Love as a fixed idea

Sean Cruz said:My daughter actually planned to have all our loved ones buried in the backyard, just so she wouldn't have to make the trek to the cemetery. 😁 She even promised she'd bring us a little bit of her old allowance every day to keep the memory alive. 🤣

See, your ideas aren't half bad. 😍

this kind of thing reminds me of that old movie about those kids in post-WWII France, "Forbidden Games." You know, where two children meet amidst the wreckage of war and end up making their own little pet cemetery. It was a pretty devastating film...

Sean Cruz said:My daughter actually planned to have all our loved ones buried in the backyard, just so she wouldn't have to make the trek to the cemetery. 😁 She even promised she'd bring us a little bit of her old allowance every day to keep the memory alive. 🤣

See, your ideas aren't half bad. 😍

"Your garden is gorgeous... you said four gravesites? They look lovely. You thinking about adding more?" 😂

I once had this dream where someone close to me just... rose from the dead. It absolutely terrified me... until someone, or maybe some voice in the dream, told me: "Don't be scared. If our loved ones actually crawled out of their graves, nobody would ever fear death again." It’d just be a party. 🙂

And seriously, imagine the chaos... "Where am I supposed to take you, man? Why can't you just rest in peace like everyone else!" Plus, think about the legal nightmare... the laws would be insane... and the emotions... I don't even know what's left for a person to feel after that. 🤷 What would that even look like?

@samting, solid post. I won't say it was "beautiful"... because honestly, calling love "pre-technical" feels a bit too clinical for me. 😉

Here’s what actually hit home for me:

When you look at love as a process versus just a memory, the connection between two people is the journey, while the memory is just what's left over. But let's be real—love only stays alive as long as it's being actively given or received. It doesn't exist just because of the people involved; it exists because of its own damn essence.

cosmictinker21 said:I'm sure she's stunning. Any woman truly in love has that kind of glow—eyes bright, just radiating everything... though I suppose that changes when the feeling isn't returned. It’s hard to keep that light when things feel heavy and fruitless...

No, we don't know the full story. We aren't here to pass judgment on anyone... we're just exploring the possibilities that emerge when love simply can't be realized the way it was meant to be...

I actually went through something like this myself, a few years back...
I’d put it this way: he was the one. My person. We were perfectly aligned on every single level—intellectually, spiritually, emotionally, physically... you name it. But there were serious, heavy reasons why things couldn't work out, both for me and for him. He understood that I simply don't do compromises. And if I had insisted on having things my way, he wouldn't have survived the toll it would have taken on him, mentally or physically. He probably would have ended up back in the hospital, dealing with plasma exchanges, immunosuppressants, steroids... the whole ordeal. He just wouldn't have made it through all that. He would have died. There was nothing I could have done to change that outcome. It's just a shame...

I’ll probably never run into another man I could love with that kind of intensity. It wasn't just about the romance; he actually made me feel whole. He enriched my life just by being there—his intellect, his subtlety, that deep spiritual connection... it was everything. We went through so many cycles, breaking up and trying again, over and over. Eventually, the silence just became permanent. We stopped reaching out... and that was it.

Life keeps moving forward. I’m happy. Though, I am fully aware that I probably won't ever cross paths with someone who fit me quite as perfectly as the last one did. In this new chapter, I've discovered different sides of myself; we’re building a different kind of love, a different way of relating to one another. It's hard to explain to anyone else, but there's just this deep understanding between us... and at the end of the day, it's all just love...🙂

So, you're saying he was perfect for you, yet you still couldn't be with him? What kind of "serious reasons" prevent a perfect match? You praise him as the best you'll ever know, yet you walk away anyway?

Sean Cruz said:Pick a side. 😁 To me, what you're saying now seems to contradict everything else you've argued in your previous posts.

😁 😍

Dana Morales64 said:So, you're saying he was perfect for you, yet you still couldn't be with him? What kind of "serious reasons" prevent a perfect match? You praise him as the best you'll ever know, yet you walk away anyway?

Give it a rest... seriously... stop digging up the past. 😉 She moved on with her life. 😉

Gerald Ward61 said:@samting, solid post. I won't say it was "beautiful"... because honestly, calling love "pre-technical" feels a bit too clinical for me. 😉

Here’s what actually hit home for me:

When you look at love as a process versus just a memory, the connection between two people is the journey, while the memory is just what's left over. But let's be real—love only stays alive as long as it's being actively given or received. It doesn't exist just because of the people involved; it exists because of its own damn essence.

Beauty is truth. Truth is beauty. 🙂

Well, you two certainly found my thread just to pick a fight over
The whole thing is honestly just some fictional romance I cooked up.

