I don't trust anyone anymore...

Jeremy Garcia52... why do people lie? Honestly, I haven't got a clue (and I’m not talking about those little white lies), because eventually, the truth always comes out in the wash.
To me, lying is just an illusion used to project a better version of yourself to others—maybe even tricking yourself into believing it's real and permanent. If that's the case, I can wrap my head around why someone would bother.
But to intentionally deceive, hurt, and risk losing someone you actually care about forever? Personally, I wouldn't dare. But then again, there are all sorts of people out there. Clearly, those who live by lies aren't interested in being worthy of the truth; they're satisfied with crumbs and simply don't value the people involved.

At least, that's how I see it. When I find out about a major betrayal, it hurts like hell, but I don't show it. I know if someone is capable of lying to my face consistently, they aren't acting human, and they'll probably just "enjoy" seeing how much damage they've done if I let them see me bleed. I'd much rather just walk away from people like that and refuse to play the victim.

Still, we shouldn't let people like that stop us from believing in others.

Kevin Newman3 said:I actually have the exact opposite problem from you; I tend to trust almost everyone. Honestly, after dealing with three major betrayals by people close to me, I had to change my approach. At first, I viewed it as a form of psychological self-defense... but now, I’ve decided to give everyone my full trust upfront until they prove otherwise. Once they cross that line, though? I just indifferently cut them out of my life.
It’s a massive risk, sure—kind of like leaving a garden untended and hoping the weeds don't take over. But looking back at my life, I’ve realized I mostly run into wonderful people, and that positive side tends to outweigh the rest. Sure, you’re going to stumble upon some jerks along the way, but I refuse to label everyone else based on them or live in constant fear that history will repeat itself.

I don't want to live in fear. I’d rather give my absolute maximum trust to the people close to me, even if someone decides to weaponize it. If they do, I’ll just find the energy to get back up and keep believing in people with the same level of enthusiasm.
A lot of my inner circle tells me this isn't smart. They think you should treat people with suspicion until they've earned your confidence, but that’s just not how I operate. I can handle the fallout, no matter how much it hurts; I fall down, and then I get back up. I suspect people subconsciously figure out their own limits regarding how much of themselves they can give away. You eventually build your own natural defense mechanism through experience.

That’s just how I used to be... if only I hadn't changed...

Benjamin Sanchez4 said:That’s just how I used to be... if only I hadn't changed...

Honestly, I'm not sure which part is worse 😁. If you don't trust anyone, people sense that vibe, and they approach you with that same skepticism—which, in my experience, just creates a perfect storm for getting disappointed over and over again.

Are you more insulated from being hurt now? In the sense that you've learned to filter people out, or that you give them more time to actually prove they’re sincere and loyal...

Kevin Newman3 said:Jeremy Garcia52... why do people lie? Honestly, I haven't got a clue (and I’m not talking about those little white lies), because eventually, the truth always comes out in the wash.
To me, lying is just an illusion used to project a better version of yourself to others—maybe even tricking yourself into believing it's real and permanent. If that's the case, I can wrap my head around why someone would bother.
But to intentionally deceive, hurt, and risk losing someone you actually care about forever? Personally, I wouldn't dare. But then again, there are all sorts of people out there. Clearly, those who live by lies aren't interested in being worthy of the truth; they're satisfied with crumbs and simply don't value the people involved.

At least, that's how I see it. When I find out about a major betrayal, it hurts like hell, but I don't show it. I know if someone is capable of lying to my face consistently, they aren't acting human, and they'll probably just "enjoy" seeing how much damage they've done if I let them see me bleed. I'd much rather just walk away from people like that and refuse to play the victim.

Still, we shouldn't let people like that stop us from believing in others.

