CheckEmoji Community · the emoji forum
🏠 Home 🆕 What's new ❓ Unanswered 🔥 Popular 📡 RSS Members 👥 0 online log in · register
Home › Society › Psychology › Is having five kids actually worth it?

Is having five kids actually worth it?

Started by briskpuma23 · · 👁 12 views · 130 replies

📡 Subscribe to replies

Participants briskpuma23Richard Richardson68brightbearEdward Booth9Linda Taylor11Richard Fowler13Jeremy Alvarez5coastalgulljadetinker85Kevin Bailey2Dennis Bailey2Rachel Cruz3Angela Newman33fadedbear92Andrew Watson59Karen Rodriguez3coastaljackal2Rebecca Scott3fadedtruckergentlestag3wearyowl29darkhawk10dustyfox4placidwolf27 …
jadewalker63 jadewalker63 Member
14 messages
joined Nov 2010
#101 ·
neondrifter17 said:So, is that really it for you? Is that the whole point of living?
Just having a bunch of kids and secretly hoping someone will bring you a cup of tea when you're elderly and frail? 😕

When I’m an old lady, absolutely not, but NEVER would I want my child to have to take care of me and wipe my ass for me—no. Because at the end of the day, I love my child so much that I’m not such a selfish jerk that I’d make my own existence a burden on them in my twilight years. ☕

There are assisted living facilities for that, not children.

The truth is, the selfish ones are the people who expect their kids to carry them on their backs once they grow old and helpless. In a way, that's just fundamentally wrong.

Furthermore,

In my view, the purpose of life definitely isn't about cranking out a massive brood, because I honestly can't see why on earth I would do that. For whom? Myself? My husband? The world? Society?
wtf?

Personally, I find the most frustrating people are those who have a dozen kids and then can't even afford to feed them. Seriously, I feel like there should be a law preventing people like that from having more children.

The most fascinating case I know was a woman who had three absolute idiots for children. She's a distant relative of mine. This woman used to be a powerhouse; she literally had everything.
And then she decided she shouldn't have had those three kids...
You want to know what her life looks like now? All three of them are ungrateful jerks who were raised identically, yet all equally messed up.
They never learned how to stand on their own two feet; instead, they were leeching off her for money as soon as they were old enough to work. They even threatened her for cash. It's actually embarrassing to go into the details.

Now that she's older and her health is failing, she is quite literally broken. Both financially and physically. She used to be a stunning woman, and now she's just a shell of her former self. It's tragic.
It sounds harsh, but she would have been much better off if she had never had children at all.
Regardless, nowadays, kids just don't give a damn about their parents. They've exploited her, ruined her, and now they're finally satisfied.

Bottom line:
Life is unpredictable and messy, and you truly never know how things will turn out or what kind of adults your children will become.
The lucky parents are the ones whose kids move out, find their independence, and carve out their own paths. That, in itself, is a massive success.

I'm with you on this, 👍
Just one little correction—what you’re calling a "massive win" is actually what professionals have defined as the actual GOAL of parenting for ages.

Besides, I've never understood why having three, five, or seventeen kids is somehow more valuable than just having my one.
Since when did quantity become more important than quality?🤷
fadedbear92 fadedbear92 Veteran
1.1K messages
joined Dec 2008
#102 ·
jadewalker63 said:I'm with you on this, 👍
Just one little correction—what you’re calling a "massive win" is actually what professionals have defined as the actual GOAL of parenting for ages.

Besides, I've never understood why having three, five, or seventeen kids is somehow more valuable than just having my one.
Since when did quantity become more important than quality?🤷

I remember once, an old lady overheard me saying I was an only child and told me, "Well, one is just none!"🙄
jadewalker63 jadewalker63 Member
14 messages
joined Nov 2010
#103 ·
fadedbear92 said:I remember once, an old lady overheard me saying I was an only child and told me, "Well, one is just none!"🙄


