People who just have "that certain something" and magnetic energy

Daniel Palmer36 said:So, I suppose we both realize that making a real connection with others isn't nearly as easy as people think, regardless of how much charisma or "that certain something" we might radiate.👍

Maybe you just don't have the right approach. You aren't meeting people on their own level. Socializing and communication are skills, after all. They can be practiced.

Carl Rivera43 said:Sure, there’s a really fine line between feeling down and actually being happy. Sometimes it's just little things that get under your skin. Other times? You could have someone snap at you or say something pretty rude, but if you're already in a great headspace, it doesn't even register as an insult. It just slides right off.

Still, I can't help but feel like it's a bit unfair. Why do we only get one shot at this life? And why does it feel like people—whether they're big corporations or just neighbors on your block—always remember the mistakes way longer than they remember the good stuff?

Unfair? What would you even do if you had more than one? Death is the great equalizer. It’s the only true justice because, in the end, we all face it the same way.

Peter Murphy6 said:Look, if you view yourself as someone with actual value—not talking about ego, but real principles—then getting rejected can actually be a win. It's not that you aren't good enough; it just means you weren't compatible, which saves you both a massive amount of heartache down the road.
They pick how they pick, and you should too. Maybe it's time to flip the script and let someone choose *you* for a change? These days, people expect so much from guys—it’s like everyone forgets men have the exact same emotional depth as women.
If this is sending you into a depressive slump, have you considered that the same thing could happen once you actually find "the one," just for a different reason?
I'm not saying depressed people should just "kill" those feelings because it's "polite." I say own it as part of who you are, but learn to manage it. When you get a handle on it—so it's not just an explosion of despair and desperation for affection—you leave a totally different first impression. You won't be faking anything; you'll just be being yourself. 🙂
Sorry if I'm coming on a bit strong here 🕺

An individual's values are part of their ego. Even the act of judging things stems from the ego. How else can you define what is "high quality" outside of your own individuality? You can't. What exists beyond the personal ego is how other people perceive us. That doesn't mean you shouldn't have a sense of self; it just means you shouldn't let your ego do all the evaluating.

Carl Rivera43 said:Yeah, it happens. Sometimes we spend so much time mourning what we lack that we completely forget to appreciate what's right in front of us. And honestly? It feels like that winter stretch, especially right after the holidays, just feels a bit more dull, both locally and globally, compared to the rest of the year.

I mean, let's be real: it's kind of bizarre to force positivity when the roses aren't even blooming and you're genuinely feeling down.

There is definitely something to that late fall and winter vibe, though. You grind through the work week, and then the weekend rolls around—sometimes feeling a little melancholy, sometimes feeling like it drags on forever compared to the weekdays.

For people buried under responsibilities, the weekend might be the only time they actually get to rest. Though, even that's a stretch since so many people work weekends or are tied up with family and kids...

Peter Murphy6 said:Personally? I don't regret anything. If there's something I want that I don't have—I go out and get it. Sure, sometimes I need a reminder to appreciate the awesome stuff I already have in my life. But my struggle isn't about finding motivation from the people I love or the things I own... it's about finding it within myself. How do you live purely for yourself if you're trying to lead a "morally upright" life? Because when you don't have anyone you care about, being selfish seems a lot easier. That's the real question for me: how do I live for myself while still loving the people around me and not stepping on them? I've been alone before, but not long enough to really know what living truly solo feels like.

Winter just crushes me because the workload drops off, leaving me with way too much time to be alone with my own thoughts—all those things I've been pushing aside for months suddenly come rushing back. This winter hit me harder than ever... but I think I've finally managed to accept that part of myself. You have to deal with it—you've got to push that darker side out. The trouble starts when that depression or anxiety becomes someone's whole identity.
I gotta tell you, though—sometimes I actually lean into that moody autumn and melancholic winter vibe.

When someone tries to fake happiness instead of just sitting with what they're feeling, they’re basically overloading their brain and causing a massive backlash. In those cases, forcing it is a disaster. You end up feeling guilty just for not being happy. I think way too many people tell themselves "I *have* to be happy" instead of asking, "Why am I not happy?"

Really, nobody? There are so many unloved kids, elderly people, those struggling with illness... And besides, love isn't just about romantic passion, which—let's be honest—is just as overrated as sex.

Carl Rivera43 said:I honestly can't imagine not having anyone to love, and I definitely don't want to be shamelessly selfish, even if that seems like the easy way out. It gets tough, though, especially when you face constant rejection—when it feels like your heart is giving way more than it's receiving.

Maybe taking the honest, uphill path, as grueling as it may be, is actually where you find the strength needed to handle whatever life throws at you next.

