aren't the center of your universe anymore, so you finally have space to be yourself again. You suddenly have the luxury of grabbing a coffee whenever you feel like it, instead of coordinating babysitters or dragging a child along... It's about realizing that if you don't feel like cooking, you don't have to, or if you want to head out for a weekend getaway, you can just go without all the massive logistical planning.

And what does "wilding out" even mean to people? Is it just getting drunk and acting reckless while you're barely aware of where you are or who is watching?
Honestly, at forty, I wouldn't dream of being in that state in public... Youth might give you a pass for certain behaviors, but the idea of dancing on a bar counter while half-drunk? God forbid. I can certainly do that in my own home with a few close friends, but that's about it. 😁

Drew Ross2 said:Victim or not—it's irrelevant to the main point. 😳 The point is that you can't compare your mental state when you're only responsible for yourself to your mental state when you're responsible for the life of another (helpless) being.
Personally, I think your twenties are the ideal time to have a mindset of—well, let's just say my ego takes precedence over everyone else's. 😁

I guess I spent my years from 13 to 25 or 26 just totally losing my mind, living life to the fullest and being pretty selfish about enjoying myself, honestly. It felt good at the time, and I think I still enjoy that freedom now.🤣
If I had been focused on settling down or having kids back then, I’d probably have them by now, right as things were finally calming down, after finishing college and getting a career started—you know, everything going according to plan.😁

Someone who only starts really living and seeing what life has to offer at 20 obviously isn't going to have it all figured out by 25; their life might not actually click into place until they're 30 or older.
Everyone has a different starting line and different opportunities, not to mention their own unique idea of what life should look like and what it actually means to go wild and enjoy yourself.

Nicholas Cook4 said:I guess I spent my years from 13 to 25 or 26 just totally losing my mind, living life to the fullest and being pretty selfish about enjoying myself, honestly. It felt good at the time, and I think I still enjoy that freedom now.🤣
If I had been focused on settling down or having kids back then, I’d probably have them by now, right as things were finally calming down, after finishing college and getting a career started—you know, everything going according to plan.😁

Someone who only starts really living and seeing what life has to offer at 20 obviously isn't going to have it all figured out by 25; their life might not actually click into place until they're 30 or older.
Everyone has a different starting line and different opportunities, not to mention their own unique idea of what life should look like and what it actually means to go wild and enjoy yourself.

Or maybe everything is just subjective. 🐔
But I think I’ll still tell anyone who asks me:
your twenties are for you, and your thirties are for babies. 🐔

Nicholas King said:The reality is that managing someone else's teenage meltdown is a lot easier when you've just barely survived your own—but believing you can somehow make up for two decades spent playing nanny once you hit forty is a complete delusion.

Look, I get it, I really do. People love to say forty is the new fifteen... as if that actually means anything.

But honestly, what exactly is there to "make up"? 🤔
People who have kids aren't exactly under house arrest for eighteen years straight, and besides, what's the difference between doing things at 25 versus 40? While I guess there's definitely a difference in reverse—adventures in your 40s will surely be better than they could have been at 25. Sure, I might have been in better shape back then, but intelligence, maturity, wit, money, sex... everything else just keeps getting better as the years go by.😁

Dana Ross said:I suppose it depends on when someone actually starts going out. For me, I started around fifteen, but by the time I hit eighteen, the whole scene just lost its appeal... though it's not like I felt like I missed out on anything essential.

I don't think it's really about trying to make up for lost mischief once your kids are grown; it’s more about the fact that they aren't the center of your universe anymore, so you finally have space to be yourself again. You suddenly have the luxury of grabbing a coffee whenever you feel like it, instead of coordinating babysitters or dragging a child along... It's about realizing that if you don't feel like cooking, you don't have to, or if you want to head out for a weekend getaway, you can just go without all the massive logistical planning.

And what does "wilding out" even mean to people? Is it just getting drunk and acting reckless while you're barely aware of where you are or who is watching?
Honestly, at forty, I wouldn't dream of being in that state in public... Youth might give you a pass for certain behaviors, but the idea of dancing on a bar counter while half-drunk? God forbid. I can certainly do that in my own home with a few close friends, but that's about it. 😁

Exactly. That was my priority in my twenties—I never felt like I had to sacrifice my own peace, my time, or my routines during those years.😳

I suppose it's obvious that whoever spends their entire twenties focused solely on a child will be trying to reclaim that peace in their forties.

Dana Ross said:I suppose it depends on when someone actually starts going out. For me, I started around fifteen, but by the time I hit eighteen, the whole scene just lost its appeal... though it's not like I felt like I missed out on anything essential.

