Student-teacher dynamics vs. parent-teacher dynamics

Sarah James4 said:

Linda Price5 Asks:
I'm honestly curious how many learning opportunities there are for some guy in marketing who actually asks a client if they're stupid or deaf, only to have the firm hand them a massive paycheck anyway. 🥳

Got a chance to write a new resume.😳

The last time that teacher lost her cool in class—and it happened more than once—she finally got what was coming to her after the first semester. She deserved it. You just can't talk to kids like that.

That's just not how things work here in America, so there's really no point in even comparing them. It's honestly unthinkable for adults to act that way toward kids while simultaneously demanding obedience, respect, attention, and understanding in return.

She handled things exactly the right way. Best possible outcome.

I don't know about your neck of the woods, but... around here, it isn't a big deal if one professor spends their time badmouthing everyone. The real issue is when a professor singles out one or two kids and makes them a "poster child" or starts isolating any group of them. But if they treat everyone equally poorly, nobody ever complains.

And let's be real, it’s way harder on a kid when they get singled out or used as an example. Meanwhile, when a teacher tells the whole class they're all idiots, we just shrug it off as "character building"... especially with kids in 5th grade or even high school.😁

Jonathan Ortiz2 said:I don't know about your neck of the woods, but... around here, it isn't a big deal if one professor spends their time badmouthing everyone. The real issue is when a professor singles out one or two kids and makes them a "poster child" or starts isolating any group of them. But if they treat everyone equally poorly, nobody ever complains.

And let's be real, it’s way harder on a kid when they get singled out or used as an example. Meanwhile, when a teacher tells the whole class they're all idiots, we just shrug it off as "character building"... especially with kids in 5th grade or even high school.😁

How is that not a problem?
😕😕😕
Are you saying it's okay for a teacher to verbally lash out at an entire classroom, and the only issue is when they target one specific student?
Sure, targeting one child might feel more personal, but both situations hurt.

Both of them ARE a problem.
Kids learn by watching their teachers.
They take that behavior and carry it into how they act with their peers, and eventually, how they act throughout their lives.
Not every kid has a solid support system at home or a good role model to look up to, so school is often where they need to find that guidance.

I think we’ve gone a little off track here...
Look, every single profession has its own set of unwritten rules and standards. Working in education is incredibly demanding and exhausting, even if most people have no clue what they're actually dealing with day-to-day.
In any serious career, you take responsibility for your mistakes, and there are definitely lines you just don't cross.
I’m completely certain the principal sat down with the teacher to hash this out. She knows she dropped the ball big time, and I’m sure she’ll be way more careful about how she handles students moving forward.
People don't just hand out terminations like candy, especially in fields where you can't just "jump ship" and find a new gig on a whim tomorrow.

amberskipper3 said:I think we’ve gone a little off track here...
Look, every single profession has its own set of unwritten rules and standards. Working in education is incredibly demanding and exhausting, even if most people have no clue what they're actually dealing with day-to-day.
In any serious career, you take responsibility for your mistakes, and there are definitely lines you just don't cross.
I’m completely certain the principal sat down with the teacher to hash this out. She knows she dropped the ball big time, and I’m sure she’ll be way more careful about how she handles students moving forward.
People don't just hand out terminations like candy, especially in fields where you can't just "jump ship" and find a new gig on a whim tomorrow.

Poor little educators... 😢 It’s not easy for them, and nobody understands them. Buhuh!

It never occurs to anyone that little Ivica's mom—who works the register at the local corner store—spent eight hours that day being blamed for everything from the price of sugar going up to the aisles being too narrow. On top of the actual work, she has to maintain this massive grin, listening to every lonely senior citizen who just needs a chat, all while her hands are flying and her focus is pinned because her boss is lurking, waiting for one tiny slip-up. And honestly? If she had any empathy left to give, she used it all up by noon. And did anyone think about how little Marica's dad spends his day? He’s an associate at some massive corporation, grinding away for peanuts just to cover his mortgage and credit card bills. He’s pulling overtime, swallowing insults from his boss—who happens to be the owner's son and couldn't wipe his own butt to save his life—while the boss takes all the credit. Meanwhile, Maricin's dad is left feeling completely screwed. You could write stories like this about pretty much everyone in this broken country.

Nobody is saying teaching is easy. But it isn't harder than any other profession; everyone has their own struggle. Sometimes, it’s actually tougher.

As for that "jumping off the street" comment, it’s really sad to see other professions being looked down upon like that.

Susan James said:How is that not a problem?
😕😕😕
Are you saying it's okay for a teacher to verbally lash out at an entire classroom, and the only issue is when they target one specific student?
Sure, targeting one child might feel more personal, but both situations hurt.

