Did I mess up? The devil's path + a lesson learned

Donna White50 said:Just fix your income and go to the Moon if that's what you want.
Living in the country means zero stress and escaping the endless madness of just trying to exist.
Living costs are way lower, utilities don't break the bank, and you can even grow your own food if you're feeling it. You'll actually have some breathing room to focus on yourself—you know, self-improvement stuff—and honestly, life just feels a lot more grounded when people stop trying to sell you all that nonsense and fake dreams...
Just keep the kids and their schooling in mind when you're picking a spot...

Personally, I think it's just as full of stress and that infinite insanity of fighting for your very existence.
It isn't exactly easy to grow enough food to sustain your entire diet... that's a massive amount of work, quite frankly. You could spend all day working in the fields and still lose everything because of too much rain, a drought, some blight, or pests, and then what? What do you do then?
And don't even get me started on heating... you need a mountain of firewood just to get through one winter, and so on and so forth.
To my ears, it doesn't sound idyllic or particularly pleasant at all.

Terry Martinez10 said:Personally, I think it's just as full of stress and that infinite insanity of fighting for your very existence.
It isn't exactly easy to grow enough food to sustain your entire diet... that's a massive amount of work, quite frankly. You could spend all day working in the fields and still lose everything because of too much rain, a drought, some blight, or pests, and then what? What do you do then?
And don't even get me started on heating... you need a mountain of firewood just to get through one winter, and so on and so forth.
To my ears, it doesn't sound idyllic or particularly pleasant at all.

It doesn't sound idyllic if you're looking at it from the perspective of someone who imagined grinding away at a 9-to-5 corporate job just so they could spend the rest of their time being a total hedonist—you know, grabbing lattes at the mall, buying overpriced junk, or, in the worst-case scenario, just rotting on the couch all afternoon...

Like I was saying, the cost of living in a rural area about half an hour outside a major city is incredibly low. Let's say someone works from home $1667—that salary might barely cover the basics in a big city, but out in the country, you can actually live quite comfortably on it.
Since you aren't constantly fighting for survival against the elements, you don't have to worry about basic existence.
You can have your vegetable garden, grow some corn, and actually focus on yourself. People living out there don't need massive loans for fancy apartments, they aren't stressing over designer clothes, high-end phones, or luxury cars—and honestly, nobody is there to brainwash them into thinking they're worthless just because they can't afford the latest trends.
Most people with decent incomes end up buying a little getaway house just to find some peace and quiet...
You can pick up a place in the country for peanuts, whereas you can't find a city apartment for less than $4,000 a month, and land in the sticks might be worth next to nothing while city real estate is sky-high...

Donna White50 said:It doesn't sound idyllic if you're looking at it from the perspective of someone who imagined grinding away at a 9-to-5 corporate job just so they could spend the rest of their time being a total hedonist—you know, grabbing lattes at the mall, buying overpriced junk, or, in the worst-case scenario, just rotting on the couch all afternoon...

Like I was saying, the cost of living in a rural area about half an hour outside a major city is incredibly low. Let's say someone works from home $1667—that salary might barely cover the basics in a big city, but out in the country, you can actually live quite comfortably on it.
Since you aren't constantly fighting for survival against the elements, you don't have to worry about basic existence.
You can have your vegetable garden, grow some corn, and actually focus on yourself. People living out there don't need massive loans for fancy apartments, they aren't stressing over designer clothes, high-end phones, or luxury cars—and honestly, nobody is there to brainwash them into thinking they're worthless just because they can't afford the latest trends.
Most people with decent incomes end up buying a little getaway house just to find some peace and quiet...
You can pick up a place in the country for peanuts, whereas you can't find a city apartment for less than $4,000 a month, and land in the sticks might be worth next to nothing while city real estate is sky-high...