I don't think it's really about trying to make up for lost mischief once your kids are grown; it’s more about the fact that they aren't the center of your universe anymore, so you finally have space to be yourself again. You suddenly have the luxury of grabbing a coffee whenever you feel like it, instead of coordinating babysitters or dragging a child along... It's about realizing that if you don't feel like cooking, you don't have to, or if you want to head out for a weekend getaway, you can just go without all the massive logistical planning.

And what does "wilding out" even mean to people? Is it just getting drunk and acting reckless while you're barely aware of where you are or who is watching?
Honestly, at forty, I wouldn't dream of being in that state in public... Youth might give you a pass for certain behaviors, but the idea of dancing on a bar counter while half-drunk? God forbid. I can certainly do that in my own home with a few close friends, but that's about it. 😁

That goes both ways, too—whatever youth tolerates, old age certainly won't.😁

Personally, I went out until about age 21, then I just got tired of it and stopped running around. But it wasn't even about kids back then; I didn't have my first one until I was 30, and by then, my partner and I had already been together for over a decade.😳

electricscout15 said:But honestly, what exactly is there to "make up"? 🤔
People who have kids aren't exactly under house arrest for eighteen years straight, and besides, what's the difference between doing things at 25 versus 40? While I guess there's definitely a difference in reverse—adventures in your 40s will surely be better than they could have been at 25. Sure, I might have been in better shape back then, but intelligence, maturity, wit, money, sex... everything else just keeps getting better as the years go by.😁

The whole point of your twenties is that you don't have the maturity or the wisdom yet—that's kind of the charm, isn't it?😁

Dana Ross said:I suppose it depends on when someone actually starts going out. For me, I started around fifteen, but by the time I hit eighteen, the whole scene just lost its appeal... though it's not like I felt like I missed out on anything essential.

I don't think it's really about trying to make up for lost mischief once your kids are grown; it’s more about the fact that they aren't the center of your universe anymore, so you finally have space to be yourself again. You suddenly have the luxury of grabbing a coffee whenever you feel like it, instead of coordinating babysitters or dragging a child along... It's about realizing that if you don't feel like cooking, you don't have to, or if you want to head out for a weekend getaway, you can just go without all the massive logistical planning.

And what does "wilding out" even mean to people? Is it just getting drunk and acting reckless while you're barely aware of where you are or who is watching?
Honestly, at forty, I wouldn't dream of being in that state in public... Youth might give you a pass for certain behaviors, but the idea of dancing on a bar counter while half-drunk? God forbid. I can certainly do that in my own home with a few close friends, but that's about it. 😁

Same here, honestly. By 18, I had already seen and done it all 🤣.

Look, everyone misses out on something in life. It's just how it works.

And I gotta say, I don't see these 40-year-olds struggling to find people to hang out with.😳.

I’d also add that having a kid at 20 vs. 40 is a totally different ballgame, mostly because a 20-year-old isn't nearly as intense or dramatic about everything. Like one of my girlfriends put it: "I wasn't my mom's entire universe; I was just there by her side." And honestly, that’s usually better for the kid too—at least from what I see happening around me, though I haven't exactly gone down a rabbit hole studying this stuff.

Whatever, nobody could have forced me to have a baby back then. I just think the way people try to make it look like some huge tragedy isn't actually that bad.

Drew Ross2 said:The whole point of your twenties is that you don't have the maturity or the wisdom yet—that's kind of the charm, isn't it?😁

I guess I feel like every single year requires its own level of wisdom and maturity; otherwise, you might find those later years to be a total mess 🤣

electricscout15 said:But honestly, what exactly is there to "make up"? 🤔
People who have kids aren't exactly under house arrest for eighteen years straight, and besides, what's the difference between doing things at 25 versus 40? While I guess there's definitely a difference in reverse—adventures in your 40s will surely be better than they could have been at 25. Sure, I might have been in better shape back then, but intelligence, maturity, wit, money, sex... everything else just keeps getting better as the years go by.😁

Look, it’s not just about partying and hookups, though... In my twenties, I just wasn't in the mood to be whipping up three meals a day, skipping nights out, missing workouts, or canceling trips just because of some fever or a nasty flu. Plus, there's the whole weekend thing—watching cartoons, dealing with PTA meetings, helping with homework, and all that other stuff that comes with being a parent... Back then, my focus was totally on me—just exploring and actually enjoying the adult world. 😁
But hey, we're all different, right? To each their own!