When is "being polite" just too much?

Matthew Adams4 said:Honestly, I rarely get sad or angry—maybe a couple times a month tops. And even then, I try my best not to take it out on people who didn't do anything wrong. I save my attitude for the people actually causing the drama, whenever I can help it. Besides, feeling crappy doesn't stop me from being polite, unless it's to the exact person I'm annoyed with.

Reading through these threads, it feels like you guys think it's abnormal if you don't have something making you miserable every single day. 😢

But in reality, that's exactly how it works.
That doesn't mean you have to be spiraling into extreme rage or deep depression.

At some point during the day, you might get annoyed, but then it passes; it's fleeting.
Or you feel a moment of sadness or disappointment, but again, it's just a momentary thing.

The people who push through those moments pretending nothing happened? They’re just bottling things up and turning themselves into ticking time bombs.

I honestly don't get why you and people like you assume that feeling anger automatically means reacting negatively.

It doesn't have to.
If you're angry, you can channel that fire into a stubborn persistence that actually drives you toward success.

It honestly drives me up the wall when people take their anger out on someone who didn't do a single thing wrong. You know the type—someone gets ticked off by some random stranger halfway across town, and then they turn around and dump all that negativity right on you. It’s just so incredibly distasteful. Wouldn't it be much better if they just channeled that energy into being kind or helpful instead? Honestly, people with that kind of temper would be much better off sticking to acting polite rather than constantly harassing everyone around them just to show off their "true colors."

I have such an affinity for kind-hearted people—those folks who actually go out of their way to say hello, strike up a conversation, or offer a helping hand. They have this way of making you feel relaxed and genuinely friendly, and I always find myself wanting to be around people like that.🙂

Well, this is a great topic. I struggle with this constantly!! 😁

Basically, I’m far too helpful and accommodating. I tend to feel bad when I see someone struggling with something that I know I could handle much more easily, so I often just take over. Or if someone lacks a ride and I have my car ready to go, I figure, why not give them a lift? The issue arises once people get used to it. You offer them a finger, and they demand the whole hand. I usually tolerate it for a while, thinking maybe things will improve. They rarely do. Eventually, I just snap, tell them exactly how pathetic they're being, and cut them off.

Most people seem to be this way. Then there are the people I've known for a long time—those I try not to be overly helpful toward, or those I don't know well enough to bother with—who look at me like something is clearly wrong with my head because I occasionally lose it on people. I'll drive a friend somewhere and then end up snapping at them; imagine that. God help me. I honestly can't tell who the crazy one is here.

The other day, I was getting off a subway train and there was an inspector on board. A girl stepped on, and I stood next to her for just a second and whispered that the inspector was there, AND SHE LOOKED AT ME LIKE I WAS TRASH. As if I had any right to assume she didn't have a pass or wasn't a decent citizen of Washington, D.C.

And whenever I mention that I despise society and people, I'm labeled as conceited. It's probably because people find themselves described in my posts.

When I gave my "friend" a little something for her birthday last time, she looked at me like I’d just handed her a bag of trash. Honestly, it was such a look—like she was thinking, "Oh, look at her putting on a performance." It really makes you lose faith in people sometimes, doesn't it? It feels like the better you treat someone, the worse they decide to act toward you. I’ve always had a low tolerance for anything forced or fake, and I can't stand when people are being overly performative, but there's a huge difference between being insincere and simply offering a genuine gesture of kindness. To me, judging a kind act as mere "acting" is just wrong.

Steven Smith16 said:Well, this is a great topic. I struggle with this constantly!! 😁

Basically, I’m far too helpful and accommodating. I tend to feel bad when I see someone struggling with something that I know I could handle much more easily, so I often just take over. Or if someone lacks a ride and I have my car ready to go, I figure, why not give them a lift? The issue arises once people get used to it. You offer them a finger, and they demand the whole hand. I usually tolerate it for a while, thinking maybe things will improve. They rarely do. Eventually, I just snap, tell them exactly how pathetic they're being, and cut them off.

