I don't trust anyone anymore...

Brian Reed said:ironrider11, it sounds like you're talking about social paranoia—though from what I can see, there are enough opportunists around here to back up your description.

My take isn't that everyone is inherently corrupt, degenerate, or worthless—that’s certainly not how I approach meeting new people.
But... we all have targets on our backs. Think of it less as a total lack of trust and more like having a filter—not quite a six-foot wall topped with boiling oil, but something similar.

I know plenty of great people, and they are far from perfect.

So, what actually makes someone "excellent" in your book?
In your opinion, anyway.
I can't just look at one or two little traits and decide someone's an excellent person—it’s gotta be like ninety percent virtue, right?

Benjamin Sanchez4 said:So, what actually makes someone "excellent" in your book?
In your opinion, anyway.
I can't just look at one or two little traits and decide someone's an excellent person—it’s gotta be like ninety percent virtue, right?

It’s their lack of conflict that makes them excellent—we solve everything through communication, even when we hold completely opposing views, lifestyles, interests, political leanings, or musical tastes. In short: tolerance.

It isn't about their individual traits; it's about how much of their "flaws" you can stomach just so they'll tolerate yours.
Unless you're perfect... and if you are, you're in a pretty tight spot on this planet.😉

Brian Reed said:It’s their lack of conflict that makes them excellent—we solve everything through communication, even when we hold completely opposing views, lifestyles, interests, political leanings, or musical tastes. In short: tolerance.

It isn't about their individual traits; it's about how much of their "flaws" you can stomach just so they'll tolerate yours.
Unless you're perfect... and if you are, you're in a pretty tight spot on this planet.😉

Man, honestly? Over the last few years, I’ve mostly just been tolerating my own flaws—or rather, the ones we share. It always seems to end up where people don't bother trying to be "perfectly" moral or whatever, because most folks don't care about that, and frankly, it's just not natural.
I used to be blind to everyone else's issues, but now that I've actually opened my eyes a bit, even the smallest stuff starts getting under my skin.

So, what is it that draws you to people who have completely different views and tastes?
Personally, I'm attracted to people who share my tastes, my beliefs, and even my virtues and vices.
Usually, I find myself drawn to someone who reminds me of my old self—you know, like that mom type who's constantly trying to teach her kids a lesson. 🤣

Brian Reed said:ironrider11, it sounds like you're talking about social paranoia—though from what I can see, there are enough opportunists around here to back up your description.

My take isn't that everyone is inherently corrupt, degenerate, or worthless—that’s certainly not how I approach meeting new people.
But... we all have targets on our backs. Think of it less as a total lack of trust and more like having a filter—not quite a six-foot wall topped with boiling oil, but something similar.

I know plenty of great people, and they are far from perfect.

Honestly, it’s starting to feel more and more like I am talking about social paranoia. It's just that the logic behind everything still doesn't quite click for me. It's not like you need to be calculating every single move—hiding one mask behind another... or treating everyone exactly the same. Because if you let your guard down, you might find the FBI or the Gestapo knocking at your door tomorrow. We're all a little twisted or broken, whether we mean to be or not. Since we all have targets on our backs, we all carry a knife in our pockets too. That lack of trust? It drives both how we accept things and how we strike. If civilized primates ever run out of resources... well, it becomes pretty damn likely you'll need something handy to cause serious damage. This whole ego thing is just a play for dominance through petty jabs, except it's all just "virtual" constructs that turned from a habit into an obsession for everyone. Who actually has enough free time to waste brainpower obsessing over what other people are feeling? Feelings that... well, they sting like a raw nerve. And anyone who doesn't know what a raw nerve feels like... maybe they just don't get it...............

One should surround themselves with a small but high-quality circle of people and just get on with things... It works for me. You learn exactly who is worth your trust and who is merely passing through, plain and simple. 🙂

Benjamin Sanchez4 said:Man, honestly? Over the last few years, I’ve mostly just been tolerating my own flaws—or rather, the ones we share. It always seems to end up where people don't bother trying to be "perfectly" moral or whatever, because most folks don't care about that, and frankly, it's just not natural.
I used to be blind to everyone else's issues, but now that I've actually opened my eyes a bit, even the smallest stuff starts getting under my skin.

So, what is it that draws you to people who have completely different views and tastes?
Personally, I'm attracted to people who share my tastes, my beliefs, and even my virtues and vices.
Usually, I find myself drawn to someone who reminds me of my old self—you know, like that mom type who's constantly trying to teach her kids a lesson. 🤣

Does this "enlightenment" just mean spotting their flaws, or are you actually digging into why they exist?

