Is everyone just becoming more selfish these days?

feralranger said:I implore you, please, attempt to draw a clear line between practicing self-love and acting out of pure selfishness. Try to provide a definition that is actually universal and objectively grounded...

I’ve been working on this non-stop. I try to make that distinction because, honestly, there’s a massive difference. Just read a little more carefully 😁

Sandra Parker3 said:It's not selfishness, it's just common sense.
Though I'm a bit skeptical about that whole criminal comparison; sometimes handing over the keys is actually the smart move, which has nothing to do with being selfless and everything to do with staying alive. But hey, whether that counts as selfish or not is irrelevant at this point.

Would you give a homeless person your home and a shower for one day? Of course you would, unless you're a "selfish" person.

Really???
Yeah, if you think that's "normal," I seriously hope you vet whoever you're letting through your front door first.

"Reason" is a pretty subjective term. The actual issue here is selfishness.

See? You’ve even managed to find a justification for your own selfishness so you don't have to help those who actually need it. It seems everyone is selfish, and some people go as far as creating excuses just to maintain that selfishness. Personally, I think it's perfectly normal to help someone in need. 🙂

brightbadger54 said:There is no such thing as a selfless person, really. It is merely a question of in which situations an individual chooses to exhibit their selfishness. Everyone has limits. Even someone like Mother Theresa was likely selfish under certain specific circumstances. The point, I guess, is whether that selfishness harms others or just serves oneself. If it affects others negatively while only benefiting you, that doesn't necessarily make it "wrong"... for instance, "would you give the keys to your house and car to a gang of criminals?" or "would you hand your child over to total strangers?" Of course you wouldn't; you would be acting selfishly by keeping them for yourself. Would you hand over your home and access to a shower to a homeless person for a day? Naturally, you would if you weren't a "selfish" person. Until people realize that the entire world—and perhaps the meaning of life itself—is governed by the highest principle of contradiction, they will struggle to find balance and improve themselves. Some people rebel against contradiction, while others eventually grasp what it means, at which point life takes on a slightly more pleasant hue.🙂

The Jewish and Roman interpretations of faith and the Bible are, incidentally, incorrect. They were constructed to rule over people through fear. Hell and Heaven have nothing to do with that.

You have essentially just described capitalism. Is capitalism a joyful thing, or is it actually a construct where man selfishly looks after his own interests? Selfishness doesn't take from others; it deprives them. Theft is what takes from others.

I wouldn't go so far as to say selfishness doesn't rob others, though. But you're totally right—it absolutely denies people opportunities.

Thanks for adding that perspective!

feralranger said:ambersailor85, while I can't say I particularly care for your blatant selfishness, I will at least grant you this: you are honest about it.

It seems to me that most people are far too prone to living in a sort of bubble of delusion, constantly peddling this idea of "self-love" as if it were somehow distinct from pure narcissism...

This is precisely why we are bombarded by endless commercials that wrap up with those vacuous slogans like "Because you're worth it," or some other such nonsense. We are encouraged to suppress any awareness of our own egoism, a little psychological trick that serves the consumerist machine perfectly well...

Is someone who constantly overindulges, acts selfishly, and is obsessed with themselves actually practicing "self-love"?

casualtiger2 said:Is someone who constantly overindulges, acts selfishly, and is obsessed with themselves actually practicing "self-love"?

Look, loving anyone—including yourself—doesn't mean you can't be totally delusional. Basically, a person might honestly believe they're practicing self-love, but that doesn't mean they aren't just lying to themselves.

wearyhawk83 said:Look, loving anyone—including yourself—doesn't mean you can't be totally delusional. Basically, a person might honestly believe they're practicing self-love, but that doesn't mean they aren't just lying to themselves.

Exactly. Most people think they love themselves, but they’re doing it all wrong. They mistake egoism for self-love, or they force their views on everyone else because they're convinced they're always right. They lack any sense of self-reflection. Good grief, I love myself, and I'll be damned if I let anyone tell me otherwise. 🙄 Real self-love is actually the polar opposite of all that nonsense. If you truly love yourself, you want what's best for you.