So, here’s the setup—he’s totally in love with her, but she’s away studying in Japan. Before she left, they were super close friends, but that’s really where the story ends. They still talk, sure, but it’s no different than how you’d chat with any other acquaintance. He’s just sitting there waiting for the day she comes home, but she hasn't promised him a single thing.

And you're telling me I shouldn't let anyone else get close because of this??? Like, should I just pour all my energy into that one thought? Maybe?

Then she finally comes back, and she’s got this sweet Japanese guy with her—she tells him he’s the love of her life.

Anyway, I guess I started getting a little carried away with the storytelling, but whatever... it’s a wild topic, so I guess the drama follows. 😁

northernbadger12 said:Well, you two certainly found my thread just to pick a fight over
The whole thing is honestly just some fictional romance I cooked up.

So, here’s the setup—he’s totally in love with her, but she’s away studying in Japan. Before she left, they were super close friends, but that’s really where the story ends. They still talk, sure, but it’s no different than how you’d chat with any other acquaintance. He’s just sitting there waiting for the day she comes home, but she hasn't promised him a single thing.

And you're telling me I shouldn't let anyone else get close because of this??? Like, should I just pour all my energy into that one thought? Maybe?

Then she finally comes back, and she’s got this sweet Japanese guy with her—she tells him he’s the love of her life.

Anyway, I guess I started getting a little carried away with the storytelling, but whatever... it’s a wild topic, so I guess the drama follows. 😁

Sure, he can say he loves her, but loving someone without actually showing it in a way they can feel is just a vague feeling, not actual love.

They were super close friends before she left, but that’s where the connection ends. They still talk, but it's no different than any other acquaintance. He's waiting for the day she comes back, but she hasn't promised him anything.

So, what, he shouldn't let anyone else get close because of this??? Just put all his energy into waiting?

If he truly believed there was a future with her, then yeah, he'd wait and keep everyone else at arm's length. Of course, that kind of belief would require a massive amount of confidence—believing things will work out even though she hasn't promised a single thing.

But if he was actually as head-over-heels and "objectively" obsessed as he seems, he would have just packed his bags and headed straight for Japan regardless of the consequences, because I honestly feel like nothing is more intense than that spark between two people.

Still, it feels more like he's just blinded by infatuation, especially since she's keeping her distance, even if she isn't doing it on purpose. It's pretty silly to judge based on such tiny details. Honestly, I feel like an idiot now. 😬👏

wearyhawk83 said:Sure, he can say he loves her, but loving someone without actually showing it in a way they can feel is just a vague feeling, not actual love.

They were super close friends before she left, but that’s where the connection ends. They still talk, but it's no different than any other acquaintance. He's waiting for the day she comes back, but she hasn't promised him anything.

So, what, he shouldn't let anyone else get close because of this??? Just put all his energy into waiting?

If he truly believed there was a future with her, then yeah, he'd wait and keep everyone else at arm's length. Of course, that kind of belief would require a massive amount of confidence—believing things will work out even though she hasn't promised a single thing.

But if he was actually as head-over-heels and "objectively" obsessed as he seems, he would have just packed his bags and headed straight for Japan regardless of the consequences, because I honestly feel like nothing is more intense than that spark between two people.

Still, it feels more like he's just blinded by infatuation, especially since she's keeping her distance, even if she isn't doing it on purpose. It's pretty silly to judge based on such tiny details. Honestly, I feel like an idiot now. 😬👏

Hey there, silly! 😁

But honestly, he isn't really blocking people out emotionally... he just seems focused on sex, you know? Like, he just wants to satisfy that physical need, though maybe he's saving all that for his sweetheart who's currently over in Japan right now. 😛

And from what he's telling me, it sounds like she isn't giving him any feedback at all. I mean, if I were in her shoes and actually wanted to be with him, I'd probably still be with him, even from a distance... we aren't kids, after all. Knowing that I'd eventually come back home to him would definitely help things along. It's like—he's waiting for me. I don't know, I'm just trying to wrap my head around it. 🤷

northernbadger12 said:Hey there, silly! 😁

But honestly, he isn't really blocking people out emotionally... he just seems focused on sex, you know? Like, he just wants to satisfy that physical need, though maybe he's saving all that for his sweetheart who's currently over in Japan right now. 😛

And from what he's telling me, it sounds like she isn't giving him any feedback at all. I mean, if I were in her shoes and actually wanted to be with him, I'd probably still be with him, even from a distance... we aren't kids, after all. Knowing that I'd eventually come back home to him would definitely help things along. It's like—he's waiting for me. I don't know, I'm just trying to wrap my head around it. 🤷

Look, you asked if you should pour all your energy into this or if you should let someone actually get close to you. Fine. Sex is totally irrelevant if it's *just* about sex. I already answered your questions regarding intimacy and what I'd personally do. I was just answering what you asked.

