Open relationships

gentlestag3 said:So, he’s turning forty soon, and she’s just there worrying that he’ll end up all alone and miserable ☕ 😬

The guy is clueless and doesn't see it. Someone needs to lay it out for him. Hopefully, he shows up in this thread.☕

Raymond Booth40 said:I’ve been in an open relationship—more like "friends with benefits"—with my partner for nearly four years now. I can't imagine walking away from this, but I have to wonder if there's any hope for things to change. He has told me repeatedly that he has zero interest in a committed relationship with anyone. To give some context, I spent five years on my own after leaving my previous partner, who ended up having a child with someone else. Now, my current partner tells me straight to my face that he doesn't care about the arrangement; he’s perfectly happy doing whatever he wants, and when I asked if it would stay this way forever, he said yes. It feels devastating to think this is all it will ever be. Is there actually anything that can be done here? Honestly, I feel a bit ashamed that I've allowed this to drag on for so long. It’s a sad situation, truly. While I wouldn't say I'm deeply attached, I find myself unable to walk away entirely. When I confronted him about it, he just gave me a Quote: "I'm fine like this. I don't want a relationship with anyone, period."

If you haven't fallen in love, I'd tell you it's just a wonderful friendship that could last forever... but since you decided to make this more than that, knowing full well he hasn't included a commitment in his long-term plans... asking if he'll change? That's a tough one.

Stop waiting. If you want something real with him, you need to move on. He'll always be there if you decide you want this kind of setup again later.

William Sanders6 said:What are you even talking about? A relationship implies exclusivity and commitment, which is clearly not what this guy wants.

My advice to the author: walk away. But don't do it as a tactic to make him chase you; do it as a way to find yourself again.
He isn't going to change. If he actually had real feelings for you, he’d want you all to himself. The truth is, he just doesn't care. You don't mean much to him, so please, stop hurting yourself and find someone who actually deserves you.

What do you mean by that? What kind of "commitment" are we talking about here?
Is that actually written in some legal code somewhere?
.
What does everyone mean when they say she wasted four years of her life?
Was she forced into something?
Did this guy make her some sort of promise?

Or did she just blow four years trying to land someone who would provide for her kids and handle all the bills,
and now she's just complaining because her investment didn't pay off?

gentlestag3 said:So, he’s turning forty soon, and she’s just there worrying that he’ll end up all alone and miserable ☕ 😬

A guy in his 40s is anything but lonely or pathetic.👍

Only a 19-year-old Taylor Swift has better odds than a successful 40-year-old.

Maybe someone’s just trolling, but... out of any group of 25 people, you’re always going to find one with special needs.

Sean Kern2 said:Can someone please point out where I actually called her an angel? You don't need to be some NASA rocket scientist to see the girl is just incredibly naive. Besides, I’m not about to go out of my way to kick someone while they're down, regardless of gender—I've got at least a little bit of class left.😉

The real issue is that she's been tied to this guy since she was twenty-one, and he's spent four years conditioning her through sex. You want to talk about that?🙂

The problem is definitely that self-proclaimed predator; everything we're reading from her perspective is just the aftermath of being with him.

She’s just a poor soul who got used, and he’s a total pig...
Can we please stop with the victim playing the moment things don't go your way?

jadetinker85 said:The guy is clueless and doesn't see it. Someone needs to lay it out for him. Hopefully, he shows up in this thread.☕

Eeeeeeee, we can't say for certain that he's stupid.

If that was sarcasm, it was pretty pathetic.

Kate James14 said:Eeeeeeee, we can't say for certain that he's stupid.

If that was sarcasm, it was pretty pathetic.

The man played his cards right on the table; he isn't the one at fault here.

This guy was upfront about what he wanted from day one. She, clearly head over heels since the start, thought she could just charm her way into changing his mind... When that didn't work out, she turned to the forums to vent her disappointment, basically fishing for anyone to validate whatever hope she still had left...

So, what’s the verdict here? Is she just some poor victim, and he's nothing more than an immature jerk? That's the label everyone seems to be slapping on him...

It wasn't exactly obvious from the start; it gave me a false sense of hope. It was only later that I realized

Raymond Booth40 said:It wasn't exactly obvious from the start; it gave me a false sense of hope. It was only later that I realized

True, but the issue is he has no idea what kind of disaster is waiting for him if he doesn't marry you. You're just trying to look out for him. 🍿

Raymond Booth40 said:It wasn't exactly obvious from the start; it gave me a false sense of hope. It was only later that I realized

What kind of false hope are we talking about? Honestly, guys always say exactly what you want to hear... but their actions always tell the real story.😉

Linda Johnson15 said:This guy was upfront about what he wanted from day one. She, clearly head over heels since the start, thought she could just charm her way into changing his mind... When that didn't work out, she turned to the forums to vent her disappointment, basically fishing for anyone to validate whatever hope she still had left...