Richard Wells said:Exactly. Most people think they love themselves, but they’re doing it all wrong. They mistake egoism for self-love, or they force their views on everyone else because they're convinced they're always right. They lack any sense of self-reflection. Good grief, I love myself, and I'll be damned if I let anyone tell me otherwise. 🙄 Real self-love is actually the polar opposite of all that nonsense. If you truly love yourself, you want what's best for you.

I just wanted to jump in here and say that playing with semantics totally clouds our vision and makes the impossible seem doable. There's no such thing as "allegedly" loving yourself. It's pretty simple: you either love yourself or you don't.

Someone who loves themselves wants what's best for them.

Having the desire is one thing, but it isn't enough. If you truly love yourself, you act on that desire—you actually treat yourself well. You can want to love yourself all day long without ever actually doing it, but in that case, you're just chasing the idea of self-love rather than actually living it.

casualtiger2 said:Is someone who constantly overindulges, acts selfishly, and is obsessed with themselves actually practicing "self-love"?

There is simply far too little data here to draw any meaningful conclusions. One might consider the possibility of an underlying eating disorder, though truly, it all depends on the specific circumstances and the broader life context—such as whether there is actually enough food available for everyone else in their immediate circle...

An individual who is obsessively preoccupied with maintaining an "ideal" weight can be profoundly selfish, whereas someone struggling with overeating may not be acting out of any sense of ego at all.

Richard Wells said:I’ve been working on this non-stop. I try to make that distinction because, honestly, there’s a massive difference. Just read a little more carefully 😁

If that were actually the case, one would assume you’d provide a link to your specific post where you supposedly did what I’m asking about.

(Frankly, this particular post of yours is entirely devoid of substance.)

feralranger said:There is simply far too little data here to draw any meaningful conclusions. One might consider the possibility of an underlying eating disorder, though truly, it all depends on the specific circumstances and the broader life context—such as whether there is actually enough food available for everyone else in their immediate circle...

An individual who is obsessively preoccupied with maintaining an "ideal" weight can be profoundly selfish, whereas someone struggling with overeating may not be acting out of any sense of ego at all.

Fair point, I wasn't being precise enough.
So, let's say a guy is loaded, but his neighbors are starving.
He overeats every single day—doesn't matter why—and he doesn't lift a finger to help the neighbors. That makes him selfish.
On top of that, by bingeing like that, he’s wrecking his own health, his sex life, his emotions, and his headspace—plus, once that stomach is overfull, he's lethargic, and his immediate neighbors can't stand him...
So, objectively speaking, his bingeing isn't some act of "self-love."

You could come up with plenty of other examples to prove that selfishness and self-love aren't the same thing—look at lying, posturing, theft, murder...

Richard Wells said:It's because so many people claim to love themselves in all the wrong ways... through egoism, forcing their views on others, thinking they're always right, lacking any self-criticism... Good grief, I love myself—I'd do anything for myself—but self-love is the exact opposite of all that. Someone who truly loves themselves wants what's actually good for them.

ambersailor85 said:Not sure where I picked this up, but it’s a killer metaphor for how society works today—even if it feels like an old fable from somewhere out East.

Basically, some higher power decides that when you pass away, you head to a place that looks like a dining room filled with every delicious meal imaginable. The rule is simple: once you've eaten, you get to indulge in whatever your heart desires next—whether that's just lounging around, chasing romance, or whatever else—and the cycle just repeats every day. It doesn't matter if you were a saint or a sinner; everyone goes to the same place. The only catch? You have to eat using chopsticks that are over six feet long.

Selfish people who end up there can never actually enjoy anything. Their greed drives them to try and grab as much food as possible, but they’ll never succeed because those massive chopsticks make it impossible to grab a bite. On the flip side, generous people will just feed one another and live better than they ever did on Earth.

What’s your take on the people who only care about themselves?

I heard this specific version was used to describe the souls stuck in Hell.