Most people seem to be this way. Then there are the people I've known for a long time—those I try not to be overly helpful toward, or those I don't know well enough to bother with—who look at me like something is clearly wrong with my head because I occasionally lose it on people. I'll drive a friend somewhere and then end up snapping at them; imagine that. God help me. I honestly can't tell who the crazy one is here.

The other day, I was getting off a subway train and there was an inspector on board. A girl stepped on, and I stood next to her for just a second and whispered that the inspector was there, AND SHE LOOKED AT ME LIKE I WAS TRASH. As if I had any right to assume she didn't have a pass or wasn't a decent citizen of Washington, D.C.

And whenever I mention that I despise society and people, I'm labeled as conceited. It's probably because people find themselves described in my posts.

One really ought to distinguish between being polite and being overly accommodating.
They aren't quite the same thing...
Essentially, anything taken to an extreme ceases to be a virtue.
The discussion has already touched upon excessive politeness, but being overly helpful is usually a symptom of either a desperate need for external validation or an excess of empathy—which, while positive, can trigger an irrational urge to intervene everywhere. Not everyone is equipped to receive help; some view it as a sign of weakness and will move to exploit it. This leads directly to that resentment you described: the anger directed at the very person you assisted.
Regarding that second bolded sentiment in your post (your disdain for people), it suggests you haven't yet found the equilibrium between being (overly) helpful and being avoidant.
There is no madness involved here.
To put it more colorfully, you are simply searching for your footing... learning how to 😉
Don't worry; eventually, people learn to make objective judgments and act with a bit more rationality... 🙂

silverhawk9 said:When I gave my "friend" a little something for her birthday last time, she looked at me like I’d just handed her a bag of trash. Honestly, it was such a look—like she was thinking, "Oh, look at her putting on a performance." It really makes you lose faith in people sometimes, doesn't it? It feels like the better you treat someone, the worse they decide to act toward you. I’ve always had a low tolerance for anything forced or fake, and I can't stand when people are being overly performative, but there's a huge difference between being insincere and simply offering a genuine gesture of kindness. To me, judging a kind act as mere "acting" is just wrong.

If this friend wasn't expecting a gift from you in the first place, she might have simply been caught off guard—surprised, even—and her reaction may have had nothing to do with what you perceived. However, if she failed to respond with even a modicum of decency, then that isn't a reflection of your character, but rather hers.
Don't waste your energy overthinking it.
You certainly won't be buying her anything ever again... though that shouldn't stop you from being generous toward others if that's just who you are.
The entire issue here hinges on excessive politeness, not simple, everyday courtesy.

I went to this training seminar last week with some foreigners, and honestly, most of them were just pathologically polite. By the end of the week, everyone was completely wiped out and basically bolted for the exit. We didn't really make any actual connections or anything. It makes me wonder what the point even was. I guess maybe it would’ve been better if they had all just shown up pissed off. Maybe then people would have actually been honest and we might have actually gotten to know each other. 🤷 🤷

There was this one girl there who just wouldn't stop smiling. Like, she had this ear-to-ear grin the entire time she was talking, without ever breaking character. She never once used a serious tone. I don't think I've ever seen anything like it in my life. 🤷
At first, I thought she was nice, but after a while, it just felt exhausting and totally fake.
Now I'm sitting here wondering if people like that actually have some kind of issue. Like a fear of showing real emotions or how others might react. 🤔

goldenmaker21 said:Personally, I've always gravitated toward those people; most of them ended up becoming solid friends I can actually rely on. They seem like the most sincere ones because they aren't hiding anything.
People who are faking it or acting "fake" usually reveal themselves pretty quickly once you hang out a few times and the politeness wears off.
Cold, reserved people always turn me off, and I tend to avoid them. It's hard to build any kind of connection with someone who can't relax around me from the start; if we can't get past basic pleasantries, what's the point?