At the end of the day, I can look back on certain moments with actual pride. I can even smile when telling stories about those few jobs where I did trial runs for a couple of days—times when I was *this* close to getting hired. Even if I didn't get the job, I gained experience, and that helped me feel better about myself and my place in the world. I didn't make lifelong friends during those trials, but at a recent gig I held for about three months, I met some genuinely kind people, including two really great girlfriends. And hey, I started a new job about a month ago! It took me a few weeks to find my groove, but over the last few days, I've finally hit that sweet spot of being relaxed yet super productive.

As for that forced happiness thing? Yeah, it’s awkward. Sometimes it becomes a habit, and other times it's just a temporary phase. Just like a suit doesn't define a man, optimism doesn't define a person either. Sometimes optimism acts as a shield against things we aren't ready to face yet. Still, to me, optimism feels like a much more logical way to live than pessimism, even if it can be a bit misleading sometimes.

You don't love someone just to get something in return. Intense emotions often happen because a person isn't paying enough attention to their own logic. Feelings aren't the only thing that connects us to another human being. In fact, they can actually be harmful if people don't know how to manage or even understand them...

@Peter Murphy6

Man, I’ve definitely had those moments where I thought about just expecting absolutely nothing from life. But honestly? That feels a little too pessimistic for me.

When it comes to love, I don't buy the idea that unrequited feelings are always because you don't love yourself enough. Isn't it more likely that emotions just get way too intense sometimes? You fail, it hurts, and suddenly you start putting someone on a pedestal. It’s all just this messy, complicated cycle—kind of like a circus, right?

I rarely take big risks. And even when I do? Usually, it just ends in disappointment, which makes me lean back toward my pessimistic side.

@Jeffrey Ramos4

What makes death feel just?

Jeffrey Ramos4 said:Maybe you just don't have the right approach. You aren't meeting people on their own level. Socializing and communication are skills, after all. They can be practiced.

Unfair? What would you even do if you had more than one? Death is the great equalizer. It’s the only true justice because, in the end, we all face it the same way.

An individual's values are part of their ego. Even the act of judging things stems from the ego. How else can you define what is "high quality" outside of your own individuality? You can't. What exists beyond the personal ego is how other people perceive us. That doesn't mean you shouldn't have a sense of self; it just means you shouldn't let your ego do all the evaluating.

For people buried under responsibilities, the weekend might be the only time they actually get to rest. Though, even that's a stretch since so many people work weekends or are tied up with family and kids...

Really, nobody? There are so many unloved kids, elderly people, those struggling with illness... And besides, love isn't just about romantic passion, which—let's be honest—is just as overrated as sex.

You don't love someone just to get something in return. Intense emotions often happen because a person isn't paying enough attention to their own logic. Feelings aren't the only thing that connects us to another human being. In fact, they can actually be harmful if people don't know how to manage or even understand them...

Can you walk me through how the multi-quota thing works?
Alright, let me break down what I was actually getting at with some examples.
Ego (the bad kind)—saying stuff like, "I'm such an amazing cook, everyone raves about my food."
Reality—that same person cooks just okay, doesn't even enjoy it, doesn't have the drive, and barely tries... mostly because they aren't even that good at it. But instead of admitting that to themselves, they opt for that first statement. In my book, that’s evaluating yourself through the lens of ego (the toxic version).
Value—looking objectively at your actual skills and what you can really do. Ego shouldn't play any part here, whether we're talking healthy or unhealthy. To me, a healthy ego shows up when you show yourself love based on a realistic view of who you are as a person in relation to yourself and others... acknowledging your flaws and actually accepting them.
That cooking example could be swapped out for anything—knowing how to love someone or any other core value that makes a person who they are. A healthy, self-aware person.
So, in my head, it's split into two types of ego, which is why I didn't dive deeper since there wasn't much else to say.
And honestly, I see valuing others as a tool—a way to step outside your own ego. But the question is, which "others" are we talking about, and how objectively are they looking at me? Like, are they measuring me against their own standards? Do you really think it's possible to be objective about yourself without some outside perspective "interfering"?

As for the other part... I thought it was pretty obvious that there are layers to love beyond just "romantic partner" stuff. That's been logical to me since I was a kid—I guess I just assumed everyone saw it that way. I never specifically said "romantic love," I just said love. I haven't overvalued any specific type, and sex is driven by instinct, so it's not even in the same conversation. Especially since everyone's libido is different, so your take on that is purely subjective.
Unloved kids might have friends, maybe a grandma or grandpa. Older folks might have people in their lives too—do I really need to go into more detail than that?
Bottom line: if you have absolutely no one on this planet that you want to love, or anyone who loves you back, is it even possible to live unselfishly?