The topic is a bit loosely framed—which means any conclusions drawn will be pretty loose too. The title brings up modern society, but the actual question focuses on specific individuals.
There isn't really a definition here for what "thinking only of oneself" actually looks like. From a psychological standpoint, everyone (unless you're fully enlightened) is constantly "thinking" of themselves on a subconscious level—kind of like that scene in Being John Malkovich where he walks through those secret doors into his own head 🙂)

Selfishness isn't some new phenomenon unique to the modern era; it's always been there. I think the real crux of the matter is distinguishing between destructive selfishness and healthy self-love—and seeing how much a given society encourages one over the other.
If this is meant to be a critique of today's capitalist society, then that thesis needs to be clearly laid out with actual arguments. On the other hand, if we're talking about the (un)selfish nature of people in general, we probably need a few foundational points to work with first.

I guess you could say limbo is that weird, middle-ground purgatory—it’s what happens when you don't have enough malice in you to be truly selfish or wicked, yet you also lack the overwhelming love required to be genuinely selfless or good

brightbadger54 said:"Reason" is a pretty subjective term. The actual issue here is selfishness.

See? You’ve even managed to find a justification for your own selfishness so you don't have to help those who actually need it. It seems everyone is selfish, and some people go as far as creating excuses just to maintain that selfishness. Personally, I think it's perfectly normal to help someone in need. 🙂

When I say it’s perfectly logical not to hand your kid over to total strangers, I assume we’re on the same page or at least that you get what I mean—there's nothing "relative" about common sense, and we don't need to sit here and define it.

In other words, I'm not bringing up my child to justify being selfish, because this isn't about depriving anyone of something they could receive without negative consequences.
How can we even talk about "depriving" someone by not giving them my own child?😕

See, you’ve even gone and found a justification for your own selfishness just so you don't have to help people who actually need it. It just goes to show how selfish everyone is, and some people will go as far as making excuses just to stay that way.

If you're talking about letting a homeless person stay in your house or use your shower for a day... then my point about making sure you know exactly who you're letting through your front door isn't me justifying selfishness; I'd just circle back to that idea of "reason" again.
Look, if you want to do good, there are plenty of ways to do it, and there isn't just one single path—plus, it's entirely possible that the method you choose is driven by that exact kind of naivety that ambersailor85 mentioned.

Or... extreme idealism and selfless devotion don't necessarily have to overlap.

Or.... you could help a person experiencing homelessness in other ways... maybe by helping them socialize, or find a place to wash up, or whatever else.

Of course, I think it's normal to help someone who is in need.🙂

Sure, but if you take things to the extreme, you might "help" once only to end up causing more harm later—to them and to yourself—so where's the actual logic in that?

Oh man... I mean, surely we’re talking about giving when you actually have something to give. There’s no point in trying to be generous if your pockets are empty—it just doesn't make sense. And let's be real, a selfish person isn't going to step up even when they can. They won't do it without making a huge fuss about it either.

brightbadger54 said:"Reason" is a pretty subjective term. The actual issue here is selfishness.

See? You’ve even managed to find a justification for your own selfishness so you don't have to help those who actually need it. It seems everyone is selfish, and some people go as far as creating excuses just to maintain that selfishness. Personally, I think it's perfectly normal to help someone in need. 🙂

So, what does "helping" actually look like to you? What's the criteria?
Like, handing some $0.67 change to a guy on the street, or something bigger?

Think about this: you're in a Target parking lot and some guy approaches you saying, "Hey, give me $6.75, and I'll watch your car while you shop."

If you don't hand over the cash, you know your car isn't exactly safe. Is that guy being "selfless" in that moment? Not really.🙂

And honestly, when you look at those massive foundations the ultra-wealthy set up—it’s rarely about pure altruism. It's usually just a way to boost their own brand and rake in even more money through all that "good guy" PR.

casualtiger2 said:The topic is a bit loosely framed—which means any conclusions drawn will be pretty loose too. The title brings up modern society, but the actual question focuses on specific individuals.
There isn't really a definition here for what "thinking only of oneself" actually looks like. From a psychological standpoint, everyone (unless you're fully enlightened) is constantly "thinking" of themselves on a subconscious level—kind of like that scene in Being John Malkovich where he walks through those secret doors into his own head 🙂)

Selfishness isn't some new phenomenon unique to the modern era; it's always been there. I think the real crux of the matter is distinguishing between destructive selfishness and healthy self-love—and seeing how much a given society encourages one over the other.
If this is meant to be a critique of today's capitalist society, then that thesis needs to be clearly laid out with actual arguments. On the other hand, if we're talking about the (un)selfish nature of people in general, we probably need a few foundational points to work with first.

