Is having five kids actually worth it?

Angela Newman33 said:while guys with five kids under their belts have nothing better to do than hang out on this forum
since we all know most people are just scrolling through this stuff on their lunch break at work

I mean, I've said before that I use my time at work to unwind😁
Sure, they're older now and don't need me running around after them constantly, but sometimes, having just 2 or 3 hours of peace in my office... man... and there are only two of them.
But honestly, I guess it all just comes down to how much effort you actually want to put into your kids, regardless of how many you have.

Angela Newman33 said:while guys with five kids under their belts have nothing better to do than hang out on this forum
since we all know most people are just scrolling through this stuff on their lunch break at work

Well, if they don't have any free time at home... then I guess the only time left is on the clock.
That's where they relax. And then they just act exhausted once they get back home 🤣.

Angela Newman33 said:honestly, I have no idea where you're getting that from

that's not even what I'm talking about

Look, I know the answer is probably no, but I mean... honestly? You can look at just about anything from a dozen different angles if you try hard enough.

...the most foolproof way to make sure people don't end up dying alone is... just not having kids in the first place.......
...the world is getting way too crowded anyway..... if you really want a companion, why not adopt? There are plenty of young people out there who need a home.....
...if your actual goal is just to have someone reliable by your side when things get tough... honestly, just get a dog.....

...kids aren't born to be your caregivers at the end of your life... or to handle your funeral...

I’m curious what women actually think about guys who go into this with the goal of having five kids

Like, are they actively hunting for a partner based on that specific checklist?

Rebecca Scott3 said:...the most foolproof way to make sure people don't end up dying alone is... just not having kids in the first place.......
...the world is getting way too crowded anyway..... if you really want a companion, why not adopt? There are plenty of young people out there who need a home.....
...if your actual goal is just to have someone reliable by your side when things get tough... honestly, just get a dog.....

...kids aren't born to be your caregivers at the end of your life... or to handle your funeral...

Then what??😁

I don't know, but I'm digging this opening post.🙂

It’s basically an Ode to Selfishness. Honestly, I much prefer it when people actually have the guts to admit why they had kids and what they're really afraid of (especially when they get old), rather than feeding me those lines about how they had them "for the kids."

So, since the author was cool enough to lay out their ego and fear of being alone so beautifully, I'll be real about my own vanity too. I honestly have no clue where I'd find any joy or happiness if I had to play full-time nanny to a tiny, miniature version of myself 24/7—not if I wanted things done properly, seriously and high-quality, according to my standards (which, let's face it, are pretty damn high).

Ahhh... I think I finally get why my mom had me... as the seventh and absolute last kid in the bunch... I mean, I really thought... 😢 😢 🙂

Rebecca Scott3 said:...the most foolproof way to make sure people don't end up dying alone is... just not having kids in the first place.......
...the world is getting way too crowded anyway..... if you really want a companion, why not adopt? There are plenty of young people out there who need a home.....
...if your actual goal is just to have someone reliable by your side when things get tough... honestly, just get a dog.....

...kids aren't born to be your caregivers at the end of your life... or to handle your funeral...

Man, if parents actually thought like that, they’d probably make up maybe 2% of the population.

I guess we pay our parents back through our kids, and then those kids eventually pay us back through theirs... maybe?

gentlestag3 said:I guess we pay our parents back through our kids, and then those kids eventually pay us back through theirs... maybe?

What kind of "debt" are we even talking about here?

You don't owe anyone anything—you had kids because *you* wanted them, plain and simple.

You wanted them, you have them... so what exactly do they owe you just because you decided to bring them into the world?

You can plan for just about anything—even a house full of kids—but if it’s not meant to be, it simply won't happen. It’s just like money or looks; you can't force them into existence.
Life isn't some magic wishing well where you can just keep dipping a bucket in to pull out whatever your heart desires. Instead, life hands you roles to play, and let's be honest, sometimes those roles are ones we absolutely hate or never even wanted in the first place. Even having five kids doesn't guarantee you a peaceful retirement, a fulfilled life, or any of that other stuff people chase... just like having a fat bank account or a perfect face doesn't guarantee happiness either.

It reminds me of what Pasternak once said: "living is more than just walking through a meadow."

Angela Newman33 said:What kind of "debt" are we even talking about here?

You don't owe anyone anything—you had kids because *you* wanted them, plain and simple.

You wanted them, you have them... so what exactly do they owe you just because you decided to bring them into the world?

That's exactly my point. I'll pay back that "debt" by having my own kid, and then they'll pay it forward by having theirs. I don't want a child just so someone can look after me when I get old. I'll just go to a nursing home or something.

Angela Newman33 said:What kind of "debt" are we even talking about here?

You don't owe anyone anything—you had kids because *you* wanted them, plain and simple.

You wanted them, you have them... so what exactly do they owe you just because you decided to bring them into the world?

She’s probably referring to that massive national debt the US owes to the IMF😉 along with all that interest.🙏

gentlestag3 said:That's exactly my point. I'll pay back that "debt" by having my own kid, and then they'll pay it forward by having theirs. I don't want a child just so someone can look after me when I get old. I'll just go to a nursing home or something.

Even under US law, you're basically expected to step up for parents who can't handle things on their own.
I don't really get how anyone could say they wouldn't take care of their mom if she couldn't manage. I mean, what kind of upbringing leads you to think like that?