I hope the admins don't take this down—it’s not even my own thought, I just read it somewhere. There's this saying that goes something like this: No matter how many people you add to a family, the collective IQ stays exactly the same. 😂 🙈
Richard Richardson68 Richard Richardson68 Member
29 messages
joined Jun 2012
#104 ·
Quincy:
I don't even know where to start with this. Honestly? It’s just pure foolishness. I mean, seriously. Everything is becoming so unclear lately, it's like nobody knows what they're doing anymore. I guess maybe I'm just being too cynical, but I can't help it. It feels like everything is falling apart right in front of us. Just total chaos. Typical. kaže:
And what's that supposed to be to you? Seriously. Is that your whole purpose in life? Just being a jerk? I don't even know. Maybe I care too much, but honestly, what is that even meant to accomplish? Total foolishness.
So, what's the plan here? Just have a massive brood of kids and secretly pray that someone actually brings you a cup of tea when you're old and dying? I mean, seriously? That sounds like total foolishness to me. I guess some people really think that's how life works, but honestly, it's just wishful thinking. 😕

When am I going to be some old lady? Not a chance. Absolutely not.But, I guess... NOTHING AT ALL. I don't want my kid to end up looking after me and wiping my ass when I'm old. NOPE. Not happening. I mean, I actually raised my child to be an independent person, you know? I just love it so much. And I’m not some selfish jerk who's gonna go ahead and list myself as a dependent on his taxes just to get a break. ☕

Look, there's a reason nursing homes exist. They aren't meant for kids. I guess people just forget that sometimes.

And the truth is, those people are just plain selfish—you know, the ones who actually expect their kids to carry them on their backs once they get old and helpless. I mean, honestly? It’s kind of twisted. Maybe it's just how some people are, but it feels totally wrong.

Anyway, moving on...

Look, I don't care what anyone says, the whole point of living definitely isn't just cranking out a massive pile of kids. I mean, seriously, why on earth would I even go through all that? For who? Myself? My husband? The world? Society? I just don't see the logic in it, honestly.
Are you kidding me right now? Seriously? What even is this? I mean, wtf?

Honestly, my favorite people are the ones who go out and have a massive pile of kids and then don't have a single damn cent to feed them. I mean, seriously. I guess if it were up to me, I’d just pass a law banning people like that from having more children altogether. It's just pure foolishness.

I mean, honestly, the most fascinating thing I’ve ever seen is this one woman who somehow managed to spawn three total idiots. She’s actually a distant relative of mine, if you can even call it that. But man, she was a force of nature—a total powerhouse who basically had everything. Everything.
And then she goes and remembers that she decided not to have three kids... I mean, really?
You have no idea what her life is actually like. Honestly, all three of them are just ungrateful jerks. They were raised exactly the same way, but they all ended up just as messed up.
They couldn't even stand up for themselves, let alone her. They’ve been leeching off her cash since they were barely old enough to walk. I mean, they actually threatened her just to get at her money. It's honestly too much to even get into the details—it's just pathetic.

Now that she's older and just can't cut it anymore... I mean, seriously, she's such a woman. It's all gone south. Total disaster. Everything just fell apart.Both financially and physically... man. She used to be such a powerhouse, and now? She’s just a total wreck. It’s honestly pathetic to watch.
It’s harsh, I know, and maybe I shouldn't even say it, but honestly? She probably would have been much better off if she hadn't had kids at all.
So, today the kids basically just tore her apart. They totally undermined her, completely trashed her, and now they’re finally quiet. I guess that's just how it goes. It's all just unclear to me why things went this far, but yeah, they definitely ruined her.
Bottom line;

Life is a total bitch, honestly. And you? You have no clue how this all ends, or what kind of kids you’re even going to leave behind. Maybe it's just bad luck, I guess. Who knows.
Honestly, parents should consider themselves lucky when their kids finally move out, find their own footing, and actually start living their lives. I mean, if they manage to strike out on their own like that? That’s already a massive win in my book.
I mean, I guess I’m with most of what she wrote. I mean, look, even nursing homes aren't always the answer. It’s not like there’s infinite space or money to go around, right? And honestly, if everyone actually decided to move into assisted living at once, that facility would have to be the size of Washington, D.C. just to fit us all. I guess it's just not that simple. But... I mean, seriously...

I don't get it. I really don't. How on earth can you take this one specific example and try to use it as some kind of universal rule for the question in the original post? It's just... I guess it's totally unclear how that works.
It’s pretty obvious—I mean, I assume there was a father involved who was just as much to blame—that they’re the kind of parents who produced such absolute garbage. Their kids turned out exactly how you'd expect given the situation. And honestly, it probably wouldn't have even mattered if they had just one kid or five. It would've been the same result.

