Student-teacher dynamics vs. parent-teacher dynamics

hiddenseal14 said:Not a chance.
Thank God I'm not working in an environment where parents raise their kids to be absolute morons and then proceed to wrap them in bubble wrap.

In fact, if I ever dared to mention to a parent that their kid was acting like a complete idiot during math class, they wouldn't ask how to fix the behavior—they'd just demand to know why I wasn't giving the kid two slaps across the face instead.

Reading all this makes me feel incredibly blessed 😁

It's not just that you're working in a different town... maybe you're working in a different century.

Alex Barnes8 said:It's not just that you're working in a different town... maybe you're working in a different century.

Well, yeah. 🙂

Alex Barnes8 said:It's not just that you're working in a different town... maybe you're working in a different century.

Seriously, can you imagine how nightmareish it must be to work in a place where teachers are actually treated with respect?

What a bunch of backward primitives. Absolutely disgusting.

amberskipper3 said:I’m sitting here reading this and honestly, I’m just baffled by how quick everyone is to pull the trigger when it comes to firing someone.
It’s wild how those same parents can turn around and have completely different standards when they're looking at their own kids in high school, for example.
There’s just no such thing as consistency around here.

Which parents? Are you taking a shot at someone on this forum?

Look, I’ll have a high schooler of my own next year. If they ask a teacher whether she's actually dim-witted or just playing dumb, and she gets a formal warning right before being expelled from school, then they can sit at home and really think about their behavior.

If a school is supposed to be an educational institution by default, why is it such a massive issue to expect teachers to communicate decently with students?
If that basic communication fails, then a teacher receiving a warning that could lead to termination is simply being given a serious heads-up that maybe they aren't cut out for teaching, but should look for a different career.

venera_veritas said:Yeah, that was just some kind of natural growing pains.

Back in middle school, my gym teacher actually called me stupid because I couldn't climb a rope.
I didn't run crying to my mom or anything, and it wasn't even a big deal. I just figured he was an idiot for judging me based on that. I knew he didn't like me, but I didn't particularly care for him either. I guess.
I just focused on other teachers who were neutral or actually liked me.
I mean, damn, that's basically how I learned that not everyone is going to like you. There isn't always someone to blame for that. You just move on with your life and whatever.

So yeah—it seems like a pretty basic situation, but I guess there's a useful lesson in there somewhere.
I don't really get this whole trend of overprotecting kids lately.
A kid needs to learn how to handle their own problems as soon as possible (ideally early on). They aren't going to be able to call Mom at work just because a coworker told them they're being an idiot.
If someone is always stepping in to fix things for them, they’ll never actually learn how to resolve a conflict on their own.
In this specific case, I agree with one of the teachers mentioned here—the kid should have just spoken up and said they have dyslexia. They aren't a toddler anymore; they have a voice.
It would only be a real issue if the teacher kept making the same mistake after being warned; then, and only then, should an adult step in.

I remember back in elementary school, our whole class used to go to the principal's office together to complain about teachers who were being way too harsh. The principal actually took us seriously, and the teachers were warned, so those mistakes stopped happening (even though, looking back now, the faculty was honestly pretty incompetent). There was zero need to involve parents.

Still, I'd say kudos to the author for doing her job as a parent perfectly. It's actually pretty rare for a parent to actually look into what really happened instead of just blindly believing their little angel. 👍

Just felt the need to get this off my chest. At the school where my mother works—this happened quite recently, actually—they had a situation that really sticks with me. You have this kid, maybe in third grade or thereabouts, and from the jump, everyone just assumed he was slow—dim-witted, incapable, you name it. But after digging deeper, it turns out the boy actually has an incredibly high IQ. Because he’s introverted or just processes things differently, they all jumped to the conclusion that he was some kind of freak or just plain stupid. It's unbelievable.
It’s honestly pathetic when the people in charge fail to recognize true potential.