I've always felt that selfishness doesn't really mean acting for 'oneself' as much as it means acting 'only for oneself.' I guess the whole point is trying to get a handle on what’s actually driving someone. A lot of those actions people claim are done for the sake of others? They’re often just masks for selfish motives—the actual reasons why someone even bothers to act in the first place.

The real drivers behind doing things for someone else—those genuine acts—are love and actually paying attention to what others need. It’s about love and understanding, all in the pursuit of something better.

What is actually going on with this socially glorified selfishness?

It feels like we’re running into this trend at every single turn lately—especially when it comes to family dynamics!
The irony is that most people being forced into these situations usually feel a deep sense of guilt about what they're doing in the first place!

Sandra Parker3 said:I don't think they're quite that dimwitted🤷 they'll realize pretty quickly that it's smarter to grab a bite and move on to the next party. You have to watch your figure, you know? Don't linger too long in one spot or things start looking suspicious.
Besides, it's easy enough to find a partner in crime to help each other out—you know, that whole "I scratch your back, you scratch mine" thing... then they head off to their next craving, either working together or just trading favors.🙏

You've got a point there; it's a perfect snapshot of how society works today. The "generous" types feed off each other for a good time... right up until someone starts snitching.🙄
Meanwhile, the little selfish types are left starving.😢

It's funny how we can look at the exact same behavior and see it so differently.

I’ve always been skeptical of this supposed "generosity," which seems to be nothing more than a calculated mix of logic and self-interest.

If your rational mind tells you that the only way to reach your own selfish goals is by acting "generous," is that actually generosity? Or is it just good old-fashioned selfishness disguised for effect? 🤣

lonegardener said:I’ve always been skeptical of this supposed "generosity," which seems to be nothing more than a calculated mix of logic and self-interest.

If your rational mind tells you that the only way to reach your own selfish goals is by acting "generous," is that actually generosity? Or is it just good old-fashioned selfishness disguised for effect? 🤣

... in other words, it's just premeditated calculation—or what I like to call intelligent selfishness.

Chris Peterson53 said:What is actually going on with this socially glorified selfishness?

It feels like we’re running into this trend at every single turn lately—especially when it comes to family dynamics!
The irony is that most people being forced into these situations usually feel a deep sense of guilt about what they're doing in the first place!

People sometimes call this fake tolerance. Personally, I wouldn't dream of putting up with the selfish whims of my inner circle, yet somehow, we always find a way to justify our own behavior.
For us, there's always a valid excuse.
We’ll tolerate someone else's choices and questionable actions without calling out the underlying selfishness—no matter how mindless or destructive they might be—simply because it’s the trendy thing to do and we want to be seen as... tolerant.
God forbid anyone accuses us of being anything else, or we'll have a meltdown.
Fake tolerance.
We don't mind what others do or how we impact them as long as our motives feel righteous, but the second someone does something that inconveniences us, we're quick to judge partners, parents, friends, or strangers as being selfish. It's quite a sight.😁
We tend to mask the guilt from our own ugly behavior by hiding behind the "right to personal happiness" (even if it means stepping over the people closest to us along the way 😁 ), or the supposed freedom to choose and act however we please.
Regardless of who gets caught in the crossfire.
Though, realistically, you can't truly be happy if the people around you aren't.
And you certainly can't find happiness without the truth.
Of course, this brand of selfishness is being pushed because it drives alienation from one's true self, leading people to try and fill spiritual voids with hollow, superficial things and behaviors designed purely to increase "consumption." An alienated person is easy to manipulate; it's simple to convince them they have both the right and the obligation to take whatever they want and do whatever they feel like.
It’s a vicious cycle of misery. Selfishness is its own engine for unhappiness.
😉