It’s just not like that. Luck. Or maybe just pure, unadulterated luck. I don't know. Maybe. I mean, honestly, when the time finally comes, kids just leave. They pack up and head out. It’s inevitable, I guess. Success. Or whatever you want to call it. I guess it’s all just a matter of perspective, isn't it? Maybe. But honestly, people make such a huge deal out of it. It's exhausting. I mean, honestly? It’s about parents who actually raise kids to be independent and responsible. You know, people who build adults capable of carving out their own paths and just... living their lives. Not hovering, not suffocating, just letting them go.

I don't even feel like reading this whole thread from the top, but seriously... how did we even get to this point? Like, since when did having five kids become some kind of insurance policy just because parents want someone to look after them when they're old? It's wild.
Richard Kim10 Richard Kim10 Newcomer
4 messages
joined Dec 2009
#105 ·
jadewalker63 said:I hope the admins don't take this down—it’s not even my own thought, I just read it somewhere. There's this saying that goes something like this: No matter how many people you add to a family, the collective IQ stays exactly the same. 😂 🙈

Pure foolishness... I read extensively, yet I have never encountered such a saying; we clearly consume different literature. You shared that quote here simply because you find it trendy and happen to agree with it. It is superficial and lacks depth. IQ? Please.
I come from a large family... and look at the professions represented... computer programmer, auditor, electrician, two nurses, an interior designer (who graduated on the Honor Roll abroad), an accountant, an administrator... and there are still students to count, among others. Afterall, the number of children is irrelevant; what matters is their upbringing. 😍
briskpuma23 briskpuma23 Active MemberOP
83 messages
joined Mar 2012
#106 ·
I’ve already covered everything in my opening post.
jadewalker63 jadewalker63 Member
14 messages
joined Nov 2010
#107 ·
Richard Kim10 said:Pure foolishness... I read extensively, yet I have never encountered such a saying; we clearly consume different literature. You shared that quote here simply because you find it trendy and happen to agree with it. It is superficial and lacks depth. IQ? Please.
I come from a large family... and look at the professions represented... computer programmer, auditor, electrician, two nurses, an interior designer (who graduated on the Honor Roll abroad), an accountant, an administrator... and there are still students to count, among others. Afterall, the number of children is irrelevant; what matters is their upbringing. 😍

Just because you haven't read it doesn't mean it isn't out there. Honestly, I don't have the energy to break down my entire research project right now.
There’s no need to list your family's achievements—the whole subject is way too complex for that anyway.
Sorry if you took that personally. I didn't name your family specifically.
Besides, this is totally off-topic.

Superficial and thoughtless. IQ? Please...:

That's just as superficial and thoughtless as the way everyone looks at one-child families. Not to mention how shallow the questions are: "Why only one kid?" or "When are you having another?"

Look, folks, never. Because that's what I decided.
Angela Newman33 Angela Newman33 Active Member
87 messages
joined May 2005
#108 ·
There’s actually some data out there showing how a higher standard of living tends to shrink family sizes
it works pretty much the same way with education levels too

Usually, you see the largest families among people with the lowest incomes and the least amount of schooling

And look, I’m not just talking about random one-off stories here—I mean actual percentages

And honestly, there are definitely logical reasons why things play out that way
Nicole James Nicole James Regular
313 messages
joined Dec 2010
#109 ·
My plan is to start a family only when I reach a point where my monthly income consistently exceeds what I spend on maintaining a comfortable lifestyle and pursuing my hobbies—and that's assuming I have a reasonable level of certainty that my financial situation won't take a massive hit over the next decade or so.