Grace Edwards said:So yeah—it seems like a pretty basic situation, but I guess there's a useful lesson in there somewhere.
I don't really get this whole trend of overprotecting kids lately.
A kid needs to learn how to handle their own problems as soon as possible (ideally early on). They aren't going to be able to call Mom at work just because a coworker told them they're being an idiot.
If someone is always stepping in to fix things for them, they’ll never actually learn how to resolve a conflict on their own.
In this specific case, I agree with one of the teachers mentioned here—the kid should have just spoken up and said they have dyslexia. They aren't a toddler anymore; they have a voice.
It would only be a real issue if the teacher kept making the same mistake after being warned; then, and only then, should an adult step in.

I remember back in elementary school, our whole class used to go to the principal's office together to complain about teachers who were being way too harsh. The principal actually took us seriously, and the teachers were warned, so those mistakes stopped happening (even though, looking back now, the faculty was honestly pretty incompetent). There was zero need to involve parents.

Still, I'd say kudos to the author for doing her job as a parent perfectly. It's actually pretty rare for a parent to actually look into what really happened instead of just blindly believing their little angel. 👍

A 12-year-old should have just stood up in front of the whole class and said, "Hey, I have dyslexia."

How many adults could actually announce a diagnosis to a group of 30 people without feeling massive amounts of discomfort?...

That’s just brutal... haha—I should’ve probably just kept my mouth shut from the start... I really need to learn when to stop talking.

crimsongull20 said:A 12-year-old should have just stood up in front of the whole class and said, "Hey, I have dyslexia."

How many adults could actually announce a diagnosis to a group of 30 people without feeling massive amounts of discomfort?...

It isn't some medical diagnosis, and it certainly isn't a disease. ☕

It’s funny how people operate, really. They want to feel special when it brings them perks, but they suddenly want to blend into the crowd the moment being different might lead to an awkward social situation. Dyslexia is less of a clinical label and more of a subtle signpost pointing toward an above-average intelligence.

Parents can be such interesting creatures, aren't they? 😍

crimsongull20 said:A 12-year-old should have just stood up in front of the whole class and said, "Hey, I have dyslexia."

How many adults could actually announce a diagnosis to a group of 30 people without feeling massive amounts of discomfort?...

I think the kid was closer to 10.😉

P.S. I agree with your take. Very few adults would ever openly declare something like that in front of a crowd, let alone a child.

My little guy had this moment in his first-grade class where his teacher called him up to the front, handed him a reading book, and told him to start reading.

After a few minutes passed without him making a sound, the teacher—getting a bit impatient for him to actually get started—urged him to just read it already. He insisted he *was* reading it. She was totally baffled and told him he wasn't. He stood his ground, insisting he was. She ended up snapping at him, thinking he was playing some kind of trick or that she was losing her mind because she clearly hadn't heard a single word come out of his mouth. It went on like that for a while until it finally clicked for her that he had followed her instructions perfectly: he was reading. Just silently, in his head. 🤣

I mean, did he say anything out loud? No! At that point, it was hard to tell who was more confused—my son, who was getting genuinely defensive because he knew he was doing exactly what he was told, or the teacher, who was frustrated because she thought he was just stalling.

Looking back, what should I have done? To be completely honest, we were all cracking up at home when he recounted the whole thing. Maybe I’m just as much of an "equal opportunity" parent as I am a terrible teacher might be. It didn't even cross my mind to call the school to complain about her raising her voice at him. Instead, treating him like the smart kid he is, I explained that the teacher couldn't possibly know he was reading internally. In her mind, she expected him to read aloud, and she was just frustrated because she thought he was being stubborn.

I truly don't think I caused him any lasting stress. In fact, it's something we still laugh about today.

wanderingbadger44 said:It isn't some medical diagnosis, and it certainly isn't a disease. ☕

It’s funny how people operate, really. They want to feel special when it brings them perks, but they suddenly want to blend into the crowd the moment being different might lead to an awkward social situation. Dyslexia is less of a clinical label and more of a subtle signpost pointing toward an above-average intelligence.

Parents can be such interesting creatures, aren't they? 😍

So, is it standard practice now to expect a fifth grader to stand up in front of their whole class during some misunderstanding with a teacher and say, "Excuse me, but I have dyslexia!"?

Should he probably add, "And that's why I occasionally mix up my phonemes"?