It would almost be illogical if a small cabin in the middle of nowhere cost the same as a high-rise apartment or a house in the heart of the city.
To actually get anything out of that garden, you really have to put in the sweat equity, and if you want corn, you either have to buy feed or grow it yourself, which just turns into either more labor or another line item in your budget.
The whole perception regarding pennies and cents has nothing to do with rural life itself, but rather with the individual and their mindset, much like the habit of sitting around drinking coffee in a shopping mall.

Matthew Gomez2 said:Hello everyone. Lately, I’ve been distilling my various life phases into one singular direction, and I wanted to put it out there to get some perspective from those who might know better. 😉

I’ve walked away from college entirely.
I’ve deleted all my social media accounts for good.
I’ve cut ties with about 99% of people, leaving just my girlfriend and my parents.
I’ve bought over a hundred books on psychology and philosophy with the intention of deepening my self-understanding—fields I’ve always had an affinity for.
I’ve dedicated myself to daily reflection, thinking through how to decouple myself from the machine as much as possible.
I’ve embraced minimalism (getting rid of about 80% of my wardrobe, sticking to a specific diet, and refusing to spend money unless it's absolutely necessary).
I’ve started learning the ropes of investing and building passive income streams that could eventually overtake my primary income once I leave my current job.
The plan is to move out to the countryside with my girlfriend and live a quiet life, far removed from the noise of shallow people and the frantic pace of modern life.
I’ve replaced all my bad habits with ones that actually hold value.

Am I being realistic here, or have I completely sabotaged my future? Does this kind of mindset actually lead anywhere?

To be fair, if someone else had made these moves overnight, it would have been catastrophic. But I didn't just snap; I spent a long time sharpening my blade before I finally cut everything loose. Because of that, none of this feels overwhelming. In fact, after a long period of sleepwalking, indulgence,
and believing in fairy tales, I feel incredibly awake and driven.

A little story to wrap this up:

There was a man living in a coastal town who would spend his mornings fishing and selling his catch, his afternoons working on personal projects, and his evenings sitting by the beach with his wife and kids, drinking wine and playing the guitar.

One day, an American businessman arrived. He noticed the fisherman and approached him, asking if he could offer some advice.

The man agreed, and the American said, "I can help you significantly increase your sales. You could buy more boats and gear, hire a few employees, eventually move to a major city to start a firm, and ultimately end up in New York City running several global companies."

The man simply asked, "And how long would that take?"

"Well, maybe twenty or twenty-five years," the businessman replied.

The man asked, "And then what?"

The businessman answered, "Then you'll be able to fish in the mornings, work on yourself in the afternoons, and spend your evenings by the beach with your family, drinking wine and playing the guitar."

That resonates deeply with me. I’ve taken it to heart. What is the point of grinding every single day for someone else just to satisfy the emotional whims of others, or to remain enslaved to our own habits and useless clutter?
Establishing a meaningful existence is actually quite simple; it just requires the discipline to understand what a human being is truly meant for.

Why wait to actually live your life when you already know what you want and realize most of what the world chases isn't even real?

Thanks for reading. I'm open to any thoughts—whether it's practical advice on setting up a life in rural America or suggestions on what kind of work I should pursue.

I hope no one finds this topic out of place here, but to me, this is fundamentally about spirituality, self-discovery, and shattering the illusions of what we think is real versus what is just a fantasy of the mind.😵

Hopefully you've got Walden & Civil Disobedience and the rest of the Henry David Thoreau collection in there, along with Jean-Jacques Rousseau's Confessions
and, of course, the essential Nietzsche

It’s basically just pure rationalization—you know, trying to convince yourself and everyone else that dropping out of college was actually the smartest move you ever made.

Nothing comes of it, I guess.

wanderingridge said:More time for yourself? Seriously? I know plenty of folks out in rural America who don't have a single second to themselves because they're constantly planting, digging, weeding, harvesting, tinkering—you're working from sunrise to sunset just to scrape together a handful of vegetables to eat. And don't even get me started on wood heat; you're chopping, prepping, hauling logs... it's endless.

It all sounds absolutely wonderful and idyllic on paper, but in reality? It's nothing like that.

Spot on.