To put it bluntly, I’m probably ready to go ahead with a vasectomy right now...
neondrifter17 neondrifter17 Newcomer
6 messages
joined Aug 2010
#110 ·
I’ve been thinking quite a bit lately about how we approach our health, specifically when it comes to things like Bioaktiv, and I find myself wondering if we sometimes overcomplicate the simple act of nourishing our bodies. It isn't always about finding some miraculous, silver-bullet solution that promises to change everything overnight, but rather about those small, intentional choices we make every single day to support our overall well-being. I know I can be a bit overly analytical about these things—probably more than I should be—but there is something deeply sincere about looking for products that actually align with a natural way of living, even if it means being a little more cautious with what we let into our systems. It's a slow process, really, just trying to figure out what works for us personally, and I'm still very much in the middle of learning that balance. kaže:

I honestly can't quite wrap my head around how you think this specific example serves as a valid way to generalize everything we were actually discussing in the original post.
It’s pretty obvious that they were both—and I’m assuming there was a father involved who shared the blame—just fundamentally flawed parents, which explains why their kids turned out exactly the way they did. Honestly, I suspect the outcome would have been identical regardless of whether they had just one child or a whole brood of five.

The woman I’m writing about serves as a perfect real-world example of why you can't necessarily expect children to return the kindness you pour into them. It really hits home because that's exactly what he's preaching in his post and how he approaches life in general.
In my humble opinion, my wife thinks that... I really do know her quite well, and I feel like I understand her life inside and out.She really did right by her kids, honestly. She gave them everything they could possibly need and made sure they had such a solid head start in life, but in the end, you just realize that children are ultimately who they are, regardless of how much you try to shape them.
I think if I really started diving into all the specifics regarding their father and everything else that went down, it wouldn't even be worth it right now, mostly because this is an online forum and there’s always that nagging risk of people actually recognizing the players involved.

I’ve been thinking quite a bit lately about bioactiv, and honestly, I sometimes wonder if I spend more time researching these kinds of things than I should, which probably isn't the most productive use of my energy, but there's just something about trying to understand how these processes actually work that keeps me hooked. It feels like every time I think I’ve finally grasped the core concept, another layer of complexity reveals itself, making me feel a little bit foolish for thinking it was ever going to be simple, yet I can't help but dive back in because I genuinely want to know the truth behind it all. kaže:

That just isn't it. Luck. I suppose it’s just one of those inevitable things where kids eventually pack up their bags and head out on their own once the time finally comes. Success. I’ve always felt there is something deeply profound about parents who manage to raise children to be truly independent and responsible, people who possess the strength to carve out their own paths and live their lives on their own terms.

It’s just one of those things where you realize, maybe a little too late, that being a parent is actually impossible to master. I suppose I should probably find a way to actually create something meaningful here, though I often feel like I’m just spinning my wheels without much to show for it. I really hope that by raising them the right way, I can successfully prepare my child to head out into the world, live independently, and actually take some responsibility for themselves. It would be absolutely wonderful if we could just have that one guarantee—that knowing all this effort will actually pay off in the end. But at the end of the day, we aren't parents who hold all the cards, and none of us are God; we can't truly control how things turn out.
Of course, everyone is going to end up doing exactly what they were destined to do. I really feel like I need to put more heart and soul into how I’m raising my kids, because honestly, it feels like such an uphill battle sometimes. It isn't just about making sure they eat their vegetables or finish their homework on time, but rather about that deeper, more intentional effort to shape who they become as people. I find myself constantly questioning if I'm doing enough or if I'm even heading in the right direction, which is a bit humbling, to say the least, but I truly believe that being mindful about their upbringing is one of the most important things I'll ever do. ( Look, I know not everyone is going to be on board with this, but let's just say they are.If you want your child to find their own path in life, you can't help but try to nudge them in the right direction along the way.
We all spend so much time worrying about raising our kids to be successful and teaching them how to navigate the world as decent, honest people, but we often overlook one crucial thing: nobody actually tells them that they’ll eventually come to realize those values for themselves and decide to walk that path on their own terms.

You could spend every single day going through the motions of being an incredibly gentle parent, constantly walking on eggshells and trying to nurture your child with nothing but softness and affection, but if you raise them that way, you might just end up producing someone who isn't prepared for the actual grit of life. I’ve been spending quite a lot of my free time lately just getting lost in a good book, which I suppose is a bit of a solitary way to live, but there is something deeply grounding about it. It feels like one of those rare ways to actually slow down and quiet the noise of everything else going on around us, even when life gets incredibly hectic.And honestly, it just ends up looking like a massive, world-class failure.
It is what it is. Nothing more, nothing less.

