I don't trust anyone anymore...

Why does everyone insist that trust is a prerequisite for socializing?

Should we hand over $10,000 in cash every time we grab a drink? Give them the keys to our house or garage? Leave our kids in their care? Or maybe sit around discussing how to embezzle millions from the federal government...

Small talk about haircuts, gardening, famine in Africa, or crime rates in some random foreign country—it’s all great filler. You can never run out of topics, and the time flies by effortlessly...

And apparently, you have to be a "social creature" or a "human being" or whatever else they call us. 😁

ambergull said:You’re going to have to undergo the slow process of learning how to trust people again.
If you spend your entire life overanalyzing everyone and maintaining a constant state of suspicion, you’ll end up living a miserable existence, devoid of friends, partners, or any meaningful connection.
The truth is, we are social creatures by nature; without community and genuine communication with others, we inevitably descend into loneliness and depression.

Therefore, it is essential to engage with those around you—whether it's family, old friends, or colleagues at work... it really doesn't matter where.
Look, let's be realistic: eventually, people will let you down. Not everyone, certainly not all, but most people will at some point. The real question isn't whether they will fail you, but rather what kind of character they possess in general.
If someone has been a true friend to you, one mistake or one instance of betrayal doesn't mean you should immediately cut them out of your life.
Instead, try sitting them down, having an honest conversation about the issue, and attempting to resolve it.

However, if you notice a pattern where someone is constantly undermining you, trying to smear your reputation, or actively plotting against you, then it is far better to distance yourself from such individuals.

Simply put, reach out to old friends or make an effort to meet new ones. Over time, you will begin to see their true colors, and only then can you decide whether or not they are worthy of your trust.

What a joke. This whole argument assumes that you actually need to trust people to hang out with them. If we accept that most people lie—and they lie precisely because they don't trust anyone else—then we reach a different conclusion: most people have friends, partners, and a social life despite not trusting a single soul among them.🤷
People push this "imperative" to trust others simply because it’s easier to function that way. It isn't about truth or necessity; it's about convenience. It's easier not to be on guard, not to analyze, and not to think. It's easy, sure. But it isn't smart.

Brian Reed said:Why does everyone insist that trust is a prerequisite for socializing?

Should we hand over $10,000 in cash every time we grab a drink? Give them the keys to our house or garage? Leave our kids in their care? Or maybe sit around discussing how to embezzle millions from the federal government...

Small talk about haircuts, gardening, famine in Africa, or crime rates in some random foreign country—it’s all great filler. You can never run out of topics, and the time flies by effortlessly...

And apparently, you have to be a "social creature" or a "human being" or whatever else they call us. 😁

There are people who actually want to connect with others on a deeper level instead of just being some fringe character who comments on everything under the sun.
So, naturally, you look for people you can actually rely on.
The alternative is letting yourself get stuck in a toxic relationship where people play you for a fool just because you're too damn trusting. 🤷
It’s common sense—if you’re an honest person who knows you're trustworthy, you expect that same energy back from the people around you.

crimsonpuma23 said:There are people who actually want to connect with others on a deeper level instead of just being some fringe character who comments on everything under the sun.
So, naturally, you look for people you can actually rely on.
The alternative is letting yourself get stuck in a toxic relationship where people play you for a fool just because you're too damn trusting. 🤷
It’s common sense—if you’re an honest person who knows you're trustworthy, you expect that same energy back from the people around you.

We really need to define what we mean by people here.
Are we talking about general social interaction—colleagues, acquaintances, or the casual crowds we run into daily—or are we talking about the struggle to find a tight-knit inner circle?

Because let's be real: I don't know anyone walking around with thirty "close" friends. Most people have somewhere between one and five—maybe six if they're lucky.
And I'm lost on this whole "toxic" and "fool" business.
The concept of "trust" escapes me too—are we talking about keeping secrets, where someone protects your information? What exactly does "trust" cover in this context?

Brian Reed said:We really need to define what we mean by people here.
Are we talking about general social interaction—colleagues, acquaintances, or the casual crowds we run into daily—or are we talking about the struggle to find a tight-knit inner circle?

Because let's be real: I don't know anyone walking around with thirty "close" friends. Most people have somewhere between one and five—maybe six if they're lucky.
And I'm lost on this whole "toxic" and "fool" business.
The concept of "trust" escapes me too—are we talking about keeping secrets, where someone protects your information? What exactly does "trust" cover in this context?