I still believe good people exist. In fact, I've spent the last year trying to become a better version of myself. I met this girl recently, and everything seemed great—she likes me, I like her, the whole deal. But I have this gut feeling she's lying to me. I can just sense it. I honestly can't wrap my head around why she would bother. We weren't even that close; we just grabbed coffee a few times. I guess I'll never truly understand you women. 😁 😁

Jeremy Garcia52 said:I still believe good people exist. In fact, I've spent the last year trying to become a better version of myself. I met this girl recently, and everything seemed great—she likes me, I like her, the whole deal. But I have this gut feeling she's lying to me. I can just sense it. I honestly can't wrap my head around why she would bother. We weren't even that close; we just grabbed coffee a few times. I guess I'll never truly understand you women. 😁 😁

You really have two ways to play this. Option one: stay quiet and just observe. Wait and see if your intuition actually holds up over time or if you're just overthinking things. Option two: once you get that feeling that she's being dishonest, test the waters. Ask her something specific about it and watch her reaction. If she starts getting uncomfortable or dodging your questions, you'll have your answer.

Once you've done that, follow up with the "why." Why the lie? Being honest will actually make you more attractive to her in the long run. Just disarm her.👍

Kevin Newman3 said:You really have two ways to play this. Option one: stay quiet and just observe. Wait and see if your intuition actually holds up over time or if you're just overthinking things. Option two: once you get that feeling that she's being dishonest, test the waters. Ask her something specific about it and watch her reaction. If she starts getting uncomfortable or dodging your questions, you'll have your answer.

Once you've done that, follow up with the "why." Why the lie? Being honest will actually make you more attractive to her in the long run. Just disarm her.👍

Thanks, 😁. Though, being a Taurus, patience isn't exactly my specialty. When I care about someone, I go all in—heart and soul.😁 And this girl really clicks with me; I could genuinely fall for her. I never thought I'd admit this, but I’m desperately hoping my intuition is wrong.

To get back to the main point: I used to be a much bigger believer in people, which inevitably led to disappointment. That's likely why I'm so guarded now. I learned my lesson when I was eighteen and trying to leave Canada. This guy seemed fine at first. Everything was cool. He suggested we travel together, thinking it would be easier than going solo. We agreed on $300 for border fees plus extra for the tickets and everything else. Before we left, I asked if he had the cash. He insisted he did. Then we hit the border, they cleared me, and told him to step aside. Turns out, he didn't have a dime. So, what am I supposed to do? Just walk away? Leave him stranded far from home? No chance.😵

Jeremy Garcia52 said:Thanks, 😁. Though, being a Taurus, patience isn't exactly my specialty. When I care about someone, I go all in—heart and soul.😁 And this girl really clicks with me; I could genuinely fall for her. I never thought I'd admit this, but I’m desperately hoping my intuition is wrong.

To get back to the main point: I used to be a much bigger believer in people, which inevitably led to disappointment. That's likely why I'm so guarded now. I learned my lesson when I was eighteen and trying to leave Canada. This guy seemed fine at first. Everything was cool. He suggested we travel together, thinking it would be easier than going solo. We agreed on $300 for border fees plus extra for the tickets and everything else. Before we left, I asked if he had the cash. He insisted he did. Then we hit the border, they cleared me, and told him to step aside. Turns out, he didn't have a dime. So, what am I supposed to do? Just walk away? Leave him stranded far from home? No chance.😵

My sincere advice? Try having an honest conversation with her to clear those doubts. You can't build a relationship—let alone fall in love—if you're constantly second-guessing her. I'm pulling for you. 👍

I’ve been played too, a few times. In the end, you just have to laugh at yourself. It’s all fine until you deal with a serious breach of trust from someone you actually care about; those kinds of scars don't just go away.

Bryan Hernandez9 said:I’m fine with people, I guess. Though if I'm being honest, most people are just inherently selfish... egotistical.

The thing I struggle with—or maybe it isn't even a struggle—is that I can talk to anyone about anything, but I never bother going deep.

Growing up in my house, we never touched on "serious" stuff. No talking about feelings or needs or whatever. Everything was strictly functional.
We were a good family. We loved each other and supported one another, but there was zero emotional display. No deep talks, nothing like that.

