Extended stays - what are your experiences?

oh boy.🤦
it looks like I might actually need to switch over to another language after all.🤷

thankfully, I don't think I'll have to deal with repeating myself much longer.🙏>
so, here goes—just a few more points that matter from my perspective, if anyone cares:
1. occasionally stepping in to help out with homework doesn't necessarily mean someone is acting like a total control freak.😉
2. the way some parents seem completely checked out regarding what their first graders are actually learning in class... I don't know, it feels a little off to me.
3. I am fully in favor of prioritizing downtime, physical activity, hanging out with family, or just letting them go to extracurriculars after school finishes up.
4. and honestly, choosing one doesn't mean you can't do the other; they aren't mutually exclusive.
5. I can't help but wonder how much time parents are actually spending engaging with their kids after work or school, versus just sitting there in front of the TV, a computer, or a book or whatever else.
6. It strikes me as pretty wild that a school would view having a psychologist on staff as a "necessary evil." If we're talking about necessary evils, then after-school programs are probably higher on that list, since they mostly exist so kids aren't just left home alone half the day—helping with homework is really just a side benefit. And I think parents should be upfront about that with their kids: you're in after-school care because Mom and Dad are working until 5:00. Period.

over and out.

I'm staying in after-school care because both my dad and I work until 5:00. Period.

So, what you're saying is, you think the after-school teachers are just glorified babysitters?

Chloe Roberts2 said:

I'm staying in after-school care because both my dad and I work until 5:00. Period.

So, what you're saying is, you think the after-school teachers are just glorified babysitters?

No.

I don't think I ever actually wrote that, so maybe I'm just misreading things again, or perhaps there's some sort of subtext I'm completely missing here... I guess.🤔😕🤷

urbantinker8 said:No.

I don't think I ever actually wrote that, so maybe I'm just misreading things again, or perhaps there's some sort of subtext I'm completely missing here... I guess.🤔😕🤷

So, you're basically expecting two different teachers to spend four hours a day babysitting your kid and supervising their homework because both you and your husband are stuck at the office until 5:00 PM.
And I suppose you also expect these teachers to keep their personal opinions to themselves—I certainly had plenty of professors like that back in my high school days—and that they'll raise your child exactly how you see fit, right?

That sounds more like a job description for a nanny to me. Though, I have to give credit where it's due; public schools in this country have really gone out of their way lately to implement after-school programs, so... yeah.

I can't say for certain that I've quite grasped the core point you're making in your post.
It might just be that I was being a bit too superficial in my reading, I suppose.🙂

I honestly think hiring a nanny would be a much better way to spend my time than sitting there for four straight hours surrounded by twenty kids, especially now that school's out for the summer. It feels like parents are basically expecting teachers to act like full-time babysitters, even though I don't think after-school programs were ever actually designed to "supervise" whether every single kid finished their homework.

I’m reading this for the third time now, and honestly, I am completely lost.
Having an after-school program is actually the most basic thing ever. In any sensible country, you’d expect schools across all grade levels to run from about 8:00 AM to 4:00 PM, providing things like hot meals on campus, dedicated spaces for kids to study and tackle their homework, and even free extracurricular activities.
Instead, we barely have a couple of grades that offer this kind of support, leaving an entire army of moms to wake up at 5:00 AM just to prep lunch for their kids before or after school—not to mention all the other absurdities we deal with.

And of course, they aren't just sitting there staring at a wall for four hours straight. They eat, they play, they get their homework done, and then they go back to playing. I truly don't see how anyone could possibly link that to "babysitting" or the idea of needing nannies—it makes absolutely no sense to me.