Man, I'm just as lost as you are. But hey, let's hash it out. 😁
Let me give you a real-world example:
Say someone becomes physically helpless because they’re getting old or whatever, right? They start depending on someone else. Who are they going to want looking after them? Obviously, someone they actually trust—someone who’s willing to step up and take on that responsibility.
I actually stepped up for someone once just because they told me they trusted me. By that, they meant they knew I wasn't going to rob them blind or screw them over. And look, there are tons of vultures out there who see someone struggling and try to cash in on their misery, but I earned that trust through how I acted.
So, a lot of people crave having someone to trust because they're terrified of being left to fend for themselves.
The textbook definition usually goes something like this: Trust is that sense of security where you feel you can rely on someone. It's basically our EXPECTATION that a person or an organization will act in a way that aligns with shared values and common interests.

crimsonpuma23 said:Man, I'm just as lost as you are. But hey, let's hash it out. 😁
Let me give you a real-world example:
Say someone becomes physically helpless because they’re getting old or whatever, right? They start depending on someone else. Who are they going to want looking after them? Obviously, someone they actually trust—someone who’s willing to step up and take on that responsibility.
I actually stepped up for someone once just because they told me they trusted me. By that, they meant they knew I wasn't going to rob them blind or screw them over. And look, there are tons of vultures out there who see someone struggling and try to cash in on their misery, but I earned that trust through how I acted.
So, a lot of people crave having someone to trust because they're terrified of being left to fend for themselves.
The textbook definition usually goes something like this: Trust is that sense of security where you feel you can rely on someone. It's basically our EXPECTATION that a person or an organization will act in a way that aligns with shared values and common interests.

I appreciate how you framed that; I'm inclined to agree.

Look... I might be a bit tedious here... but let's look at the numbers.
On average, any given person has maybe six people they are truly close to—people they can actually lean on. That person asking you for help? They just pulled you into their inner circle.
What happens to everyone else? To the rest of the world that isn't part of that core? Well, I assume that since they aren't close, and their behavior doesn't align with ours, we simply don't grant them our trust. If we did, love would be blooming on every street corner.

If you look at it as a pattern, humans exist in small clusters while maintaining distance from the rest of the world.
All those people complaining about "how people are these days"—it’s just noise. They haven't found their compatible group yet. Every nut finds its bolt.

Perhaps I'm looking at this too mathematically, but things are what they are—not what we wish them to be.

I'll stick to my previous point—for most people, it's all just surface level...

Brian Reed said:I appreciate how you framed that; I'm inclined to agree.

Look... I might be a bit tedious here... but let's look at the numbers.
On average, any given person has maybe six people they are truly close to—people they can actually lean on. That person asking you for help? They just pulled you into their inner circle.
What happens to everyone else? To the rest of the world that isn't part of that core? Well, I assume that since they aren't close, and their behavior doesn't align with ours, we simply don't grant them our trust. If we did, love would be blooming on every street corner.

If you look at it as a pattern, humans exist in small clusters while maintaining distance from the rest of the world.
All those people complaining about "how people are these days"—it’s just noise. They haven't found their compatible group yet. Every nut finds its bolt.

Perhaps I'm looking at this too mathematically, but things are what they are—not what we wish them to be.

I'll stick to my previous point—for most people, it's all just surface level...

Honestly, those people constantly whining about how they can't trust anyone are usually just lonely souls who are terrified of their own damn company. Or maybe they’re just chronically disappointed in humanity and desperately need to go take a vacation and get over themselves.
Look, this whole thing about mutual trust? It’s way more complicated than people want to admit, like trying to explain the nuances of a legal contract to someone who hasn't even finished high school.
Look, it’s not just about individuals acting solo—we're talking about massive corporations, entire industries, and even huge powers like the US government. If you aren't building everything on a foundation of actual trust, you're basically just inviting total chaos to move in. In any serious business structure, without that mutual confidence, the whole thing is just a house of cards waiting to fall apart.
How much damn trust does an Ivica Todorić actually need to have in his own inner circle before everything just goes up in flames? 🙂
The whole damn system works by splitting off into smaller branches, and the second someone breaks trust, they’re tossed straight out of the game.
Look, at the end of the day, we’re all adults here—we get to decide exactly who we trust and just how much skin we're willing to put in the game.
Look, I’m sticking to my guns on this one: you can't go putting 100% of your faith in anyone, and honestly, you shouldn't even trust yourself that much either. 😬 I try to play it right down the middle—staying cautious enough to not get burned, but keeping just enough faith to actually function. At the end of the day, talk is cheap anyway; you really get to know what a person is made of by watching how they actually move. 👍

When it comes to personal relationships, most people basically operate on a trial-and-error basis—you meet someone, you see if they click, and if the long-term vibe is more pleasant than combative, you stick around. Of course, there are always outliers—people are unpredictable, after all.