I don't recall ever telling my parents or my sister that I love them, and they never said it to me. Not since I was a little kid, maybe before kindergarten.

It wasn't a thing in our house, but in America, you'd think it's just assumed. Even when we fought, it was like that.

And it's not just my family. I'm like this with everyone. I'm talking about close friends, people I've known since childhood or my inner circle now. Certain topics are just off-limits. That's just how it is. Even if I wanted to change it, I couldn't. Honestly, most of the time, I don't even want to.

I suppose it would be more useful if I could actually open up instead of bottling everything inside, but if I haven't figured it out by now, I doubt I ever will.

Is it a trust issue? Like, I don't trust anyone, or is it just a learned behavior where certain subjects are simply ignored?

I live my life just fine this way. It works. But sometimes I wonder if things eventually have to come out. And if they don't, where do they go? My health?

I find myself in the exact same boat. Our conversations revolve entirely around work—who worked harder, who accomplished what. Every single meal ends in some trivial, senseless argument, only for us to end up back together again shortly after.

Carol Sullivan said:I stopped trusting people a long time ago. Now, it’s strictly my immediate family or nobody at all.
It isn't just about doubting what people say. I find myself constantly reading between the lines, dissecting their actions and reactions. No matter how crazy it sounds, I always end up spotting the cracks...
Don't get me wrong, I'm not looking for perfection. I know nobody is perfect—I certainly am not.
But I look for basic decency. A shred of genuine goodness. And yet, I always end up disappointed by the sheer amount of greed and envy that slips through in even the smallest comments or gestures.
People probably think I’m some kind of perfectionist or a nitpicker. Maybe. But honestly, I’m just exhausted by everyone trying so hard to curate this flawless image of themselves. My contact list has dwindled down to just a few names because I simply don't have the energy to hunt for the best in people anymore... especially when I'd rather be alone than settle for fake connections just to avoid loneliness.
I used to be very social. I have my flaws, sure... but if I make a promise, I keep it. That seems to be a rare commodity these days. When I give an opinion, I’m brutally honest. I say what I mean. I think that's why my circle is so small—very few people actually want to hear the truth, and even fewer truly care about others... at least not in the way I do.

How do you view people? Do you trust too easily? If so, why? If not, why not?

You're thinking clearly. 👍
You can't trust anyone these days.

Aside from your parents, there's no such thing as unconditional love. 👍
Everyone else is just looking for an angle. 🍿

"You can't trust anyone these days," you say...?

That sentiment has probably been echoing through history for tens of thousands of years...
Back when man could actually put his full faith in another human being...
Do you know when that was?
Never.
It’s always been a gamble you just had to take.
That’s why religions were established—though they eventually went completely off the rails—all based on that same core idea: preventing man from becoming a wolf to his fellow man.
In the end, human nature won out...
Oh, if you only knew how ridiculous we truly are....☕

redbear2 said:So, what went wrong? 🍿

The "friend" who kept saying, "Trust me! I would never hurt you..."

They didn't just hurt me; they completely wrecked my life.

Carol Sullivan said:I stopped trusting people a long time ago. Now, it’s strictly my immediate family or nobody at all.
It isn't just about doubting what people say. I find myself constantly reading between the lines, dissecting their actions and reactions. No matter how crazy it sounds, I always end up spotting the cracks...
Don't get me wrong, I'm not looking for perfection. I know nobody is perfect—I certainly am not.
But I look for basic decency. A shred of genuine goodness. And yet, I always end up disappointed by the sheer amount of greed and envy that slips through in even the smallest comments or gestures.
People probably think I’m some kind of perfectionist or a nitpicker. Maybe. But honestly, I’m just exhausted by everyone trying so hard to curate this flawless image of themselves. My contact list has dwindled down to just a few names because I simply don't have the energy to hunt for the best in people anymore... especially when I'd rather be alone than settle for fake connections just to avoid loneliness.
I used to be very social. I have my flaws, sure... but if I make a promise, I keep it. That seems to be a rare commodity these days. When I give an opinion, I’m brutally honest. I say what I mean. I think that's why my circle is so small—very few people actually want to hear the truth, and even fewer truly care about others... at least not in the way I do.