Sure, totally normal to assume a twelve-year-old understands all the nuances and ways the term "dyslexia" gets weaponized...

crimsongull20 said:So, is it standard practice now to expect a fifth grader to stand up in front of their whole class during some misunderstanding with a teacher and say, "Excuse me, but I have dyslexia!"?

Should he probably add, "And that's why I occasionally mix up my phonemes"?

Sure, totally normal to assume a twelve-year-old understands all the nuances and ways the term "dyslexia" gets weaponized...

Do I personally expect that? Honestly, I don't give a damn. The bell will ring eventually. 😁 I would never say that to a kid—I wouldn't ask if they were being thick or just acting out. To be honest, I couldn't care less about how they spelled something. The bell will ring.

I love this thread. 😁

There have been times when I felt guilty about having that kind of attitude. Isn't my whole job to push those little minds and squeeze every bit of potential out of them? Isn't it my responsibility to tell a child, "You can do this! You know this stuff. Go for it!" Sometimes, there's still this spark in me—this enthusiast who genuinely loves seeing a kid beam with pride when they finally grasp a concept or master a skill. But threads like this remind me that I need to tuck that enthusiasm deep down and just wait patiently for the school bell to ring. As long as they leave my classroom healthy, happy, and intact, I'm done. I really don't care anymore. ☕

To be honest, I don't really care about you personally. I was just wondering if you actually think it's normal to expect a fifth grader to stand up in front of their entire class and announce they have dyslexia.

crimsongull20 said:To be honest, I don't really care about you personally. I was just wondering if you actually think it's normal to expect a fifth grader to stand up in front of their entire class and announce they have dyslexia.

Good grief, lady! These kids wave those labels around like they’re flags at a parade. Where on earth have you been living? It’s almost like people forget that during those first four years of school, they’ve already covered the material you're asking about, which opens the door for all sorts of people to misuse a "diagnosis." I honestly thought you were being rhetorical when you asked, so I didn't bother responding, but clearly, you're being dead serious.

Do you have any idea how many parents go out of their way to secure special accommodations for children who are perfectly average—or even gifted—just because they're terrified of their kid being labeled as "different"? Yeah, right. 🤣

wanderingbadger44 said:Good grief, lady! These kids wave those labels around like they’re flags at a parade. Where on earth have you been living? It’s almost like people forget that during those first four years of school, they’ve already covered the material you're asking about, which opens the door for all sorts of people to misuse a "diagnosis." I honestly thought you were being rhetorical when you asked, so I didn't bother responding, but clearly, you're being dead serious.

Do you have any idea how many parents go out of their way to secure special accommodations for children who are perfectly average—or even gifted—just because they're terrified of their kid being labeled as "different"? Yeah, right. 🤣

Waving them like flags, huh. It’s funny how a few years later, when they hit high school, it’s usually the parents waving those labels at the teacher... I've never heard a single colleague mention a student actually enjoying that kind of public labeling.

wanderingbadger44 said:Do I personally expect that? Honestly, I don't give a damn. The bell will ring eventually. 😁 I would never say that to a kid—I wouldn't ask if they were being thick or just acting out. To be honest, I couldn't care less about how they spelled something. The bell will ring.

I love this thread. 😁

There have been times when I felt guilty about having that kind of attitude. Isn't my whole job to push those little minds and squeeze every bit of potential out of them? Isn't it my responsibility to tell a child, "You can do this! You know this stuff. Go for it!" Sometimes, there's still this spark in me—this enthusiast who genuinely loves seeing a kid beam with pride when they finally grasp a concept or master a skill. But threads like this remind me that I need to tuck that enthusiasm deep down and just wait patiently for the school bell to ring. As long as they leave my classroom healthy, happy, and intact, I'm done. I really don't care anymore. ☕

Then why on earth are you defending a teacher who's sticking her nose into something that isn't even her business (whether a student is dim-witted or just pretending to be)?

crimsongull20 said:Waving them like flags, huh. It’s funny how a few years later, when they hit high school, it’s usually the parents waving those labels at the teacher... I've never heard a single colleague mention a student actually enjoying that kind of public labeling.