Both of them ARE a problem.
Kids learn by watching their teachers.
They take that behavior and carry it into how they act with their peers, and eventually, how they act throughout their lives.
Not every kid has a solid support system at home or a good role model to look up to, so school is often where they need to find that guidance.

And what about back in the day, when teachers used to beat kids regularly with a full blessing from the parents?

Larry Walker24 said:And what about back in the day, when teachers used to beat kids regularly with a full blessing from the parents?

"The good old days... yeah, right."

Anyway, I know there are people out there who actually miss those times. Honestly, it scares me to think there are parents who would genuinely want that kind of treatment for their own kids.

Larry Walker24 said:And what about back in the day, when teachers used to beat kids regularly with a full blessing from the parents?

I know this isn't really what we're here to discuss🥳

It’s in the past, and hopefully, it stays that way.☕

James Perez54 said:"If this happens, if that happens, it usually goes like this..." while at the local unemployment office, you see plenty of people who actually love their profession and children in general, and they don't have any issues communicating.

Working with kids is demanding and highly specialized; frankly, the hiring standards for teachers and professors ought to be set at a much higher level than what we currently see in the US.

Maybe in Washington, D.C., but honestly, maybe just that.
The bar is getting dangerously low when it comes to filling positions for math, chemistry, physics, or computer science professors...
Highly educated experts in those fields aren't looking to bust their backs for peanuts.
And they definitely aren't moving to small towns. Right now, there are tons of vacant teaching spots scattered all across Appalachia and the Ozarks...

Larry Walker24 said:And what about back in the day, when teachers used to beat kids regularly with a full blessing from the parents?

Are you talking about like 150 years ago, when both the teacher and the preacher would regularly slap you?☕

Thank God that era is long gone.

For what it's worth, I'm 45, and back when I was growing up, there were certainly some people like you mentioned—both among the faculty and the parents—but it wasn't nearly as widespread as you're making it out to be.
There were actually far more verbal abusers among the teachers; those absolute cowards who acted like nothing in front of authority figures, but spent their days tormenting and belittling students on a daily basis.

The moment I caught sight of this thread's title, I knew exactly which direction this conversation was headed 🙄

It seems absolutely nobody cares about how the child actually felt; instead, everyone is just waiting for a chance to launch a crusade against the teachers. Is it really any wonder? This is just the way things are in America ☕

silverraven14 said:I know people who snap because they're constantly cleaning up someone else's mess, but I don't see anyone snapping out of fear of being fired when *they* are the ones who made the mistake. In fact, it seems like nobody actually cares about mistakes; if anything, the person responsible just denies they even happened if anyone dares to mention them.
And honestly, I know all about those cases where the blame gets shifted to the wrong person, too.

I just don't see anyone getting a "yellow card" warning after a first mistake and then actually taking responsibility for it.

So, yeah, a public lynching is overkill and it’s certainly not going to change the collective mindset. *That* is what actually matters, not just shouting down one single teacher.
Demanding accountability and damage control is fine—for this situation and a whole bunch of similar ones—and that can actually drive change. Talking to other parents and spreading the idea will do more for society than firing one person.

What, should we just start handing out termination notices for every little slip-up?

Besides, some people commit violence and cause harm with much more subtle methods; this "you're stupid" approach is at least easy to identify and deal with.

Look, there are bad employees, plain and simple. But just as we generally agree that slapping a child isn't a foundation for good parenting, threatening someone with termination isn't a foundation for developing a quality educator.

I've already said quite a bit about how our educational system is failing to properly train its training staff.
Maybe you'll feel the reality of it yourselves when you make a mistake due to lack of experience and find yourself facing a pink slip. Perhaps then you'll realize that working in constant fear isn't exactly a great way to live...

Thanks for the question, but I am well aware of the reality around me, and I truly believe you can't fix bad behavior by using bad methods. So, go ahead, hand out your self-righteous corrective slaps and try to build "respect" through intimidation 🤷
Personally, that's just distasteful to me. I prefer humanity, understanding mistakes, and giving people a second chance—provided, of course, they admit the mistake and actually want to improve.

I have no idea what kind of teacher this is, or whether she's being fake or sincere, but I'm talking about the general approach here. I'm trying to explain that jumping straight to "warning before firing" isn't something to be tossed around lightly, despite the calls for a lynching and comments like "she wouldn't do that to my kid" or "I'll show her"... For crying out loud, don't raise children to be fragile. A hundred people might tell you the teacher was wrong, but you need to teach the child how to handle it—both the situation and their own reaction to it. You can't threaten his boss with a lawsuit, but you can teach your child how to stand up for themselves—so that one day they can look a manager in the eye and say, "You shouldn't have handled that conversation that way."