Paul Rogers94 said:Hopefully you've got Walden & Civil Disobedience and the rest of the Henry David Thoreau collection in there, along with Jean-Jacques Rousseau's Confessions
and, of course, the essential Nietzsche

What did those guys actually figure out?
Even that last guy and his whole "return to nature" thing

Where’s the spirituality in any of that?
With the hippies, you at least knew where you stood—today... you just don't know anything

Thomas Nelson25 said:What did those guys actually figure out?
Even that last guy and his whole "return to nature" thing

Where’s the spirituality in any of that?
With the hippies, you at least knew where you stood—today... you just don't know anything

They discovered that living a Self-sufficient lifestyle is nothing more than an impossible fantasy—even Thoreau eventually crawled back to civilization right after finishing his book. Escaping the madness of modern society isn't achieved by fleeing into some imaginary daydream; personally, I think chasing those delusions is a recipe for disaster if you actually try to live by them. At the end of every fantasy, there should be a functional way to live—but in practice, that fulfillment just doesn't exist.

Read

He walked away from the Army straight into the woods
And lived off nothing but roots.
He had zero possessions—just pure freedom,
Which he guarded by running away.

A young Canadian girl
Fell head over heels for him;
The nomad and his descendant
Brought new kinds of madness into the world.

Those two—whose ideals
Were endless, winding paths—
Gave their lives to my grandfather,
But left me with this hollow stare.

And often, lying awake at night,
I feel this crushing urge to just bolt.
Somewhere—wherever some random chance takes me:
It sings inside me with a fresh kind of fever—
The song of an old, dead deserter.

And he sings and sings about freedom
Without borders,
About how much better the vast forests are
Than any farmland,
And how beautiful, how crazy it is
— Hey! —
To tear it all down.

I feel like I’ve touched on this before. My whole philosophy is that whatever you’re planning shouldn't be fueled primarily by a desire to run away from something; it should be driven by an intense love for something else. You shouldn't just be fleeing—whether it's escaping obnoxious people or just general chaos—you should be rushing toward something so compelling that you can't help but surrender to it. Sure, avoiding idiots might be a nice little side effect, but running away doesn't actually give you a sense of direction or a destination. Just retreating from things isn't fulfilling in itself, and if you don't find that core purpose, you'll eventually find yourself wanting to run away from your new life too.

Secondly, look, young people can live off the grid or out in the middle of nowhere for a while and call it an adventure, but once you have kids, that lifestyle starts hitting real friction. As those kids grow up, the problems get bigger, and by the time you're getting older, the lack of infrastructure becomes a massive headache.

On top of that, you mentioned that farming isn't really your main priority. If you're planning to just code from home, you could easily do that from somewhere much more civilized—somewhere where your kids actually have access to decent schools, social circles, and the kind of opportunities they need to thrive.

Paul Rogers94 said:They discovered that living a Self-sufficient lifestyle is nothing more than an impossible fantasy—even Thoreau eventually crawled back to civilization right after finishing his book. Escaping the madness of modern society isn't achieved by fleeing into some imaginary daydream; personally, I think chasing those delusions is a recipe for disaster if you actually try to live by them. At the end of every fantasy, there should be a functional way to live—but in practice, that fulfillment just doesn't exist.

For sure,
trying to live a totally Self-sufficient lifestyle when tech is baked into every single second of our lives is just pure madness...
But, you know, having a steady income from a job, maybe some rental property, or whatever else—and then just chilling out in the countryside? yeah, that's the real secret to a happy, easy life. Especially once you hit retirement age...

That’s also debatable. A family member actually complained to me about that exact "comfortable" lifestyle outside the city limits. When you reach a certain age, simple things—like running errands or keeping the house clean—become a chore. Since the kids live in the city, they can't just pop in every single day, and even in a major US metro area, there aren't enough professional or social services stepping in to help with the heavy lifting. Healthcare is another big factor, too, though an ambulance will certainly show up if things get critical. Unless you have multiple generations living under one roof—which is pretty rare, especially in a household that isn't truly subsistence farming—it seems more likely they'll have to move back into the city rather than stay out in the suburbs or rural areas.