As for social hierarchy, the whole thing functions through a system of penalties. If you betray the trust inherent to your position, you face consequences—fines, getting fired, or even prison time—depending on the offense. That’s essentially why we have surveillance cameras and intelligence agencies; they exist purely for oversight. Large-scale systems don't rely on trust; they rely on mechanisms of control.
Our current tax compliance regulations are a perfect example of this 😁

There’s an old joke about a guy who visits a friend's house and asks:
"Man, you really love living here. Tell me, how are the neighbors?
"Fantastic. Honestly, I haven't met a more honest group of people in my life."
"Then why do you keep a shotgun behind the door?

"So they stay that way..."

Brian Reed said:Why does everyone insist that trust is a prerequisite for socializing?

Should we hand over $10,000 in cash every time we grab a drink? Give them the keys to our house or garage? Leave our kids in their care? Or maybe sit around discussing how to embezzle millions from the federal government...

Small talk about haircuts, gardening, famine in Africa, or crime rates in some random foreign country—it’s all great filler. You can never run out of topics, and the time flies by effortlessly...

And apparently, you have to be a "social creature" or a "human being" or whatever else they call us. 😁

Brian Reed said:We really need to define what we mean by people here.
Are we talking about general social interaction—colleagues, acquaintances, or the casual crowds we run into daily—or are we talking about the struggle to find a tight-knit inner circle?

Because let's be real: I don't know anyone walking around with thirty "close" friends. Most people have somewhere between one and five—maybe six if they're lucky.
And I'm lost on this whole "toxic" and "fool" business.
The concept of "trust" escapes me too—are we talking about keeping secrets, where someone protects your information? What exactly does "trust" cover in this context?

I assume that in this context, trust refers to being willing to be open during a conversation—basically, the ability to actually connect with others. Of course, we all maintain total control over how much we reveal, regardless of how nosy people might be or whether we feel pressured by their opinions to speak up or stay quiet. But if we approach everyone with suspicion—acting like they’re all out to scam us, hurt us, or weaponize whatever we say—well, I don't think that's exactly a solid foundation for building any kind of rapport.
Naturally, there are acquaintances, friends, close friends... there are plenty of shades of gray here, and you certainly don't talk to every social circle the same way.
But that specific kind of trust—it's really half of self-confidence, which is pretty vital for successful social interaction, and honestly, for just enjoying life and being comfortable in your own skin.

Enough said, really. In any normal conversation, you have to take things with a grain of salt.
The type of people I’ve learned to distrust are those who try to forcefully wedge themselves into someone else's life.
Everything else is manageable, and as long as there is mutual respect, a solid foundation for a good relationship can still exist.

goldentinker70 said:I assume that in this context, trust refers to being willing to be open during a conversation—basically, the ability to actually connect with others. Of course, we all maintain total control over how much we reveal, regardless of how nosy people might be or whether we feel pressured by their opinions to speak up or stay quiet. But if we approach everyone with suspicion—acting like they’re all out to scam us, hurt us, or weaponize whatever we say—well, I don't think that's exactly a solid foundation for building any kind of rapport.
Naturally, there are acquaintances, friends, close friends... there are plenty of shades of gray here, and you certainly don't talk to every social circle the same way.
But that specific kind of trust—it's really half of self-confidence, which is pretty vital for successful social interaction, and honestly, for just enjoying life and being comfortable in your own skin.

The nuances boil down to one thing: learning to filter people based on behavioral patterns. You essentially build a set of mental guardrails to protect yourself from getting too close to someone who simply isn't compatible with you. Consider this hypothetical scenario:
You're out in town and run into two different people within an hour. Both happen to be former colleagues—people you worked with for a while, weren't necessarily best friends, but you'd always say hello when you crossed paths. Here is how they both handle the encounter:

Person A: Heyyy! Long time no see! So, what's the news? Where are you working now? How's your girlfriend? Oh, you broke up? Yeah, I saw her a couple of days ago with some other guy... anyway, you're looking good—fit, you know? (Implies you've aged or lost your shape). Hey, want to grab a drink? I'd really love to catch up...