I still think what happened here is perfectly fine given the current circumstances, and we should just wait to see how it develops.

It’s also important that your child trusts you enough to talk, though sometimes insisting on absolute justice isn't the best move for the child—for instance, if they end up being harassed by a professional.
And since a desire for revenge isn't limited to forum members, pushing someone toward termination could backfire on your child, and you won't be able to prove it.

That's why it's vital to act calmly and tactically; sometimes the most valuable lesson is learning how to simply ignore a fool.
Aggression in defending your child can end up being counterproductive, whereas a little patience and diplomacy can yield much better results. Besides, if you're constantly barking, people stop listening; if you cooperate and then only bark when things get serious, people will actually take you seriously.

Look, how you carry yourself reflects directly on your kid at school—it’s an extension of your own behavior, so you really have to decide how you want to show up.

The phrase "I can see you're having a really hard time" is actually a brilliant way to de-escalate a situation—but honestly, it backfires completely if you don't actually mean it, or if there isn't any genuine empathy behind the words.

I'm totally with everything you said. And honestly, so is amberskipper3.
Everyone loves to talk about tossing someone out on the street after one tiny slip-up, but honestly? I don't think anyone would be so happy working a job where a single mistake means you're basically fired on the spot. And let's face it, since nobody's perfect, how long would you even last before needing to find something else?
If schools stopped teaching, nobody would bother working anyway. People think those folks sitting around waiting for a job at the unemployment office know better or don't make mistakes, but that’s just not true. Everyone messes up. At the end of the day, you wouldn't even have anyone left to hire since everyone would've been laid off.
I'm not saying every teacher out there is terrible or that they're all telling kids they're stupid. It’s just that they’re human, right? And humans make mistakes.
I’m not saying the teacher was right, but threatening her with termination over this? That feels like overkill. We just need to fix the situation. Honestly, firing her isn't the answer. What happens when the next one comes in and messes up too? You'll be firing someone every single month until the end of the year. Is that really how we want to play this?
It’s better to just fix things, right? Focus on making sure it doesn't happen again by getting the teacher to own up to her mistake, realize she crossed a line, and actually try to be better so she doesn't slip up like that next time.
How many times does a parent mess up when they shouldn't? Should we just take all their kids away?

Yeah, sure, she messed up by not being kept in the loop about the kid's issue. But that's not the only thing she dropped the ball on, right?
She just came up from eighth grade, where she’s surrounded by those big bullies—you know, the ones who think they're geniuses and just live to stir up trouble?
An 11-year-old kid stares at a screen and doesn't even realize there's a typo. It’s easy to see how a teacher might think he's just messing around, you know? Like he's playing dumb to get a laugh out of his friends or push her buttons. So she says something she definitely shouldn't have.
If she had known—and she really should have—that the kid has dyslexia, she wouldn't have said it.
But hey, that doesn't mean it's okay to talk to kids who don't have it that way either.

And look, kids mess up. Big time. Sometimes they make mistakes they really shouldn't be making, and then they keep doing them. Then parents come running into the school begging...
...expecting teachers to just let it slide, feel sorry for them, or give them a pass... hoping for a better grade, or just not getting them kicked out, or whatever else.
Why is that? If we're all about people facing the consequences of their actions and being "fired" immediately, why do we expect our kids to get a free pass while teachers get thrown under the bus?
I don't know... being a kid isn't an excuse for every single thing, and we can't just tolerate everything forever.
Some kids actually threaten teachers, or even get physical, and then those things just get swept under the rug.
We need to allow teachers some room to be human too. Talk it out, fix what can be fixed, and work on making sure it doesn't happen again.

shadowrider28 said:The moment I caught sight of this thread's title, I knew exactly which direction this conversation was headed 🙄

It seems absolutely nobody cares about how the child actually felt; instead, everyone is just waiting for a chance to launch a crusade against the teachers. Is it really any wonder? This is just the way things are in America ☕

If the kid had actually loved the professor's little meltdown, they probably wouldn't have complained to their parents in the first place. 🤷

I mean, honestly, who cares about a child's feelings? If we did, we'd have to deal with that whole "kids need discipline" crowd. And apparently, according to some folks here, showing empathy is just totally unacceptable. Period.

shadowrider28 said:The moment I caught sight of this thread's title, I knew exactly which direction this conversation was headed 🙄

It seems absolutely nobody cares about how the child actually felt; instead, everyone is just waiting for a chance to launch a crusade against the teachers. Is it really any wonder? This is just the way things are in America ☕

Actually, I think quite a few people have noticed how the child is feeling and how much support they've received.
From what I can tell by reading the posts here, the mother seems like a very caring parent who genuinely tried to look at the situation objectively, support her son, and seek justice.
And she did it step by step.
First, she listened to her child and tried to figure out the facts—not because she didn't believe him, but because instead of rushing to the school or posting on a US parenting forum immediately, she reached out to the other parents in the class to see if his story aligned with what they saw.
After that, she calmed down, talked things through with others (both friends and strangers), and then finally went to the school administration.
To me, that sounds like a perfectly reasonable way to handle it.