I don't get it. You're saying the ones putting on an act (I assume you mean the overly polite types) are fake, and you only become friends with the genuinely blunt ones.
But then you say you won't even give those cold people a chance. 🤔

Aren't those reserved people actually more honest? Like, maybe more honest than the polite ones. I mean, how can you really be polite to someone when you don't even know them? 🤷

silverhawk9 said:It honestly drives me up the wall when people take their anger out on someone who didn't do a single thing wrong. You know the type—someone gets ticked off by some random stranger halfway across town, and then they turn around and dump all that negativity right on you. It’s just so incredibly distasteful. Wouldn't it be much better if they just channeled that energy into being kind or helpful instead? Honestly, people with that kind of temper would be much better off sticking to acting polite rather than constantly harassing everyone around them just to show off their "true colors."

I have such an affinity for kind-hearted people—those folks who actually go out of their way to say hello, strike up a conversation, or offer a helping hand. They have this way of making you feel relaxed and genuinely friendly, and I always find myself wanting to be around people like that.🙂

I agree. I'm not a fan of extremes, including people losing their cool like that.
But don't you think those overly polite types—the ones you don't actually know well—can be just as annoying with that constant, forced enthusiasm? 😁

Jerry Ramos90 said:I went to this training seminar last week with some foreigners, and honestly, most of them were just pathologically polite. By the end of the week, everyone was completely wiped out and basically bolted for the exit. We didn't really make any actual connections or anything. It makes me wonder what the point even was. I guess maybe it would’ve been better if they had all just shown up pissed off. Maybe then people would have actually been honest and we might have actually gotten to know each other. 🤷 🤷

There was this one girl there who just wouldn't stop smiling. Like, she had this ear-to-ear grin the entire time she was talking, without ever breaking character. She never once used a serious tone. I don't think I've ever seen anything like it in my life. 🤷
At first, I thought she was nice, but after a while, it just felt exhausting and totally fake.
Now I'm sitting here wondering if people like that actually have some kind of issue. Like a fear of showing real emotions or how others might react. 🤔

That is simply a specific brand of professional "politeness"—never sincere, purely rehearsed; a smile you can switch on and off like a light switch.😂 And meanwhile, they just keep grinding away... with people like that, you always have to look them straight in the eye; you won't find a shred of warmth or truth there.
It’s a very specific type of behavior that feels foreign to us, which is why it stands out so much—though, admittedly, we've started seeing it more often here in the States too...
The Germans actually have a term for it: *Honigsüß*—honey-sweet. You see it all the time with certain American politicians or preachers...

Jeffrey Fisher5 said:If this friend wasn't expecting a gift from you in the first place, she might have simply been caught off guard—surprised, even—and her reaction may have had nothing to do with what you perceived. However, if she failed to respond with even a modicum of decency, then that isn't a reflection of your character, but rather hers.
Don't waste your energy overthinking it.
You certainly won't be buying her anything ever again... though that shouldn't stop you from being generous toward others if that's just who you are.
The entire issue here hinges on excessive politeness, not simple, everyday courtesy.

Personally, I'm the type of person who loves giving even a small token to my friends on their birthdays. I never expect anything in return, nor do I keep a mental tally of who owes me what. But honestly, when I look back at how she reacted, I can't help but feel like she thought I was trying to buy her friendship. I've kept some distance since then because I never want things to feel transactional like that. It feels like no matter what I do, it's somehow wrong.😢😢

Jerry Ramos90 said:I agree. I'm not a fan of extremes, including people losing their cool like that.
But don't you think those overly polite types—the ones you don't actually know well—can be just as annoying with that constant, forced enthusiasm? 😁

To me, that's much more tolerable than dealing with someone who's perpetually pissed off.

A little bit of edge, if it’s kept in check and doesn't happen all the time—especially with people I've known for a while—actually feels way more genuine. It can even be kind of charming, don't you think?

Besides, if I meet someone new and they seem a little grumpy, I’m not about to write them off immediately or decide we can't hang out later.