Person B: Hey man, good to see you. How have you been? Since you left, I haven't had anyone to bounce ideas off of regarding those home repairs I'm tackling. It's great bumping into you. I've had a lot going on lately—want to grab a beer?

The question is simple: which one are you grabbing a coffee with?

Brian Reed said:The nuances boil down to one thing: learning to filter people based on behavioral patterns. You essentially build a set of mental guardrails to protect yourself from getting too close to someone who simply isn't compatible with you. Consider this hypothetical scenario:
You're out in town and run into two different people within an hour. Both happen to be former colleagues—people you worked with for a while, weren't necessarily best friends, but you'd always say hello when you crossed paths. Here is how they both handle the encounter:

Person A: Heyyy! Long time no see! So, what's the news? Where are you working now? How's your girlfriend? Oh, you broke up? Yeah, I saw her a couple of days ago with some other guy... anyway, you're looking good—fit, you know? (Implies you've aged or lost your shape). Hey, want to grab a drink? I'd really love to catch up...

Person B: Hey man, good to see you. How have you been? Since you left, I haven't had anyone to bounce ideas off of regarding those home repairs I'm tackling. It's great bumping into you. I've had a lot going on lately—want to grab a beer?

The question is simple: which one are you grabbing a coffee with?

Honestly, I wouldn't bother with either of them 😬 ... they both seem like complete flakes 😵

Lawrence Bailey77 said:Honestly, I wouldn't bother with either of them 😬 ... they both seem like complete flakes 😵

These are just your textbook demographic samples😛
I honestly don't see it myself... especially with the second guy—the type who'll drown you in home installation issues and plumbing headaches. Prejudices can actually be quite useful, provided you wield them exactly how the manufacturer intended 😉

ambercrane722 said:Honestly, I don't buy into any of it either, and let's be real—I rarely feel any genuine love for anyone. Humanity is basically just a faulty product off a broken assembly line, and there isn't much you can do about it. Some people actually put in the work to fix themselves, while others just stay stuck, and man, I still have such a massive mountain of stuff left to learn and master myself.

I'm right there with you.😁
Actually, I think it’s pretty rare to find someone whose actual character makes them worth loving. Most people are just walking bundles of flaws—maybe they have one tiny, shiny little virtue tied to the top like a ribbon on a trash bag, hoping we won't notice the rest.

Benjamin Sanchez4 said:I'm right there with you.😁
Actually, I think it’s pretty rare to find someone whose actual character makes them worth loving. Most people are just walking bundles of flaws—maybe they have one tiny, shiny little virtue tied to the top like a ribbon on a trash bag, hoping we won't notice the rest.

Question:

Is this your definitive conclusion on how things ought to be—as in, do you think people shouldn't be loved, or is it more that you genuinely don't feel anything for anyone at all?

One more thing:

How does that actually tie back to mistrust? In my experience, I know plenty of people who hold deep suspicion toward someone yet still harbor intense feelings for them—or, if we're being honest, they love them simply because the alternative is hating them.

Brian Reed said:Question:

Is this your definitive conclusion on how things ought to be—as in, do you think people shouldn't be loved, or is it more that you genuinely don't feel anything for anyone at all?

One more thing:

How does that actually tie back to mistrust? In my experience, I know plenty of people who hold deep suspicion toward someone yet still harbor intense feelings for them—or, if we're being honest, they love them simply because the alternative is hating them.

Well, let’s just say I’m landing somewhere in the middle—I don't think people *should* be loved, mostly because genuine, wholehearted human beings are incredibly rare these days, and honestly, I just don't feel much for anyone anymore.
We all go through those life experiences that end up reshaping us, right? Mine changed me to the point where I don't see anything particularly worth admiring or loving to the point of self-sacrifice in "average" people—not to mention the terrible ones. I don't find myself romanticizing or sugarcoating anything. Basically, I don't love people because I refuse to idealize the most run-of-the-mill individuals, flaws and all, as if they were some kind of divine masterpiece.
That said, someone can still be a dear person to me or just plain likable—I might even feel a certain fondness there—but I'm not about developing deep friendships or romantic feelings until I've actually vetted them. I need to know who they really are, what they think, how they feel, and whether they're reliable when things aren't perfectly rosy for them or for me. That's the stuff I focus on.