urbantinker8 said:oh boy.🤦
it looks like I might actually need to switch over to another language after all.🤷

thankfully, I don't think I'll have to deal with repeating myself much longer.🙏>
so, here goes—just a few more points that matter from my perspective, if anyone cares:
1. occasionally stepping in to help out with homework doesn't necessarily mean someone is acting like a total control freak.😉
2. the way some parents seem completely checked out regarding what their first graders are actually learning in class... I don't know, it feels a little off to me.
3. I am fully in favor of prioritizing downtime, physical activity, hanging out with family, or just letting them go to extracurriculars after school finishes up.
4. and honestly, choosing one doesn't mean you can't do the other; they aren't mutually exclusive.
5. I can't help but wonder how much time parents are actually spending engaging with their kids after work or school, versus just sitting there in front of the TV, a computer, or a book or whatever else.
6. It strikes me as pretty wild that a school would view having a psychologist on staff as a "necessary evil." If we're talking about necessary evils, then after-school programs are probably higher on that list, since they mostly exist so kids aren't just left home alone half the day—helping with homework is really just a side benefit. And I think parents should be upfront about that with their kids: you're in after-school care because Mom and Dad are working until 5:00. Period.

over and out.

Homework is an assignment given by the teacher to the student, not to the parent or the after-school instructor.
The whole point of homework is to practice what was covered in class that day or to finish something that didn't get completed during school hours. The goal is to encourage independent learning.
As for whether the homework is finished, that’s for the person who assigned it to check.
Why do we need two extra layers of supervision? What kind of message are we sending to the kid? 🤔

Based on the forgetting curve, homework really should be done as soon as possible after the lesson. It’s perfectly fine if a parent who works until 1:00 or 2:00 PM picks their child up after lunch and encourages them to tackle their work at their study desk (maybe even sitting with them).
However, most parents who rely on after-school programs work until 4:00 or 5:00 PM. It would be completely unreasonable to expect them to force their child to wait until late at night to do homework after they've already spent five exhausting hours at school.
And if parents are being "called out" or made to feel guilty for not micromanaging their child's assignments, 🥱
then doing homework during after-school care isn't a benefit at all🤦—it's just part of the curriculum. Why shift that entire responsibility onto the parents?

As for the school system itself, with the current curriculum, I might consider it a necessary evil, but I have never been against the idea of gaining knowledge or studying.
Quite the opposite.
And I am not an uninterested parent; I just care about things beyond my own child. I don't feel the need to recite every single reading passage or obsess over specific dates in American history that don't affect my daily life.

A parent who is truly engaged in their child's life will stay informed about their progress without needing to flip through every drawing or scrutinize every single assignment every single day.
On the other hand, a parent who is genuinely indifferent won't suddenly become interested just because a teacher tells them they have to check the homework—and that's usually when the kid starts hating school.
There are also parents who simply don't have the bandwidth to sit down and study with their kids. For these children, after-school programs can be a huge win because they get dedicated time to actually finish their homework.
(Though, let's be honest, working parents usually pick these programs more often, and sometimes they’re the only ones who can even snag a spot if there's a waitlist.)

For years now, social services and various non-profits have been organizing supervised study sessions—often through community centers or youth outreach programs—for kids in families facing real hardships. These are situations where the kids haven't been removed from the home, but it's clear the parents either can't help with the schoolwork or just don't have a quiet place for the child to focus at home.
The goal is to support the child without pointing fingers at the parents. Instead of blaming them, social workers, speech therapists, or specialists step in to guide the child through the learning process and help them become more independent.
To me, it doesn't really matter who provides that guidance. What matters is that by the time a kid hits third grade—or fifth at the latest—they understand that school and homework are their own responsibility. They need to know they have to show up, do the work, ask for help when they're stuck, and take ownership of their results, even if things are tough at home or their parents aren't able to step in.
At the end of the day, school is the student's job and their responsibility.