Carl Rivera43 said:@Peter Murphy6

Man, I’ve definitely had those moments where I thought about just expecting absolutely nothing from life. But honestly? That feels a little too pessimistic for me.

When it comes to love, I don't buy the idea that unrequited feelings are always because you don't love yourself enough. Isn't it more likely that emotions just get way too intense sometimes? You fail, it hurts, and suddenly you start putting someone on a pedestal. It’s all just this messy, complicated cycle—kind of like a circus, right?

I rarely take big risks. And even when I do? Usually, it just ends in disappointment, which makes me lean back toward my pessimistic side.

@Jeffrey Ramos4

What makes death feel just?

You call it pessimism, I call it being realistic.🙂 That doesn't mean people aren't awesome or capable of good and bad... it just means I give them the space to be themselves first. That way, I can actually decide if we click or not—and vice versa.

If you're idealizing someone, that's not harmony between your head and your heart, right? And honestly, who cares if they're "perfect" if they don't want you? Or why does it matter if you accept them if they don't accept you? If you're pouring energy into someone and getting zero back, *that's* what I call a lack of self-love. Especially if it drags on forever—I get the infatuation part, and it's rare to read someone perfectly right away, let alone know how they feel.
But if it keeps going even after you realize the truth...

Whenever I *did* take a risk, I usually ignored every single red flag in the moment. No weighing options, no calculating outcomes—just going for it. Personally, I don't see anything wrong with being a pessimist, an optimist, or a realist... whatever. As long as that person owns it and doesn't try to force someone else to change.

Love—the real, universal kind? That’s the big one. It’s obviously more important, isn't it? It’s definitely stronger than romantic love, too. I mean, think about it: romantic love is really just one small slice of that massive, universal natural love. Nature and love... they're basically just life itself.

Though, if I'm being honest, I actually feel like friendship might be even stronger than romance.

Peter Murphy6 said:You call it pessimism, I call it being realistic.🙂 That doesn't mean people aren't awesome or capable of good and bad... it just means I give them the space to be themselves first. That way, I can actually decide if we click or not—and vice versa.

If you're idealizing someone, that's not harmony between your head and your heart, right? And honestly, who cares if they're "perfect" if they don't want you? Or why does it matter if you accept them if they don't accept you? If you're pouring energy into someone and getting zero back, *that's* what I call a lack of self-love. Especially if it drags on forever—I get the infatuation part, and it's rare to read someone perfectly right away, let alone know how they feel.
But if it keeps going even after you realize the truth...

Whenever I *did* take a risk, I usually ignored every single red flag in the moment. No weighing options, no calculating outcomes—just going for it. Personally, I don't see anything wrong with being a pessimist, an optimist, or a realist... whatever. As long as that person owns it and doesn't try to force someone else to change.

I used to idealize things mostly because I was naive and lacked experience, plus I waited far too long on certain things.

To be honest, when you idealize someone, you never really see them for who they truly are.
Yeah, I've come up with some new ideas, and maybe soon those will turn into actual decisions to carry myself differently in relationships—especially when things start feeling cold {you know, life-wise, not the weather}.

Carl Rivera43 said:I used to idealize things mostly because I was naive and lacked experience, plus I waited far too long on certain things.

To be honest, when you idealize someone, you never really see them for who they truly are.
Yeah, I've come up with some new ideas, and maybe soon those will turn into actual decisions to carry myself differently in relationships—especially when things start feeling cold {you know, life-wise, not the weather}.

I’m guessing you know exactly what you’re looking for and how to pick through what's "on the table."
I’ve noticed that a lot of people who seem "cold" aren't actually cold at all—it’s just their defense mechanism. How do I know? Because I’ve tried meeting that coldness with enough warmth and patience until they finally open up. It takes a ton of energy, though. To be honest, most people seem cold to me at first glance.

Random thought here—I noticed that people from South America are incredibly warm, so much so that I found myself backing down just because they were so open and easy with positive vibes. On the flip side, people from Northern Europe, for example, seemed super distant and detached.
But then, you get those crisis moments where you see someone's true colors—not just big emergencies, but the little things that show how they treat others. I'll admit, while they seemed cold initially, in those situations, they showed way more empathy, composure, and common sense.

So, using that as a broad example, there really are no rules.
Idealism and being naive go hand in hand; we need them to get burned sometimes, just so we can actually learn the lessons.

As for love... you mentioned that romantic love is just one part of the universal kind and isn't as vital. I don't quite get that, mostly because my mindset is that every single piece has to work perfectly for the whole thing to function. If love itself is meant to be this pure, universal embodiment of everything—then every part of it has to be equally important.
Then again, some people don't even count romantic love as "love" at all; they don't need it, and for them, the concept of love is built from entirely different pieces.