How do you view people? Do you trust too easily? If so, why? If not, why not?

I'm in the exact same boat.

I don’t think anyone has ever truly screwed me over—though, honestly, who really knows what’s going on deep in the subconscious?—but when it comes down to handling something sensitive, I just can't bring myself to trust anyone else.
It’s a simple thing, really; it feels much easier to just mess things up myself than to deal with the fallout of someone else botching the job.
Given that my career path involves working closely with people, this might actually turn into a bit of a headache for me, because let’s face it, one person can't possibly get everything done alone, and the whole point of a system isn't to have one guy doing all the heavy lifting.
So, how can I help myself?

Kate Hill3 said:I don’t think anyone has ever truly screwed me over—though, honestly, who really knows what’s going on deep in the subconscious?—but when it comes down to handling something sensitive, I just can't bring myself to trust anyone else.
It’s a simple thing, really; it feels much easier to just mess things up myself than to deal with the fallout of someone else botching the job.
Given that my career path involves working closely with people, this might actually turn into a bit of a headache for me, because let’s face it, one person can't possibly get everything done alone, and the whole point of a system isn't to have one guy doing all the heavy lifting.
So, how can I help myself?

Talking about your future career, huh? 😁
Look... just try doing the opposite for once. Decide to hand the responsibility over to someone else and see what happens.
It's not like you fell from the sky or anything, and you definitely aren't gonna save the world.
Everyone needs to own their own damn tasks.
And stop stressing out about problems that haven't even happened yet. 😛

Personally, I don't trust people anymore either. It’s been incredibly disappointing.

However, there is one solid conclusion I can draw from my own experiences regarding all of this.
People act fake, mostly because they are afraid. I've realized that being authentic just isn't always the easiest path.
I have always tried to be honest; I never wanted to be just another face in the crowd following the herd.

That said, trying to claim a moral victory based on your honesty isn't always the best strategy.
People lack empathy for it; everyone seems to think they are playing God.

I'm nearly 30 years old, and I still struggle to come to terms with it.
You should stay true to yourself, sure, but how do you find that perfect balance where you aren't hurting anyone?

Whether it's in your career, your love life, or your friendships...
I dealt with this specifically at work, mostly because I was surrounded by idiots.
There are people who think they have the right to say whatever they want to you, but then they shut down when you try to address the issue. Look, if I'm not your cup of tea, don't get so close to me—nobody is forcing you.

We all have the right to choose, but in my case, it felt like I didn't.
So, it would have been better to just stay quiet rather than voicing my HONEST opinions.

And that is why people are the way they are....

I don't trust anyone, either. But I've learned that it's often easier to play the part (since those people tend to get by better) than to be truthful. People don't actually like honest people, no matter how much they claim to value it.

Jerry Bishop4 said:I learned the exact same thing growing up. People just don't like hearing the truth.
Whenever I'm blunt, people tell me I sound harsh.
But if what I'm saying is logical and true, 😲 they still hate hearing it—whether it's about themselves, me, or anyone else.

If you don't expect anything from people, you won't end up getting screwed over. 😳

It’s a depressing reality—most people have egos so fragile they physically cannot process certain truths.
I steer clear of those types entirely or keep them at arm's length with nothing but surface-level small talk. 🕺

Someone mentioned somewhere that when people stop trusting anyone, it's either because they were burned badly or because they're the ones playing games and lying.
I think that hits the nail on the head. ☕
I remember an old friend who turned into a total roommate type—someone who lived a double life through constant, elaborate lies. He was actually quite good at it.
He made a point of keeping everyone at a distance, but once he let his guard down with me, I saw just how deep the deception went.