Yeah, that’s exactly where my head was at—thinking about how things just get exponentially more complicated once you hit that later stage of life.

And honestly, there’s nothing quite like the sting of being left to rot in that mess by your own kids. By that point, you’ve probably already spent years trying to convince yourself you made the right call escaping whatever situation you ran from in the first place, but instead, you're just sitting there dwelling on the fact that they walked away from you.

hiddeneagle98 said:I feel like I’ve touched on this before. My whole philosophy is that whatever you’re planning shouldn't be fueled primarily by a desire to run away from something; it should be driven by an intense love for something else. You shouldn't just be fleeing—whether it's escaping obnoxious people or just general chaos—you should be rushing toward something so compelling that you can't help but surrender to it. Sure, avoiding idiots might be a nice little side effect, but running away doesn't actually give you a sense of direction or a destination. Just retreating from things isn't fulfilling in itself, and if you don't find that core purpose, you'll eventually find yourself wanting to run away from your new life too.

Secondly, look, young people can live off the grid or out in the middle of nowhere for a while and call it an adventure, but once you have kids, that lifestyle starts hitting real friction. As those kids grow up, the problems get bigger, and by the time you're getting older, the lack of infrastructure becomes a massive headache.

On top of that, you mentioned that farming isn't really your main priority. If you're planning to just code from home, you could easily do that from somewhere much more civilized—somewhere where your kids actually have access to decent schools, social circles, and the kind of opportunities they need to thrive.

I agree, I never actually intended to live in total isolation. The small town where I grew up is a settled community with a school, grocery stores, neighbors, and all the basic necessities a place needs, but it also offers that specific peace you just don't find in a major city, which is exactly what I'm aiming for.

Matthew Gomez2 said:I agree, I never actually intended to live in total isolation. The small town where I grew up is a settled community with a school, grocery stores, neighbors, and all the basic necessities a place needs, but it also offers that specific peace you just don't find in a major city, which is exactly what I'm aiming for.

Sounds like a decent little spot. It’s a shame the rest of the world can't just move to places like that and call it a day.

Matthew Gomez2 said:I agree, I never actually intended to live in total isolation. The small town where I grew up is a settled community with a school, grocery stores, neighbors, and all the basic necessities a place needs, but it also offers that specific peace you just don't find in a major city, which is exactly what I'm aiming for.

But let's get real for a second: is there a high school nearby? A community college? Any music programs or maybe a local gym with a volleyball court or a proper basketball hoop? Is there even enough kids around to actually play a game of hoops? What about a swimming pool? How far away are all those things? And more importantly, what is there for young people to actually do? Where do they hang out? Are there even enough kids around, or are they all looking for an exit strategy to get to a bigger city? How far is the nearest hospital, a pharmacy, or a clinic? What’s the public transit situation like, and how much of a drive is it to reach the nearest major city, a mall, a movie theater, or a performing arts center? Look, you don't need to give me a formal answer to all this—it's not like I'm the one making the call here—but just sit down with your partner and really weigh these things against each other.

Don't take this the wrong way; I'm just trying to help you look a bit further down the road, considering kids and seeing if this lifestyle fits your long-term vision. Whatever you decide, it's fine by me. I'm not saying that uprooting your entire life to move to the countryside is inherently the wrong move; in fact, it might be a total lifesaver. Staying where you are might have ended up wrecking your health, but that's something only you will figure out once the dust settles.