Susan James said:Homework is an assignment given by the teacher to the student, not to the parent or the after-school instructor.
The whole point of homework is to practice what was covered in class that day or to finish something that didn't get completed during school hours. The goal is to encourage independent learning.
As for whether the homework is finished, that’s for the person who assigned it to check.
Why do we need two extra layers of supervision? What kind of message are we sending to the kid? 🤔

Based on the forgetting curve, homework really should be done as soon as possible after the lesson. It’s perfectly fine if a parent who works until 1:00 or 2:00 PM picks their child up after lunch and encourages them to tackle their work at their study desk (maybe even sitting with them).
However, most parents who rely on after-school programs work until 4:00 or 5:00 PM. It would be completely unreasonable to expect them to force their child to wait until late at night to do homework after they've already spent five exhausting hours at school.
And if parents are being "called out" or made to feel guilty for not micromanaging their child's assignments, 🥱
then doing homework during after-school care isn't a benefit at all🤦—it's just part of the curriculum. Why shift that entire responsibility onto the parents?

As for the school system itself, with the current curriculum, I might consider it a necessary evil, but I have never been against the idea of gaining knowledge or studying.
Quite the opposite.
And I am not an uninterested parent; I just care about things beyond my own child. I don't feel the need to recite every single reading passage or obsess over specific dates in American history that don't affect my daily life.

A parent who is truly engaged in their child's life will stay informed about their progress without needing to flip through every drawing or scrutinize every single assignment every single day.
On the other hand, a parent who is genuinely indifferent won't suddenly become interested just because a teacher tells them they have to check the homework—and that's usually when the kid starts hating school.
There are also parents who simply don't have the bandwidth to sit down and study with their kids. For these children, after-school programs can be a huge win because they get dedicated time to actually finish their homework.
(Though, let's be honest, working parents usually pick these programs more often, and sometimes they’re the only ones who can even snag a spot if there's a waitlist.)

For years now, social services and various non-profits have been organizing supervised study sessions—often through community centers or youth outreach programs—for kids in families facing real hardships. These are situations where the kids haven't been removed from the home, but it's clear the parents either can't help with the schoolwork or just don't have a quiet place for the child to focus at home.
The goal is to support the child without pointing fingers at the parents. Instead of blaming them, social workers, speech therapists, or specialists step in to guide the child through the learning process and help them become more independent.
To me, it doesn't really matter who provides that guidance. What matters is that by the time a kid hits third grade—or fifth at the latest—they understand that school and homework are their own responsibility. They need to know they have to show up, do the work, ask for help when they're stuck, and take ownership of their results, even if things are tough at home or their parents aren't able to step in.
At the end of the day, school is the student's job and their responsibility.

That’s precisely the point. A parent steps in when necessary, and the child learns that stepping up is their responsibility. But you don't expect a first grader to grasp that overnight. It requires actual engagement, not just adopting a "couldn't care less" attitude.

Quoting Cattley: "Up until yesterday, they were just playing around aimlessly, and then suddenly, we're expected to have them possess time management, a sense of duty, self-discipline to meet deadlines, and the focus to actually remember their homework."

I'm with Frupy on all counts. ☕

Paul Scott7 said:That’s precisely the point. A parent steps in when necessary, and the child learns that stepping up is their responsibility. But you don't expect a first grader to grasp that overnight. It requires actual engagement, not just adopting a "couldn't care less" attitude.

Quoting Cattley: "Up until yesterday, they were just playing around aimlessly, and then suddenly, we're expected to have them possess time management, a sense of duty, self-discipline to meet deadlines, and the focus to actually remember their homework."

I'm with Frupy on all counts. ☕

Personally, I never said I had a "don't care" attitude.
If someone interpreted my words differently, there isn't much I can do about that.

My stance is simply that homework should be finished during after-school care. I'd love for my child to be able to just relax and enjoy free time or extracurricular activities once they get home around 4:00 PM.
With that in mind, I don't feel the need to micromanage how things were handled at the program; I expect the staff—whom I'm paying for through my taxes and program fees—to do their jobs.
I don't feel guilty about delegating homework to someone else so that I don't have to struggle through it with my child after work.

Of course, I haven't shut the door on my child coming to me to chat about her day, what she learned, or what made her happy. And if she asks for my help because the teacher didn't quite get to it or she felt too shy to ask, I'm there.
I'm not so crazy that I'd tell her, "Stop, I don't care about that." But I won't be going out of my way to grill her about schoolwork, nor do I feel the need to see textbooks spread out all over the table more than I already did back in preschool.
That's just how I plan to set expectations with my child before she starts the after-school program.