Brian Reed said:Question:

Is this your definitive conclusion on how things ought to be—as in, do you think people shouldn't be loved, or is it more that you genuinely don't feel anything for anyone at all?

One more thing:

How does that actually tie back to mistrust? In my experience, I know plenty of people who hold deep suspicion toward someone yet still harbor intense feelings for them—or, if we're being honest, they love them simply because the alternative is hating them.

Personally, I prioritize comfort and stability in both friendship and romance. For me, it’s vital that I don't have to worry about someone suddenly flipping the script on me—taking me from something pleasant to something ugly, or from bad to downright disastrous.
Just the thought of someone shutting down my emotional capacity like that... it's not worth it.
And why would you even have distrust in the first place? Unless the other person is actively causing you mental, physical, or financial harm, or trying to con you by selling you some fairy tale about mutual love that's nothing but a scam.

To me, people who claim to "feel" deeply while having zero trust are a bit baffling—unless we're talking about jealousy.
It seems perfectly logical to me that if you don't trust someone, you simply don't want contact with them; it feels unnecessary to pretend you love them when you actually resent them. It just seems like overcomplicating things for no reason...

Brian Reed said:We really need to define what we mean by people here.
Are we talking about general social interaction—colleagues, acquaintances, or the casual crowds we run into daily—or are we talking about the struggle to find a tight-knit inner circle?

Because let's be real: I don't know anyone walking around with thirty "close" friends. Most people have somewhere between one and five—maybe six if they're lucky.
And I'm lost on this whole "toxic" and "fool" business.
The concept of "trust" escapes me too—are we talking about keeping secrets, where someone protects your information? What exactly does "trust" cover in this context?

Well, "people" basically refers to everyone else—you know, anyone who isn't part of our inner circle.
It’s pretty simple: you’ve got your close ones, and then there's everyone else
who didn't make the cut or just hasn't caught our interest enough to get close to.
Honestly, I bet most people who act untrustworthy look at the world through that exact same lens.

Constant distrust is just a learned habit that ends up sabotaging you instead of protecting you. It turns people into antisocial wrecks over time... How much "rationality" is actually there when someone looks at every single person as a potential backstabber? Maybe their life was actually full of people who turned out to be snakes, but wouldn't it make more sense to look at them with pity? To see them as lessons rather than enemies? Like they’re just clear, simple teaching moments that some people fail to grasp... Instead of seeing them as a necessity, people treat distrust like a bunker they have to hide in. Aren't these people just tests for your own character and how easily you can be manipulated? At the end of the day... even if you've been stabbed in the back a thousand times, nothing actually happened to you besides creating a uglier view of reality. You're still standing. You're fine. No actual wounds on your back. That phantom pain you feel is just a byproduct of the mental prison you built for yourself. Using pain as a warning sign for things happening elsewhere is honestly ridiculous, not painful. What's actually painful is being that former victim who decided to fight back by becoming the exact thing that hurt them... all just to feed their own ego. If you get stabbed, fine—hit back immediately. Take them down, bring them back, and finish the job. Then, just to stay safe, start slashing at random people who are totally normal. Just to keep your guard up. A vicious cycle...

ironrider11, it sounds like you're talking about social paranoia—though from what I can see, there are enough opportunists around here to back up your description.

My take isn't that everyone is inherently corrupt, degenerate, or worthless—that’s certainly not how I approach meeting new people.
But... we all have targets on our backs. Think of it less as a total lack of trust and more like having a filter—not quite a six-foot wall topped with boiling oil, but something similar.

I know plenty of great people, and they are far from perfect.

Brian Reed said:ironrider11, it sounds like you're talking about social paranoia—though from what I can see, there are enough opportunists around here to back up your description.

My take isn't that everyone is inherently corrupt, degenerate, or worthless—that’s certainly not how I approach meeting new people.
But... we all have targets on our backs. Think of it less as a total lack of trust and more like having a filter—not quite a six-foot wall topped with boiling oil, but something similar.

I know plenty of great people, and they are far from perfect.

I don't go into things with that kind of attitude either. In fact, most people actually think I'm pretty great based on how I react to them (pretty much as awesome as they think they are 🤣), but the truth is, I rarely—if ever—actually feel that way about anyone.
Maybe as I've gotten older, I've transitioned from being one of those dreamers who idealizes every mediocre or "just okay" person they cross paths with
into more of a rationalist who only really respects true perfection, or at least someone's genuine grit and their relentless pursuit of it.
And obviously, we're talking strictly about character and core personality traits here.