Opposites attract me—simple as that. It's pure curiosity. 🙂

ironrider11 said:Honestly, it’s starting to feel more and more like I am talking about social paranoia. It's just that the logic behind everything still doesn't quite click for me. It's not like you need to be calculating every single move—hiding one mask behind another... or treating everyone exactly the same. Because if you let your guard down, you might find the FBI or the Gestapo knocking at your door tomorrow. We're all a little twisted or broken, whether we mean to be or not. Since we all have targets on our backs, we all carry a knife in our pockets too. That lack of trust? It drives both how we accept things and how we strike. If civilized primates ever run out of resources... well, it becomes pretty damn likely you'll need something handy to cause serious damage. This whole ego thing is just a play for dominance through petty jabs, except it's all just "virtual" constructs that turned from a habit into an obsession for everyone. Who actually has enough free time to waste brainpower obsessing over what other people are feeling? Feelings that... well, they sting like a raw nerve. And anyone who doesn't know what a raw nerve feels like... maybe they just don't get it...............

Little kids? Everyone else has taken a hit at least once.

If a virus fries your PC, you've got a few paths—you can crank the firewall to the max and lose all internet access just to feel safe, or you can dial it back, stay exposed, and rely on an antivirus while watching your step. If you truly don't care about the hardware, you just wipe the drive and reinstall everything if the machine survived.
The logic applies to people too—everyone has to weigh their own risks against their capabilities and set their boundaries accordingly. There’s no one-size-fits-all solution.

I trust people, and then they just screw me over. Then I’m left thinking, "Yeah, you're an idiot for believing them," as if that helps anything. So this is how it goes: the ones who can't find a way to rip me off just leave, while I know perfectly well the others were just looking for an opening to play me.

rowdypanther said:I trust people, and then they just screw me over. Then I’m left thinking, "Yeah, you're an idiot for believing them," as if that helps anything. So this is how it goes: the ones who can't find a way to rip me off just leave, while I know perfectly well the others were just looking for an opening to play me.

Ants go crazy for sugar; they'll dive headfirst into it. They aren't ever going to bother chewing on plastic.

rowdypanther said:I trust people, and then they just screw me over. Then I’m left thinking, "Yeah, you're an idiot for believing them," as if that helps anything. So this is how it goes: the ones who can't find a way to rip me off just leave, while I know perfectly well the others were just looking for an opening to play me.

Look, I believe in people too. I think it's possible to find some good in them, but when you're naive, you get hit hard. I've screwed myself over so many times by believing in possibilities that work for me but somehow don't work for them... I keep wondering why things seem doable on my end, but for them, it's a different story. Instead of them playing me, I'm usually just out here screwing myself over...😵

ironrider11 said:Look, I believe in people too. I think it's possible to find some good in them, but when you're naive, you get hit hard. I've screwed myself over so many times by believing in possibilities that work for me but somehow don't work for them... I keep wondering why things seem doable on my end, but for them, it's a different story. Instead of them playing me, I'm usually just out here screwing myself over...😵

So, what specific possibilities were you banking on that others didn't see? 🍿

I’m fine with people, I guess. Though if I'm being honest, most people are just inherently selfish... egotistical.

The thing I struggle with—or maybe it isn't even a struggle—is that I can talk to anyone about anything, but I never bother going deep.

Growing up in my house, we never touched on "serious" stuff. No talking about feelings or needs or whatever. Everything was strictly functional.
We were a good family. We loved each other and supported one another, but there was zero emotional display. No deep talks, nothing like that.

I don't recall ever telling my parents or my sister that I love them, and they never said it to me. Not since I was a little kid, maybe before kindergarten.

It wasn't a thing in our house, but in America, you'd think it's just assumed. Even when we fought, it was like that.

And it's not just my family. I'm like this with everyone. I'm talking about close friends, people I've known since childhood or my inner circle now. Certain topics are just off-limits. That's just how it is. Even if I wanted to change it, I couldn't. Honestly, most of the time, I don't even want to.

I suppose it would be more useful if I could actually open up instead of bottling everything inside, but if I haven't figured it out by now, I doubt I ever will.

Is it a trust issue? Like, I don't trust anyone, or is it just a learned behavior where certain subjects are simply ignored?

I live my life just fine this way. It works. But sometimes I wonder if things eventually have to come out. And if they don't, where do they go? My health?

I’ve always been incredibly cautious when it comes to people. When I was younger, I used to be far too trusting—it was almost naive, really. But today? That’s a completely different story. Fortunately, the passing years have gifted me with enough experience to quickly size someone up and figure out exactly who I’m dealing with. In principle, I rarely miss the mark; at least, I don't miss by much. I have absolutely no trouble reading a person's true colors in a very short amount of time, which tells me exactly what I can expect from them.