Ha. Well, everyone has their own unique "philosophy" when it comes to starting the first grade...
Maybe it actually works out better for the kid in the long run, just like you described... they get that head start on independence... who knows...
No hard feelings... 👍

Paul Scott7 said:Ha. Well, everyone has their own unique "philosophy" when it comes to starting the first grade...
Maybe it actually works out better for the kid in the long run, just like you described... they get that head start on independence... who knows...
No hard feelings... 👍

Most parents drop their kids off at after-school care because a seven-year-old simply can't be left home alone, especially if they live near busy highways where parents don't feel comfortable letting them stay by themselves. And let's be real, a seven-year-old isn't going to suddenly remember to sit down and tackle their homework on their own.

I think it’s pretty unfair to label parents as "bad" or try to make them feel guilty just because they work until 5:00 PM and rely on someone else to help with homework.
Honestly, I’d much rather worry about schoolwork than have preschool teachers being the ones to teach a child how to use a spoon, wipe their nose, or put their shoes away. Those basic hygiene and self-care habits are essential, and in reality, that's often what happens in childcare settings.
Not every parent has the bandwidth or the specific expertise to act as a tutor for school subjects, and they shouldn't have to. But they definitely should be the ones handling those fundamental life skills.
Yet, we see kids picking up so many of these habits in daycare/preschool, often more consistently than at home. It's not necessarily because parents aren't trying—most certainly are—it's just a matter of math: kids spend 8 to 10 hours in a structured environment and maybe only 4 or 5 waking hours with their parents.
At the end of the day, our kids are somewhat institutionalized, regardless of what anyone says about it.
And that's simply because parents have jobs to go to.
I don't think any sane person would quit their job or take extended unpaid leave just to sit with their child and finish homework every single afternoon.

The whole reason kids end up in after-school programs should be simple: parents are at work and the local roads are dangerous enough. That’s it. Nothing else.
A friend of mine had this experience where her kid was getting extra homework assigned during first grade. Now they're in third grade—and since everyone in this district goes to the after-school program now—the kid actually gets the work done there instead of bringing it home.
Back when she was in first grade, the instructor would just tell her in the afternoon, "I'm exhausted, I can't even look at you right now."
That kind of apathy is contagious. If the staff doesn't care, the kids won't either.
Think about the contrast. You have some kids whose grandparents act like a private shuttle service, dropping them off and picking them up perfectly on schedule. Then you have the rest of us. You crawl through the door after a brutal shift at the office, completely drained, only to realize the kid still needs help with homework or just needs your attention because they haven't learned how to work independently yet.
My take? You have to carve out dedicated time for that. It’s an obligation, just like everything else waiting for you once the workday is over.

Paul Scott7 said:The whole reason kids end up in after-school programs should be simple: parents are at work and the local roads are dangerous enough. That’s it. Nothing else.
A friend of mine had this experience where her kid was getting extra homework assigned during first grade. Now they're in third grade—and since everyone in this district goes to the after-school program now—the kid actually gets the work done there instead of bringing it home.
Back when she was in first grade, the instructor would just tell her in the afternoon, "I'm exhausted, I can't even look at you right now."
That kind of apathy is contagious. If the staff doesn't care, the kids won't either.
Think about the contrast. You have some kids whose grandparents act like a private shuttle service, dropping them off and picking them up perfectly on schedule. Then you have the rest of us. You crawl through the door after a brutal shift at the office, completely drained, only to realize the kid still needs help with homework or just needs your attention because they haven't learned how to work independently yet.
My take? You have to carve out dedicated time for that. It’s an obligation, just like everything else waiting for you once the workday is over.

Well, it really depends on what kind of "extra" work we're talking about.
If they're the only kid who needs extra practice on something, and doing it would interrupt everyone else playing on the playground, or participating in drama club, sports, or whatever, then I can see where they're coming from.
If it’s something meant for advanced students, or if it occasionally involves family members—like collecting old family photos or storytelling—then I get that too.
Anything else? Not really (except maybe once a month if someone truly fell behind).