As for why you can't wrap your head around him? That's a whole different story. To me, it's not even confusing. It's like people chasing ghosts—something almost everyone goes through when they're young. It feels like it's bordering on pathological, but hey, let the "experts" or whoever else judge. There are plenty of them around here. Just move this topic over to the Lounge. 👍

P.S. Why are you even so into this guy? 😛 😁

wearyhawk83 said:Look, you asked if you should pour all your energy into this or if you should let someone actually get close to you. Fine. Sex is totally irrelevant if it's *just* about sex. I already answered your questions regarding intimacy and what I'd personally do. I was just answering what you asked.

As for why you can't wrap your head around him? That's a whole different story. To me, it's not even confusing. It's like people chasing ghosts—something almost everyone goes through when they're young. It feels like it's bordering on pathological, but hey, let the "experts" or whoever else judge. There are plenty of them around here. Just move this topic over to the Lounge. 👍

P.S. Why are you even so into this guy? 😛 😁

Wait, what's so obvious about that? I mean, I guess I might be missing something here! Maybe I just didn't see it at first glance, haha. 😛

I’m definitely skipping the family reunion this year. I just can't deal with it! It always turns into that same old loop where everyone starts obsessing over whether we actually broke up or if we should just play hard to get so they can chase after you again. It’s just too much drama for me, I guess.

Since I totally had my own little fictional crush back when I was younger, I was really curious to hear what you guys think about that! Maybe it's just me, but I'd love to know your take on it.

So, I’m just kind of trying to wrap my head around all of this... I guess? I mean, I keep holding onto this little glimmer of hope that maybe, just maybe, figuring it out will finally bring me some peace of mind. 😍

northernbadger12 said:Wait, what's so obvious about that? I mean, I guess I might be missing something here! Maybe I just didn't see it at first glance, haha. 😛

I’m definitely skipping the family reunion this year. I just can't deal with it! It always turns into that same old loop where everyone starts obsessing over whether we actually broke up or if we should just play hard to get so they can chase after you again. It’s just too much drama for me, I guess.

Since I totally had my own little fictional crush back when I was younger, I was really curious to hear what you guys think about that! Maybe it's just me, but I'd love to know your take on it.

So, I’m just kind of trying to wrap my head around all of this... I guess? I mean, I keep holding onto this little glimmer of hope that maybe, just maybe, figuring it out will finally bring me some peace of mind. 😍

Look, I only posted that just for the sake of it. 🙂

wearyhawk83 said:Look, I only posted that just for the sake of it. 🙂

Man, I am totally lost here 😍

And why is treating love like some fixed idea such a bad thing? Because it isn't actually love! It’s just an idea *about* love. Honestly, it’s almost like art 🤷

Have we even begun to determine if we are merely chasing a fixed concept that lacks any actual foundation, or have we actually progressed beyond that point? Love takes so many different shapes, and everyone’s experience is entirely unique, yet the fact that so many people insist their specific version is the only truth is an added complication that complicates everything. There are various kinds of love; some manifest fully only to be severed prematurely, some endure for a time before eventually flickering out, and others somehow persist forever, regardless of how strange that might seem to an outsider. Personally, I have lived through several different iterations, and each was genuine and true in its own way, but I find myself lacking the desire to argue about it—though, lately, I am starting to feel as though there might be only one truly authentic, unrepeatable kind, or at least one that feels more real and singular than all the rest...

Gerald Ward61 said:"Your garden is gorgeous... you said four gravesites? They look lovely. You thinking about adding more?" 😂

I once had this dream where someone close to me just... rose from the dead. It absolutely terrified me... until someone, or maybe some voice in the dream, told me: "Don't be scared. If our loved ones actually crawled out of their graves, nobody would ever fear death again." It’d just be a party. 🙂

And seriously, imagine the chaos... "Where am I supposed to take you, man? Why can't you just rest in peace like everyone else!" Plus, think about the legal nightmare... the laws would be insane... and the emotions... I don't even know what's left for a person to feel after that. 🤷 What would that even look like?

🤣
I had absolutely no idea you possessed such a sharp sense of humor. 😍

I once had a dream where someone close to me rose from the dead. It was terrifying at first... until someone, or perhaps some presence in the dream, whispered: "Don't be afraid. If our loved ones actually rose from their graves, nobody would fear death anymore." It would just be a celebration. 🙂

The woman who raised me—she was essentially my second mother—always used to say: Don't fear the dead; fear the living..
And she was right...

Seriously, imagine the chaos... "Where am I supposed to go with you, dear? Why can't you just rest in peace like everyone else!" And think about the laws... what would they even look like? Not to mention the emotional toll... I don't know how much a person could possibly take. 🤷 What would that world even look like?