I wasn't even angry; I just felt sorry for him.
He thought he was some big-shot celebrity, but he wasn't exactly at the top of the food chain.
There are plenty of much more successful people out there, so I suspect he used those lies to mask a massive inferiority complex.
He was fun to be around, sure, but the lying eventually killed any desire to hang out. There's zero point in investing time in someone you can't trust.

To be fair, I occasionally sugarcoat things myself, but then I get paranoid that the truth will come out. Even if it's just trivial stuff, my brain imagines the fallout being way more brutal than it actually would be.

I could never be a full-blown liar; the guilt would eat me alive, making it impossible to look anyone in the eye.

So, I stick to those tiny, "necessary" white lies—like making an excuse because I don't feel like going out, or saying I'm running late, or declining to lend out my favorite sweater.

You can't build a solid relationship on a foundation of lies. In my book, dishonesty is even worse than jealousy. 👎

crimsonsurfer2 said:It’s a depressing reality—most people have egos so fragile they physically cannot process certain truths.
I steer clear of those types entirely or keep them at arm's length with nothing but surface-level small talk. 🕺

Someone mentioned somewhere that when people stop trusting anyone, it's either because they were burned badly or because they're the ones playing games and lying.
I think that hits the nail on the head. ☕
I remember an old friend who turned into a total roommate type—someone who lived a double life through constant, elaborate lies. He was actually quite good at it.
He made a point of keeping everyone at a distance, but once he let his guard down with me, I saw just how deep the deception went.

I wasn't even angry; I just felt sorry for him.
He thought he was some big-shot celebrity, but he wasn't exactly at the top of the food chain.
There are plenty of much more successful people out there, so I suspect he used those lies to mask a massive inferiority complex.
He was fun to be around, sure, but the lying eventually killed any desire to hang out. There's zero point in investing time in someone you can't trust.

To be fair, I occasionally sugarcoat things myself, but then I get paranoid that the truth will come out. Even if it's just trivial stuff, my brain imagines the fallout being way more brutal than it actually would be.

I could never be a full-blown liar; the guilt would eat me alive, making it impossible to look anyone in the eye.

So, I stick to those tiny, "necessary" white lies—like making an excuse because I don't feel like going out, or saying I'm running late, or declining to lend out my favorite sweater.

You can't build a solid relationship on a foundation of lies. In my book, dishonesty is even worse than jealousy. 👎

I just don't buy it. I don't trust anyone besides my own mother, but I would never dream of deceiving someone, nor have I been burned badly enough to be dwelling on it right now.
Here is what I actually believe:
I am incredibly good at reading people. People can spout so much garbage and lies every single day that you almost instinctively start feeling skeptical the second someone begins talking—especially when they start bragging or acting superior.

By all means, skepticism is healthy. But there is a certain bitterness when people let you down, especially when you were the one who failed them first. Does that mean we should stop trusting altogether? Why do we blindly follow a doctor's diagnosis, a preacher’s sermon on divinity, or the massive corporations that supply our groceries? I won't bother listing every single one; I assume the point is clear enough.

No matter how you slice it, people will disappoint you—myself included. What can one even do about it? Eventually, someone else will step up. We consciously choose to trust the influence of alcohol, the convenience of a McDonald's meal, or the nicotine in a cigarette. We continue to flood our systems with these toxins, knowing they are slowly, surely destroying us and leading us toward serious illness.

People come and go. A handful might stay until the end. Some become mere memories; others serve as lessons to ensure we don't repeat the same mistakes. As the years climb, the number of friends inevitably drops. In the end, less truly is more. Learn to find contentment within yourself.

I spend hours alone, lost in music, hiking through the woods, riding my bike, or reading a few chapters of a book. We are creatures wired to crave attention, emotion, and companionship. But there is no need to chase those things desperately. We live for ourselves, not for anyone else. Those who want to be in our lives will be; those who don't will leave. It is simply the result of our conflicts, our differences, or just life itself.