Angela Newman33 said:I’m telling you, you’re totally romanticizing the whole thing—you honestly have no clue what this looks like from a woman’s perspective.

I was watching this documentary about moms with big families lately,

and man, these women are just completely spent. They’re running on maybe a few hours of sleep, totally drained and chronically exhausted.
They're basically pushed to the absolute limit, both physically and mentally.
They can't even afford to have a breakdown because if they do, the entire household just collapses... plus, they know they've got years of this ahead of them until the kids are finally grown.

But nobody ever talks about it. It’s like a total taboo.

It doesn't fit the "perfect motherhood" narrative. I mean, an exhausted, frazzled, sleep-deprived, and frustrated mother isn't exactly the beautiful image of a healthy society we like to project... besides, it's always easy to judge when you aren't the one in the trenches.
Just when you finally raise a whole basketball team and get them out on the court—dealing with everything that comes once they become independent and start looking for their own way—they drop grandkids on you... then you can talk about how easy it is.

My neighbor actually has heart arrhythmia issues because of her grandkids... man, every single weekend she's on duty with two of them while the parents shamelessly dump the kids off on Friday night so they can catch up on sleep and recharge their batteries for the corporate grind on Monday. Meanwhile, Grandma is babysitting all through the weekend just so she can spend Monday to Wednesday lying down and popping pills. When she finally said no once (just because she was too tired), her daughter threw a massive tantrum and asked, "How could you be such a terrible grandmother?"😂

And she's the only one I know...

Karen Rodriguez3 said:Even under US law, you're basically expected to step up for parents who can't handle things on their own.
I don't really get how anyone could say they wouldn't take care of their mom if she couldn't manage. I mean, what kind of upbringing leads you to think like that?

It’s just bad parenting. Period.
And then, I guess, that’s exactly how they end up being treated by their own kids later on.

Just like that old saying goes: what goes around, comes around...

Richard Richardson68 said:It’s just bad parenting. Period.
And then, I guess, that’s exactly how they end up being treated by their own kids later on.

Just like that old saying goes: what goes around, comes around...

Look, I love my mom. So yeah, I'll take care of her if she needs it, but it's not some transaction or paying back a debt. It's just what you do.

Karen Rodriguez3 said:Even under US law, you're basically expected to step up for parents who can't handle things on their own.
I don't really get how anyone could say they wouldn't take care of their mom if she couldn't manage. I mean, what kind of upbringing leads you to think like that?

My mom actually wants to move into an assisted living facility once she gets weaker. My wife's grandfather broke his leg recently, and since her parents work from sunrise to sunset, there just wasn't anyone available to stay with him, so he had to go into a care home. He fought it so hard at first, though—he kept saying everyone abandoned him, blah blah blah. But after being there for three months until he could walk again, he actually misses it. Since her parents are still working non-stop, he's just alone all day, whereas at the facility, he had company around the clock.

I guess I don't really get why people are lecturing me about my upbringing? Like, who decided it was wrong to step up and help my mother if she becomes incapacitated?

wearyowl29 said:It doesn't fit the "perfect motherhood" narrative. I mean, an exhausted, frazzled, sleep-deprived, and frustrated mother isn't exactly the beautiful image of a healthy society we like to project... besides, it's always easy to judge when you aren't the one in the trenches.
Just when you finally raise a whole basketball team and get them out on the court—dealing with everything that comes once they become independent and start looking for their own way—they drop grandkids on you... then you can talk about how easy it is.

My neighbor actually has heart arrhythmia issues because of her grandkids... man, every single weekend she's on duty with two of them while the parents shamelessly dump the kids off on Friday night so they can catch up on sleep and recharge their batteries for the corporate grind on Monday. Meanwhile, Grandma is babysitting all through the weekend just so she can spend Monday to Wednesday lying down and popping pills. When she finally said no once (just because she was too tired), her daughter threw a massive tantrum and asked, "How could you be such a terrible grandmother?"😂

And she's the only one I know...

it's basically treated like a taboo subject... especially if you dare to say anything remotely negative about it.

In every movie ever made, they act like having a baby is this cosmic explosion of pure joy and love. But the second a woman admits it was actually the most grueling, nightmare experience of her life—and that she wouldn't go through it again—everyone acts like she’s lost her mind because nobody talks about it like that.

Everyone knows the script: you give birth, you're suddenly flooded with this divine love, everything is rainbows and butterflies, the pain vanishes instantly, and you're ready to do it all over again immediately.

Yeah, right. Dream on.

Angela Newman33 said:it's basically treated like a taboo subject... especially if you dare to say anything remotely negative about it.

In every movie ever made, they act like having a baby is this cosmic explosion of pure joy and love. But the second a woman admits it was actually the most grueling, nightmare experience of her life—and that she wouldn't go through it again—everyone acts like she’s lost her mind because nobody talks about it like that.

Everyone knows the script: you give birth, you're suddenly flooded with this divine love, everything is rainbows and butterflies, the pain vanishes instantly, and you're ready to do it all over again immediately.

Yeah, right. Dream on.

Honestly, it’s no surprise when you see how women are treated in this country. We've already seen dozens of women murdered by their exes this year alone. The police just can't seem to get ahead of it...

In this society, a woman is either viewed as a saintly mother or something much less respectful. And let me tell you, the line between those two labels is razor-thin.