I have this friend who just doesn't trust anyone. Honestly, she’s one of the most exhausting people I’ve ever met—paranoia is basically her middle name. It got to the point where I started avoiding her, and from what I hear, everyone else is doing the same thing. She’s constantly convinced someone is going to scam her, rob her, smash her car in a Target parking lot, kidnap her kid, or that some coworker is plotting to get her fired... it’s unreal!

Seriously guys, just relax. Whatever happens, happens.

Most people don't give a damn about you anyway; they're way too busy worrying about themselves.

I actually have the exact opposite problem from you; I tend to trust almost everyone. Honestly, after dealing with three major betrayals by people close to me, I had to change my approach. At first, I viewed it as a form of psychological self-defense... but now, I’ve decided to give everyone my full trust upfront until they prove otherwise. Once they cross that line, though? I just indifferently cut them out of my life.
It’s a massive risk, sure—kind of like leaving a garden untended and hoping the weeds don't take over. But looking back at my life, I’ve realized I mostly run into wonderful people, and that positive side tends to outweigh the rest. Sure, you’re going to stumble upon some jerks along the way, but I refuse to label everyone else based on them or live in constant fear that history will repeat itself.

I don't want to live in fear. I’d rather give my absolute maximum trust to the people close to me, even if someone decides to weaponize it. If they do, I’ll just find the energy to get back up and keep believing in people with the same level of enthusiasm.
A lot of my inner circle tells me this isn't smart. They think you should treat people with suspicion until they've earned your confidence, but that’s just not how I operate. I can handle the fallout, no matter how much it hurts; I fall down, and then I get back up. I suspect people subconsciously figure out their own limits regarding how much of themselves they can give away. You eventually build your own natural defense mechanism through experience.

People are just a corrupt bunch—dirty and mean. If you actually listen to them, you’re basically asking for trouble. 😁

So, a buddy of mine and I were grabbing drinks when he starts telling us this wild story about how he went over to some guy's house, and before the owner could even get a word out, the dude just pulls a gun on him, grins, and calls him a little punk.
Honestly, I didn't buy a single word of it because the guy has always given me the vibe that he’s a total pathological liar.
Fast forward a few months, and that same buddy—the one who was right there listening to the original story—comes up to me with the exact same setup, but in his version, *he* was the one who walked into the house and got shot at! 😁

Greetings. I originally intended to start a new thread titled why do people lie, but I suppose this will suffice. I used to be far too trusting of everyone around me. Specifically, my old neighborhood crew back in Chicago. In the end, they betrayed me so thoroughly that I ended up leaving the country entirely; frankly, I'm disgusted by the whole thing, and even more so by my own past. We’d sit around grabbing coffee together, yet they’d laugh behind my back when I stumbled—then, once I finally made something of myself, suddenly they were acting like brothers who would die for me. I look them in the eye now and I just know they're lying. That is precisely why I walked away from everything. Furthermore, the woman I loved deeply lied to my face... I honestly cannot wrap my head around that compulsion to deceive. It's absurd. If things are going to be this way, then just say it. But truly, I cannot fathom the need for dishonesty; I can't seem to shake it from my mind. I would appreciate hearing your thoughts on this. Is the cause my own excessive naivety, or is there some other underlying reason why people love to lie? Cheers. 😁

why do people lie? because they feel worthless—or at least, that’s how they see themselves. it's just their way of trying to grab some kind of control through manipulation, even if it's totally fake.

Carol Sullivan said:I stopped trusting people a long time ago. Now, it’s strictly my immediate family or nobody at all.
It isn't just about doubting what people say. I find myself constantly reading between the lines, dissecting their actions and reactions. No matter how crazy it sounds, I always end up spotting the cracks...
Don't get me wrong, I'm not looking for perfection. I know nobody is perfect—I certainly am not.
But I look for basic decency. A shred of genuine goodness. And yet, I always end up disappointed by the sheer amount of greed and envy that slips through in even the smallest comments or gestures.
People probably think I’m some kind of perfectionist or a nitpicker. Maybe. But honestly, I’m just exhausted by everyone trying so hard to curate this flawless image of themselves. My contact list has dwindled down to just a few names because I simply don't have the energy to hunt for the best in people anymore... especially when I'd rather be alone than settle for fake connections just to avoid loneliness.
I used to be very social. I have my flaws, sure... but if I make a promise, I keep it. That seems to be a rare commodity these days. When I give an opinion, I’m brutally honest. I say what I mean. I think that's why my circle is so small—very few people actually want to hear the truth, and even fewer truly care about others... at least not in the way I do.

How do you view people? Do you trust too easily? If so, why? If not, why not?

Stay cautious, but stick to being honest. It's the only way you'll actually attract people who think like you do.