That’s why I’ll always give more chances to the folks who have a bit of an attitude now and then, rather than those who are just annoyingly, fake-nice all the time.

Jose Carter2 said:Politeness isn't some byproduct of Hollywood movies (even if American culture does push that image of constant smiling)... it’s really just a trait of educated people and the upper class.... which is practically non-existent here in the States.

40% of folks barely finished elementary school
40% max with a high school diploma

Every second or third word is an insult—idiot, moron, jerk, son of a bitch, bastard, goddamn piece of shit... just endless swearing.

Angry faces, terrible diets, obesity, pure frustration, that permanent scowl... and apparently, it's all the fault of the Masons, aliens, evil bankers, wicked capitalists, those guys over there, those guys over here...

"Where the hell are you going, you prick?" I remember being in the USA and getting annoyed because these "stupid" Americans were constantly smiling at me. I was thinking, damn it, why are you grinning like you won the lottery?

Just these "clueless" Americans, acting like they're something special because they smile. God, if we actually went over there, we'd teach them a lesson. They think they've been conquered by that Rothschild guy and that his bankers rule the whole world.

But the reality is, these "stupid," polite Americans built the number one superpower in everything.
Those "brilliant," angry locals—we've just created apathetic, broken societies that do nothing but complain. We've been stuck in economic stagnation for a decade, jobs are gone, corruption is everywhere, hospitals are falling apart, and everyone is just trying to get out...

😂 You nailed it.🙂

P.S.
You forgot about the chemtrails and the cell towers!!!
And apparently, smoking a cigarette doesn't affect your life at all, but those cell towers are absolutely frying us!!! 🤣😍

Americans are incredibly superficial—probably the most shallow nation out there. On top of that, their famous politeness is nothing but pure hypocrisy; they’ll smile right to your face while stabbing you in the back the moment you turn around.

But why just Americans? I mean, that whole label of being superficial applies to the entire West.
I don't really get it. How would some German be any more intense than an American? 🤷

Do you guys honestly think someone can actually get deep if they're constantly smirking while they talk? 🤷

It’s kind of funny how you see so many women who seem incredibly polite and sweet, yet they’re dressed in such provocative ways.

I honestly think Western media trends on Facebook have played a huge role in this. And let’s be real, it’s only a matter of time before this becomes totally normalized in the East, too.

Well, at least when it comes to Europe.

Jerry Ramos90 said:But why just Americans? I mean, that whole label of being superficial applies to the entire West.
I don't really get it. How would some German be any more intense than an American? 🤷

Do you guys honestly think someone can actually get deep if they're constantly smirking while they talk? 🤷

Look, in my experience, girls who spend all their time just smiling and playing nice tend to be pretty superficial—maybe even a bit dim. A better way to put it? They’re immature or just plain flighty. 🤷 Life isn't some shallow joke—some situations demand a sharp, firm stance. Sure, you need criticism sometimes, and yeah, a little laughter or lighthearted teasing can work in certain moments, but not all the time. There’s a line. You can't just be out there acting like a clown when you're talking to partners or clients at work. It’s unprofessional. Period.☕
When it comes to Germans—they’ve always struck me as cold. Like they're totally lacking any real temperament—but I'll give them this: you can't beat that discipline and their sheer commitment to the grind. 😉 I’ve got plenty of reasons to be fed up with Americans—but honestly, I’m just too exhausted to sit here and write a whole damn manifesto about it.

Every time I jump into this thread, I start losing my mind 😍

I believe there is an American idiom for this:

"It is more important to be kind than to be right" 🙂

As painful as that might sound, and perhaps even if it required a significant premium to maintain, I find the sentiment quite beautiful. It serves as a necessary buffer, separating me from the sheer primitivism and the general chaos that makes life so exhausting🙄

You’re mixing up being argumentative with being reserved. Just because someone isn't a total suck-up and keeps things low-key doesn't mean they aren't peaceful or open to hearing out different perspectives and ideas.