And the exact opposite.

Not every kid is lucky enough to be raised by parents who are actually sane or stable. There are some kids out there who just get dealt a bad hand from the start, stuck with problematic parents, yet somehow through sheer grit and luck, they manage to navigate their way through life and eventually learn how to stand entirely on their own two feet.
I feel like I could go on forever about that, honestly, but I should probably save those thoughts for another time.

I’ve been spending quite a bit of time lately looking into Bioaktiv, and I have to admit, I’m feeling a little bit out of my depth with all the different nutritional supplements on the market these days. It feels like every time I turn around, there's some new brand claiming they have the magic solution for everything, so I tend to approach these things with a healthy dose of skepticism, though I really do want to find something that actually works. I've been reading up on their specific formulations, trying to wrap my head around how they might fit into a standard American diet, and while it seems promising, I still find myself second-guessing whether I'm overthinking the whole thing or if I should just trust the science behind it. kaže:

I honestly don't have the energy to go back and read through this entire thread from the very beginning, but I can't help but wonder how we even arrived at this point where people feel like they need to have five kids just to ensure they have someone to look after them when they get old.

We didn't actually arrive at that conclusion ourselves; shocker, it was just something he wrote. I suppose he’s under the impression that his kids are just going to be standing by to take care of him once he gets old and frail.
I honestly have no clue who he even talked to about this. Maybe he'll go consult with that psychic Milan.
neondrifter17 neondrifter17 Newcomer
6 messages
joined Aug 2010
#111 ·
jadewalker63 said:I'm with you on this, 👍
Just one little correction—what you’re calling a "massive win" is actually what professionals have defined as the actual GOAL of parenting for ages.

Besides, I've never understood why having three, five, or seventeen kids is somehow more valuable than just having my one.
Since when did quantity become more important than quality?🤷

Exactly. That really is the whole point of raising children. If we're being realistic, whenever we put effort into something, we naturally expect some kind of positive outcome.
It’s the same thing with parenting; you invest everything you have into your kid, hoping they'll turn into someone decent later on, but at the end of the day, it all just comes down to that hope.

Personally, I find it exhausting to deal with people suggesting that one child is somehow less significant than none at all, even though I hear that nonsense all the time. I suppose people just tend to project their own lives onto others, so if someone happens to have a big family, they assume everyone else should follow suit because they think that’s the only right way to live.
Bryan Alvarez15 Bryan Alvarez15 Newcomer
9 messages
joined Nov 2012
#112 ·
Having five children—that implies at least five years spent on maternity leave... I actually know someone who is currently expecting her eighth child. Personally, even if I had millions of dollars sitting in my bank account, I wouldn't dream of having five children; I would likely have a maximum of two and then focus on adoption. Don't you think there is something far more noble in providing a home to a child in need than simply biological reproduction? After all, isn't creating a biological child the easiest path of them all?
Angela Newman33 Angela Newman33 Active Member
87 messages
joined May 2005
#113 ·
And honestly, for some people, just having kids is basically their entire personality
it’s like they have nothing else to offer the world besides churning out more taxpayers
they actually think sitting around at home is some kind of massive contribution to society—and they judge everyone else based on it, too
Lisa Hernandez3 Lisa Hernandez3 Active Member
211 messages
joined Aug 2010
#114 ·
There is this reality show called Jon & Kate Plus 8—it follows the two of them and their eight kids as they navigate life in front of the cameras. It’s all very domestic, really; they dress, they eat, the kids use potty chairs, and you have older staff members coordinating everything, flipping toast on massive griddles. Most of the time everyone seems happy, though they might snap once in a while. When they do break down, it usually happens during those interview segments—they sit in those specific armchairs, much like you see on Big Brother, where she starts crying and they hold hands while he just sits there watching. But, from what I can gather—and I haven't been following every single episode closely—it looks like he’s had enough. In the recent episodes I’ve managed to catch, she seemed even more deeply immersed in that whole manufactured rhythm and the illusion of being a united front, while he was basically checking out. He mostly directed his energy toward her, though he was fine with the kids. Now, apparently, they are getting a divorce. Word is he’s already moved on to someone else.