I'm not sure what she should have said to her kid, but personally, I'd start by asking what they did in class that didn't get finished.
If they didn't actually do homework during school hours that day, but were doing something else instead, I'd weigh how important that other activity was. If needed, I'd just reach out to the teacher to check in on the student's well-being or the workload.

If third graders aren't doing homework during school hours, then they don't really have anything to do there. In my opinion, a nine-year-old doesn't need a babysitter.
And if homework is waiting five hours after the bell rings, it definitely makes no sense. It completely kills any good study habits, especially if they worked hard to establish those routines in first and second grade to get things done right after lunch.😕

Part of the whole point of after-school programs is actually getting that homework out of the way. I had two kids in my program😁, and they would just knock out their assignments right there while they were at school; their backpacks would basically live in the classroom all week long. If there were any topics or tricky problems we hadn't quite tackled during the school week, we’d sit down over the weekend and sort through everything in their school bags together. Every now and then, the teacher might shove a book into a kid's hand as they were heading out the door because they needed to memorize a poem by tomorrow or finish up a quick task, and honestly, nobody ever made an issue out of it. Both of my kids came out of that program perfectly fine—they were top students, just like many others, and I don't see any negative impact on them whatsoever.

The lady supervising😁 the children in the program is actually an elementary school teacher, so she’s arguably more qualified than most parents when it comes to helping with schoolwork. Besides, it feels a bit harsh to expect such young kids to spend another hour at home studying or doing homework after they've already been stuck in a classroom for eight or nine hours straight.

Susan James said:Personally, I never said I had a "don't care" attitude.
If someone interpreted my words differently, there isn't much I can do about that.

My stance is simply that homework should be finished during after-school care. I'd love for my child to be able to just relax and enjoy free time or extracurricular activities once they get home around 4:00 PM.
With that in mind, I don't feel the need to micromanage how things were handled at the program; I expect the staff—whom I'm paying for through my taxes and program fees—to do their jobs.
I don't feel guilty about delegating homework to someone else so that I don't have to struggle through it with my child after work.

Of course, I haven't shut the door on my child coming to me to chat about her day, what she learned, or what made her happy. And if she asks for my help because the teacher didn't quite get to it or she felt too shy to ask, I'm there.
I'm not so crazy that I'd tell her, "Stop, I don't care about that." But I won't be going out of my way to grill her about schoolwork, nor do I feel the need to see textbooks spread out all over the table more than I already did back in preschool.
That's just how I plan to set expectations with my child before she starts the after-school program.

Susan James said:Most parents drop their kids off at after-school care because a seven-year-old simply can't be left home alone, especially if they live near busy highways where parents don't feel comfortable letting them stay by themselves. And let's be real, a seven-year-old isn't going to suddenly remember to sit down and tackle their homework on their own.

I think it’s pretty unfair to label parents as "bad" or try to make them feel guilty just because they work until 5:00 PM and rely on someone else to help with homework.
Honestly, I’d much rather worry about schoolwork than have preschool teachers being the ones to teach a child how to use a spoon, wipe their nose, or put their shoes away. Those basic hygiene and self-care habits are essential, and in reality, that's often what happens in childcare settings.
Not every parent has the bandwidth or the specific expertise to act as a tutor for school subjects, and they shouldn't have to. But they definitely should be the ones handling those fundamental life skills.
Yet, we see kids picking up so many of these habits in daycare/preschool, often more consistently than at home. It's not necessarily because parents aren't trying—most certainly are—it's just a matter of math: kids spend 8 to 10 hours in a structured environment and maybe only 4 or 5 waking hours with their parents.
At the end of the day, our kids are somewhat institutionalized, regardless of what anyone says about it.
And that's simply because parents have jobs to go to.
I don't think any sane person would quit their job or take extended unpaid leave just to sit with their child and finish homework every single afternoon.

