Why do we feel the need to hide our emotions?

Fear, insecurity, life's a mess.
Open up? You get screwed.
Keep quiet? You still get screwed.
Options? There aren't any.
Time ticks by while you just don't care, until everything eventually turns into nothing but a void.

Kyle Grant62 said:Fear, insecurity, life's a mess.
Open up? You get screwed.
Keep quiet? You still get screwed.
Options? There aren't any.
Time ticks by while you just don't care, until everything eventually turns into nothing but a void.

You really think it’s all black and white? You can't just paint everyone with the same brush.

Richard Wells said:You really think it’s all black and white? You can't just paint everyone with the same brush.

It doesn't have to be. But it is.
Suppressing stuff—especially emotions—it's just the tip of the iceberg. It's just the symptom of a much bigger mess underneath.

When you go looking for empathy from people you actually thought might understand you, only to have them turn around and slap you down instead, I guess there’s really no point in being vulnerable; you just end up performing a role. ☕

Just imagine it—you finally open up and admit that you’ve been struggling with depression and dark thoughts for a long time, and you’re a MAN, no less!
Naturally, they decide you're just some pathetic loser who isn't worth a damn. 🙄

So, I suppose the only way forward is to slap on a fake smile and pretend everything is perfectly fine. 🙂

Kyle Grant62 said:It doesn't have to be. But it is.
Suppressing stuff—especially emotions—it's just the tip of the iceberg. It's just the symptom of a much bigger mess underneath.

So why not just fake it? Play the part they want you to play and act like everything is perfect. Then, the second they turn their backs, give them the finger and go right back to being "perfect."

Paul White80 said:So why not just fake it? Play the part they want you to play and act like everything is perfect. Then, the second they turn their backs, give them the finger and go right back to being "perfect."

I’d rather give 'em the finger while they're looking at me. Honestly? I'd take being ignored after that over having to dodge them all day.

Carl Rivera43 said:So, I wanted to throw some thoughts out there regarding the main topic here.

Also, I’d love to hear your take on why alcohol seems to unlock such deep emotional layers for so many people?
Do you think that constantly bottling up our feelings eventually leads to total burnout and a loss of focus?

How do we explain this current era where hiding how we actually feel seems almost encouraged? Does seeing people who are overly emotional or brutally honest inspire you, or do you find those habits a bit much?

Anyway, those are just some jumping-off points for the discussion. Maybe in this online space, we can actually talk more freely about stuff like this—topics that rarely get any airtime in the mainstream media.
Do you ever dive into these kinds of deep conversations with your friends or people you know?

I’m basically a pro at hiding and suppressing my feelings...
It’s a habit from when I was a kid—growing up in a house where you couldn't really express yourself, and emotions weren't really "allowed" unless they were negative... I was never encouraged to open up.
Suppressing everything was just how I protected myself, how I survived, and how I kept myself from being too vulnerable...
Even now, it's incredibly hard for me to be open. Very few people actually know who I am... honestly, I still see opening up as a weakness. Being cold, closed off, and unapproachable feels like an advantage to me—when people don't know your weak spots and you keep them at arm's length, it keeps you from getting hurt and gives you a certain level of respect...
I've lost a lot of beautiful things in life because of acting this way, but I don't know any other way, and I don't feel like I'm allowed to change. I'm not capable of hurting others or truly reading the person in front of me, and if I did let my guard down, I'd probably just end up disappointed... I just don't put myself out there...🙄
In this crazy world we live in today, you have to wear a mask and only show your true self once someone has actually proven they deserve to see it...

You’ve walked away from so many great things in life, yet you’re still out here acting like it’s a winning strategy? You’re basically choosing to lose on purpose at this point. I just don't see the logic.

Richard Wells said:You’ve walked away from so many great things in life, yet you’re still out here acting like it’s a winning strategy? You’re basically choosing to lose on purpose at this point. I just don't see the logic.

Don't judge me...
I honestly don't know any other way to be. I never learned how—nobody ever showed me—and besides, whenever I actually tried opening up and being vulnerable, it just ended badly because I was dealing with the wrong people...
Other people seem to get it. They can do it, and they end up having much richer lives...
As for me, the only thing I feel like venting is pure aggression and some pretty nasty insults, but that doesn't hurt anyone but myself, so I don't even go there...