I’m not entirely sure what the takeaway is here—aside from the fact that the reality TV genre is clearly terrible for the mental health of its stars, and it probably isn't the most intelligent way to build a career. But for us—well, I suppose when you're considering having children, you really ought to factor in the possibility of those little family units falling apart. In that light, maybe it's better to keep the numbers small. For instance, imagine what happens to eight kids after a divorce—this guy already has a different, rather unreliable partner hanging around with various socialites, and honestly, it's a mess. He loves his kids, sure, but how is he actually going to manage that new lifestyle with, say, four kids in tow if things split after the separation? half.

Well, anyway... Darling, please meet my eight children—and I do love you, truly—but I suppose you can't have a say in deciding which four of them will be living here with us.. 😱
Linda Taylor11 Linda Taylor11 Active Member
58 messages
joined Jan 2009
#115 ·
Angela Newman33 said:And honestly, for some people, just having kids is basically their entire personality
it’s like they have nothing else to offer the world besides churning out more taxpayers
they actually think sitting around at home is some kind of massive contribution to society—and they judge everyone else based on it, too

👍 Man, you hit the nail on the head with that paragraph... 😍

Just to be clear, I'm not some jerk who thinks certain people are more valuable than others, but I do think people are kind of on their own when they feel like they have nothing better to contribute to society.

I mean, how blind do you have to be... there's like how many of us on Earth? Seven billion already? And does everyone really deserve to exist and have value regardless of whether we actually contribute anything or just sit around waiting for a handout? Or even worse, if we're out here doing massive screw-ups? I think not. 😁

It reminds me of this fight I had with a friend who felt guilty—like, a total hardcore Catholic 🙄 —because she had an abortion and now she's rationalizing it in that typical Catholic way, like "every life is special and unique" and "we're all one of a kind," blah blah blah. She practically threw a fit at me when I told her I don't believe abortion should be punished by the electric chair. 😬

Personally, I think it’s only when most of us realize we’re pretty much unremarkable and not "special" that we can actually start contributing, mostly by understanding that there are plenty of other people dealing with way bigger messes and problems than we are. That mindset of "I deserve something just because I was born, so I deserve to pass on my genes regardless of whether I'll be a decent parent" is just going to land us all in even deeper crap.

And honestly, it feels pretty unfair how most women face this constant pressure from other women to have a whole brood of kids or just to have kids in general. 🙄
coppernomad7 coppernomad7 Newcomer
6 messages
joined Jun 2007
#116 ·
I am totally obsessed with this post🙂
It’s not quite that black and white, I guess; things can play out way differently whether you have five kids or zero or just one, but I basically agree with the sentiment here👍

briskpuma23 said:I know it’s not exactly trendy to advocate for large families these days, unless you’re coming from the Catholic Church—but it’s easy for them to talk when they don't even recognize their own kids.

To be clear, my stance on needing at least five kids has nothing to do with some nonsense about "procreation" or any kind of moral crusade.

The truth is, you have children for your own sake.

When our time finally runs out, most people—especially people today—will find it pretty hard to sing My Way while looking back at their lives as a selfless sacrifice for others. There's no way. Most of us are just focused on how to cut corners, how to get the most out of life while spending the least, how to hustle, how to score a weekend trip to a beach house, then head to work, maybe join a committee, and so on. In short, we'd rather people didn't judge us by our actions.

And given the kind of shallow people society has turned us into, we can barely manage to bring one child into this world; having two would already feel like an incredible sacrifice.

Because we are so spiritually numb and, let's be honest, lazy and immature, we’ll probably end up ruining the kid too. We’ll pass all our neuroses down to them, instill hypochondria and cynicism, blast them with antibiotics the second they cough, and then complain at the office about how "fragile" our child is. Besides, if you spend your time talking about your kid at work, only the worst kind of boss would actually trust you with a serious project. So, that one child becomes the perfect excuse to stay lazy and avoid doing any real work.

But again, after fifty or sixty years of dodging actual life, retirement rolls around with its tiny pension, and you realize that your one precious child doesn't really love you. They’re busy living their own selfish little lives with an equally rotten spouse and an only child of their own—an obnoxious, spoiled brat who won't even bother to visit Grandma. That's when you realize you have nobody.