Honestly, I think most educators would be lucky to have a parent like this in their classroom.

If a teacher makes a mistake, they need to take responsibility for it.
An apology in front of the whole class is a nice gesture, but since this error goes to the core of her profession, I personally don't think an apology alone is enough.
Nobody is calling for her to be fired, but a formal warning or some extra oversight of her work seems completely justified to me. It serves as a lesson for her and a reminder for her colleagues too.
Even if we aren't talking about disciplinary action, I feel like she needs to make things right with the student somehow.
Whether it’s through extra help or something else, there should be an effort to restore that sense of security and confidence the child lost after being humiliated in front of the class.

Sorry, I don't have the multiquote feature on my old Reddit app...

Kajpernija, look, most people are working jobs where you could get fired just for not keeping your mouth shut while sitting in the boss's office, let alone calling a client an idiot. People are out there hunting for new gigs, but they're still grateful to have their current paycheck. Honestly, no employer who actually gives a damn about their reputation or brand identity is going to tolerate an employee with such zero professionalism that they’d dare insult a customer. And then the boss ends up having to apologize for their own staff? Man, that's just the reality of the world right now.

You’re talking about how students are aggressive or how they don't respect their teachers and all that. But do you honestly think we can teach them manners, courtesy, or basic decency when the society around them thinks it's totally fine—or even funny—to treat these kids without any respect at all?

Kids learn from the adults, and then they grow up to be those same adults...

And yeah... there are mistakes, and then there are *mistakes*. If someone accidentally entered the wrong grade and then fixed it, sure, I'd be right there with you. But calling another human being stupid? Whether it's a kid or not, there's no "it was just a human error" excuse for that.

I’m sitting here reading this and honestly, I’m just baffled by how quick everyone is to pull the trigger when it comes to firing someone.
It’s wild how those same parents can turn around and have completely different standards when they're looking at their own kids in high school, for example.
There’s just no such thing as consistency around here.

amberskipper3 said:I’m sitting here reading this and honestly, I’m just baffled by how quick everyone is to pull the trigger when it comes to firing someone.
It’s wild how those same parents can turn around and have completely different standards when they're looking at their own kids in high school, for example.
There’s just no such thing as consistency around here.

You think we're being too aggressive, but from where I'm standing, we just don't believe in double standards or giving people special treatment. 🤷

I'm not really sure what you mean about those different criteria for high schoolers.

Jason Ortiz5 said:You think we're being too aggressive, but from where I'm standing, we just don't believe in double standards or giving people special treatment. 🤷

I'm not really sure what you mean about those different criteria for high schoolers.

I find myself in complete agreement😉 because, quite frankly, the School Board shouldn't be handing out "mercy" when it comes to disciplinary actions or other academic interventions. If parents decide to complain or start pleading their case, let them; it is a consequence of such inconsistency. 🥳

amberskipper3 said:I’m sitting here reading this and honestly, I’m just baffled by how quick everyone is to pull the trigger when it comes to firing someone.
It’s wild how those same parents can turn around and have completely different standards when they're looking at their own kids in high school, for example.
There’s just no such thing as consistency around here.

What kind of different standards are we talking about?
Most of the parents here have kids in preschool 😬, with only a few in elementary school

And speaking of different standards, a teacher should really be the gold standard for good behavior.
If a teacher acts this way in an elementary school, how can we expect high schoolers to show respect—either to their teachers or to one another?

Just to reiterate: the issue isn't just how calling a kid "stupid" affects that one student, but how it impacts every other child watching. After all, if a teacher thinks it's okay to call someone stupid, why wouldn't a child think the same?😕
How can that teacher—or anyone else on the faculty—maintain any real authority when it's clear that adults "can't help themselves" from acting like this?

By protecting staff members who act this way, a lot of great teachers are actually undermining their own profession.

shadowrider28 said:I find myself in complete agreement😉 because, quite frankly, the School Board shouldn't be handing out "mercy" when it comes to disciplinary actions or other academic interventions. If parents decide to complain or start pleading their case, let them; it is a consequence of such inconsistency. 🥳

This might surprise you, but I am 100% with you on this one. 😉

I say let everyone try out whatever plan they’ve cooked up. As long as the punishment actually fits the crime, rather than just being a power trip or someone acting out of spite. 😁