Susan James said:Well, it really depends on what kind of "extra" work we're talking about.
If they're the only kid who needs extra practice on something, and doing it would interrupt everyone else playing on the playground, or participating in drama club, sports, or whatever, then I can see where they're coming from.
If it’s something meant for advanced students, or if it occasionally involves family members—like collecting old family photos or storytelling—then I get that too.
Anything else? Not really (except maybe once a month if someone truly fell behind).

I'm not sure what she should have said to her kid, but personally, I'd start by asking what they did in class that didn't get finished.
If they didn't actually do homework during school hours that day, but were doing something else instead, I'd weigh how important that other activity was. If needed, I'd just reach out to the teacher to check in on the student's well-being or the workload.

If third graders aren't doing homework during school hours, then they don't really have anything to do there. In my opinion, a nine-year-old doesn't need a babysitter.
And if homework is waiting five hours after the bell rings, it definitely makes no sense. It completely kills any good study habits, especially if they worked hard to establish those routines in first and second grade to get things done right after lunch.😕

you can't seem to avoid making comments like that in any thread, really...👎

The core of what I was saying wasn't meant to trigger anyone's guilt or to defend some imaginary scenario where homework isn't getting done in daycare or a teacher isn't doing her job. 🤦

Good grief, has anyone here actually questioned the after-school staff's competence?😕

To reiterate: the point is simply that parents should engage with their children however possible, even if it means sitting down after a long shift at the office to explain how nature works or running through multiplication tables together.
The fact that many people don't do this isn't an attempt to make anyone feel bad, it's just a reality. And I guess those who do participate can't really be faulted for having a conscience.

And it always seems to happen that way—my words get totally misinterpreted.🤷
Maybe I should just be more blunt and explicit instead of being subtle, since being subtle clearly doesn't work.

How am I supposed to interpret a sentence like: "School is just a necessary evil anyway."
Or: "I don't really care about everything that happened in class; I have other interests."

😕

Perhaps you, Larry Walker24, would want to recount every single little detail—what they did during which period, what happened during recess—but what are you going to say to a teacher? "I'm too old for this, I don't care"?🤷

I've already mentioned that a parent should at least pretend to be interested in what's happening at school, even if they aren't truly invested in the specifics.

I mean, honestly, this whole thing will probably just blow over eventually; it’s not like an eighth grader is going to be obsessing over recounting every single tiny detail of their day forever, I guess.

It really doesn't have anything to do whatsoever with the teachers, their salaries, or how much they pay in local property taxes. 🙄
They should just focus on doing their actual jobs, while parents need to handle their own part of the equation, whatever that happens to look like at any given moment.

urbantinker8, you're talking out of your ass because your kid is still in preschool. Just wait until they actually start kindergarten—you’ll be doing a complete 180 then.

and I honestly don't even have a full grasp of what's actually going on here, I just know that I can't bring myself to agree with it at all. 😁

Larry Walker24 said:urbantinker8, you're talking out of your ass because your kid is still in preschool. Just wait until they actually start kindergarten—you’ll be doing a complete 180 then.

I have a feeling we might see a bit of a "180" coming soon too, 😂rather than a full circle,

Someone clearly missed a few lessons in middle school math class, didn't they? 😬

I remember one particular day back when we had social studies, history, economics, foreign languages, and those various character education classes on the schedule. I let her work on her homework during after-school care, but when it came to math—a subject she hasn't quite mastered yet—I make a point to pull her aside earlier whenever possible. I have her tackle those assignments at home instead, just to ensure she’s actually focusing and working independently, rather than just sitting there waiting for someone else to finish so she can mindlessly copy the answers off the chalkboard. When she works alone like that, she has a set amount of time and zero distractions. If she doesn't get the answers right, I give her extra practice problems—not as some sort of punishment, mind you, but simply to build that muscle memory.
That’s my take on the quality of homework completion in public schools, though I certainly don't think the teacher is to blame when you're dealing with a classroom of 26 students.