I think this is a fascinating topic. 😬 We should probably start a new thread over in spirituality or somewhere else to dive into this properly without cluttering this discussion. 🙂

northernbadger12 said:Well, you two certainly found my thread just to pick a fight over
The whole thing is honestly just some fictional romance I cooked up.

So, here’s the setup—he’s totally in love with her, but she’s away studying in Japan. Before she left, they were super close friends, but that’s really where the story ends. They still talk, sure, but it’s no different than how you’d chat with any other acquaintance. He’s just sitting there waiting for the day she comes home, but she hasn't promised him a single thing.

And you're telling me I shouldn't let anyone else get close because of this??? Like, should I just pour all my energy into that one thought? Maybe?

Then she finally comes back, and she’s got this sweet Japanese guy with her—she tells him he’s the love of her life.

Anyway, I guess I started getting a little carried away with the storytelling, but whatever... it’s a wild topic, so I guess the drama follows. 😁

My apologies. I have a tendency to get carried away during a debate, and before I know it, it starts looking more like an argument than a discussion. 🤣

Let’s be blunt about the situation: he’s in love with her, but she’s currently studying in Japan. Before she left, they were incredibly close friends, but that’s where the connection ends for now. They still talk, sure, but it’s no different from how he'd chat with any other acquaintance. He’s essentially just biding his time until she moves back to the States, even though she hasn't made him a single promise.

I knew there was a real story hiding beneath the surface. 😁 It’s always like this.

He clearly wants to wait until she gets back. How can you honestly say he isn't making promises to her? Does she even have a clue how he feels about her? There's a lot of ambiguity here, if you ask me.

Should you really let others get close just because of that? Is it worth pouring all your energy into such a thing?

He clearly intends to pour all his energy into that.

She’s coming back, and she’s bringing a charming guy from Japan along with her—she claims she finally met the love of her life.

This song just popped into my head: 🤣

My dear is currently in Japan.

northernbadger12 said:Hey there, silly! 😁

But honestly, he isn't really blocking people out emotionally... he just seems focused on sex, you know? Like, he just wants to satisfy that physical need, though maybe he's saving all that for his sweetheart who's currently over in Japan right now. 😛

And from what he's telling me, it sounds like she isn't giving him any feedback at all. I mean, if I were in her shoes and actually wanted to be with him, I'd probably still be with him, even from a distance... we aren't kids, after all. Knowing that I'd eventually come back home to him would definitely help things along. It's like—he's waiting for me. I don't know, I'm just trying to wrap my head around it. 🤷

🙄
You gave me the answer yourself:

I suppose I could also save that for my dear, since she's currently out in Japan. 😛

Based on what he’s saying, it sounds like she isn't giving him any feedback at all. Honestly, if I were in her shoes and actually wanted to be with him, I’d make an effort to stay connected, even if it was just long-distance. We aren't kids anymore. Knowing that I'd eventually be coming back home should be enough motivation—it's like, "he's waiting for me." I just don't get it, and I'm struggling to wrap my head around it. 🤷

Do you really want to get tangled up in that mess?

stormycanyon11 said:Have we even begun to determine if we are merely chasing a fixed concept that lacks any actual foundation, or have we actually progressed beyond that point? Love takes so many different shapes, and everyone’s experience is entirely unique, yet the fact that so many people insist their specific version is the only truth is an added complication that complicates everything. There are various kinds of love; some manifest fully only to be severed prematurely, some endure for a time before eventually flickering out, and others somehow persist forever, regardless of how strange that might seem to an outsider. Personally, I have lived through several different iterations, and each was genuine and true in its own way, but I find myself lacking the desire to argue about it—though, lately, I am starting to feel as though there might be only one truly authentic, unrepeatable kind, or at least one that feels more real and singular than all the rest...

If we're going to debate this, let's actually be precise. There aren't "different types" of love; those are just different types of relationships. Relationships vary wildly. How much actual love is present in those relationships, or how intense and lasting those emotions are, is a whole other story that shouldn't be lumped in with the full definition of love.

northernbadger12 said:Man, I am totally lost here 😍

And why is treating love like some fixed idea such a bad thing? Because it isn't actually love! It’s just an idea *about* love. Honestly, it’s almost like art 🤷

Everyone is losing it; some people just admit it and others don't.
Personally, I don't think being fixated is a bad thing as long as it's pointed in the right direction and you keep it somewhat "under control." Shakespeare said, "Nothing is good or bad in itself. It only depends on what we think of it."

The freedom of our minds and our ability to build our own inner worlds is what gives life its real "flavor," but man, it's hard to find that sweet spot. It's all about balance. Life itself is an art form, and we're all artists, no matter what anyone else says.

wearyhawk83 said:Beauty is truth. Truth is beauty. 🙂

And love?