I totally get that sometimes you don't have much of a choice in the matter. You're dealing with the hand you were dealt, and if you don't have a massive bank account to pull from, it often feels like it's either this specific path or dealing with a bunch of toxic people. But still, I'm telling you: just look at the big picture.

hiddeneagle98 said:But let's get real for a second: is there a high school nearby? A community college? Any music programs or maybe a local gym with a volleyball court or a proper basketball hoop? Is there even enough kids around to actually play a game of hoops? What about a swimming pool? How far away are all those things? And more importantly, what is there for young people to actually do? Where do they hang out? Are there even enough kids around, or are they all looking for an exit strategy to get to a bigger city? How far is the nearest hospital, a pharmacy, or a clinic? What’s the public transit situation like, and how much of a drive is it to reach the nearest major city, a mall, a movie theater, or a performing arts center? Look, you don't need to give me a formal answer to all this—it's not like I'm the one making the call here—but just sit down with your partner and really weigh these things against each other.

Don't take this the wrong way; I'm just trying to help you look a bit further down the road, considering kids and seeing if this lifestyle fits your long-term vision. Whatever you decide, it's fine by me. I'm not saying that uprooting your entire life to move to the countryside is inherently the wrong move; in fact, it might be a total lifesaver. Staying where you are might have ended up wrecking your health, but that's something only you will figure out once the dust settles.

I totally get that sometimes you don't have much of a choice in the matter. You're dealing with the hand you were dealt, and if you don't have a massive bank account to pull from, it often feels like it's either this specific path or dealing with a bunch of toxic people. But still, I'm telling you: just look at the big picture.

As you mentioned, I don't have to reply, but I'll try to touch on a few points because I actually appreciate seeing someone broaden my perspective on the whole situation.

There isn't much in the way of the specific amenities you listed because those are concentrated in one city, not in a small town. I grew up in an area where there were always plenty of kids around, and it was never a problem for me. Honestly, it was better than growing up in the city; kids out here get to enjoy nature and freedom without being constantly influenced by older crowds heading down the wrong path.

Basically, the location you described offers the chance to stay close to the city while remaining in a quiet spot, which is great, but a luxury like that would probably cost me $100,000 instead of $30,000. Land is incredibly expensive, and when you factor in construction, permits, and everything else involved in building an estate in Canada—not the US, since I was born in Canada but work in America—it adds up. My main goal is to head back to the rural area where I grew up, mostly because I already have property there and the costs are much lower. If I had more money, I’d certainly aim for more ideal conditions, but even with my current budget, one option is 7.5 miles, another is 16 miles, and the largest city, 25 miles, isn't too far away, which is perfectly fine.

Local elementary schools matter, but everything else really comes down to how well you can get around. For instance, living in a more mountainous region wouldn't be much of an issue for me, since you're usually just a quick drive away from either Seattle or Denver via a well-maintained interstate.

College obviously means the kid is going to need a place to stay, which is a financial hurdle you have to clear before you even worry about the logistics. But local K-12 options can often handle things just fine, and they aren't necessarily worse than what you find in the big cities, where there's plenty of variety anyway.

Extra-curricular activities and hobbies are definitely more limited, and managing those out-of-school commitments is a logistical headache. Whether that's enough of a downside to cancel out the perks of rural life—like having way more freedom to run around outside—is impossible to say for sure, but it wouldn't stop me from moving to the country.

The real thing to consider is that once college is over, kids will likely stick to the city. We aren't talking about some massive, high-profit commercial farm here, so an agronomy degree isn't exactly a ticket back home to work the land. Plus, growing old in a rural area isn't easy without help around the house. Then again, I'm not quite at the stage of life where I'm planning my retirement.

Go live your dream and stop giving a damn about what bluemason3 is up to 🙂

Paul Rogers94 said:They discovered that living a Self-sufficient lifestyle is nothing more than an impossible fantasy—even Thoreau eventually crawled back to civilization right after finishing his book. Escaping the madness of modern society isn't achieved by fleeing into some imaginary daydream; personally, I think chasing those delusions is a recipe for disaster if you actually try to live by them. At the end of every fantasy, there should be a functional way to live—but in practice, that fulfillment just doesn't exist.

But what if those phantom projections were actually just a stage of evolution?

I feel like every philosophy out there... is just an author projecting their own version of the world based on their ideas.

The most basic level is just... meeting needs and satisfying them.
Then there's the whole thing where Western society basically manufactures neurotics... or whatever.