That's why I couldn't tell you which type of love is "stronger" or "more important" in general. I used to be convinced that parental love was the strongest force on earth, but then one of my parents walked away—chose not to fight their fears, chose to run from everything, even from their love for their kids. So, what am I supposed to say? It’s subjective. The most important love is whichever one makes you feel the safest.

I mean, I honestly think that when people act all cold and distant, it usually comes down to their own fears. Sometimes folks end up feeling guilty for things that aren't even their fault. For me personally, it’s pretty tough watching people change for the worse—you know, how they just turn cold and start treating you like a total stranger. It’s hard to witness because, maybe it’s my naive optimism talking, but by the time I finally realize it’s happening, everything just feels so complicated.

But seriously, if someone doesn't want to accept me for who I am, then they’re the ones missing out, not me. I’m going to stay true to myself. I’d much rather be a solid, honest version of myself than some low-quality imitation of a person.

Love? Man, love is such a hard thing to explain when you've been waiting for it for a long time. Because by the time it actually arrives—and I'm mostly talking about romantic love here—it can feel a little bit like an illusion.

Is love really just a choice we make?

Reading through all these posts, all the deep ramblings and everyone’s frantic search for purpose and happiness, I can't help but think...

Could happiness just be about soaking up the moment? Just really living in the "now" instead of constantly dwelling on what happened yesterday or stressing over what's coming tomorrow?

Maybe everything is way simpler and much closer than we realize.

Happiness could honestly just be about enjoying the right now. But let’s be real—it’s tough to actually stay in the moment when everyone expects you to be constantly juggling today's to-do list and upcoming tasks. Even what's happening an hour from now feels like some distant future. And most of the time, we just guess what that next hour will look like based on old habits and what we want to happen, right? It makes focusing on actual, present-moment happiness way harder than it needs to be.

Listen to yourself... "What people expect from you..." Well, here we are...

You could totally do things differently, you just won't because taking the path of least resistance is easier for you.

Honestly, yeah, following the path of least resistance is mostly just a habit at this point. If I actually tried to break those old patterns, I feel like I’d just end up feeling totally disconnected from who I really am.

It’s not about habit. It’s about being too afraid to change.

Maybe once you actually break away from what everyone expects of you, then you'll finally find yourself. Right now, you're just living up to their expectations.

And honestly, I’m not even hitting the mark people usually aim for, because most of the time, they actually expect way more from me than this

Alright then. Good luck!

And who’s really going to know if things turn out okay? Honestly, this soul has been through so much pain lately.

Jeffrey Ramos4 said:Maybe you just don't have the right approach. You aren't meeting people on their own level. Socializing and communication are skills, after all. They can be practiced.

Unfair? What would you even do if you had more than one? Death is the great equalizer. It’s the only true justice because, in the end, we all face it the same way.

An individual's values are part of their ego. Even the act of judging things stems from the ego. How else can you define what is "high quality" outside of your own individuality? You can't. What exists beyond the personal ego is how other people perceive us. That doesn't mean you shouldn't have a sense of self; it just means you shouldn't let your ego do all the evaluating.

For people buried under responsibilities, the weekend might be the only time they actually get to rest. Though, even that's a stretch since so many people work weekends or are tied up with family and kids...

Really, nobody? There are so many unloved kids, elderly people, those struggling with illness... And besides, love isn't just about romantic passion, which—let's be honest—is just as overrated as sex.

You don't love someone just to get something in return. Intense emotions often happen because a person isn't paying enough attention to their own logic. Feelings aren't the only thing that connects us to another human being. In fact, they can actually be harmful if people don't know how to manage or even understand them...

I find myself in agreement with your assessment, and I am actively working to improve those very skills.
👍

That doesn't exist anymore. Modern society has turned into a flock of sheep, making it incredibly easy for anyone to lead thousands of them with any kind of nonsense, as long as there's a bit of flashiness involved. It’s all just an illusion. I’d suggest waking up and standing on your own two feet instead of just wandering the streets bleating along with the rest of the herd.

I honestly think the biggest headache we face is how everyone keeps splitting off into these tiny little cliques.

I’ve always felt that authentic people just have this incredible aura about them.

You can have all the cash in the world, a killer reputation, a gorgeous partner, and a perfect family life... but if you're just some total pushover or a fake, you'll never have that magnetic energy that pulls people toward you.

The kind of people everyone actually wants to be around are the ones who...

- instinctively command the whole room the second they walk through the door.
- somehow get way better service from waiters or clerks just by being themselves.
- are the first names on everyone's guest list when it's time to party.
- have this vibe that just instantly relaxes and chills everyone out around them.
- don't radiate any of that nasty, bitter energy—you know, none of that jealousy, anger, or pure malice.
...