Kyle Grant62 said:I’d rather give 'em the finger while they're looking at me. Honestly? I'd take being ignored after that over having to dodge them all day.

Sure, but sometimes instead of getting ignored, you end up getting fired. That's a bit of a problem, isn't it? 😁

Donna White50 said:Don't judge me...
I honestly don't know any other way to be. I never learned how—nobody ever showed me—and besides, whenever I actually tried opening up and being vulnerable, it just ended badly because I was dealing with the wrong people...
Other people seem to get it. They can do it, and they end up having much richer lives...
As for me, the only thing I feel like venting is pure aggression and some pretty nasty insults, but that doesn't hurt anyone but myself, so I don't even go there...

I'm not judging. It just looks to me like you aren't being logical here. If you were truly self-aware, you would have changed things by now. Step by step. A lot of people claim they're "aware," but they either aren't deep enough or they just don't have the guts. I'm not buying the "it can't be done" excuse. I know it can. I had a rough childhood myself, and if I had just taken the path of least resistance and stayed stuck in those old patterns, my life today would be a total nightmare. But you can't just let life happen to you.

Paul White80 said:Sure, but sometimes instead of getting ignored, you end up getting fired. That's a bit of a problem, isn't it? 😁

If we're talking about the paycheck, that's a different story. Then you give 'em the finger until they notice. 😁

Richard Wells said:I'm not judging. It just looks to me like you aren't being logical here. If you were truly self-aware, you would have changed things by now. Step by step. A lot of people claim they're "aware," but they either aren't deep enough or they just don't have the guts. I'm not buying the "it can't be done" excuse. I know it can. I had a rough childhood myself, and if I had just taken the path of least resistance and stayed stuck in those old patterns, my life today would be a total nightmare. But you can't just let life happen to you.

Actually, the logic holds up because you can't be "aware" of losing something you never truly possessed in the first place. He’s basically saying he saw potential connections or opportunities with certain people, but those paths didn't appeal to him because his way of navigating the world is different. It's a trade-off. Those missed experiences could have been great, sure, but they could have been just as bad.

He even points out that he views his specific way of operating as an advantage, so from his perspective, there isn't anything to fix.

I used to struggle with this because I was constantly terrified of being rejected, especially when it came to dating... but looking back, I realize it wasn't actually people rejecting me—it was just my own habit of hiding who I really was that kept everyone at arm's length 🤣
Now, honestly? I feel so much more liberated. My connections with people are deeper, more genuine, and I’m actually happy for once 🙂
You just have to learn how to let go and relax a bit 🍿

Kyle Grant62 said:If we're talking about the paycheck, that's a different story. Then you give 'em the finger until they notice. 😁

So, what? We're supposed to just be hypocrites?

I don't think alcohol actually unlocks your emotions... it just makes you stop giving a damn about how people react to them. You lose that filter you have when you're sober. As for the whole "art of survival"—you either learn to evolve and manage your headspace over time, or you just settle for finding people who are as messed up as you are. But there are limits to that, right? You can't just pick and choose everything... not at work and not at home.

We’re basically hardwired to be selective with our feelings—basically just picking the right emotion for the right moment.

Look, not everyone processes things the same way—some people wear their hearts on their sleeves while others act like they’re made of stone. Usually, when someone holds back, it boils down to being terrified of being vulnerable or just straight-up refusing to acknowledge what they're actually feeling. A lot of this traces back to how we were raised and the environment we grew up in, too—especially for guys, since society tends to push that "tough it out" mentality on them from day one. If a kid is naturally sensitive and reacts to stuff with tears or genuine fear, but the people around them just mock them or tell them to toughen up? Well, obviously, that’s just going to make them feel even worse.
For some, that becomes a turning point where they shut down entirely—either because they can't find the right words to explain what's happening inside, or they just lack the capacity to express it. And like I was saying earlier, you can try to deny your own emotions all you want by pretending you aren't vulnerable, but let's be real: those feelings always find a way to bubble up to the surface eventually.

Paul Thompson3 said:We’re basically hardwired to be selective with our feelings—basically just picking the right emotion for the right moment.

And yeah, it’s all about manipulation, right? We just dial up the feelings whenever it serves our agenda.

casualharbor9 said:So, what? We're supposed to just be hypocrites?

Look, if it's the job you need to put food on the table—and you're living in the States—then you just play along until they stop looking.☕