So, what’s the verdict here? Is she just some poor victim, and he's nothing more than an immature jerk? That's the label everyone seems to be slapping on him...

Exactly. 🤣

Linda Johnson15 said:What kind of false hope are we talking about? Honestly, guys always say exactly what you want to hear... but their actions always tell the real story.😉

Actions speak louder than words. 🍿

Was there even a real relationship to begin with?

Terry Bennett said:A guy in his 40s is anything but lonely or pathetic.👍

Only a 19-year-old Taylor Swift has better odds than a successful 40-year-old.

If we are being honest here, how many truly impressive men actually exist in their 40s? Looking at the hundred parents dropping kids off at soccer practice, I’d be lucky to pick out five men in that age bracket who actually earn the title of "a catch." Everyone else seems small, lethargic, neglected, with crumbs stuck to their shirts and nothing but a spare tire around their waist.

What defines an impressive man? It’s someone standing well over 6'3", hitting the gym at least three times a week, watching what he eats, and possessing actual style. He should hold a position of influence, possess charm and intellect, always smell great, drive a quality car, and have a perfect smile. In your 40s, those types make up maybe 1% of the population. And believe me, those men are constantly being pursued.

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Peter Diaz3 said:If we are being honest here, how many truly impressive men actually exist in their 40s? Looking at the hundred parents dropping kids off at soccer practice, I’d be lucky to pick out five men in that age bracket who actually earn the title of "a catch." Everyone else seems small, lethargic, neglected, with crumbs stuck to their shirts and nothing but a spare tire around their waist.

What defines an impressive man? It’s someone standing well over 6'3", hitting the gym at least three times a week, watching what he eats, and possessing actual style. He should hold a position of influence, possess charm and intellect, always smell great, drive a quality car, and have a perfect smile. In your 40s, those types make up maybe 1% of the population. And believe me, those men are constantly being pursued.

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To be that specific type of man in one's 40s while also having a family, one would essentially require a wife who manages every single aspect of the household—essentially running the entire estate—while focusing exclusively on child-rearing. She would also need a constant rotation of support from nannies or extended family. Meanwhile, the husband focuses solely on his professional ascent and his physical maintenance. Even under those highly specific circumstances, he would still find himself with very little free time for any extracurricular indiscretions.

I am in complete agreement; that is precisely why the figure stands at only 1%.

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Peter Diaz3 said:If we are being honest here, how many truly impressive men actually exist in their 40s? Looking at the hundred parents dropping kids off at soccer practice, I’d be lucky to pick out five men in that age bracket who actually earn the title of "a catch." Everyone else seems small, lethargic, neglected, with crumbs stuck to their shirts and nothing but a spare tire around their waist.

What defines an impressive man? It’s someone standing well over 6'3", hitting the gym at least three times a week, watching what he eats, and possessing actual style. He should hold a position of influence, possess charm and intellect, always smell great, drive a quality car, and have a perfect smile. In your 40s, those types make up maybe 1% of the population. And believe me, those men are constantly being pursued.

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Look, everyone has their own definition of what's attractive... but yours sounds pretty gay to me.🤣

Linda Johnson15 said:Look, everyone has their own definition of what's attractive... but yours sounds pretty gay to me.🤣

That’s exactly how it sounds—total fake. 😁

Raymond Booth40 said:It wasn't exactly obvious from the start; it gave me a false sense of hope. It was only later that I realized

Honestly, you’ve been taking advantage of a poor guy for years—and now you’re acting like it’s somehow your fault that he’s finally enjoying himself instead of suffering through it!

Raymond Booth40 said:I have zero interest in finding someone else. Honestly, men have completely soured the whole idea for me.

Because of one guy—maybe a little bit different, maybe a little more damaged, who knows what caused it?
That is a massive mistake, because there are truly wonderful men out there in every sense of the word! Not necessarily behind every corner, and certainly not whenever you feel like it, but they aren't exactly impossible to find.
Always, regardless of whatever little pebble might be in your shoe, you have to maintain enough common sense during these decisions to realize that what you think you want and need is only half the story. The other half is quite elusive, and there isn't any way to reach it besides observation, giving things a shot, and pure luck! To make them fit.
Everything else is just fairy tales and pipe dreams.