It's interesting watching how much you underestimate them. You seem to think they're just being foolish, which makes me feel like I'm coming off as some sort of bully toward kids.

Why would they bother pushing an identity in high school if there isn't a clear advantage to it, especially when it risks marking them in front of their peers? That "special class" label is easy to carry when it acts as a VIP pass to certain perks. They aren't stupid enough to wear a badge that offers them nothing in return.

Besides, do you really think the kids who didn't have those easy exits or special treatment were also acting out of stupidity? They see exactly what I'm talking about here: most of them were just regular kids who managed to dodge the hard work through these loopholes, while the rest had to sit there and grind it out. It's no wonder they aren't exactly thrilled about it. Of course they'll stay quiet about it in high school. Just try offering them actual privileges and watch how quickly they start claiming those labels. Oh, they'll be more than happy to be labeled then.

aww, it's almost sweet that parents still try to play that game in high school. 😁 I can't say I'm surprised; they're just used to the way things work.

wanderingbadger44 said:It's interesting watching how much you underestimate them. You seem to think they're just being foolish, which makes me feel like I'm coming off as some sort of bully toward kids.

Why would they bother pushing an identity in high school if there isn't a clear advantage to it, especially when it risks marking them in front of their peers? That "special class" label is easy to carry when it acts as a VIP pass to certain perks. They aren't stupid enough to wear a badge that offers them nothing in return.

Besides, do you really think the kids who didn't have those easy exits or special treatment were also acting out of stupidity? They see exactly what I'm talking about here: most of them were just regular kids who managed to dodge the hard work through these loopholes, while the rest had to sit there and grind it out. It's no wonder they aren't exactly thrilled about it. Of course they'll stay quiet about it in high school. Just try offering them actual privileges and watch how quickly they start claiming those labels. Oh, they'll be more than happy to be labeled then.

aww, it's almost sweet that parents still try to play that game in high school. 😁 I can't say I'm surprised; they're just used to the way things work.

If they bring the paperwork and the teacher informs the faculty during the meeting about the diagnosis in high school, you're fine. And they don't just jump at labeling themselves. Haven't seen that happen yet.

I haven't worked in an elementary school, but assuming everyone will immediately start labeling people based on that seems a bit unfair...

Gosh... there is just so much misunderstanding and generalization happening here...

When a kid makes a mistake in front of the chalkboard—any kind of mistake—you simply ask if they see what went wrong. If they don't, you might ask again, gently point out the error, and ask them to fix it. That’s how you turn a moment into a teaching opportunity.

It is never okay to ask a child if they are stupid or hard of hearing. It's definitely not okay to call them stupid, and it certainly isn't right to demand a child announce their dyslexia to an entire classroom just because they made a slip-up.😕 😲

Let me say it again: teachers serve as a primary behavioral model for kids during those 5 or 6 hours they spend at school every day. You have a chance to provide a blueprint for healthy behavior that a child might not be getting at home—or even if they are, that school model is just as powerful, and in some situations, even more influential.
Kids aren't just in school to learn reading and writing; they're learning so much more than that.

Is that really so hard to grasp?😕
School is still an educational and developmental institution. To me, a massive failure in guidance like this can't just be brushed off with a weak apology—especially when people take the stance of, "Well, it happens, kids these days are even worse anyway," and so on.

By the way, I honestly don't get why so many of you here felt personally attacked by a critique of a "colleague's" mistake and immediately assumed the finger was being pointed at you.
Instead of having a reasoned discussion, you're all jumping to defend yourselves by attacking parents and students, acting like they're the real problem.😢
What exactly are you educators trying to protect yourselves from here?😕
Did any of you actually tell a student they were stupid, deaf, or crazy? Did any of you insult a child in any way? Is anyone actually debating *your* conduct?
I truly don't understand.
Where is all this endless solidarity coming from for a colleague we don't even know?

And yeah.
The teacher did come forward and apologize, which is great, but *when* did she do it?
Did it just occur to her spontaneously, from the heart, three minutes after she let "Are you stupid?" slip out?
Was it after the bell rang? After she saw the look on the child's face?

No.

And that makes a massive difference.