That wouldn't happen if you had managed to have five kids. Granted, one would probably be an idiot. One might get hit by a bus, but that still leaves you with three healthy individuals. Healthy because, by necessity, they had to learn how to share, and because you didn't have enough time to focus all your dysfunction on just one person, they didn't develop those stupid neuroses. Plus, a big family naturally builds a competitive spirit, starting from when they're toddlers fighting over fries at McDonald's during a Happy Meal you take them to on Sundays because you're too lazy to cook a Sunday roast.

And those three healthy ones will actually love you. They’ll remember how warm and happy the home felt, conveniently forgetting the fact that it was only warm because you could only afford to give them one bedroom. They’ll turn all the flaws of their upbringing into beautiful memories. And they’ll take care of you in your old age because they grew up to be decent people. When you die, someone will actually cry for you. And honestly, there’s nothing more a person can wish for than that.
Lisa Hernandez3 Lisa Hernandez3 Active Member
211 messages
joined Aug 2010
#117 ·
I’ve actually quoted her before, though I don't think I ever properly thanked her for the post: it’s honestly one of my favorite descriptions of parenting dynamics on this forum. It isn't five different scenarios—it's just two—but they both feel so incredibly positive and straightforward. 🙂
jadewalker63 jadewalker63 Member
14 messages
joined Nov 2010
#118 ·
Lisa Hernandez3 said:I’ve actually quoted her before, though I don't think I ever properly thanked her for the post: it’s honestly one of my favorite descriptions of parenting dynamics on this forum. It isn't five different scenarios—it's just two—but they both feel so incredibly positive and straightforward. 🙂

Excellent post.👍
I wouldn't have written it any differently myself—except I'm about 10 years older.
If this isn't too off-topic, I'm honestly glad there are people out there who aren't ashamed to admit they love their peace. Once you've done your part, the chaos of other people's kids and the constant mess can really get under your skin—and it's fine to enjoy the quiet.
My kid is almost grown and fully independent now. I gave them the years they needed, gladly. Now that I'm in my 40s, I'm basically rebuilding my own life. I travel, stay busy with different hobbies, and I'm just happy those kinds of obligations are behind me.
When I'm around people with little kids, I have to watch what I say—it's practically heresy to admit you don't want more children and that you actually enjoy the silence. Still, I see I'm not alone. 🙂
Jessica Rogers4 Jessica Rogers4 Newcomer
6 messages
joined Aug 2010
#119 ·
I honestly think that everyone just goes out of their way to hunt for "evidence" in the world around them that backs up whatever they already believe! Like, one person might bring up financial stability (even though they’re busy paying for three massive Golden Retrievers), or someone else might point to things like birth rates in places like Sweden—which actually has some of the highest standards of living but also sees some of the lowest birth rates—or even bring up silly stuff about physical appearance, like how breastfeeding might affect your body, which is just such a weak argument if you ask me... anyway, I won't ramble on too long,
but I truly believe that deciding to have kids, especially multiple children, is an incredibly brave choice. People who are just afraid of responsibility or are acting out of pure selfishness will always find some excuse to talk down against it. Amen.☕
jadewalker63 jadewalker63 Member
14 messages
joined Nov 2010
#120 ·
Jessica Rogers4 said:I honestly think that everyone just goes out of their way to hunt for "evidence" in the world around them that backs up whatever they already believe! Like, one person might bring up financial stability (even though they’re busy paying for three massive Golden Retrievers), or someone else might point to things like birth rates in places like Sweden—which actually has some of the highest standards of living but also sees some of the lowest birth rates—or even bring up silly stuff about physical appearance, like how breastfeeding might affect your body, which is just such a weak argument if you ask me... anyway, I won't ramble on too long,
but I truly believe that deciding to have kids, especially multiple children, is an incredibly brave choice. People who are just afraid of responsibility or are acting out of pure selfishness will always find some excuse to talk down against it. Amen.☕

If someone avoids having children because they’re selfish or afraid of the commitment, I actually think they're being more honest toward those potential kids. It beats having them just because society expects it, to boost your social status, or because you're just following an instinct.
Unfortunately, most research suggests that children aren't usually born out of pure love or a desire to nurture.
Kudos to the exceptions, though.

You must log in or register to reply here.

Log in Register

🔗 Similar threads