Love as a fixed idea

stormycanyon11 said:Have we even begun to determine if we are merely chasing a fixed concept that lacks any actual foundation, or have we actually progressed beyond that point? Love takes so many different shapes, and everyone’s experience is entirely unique, yet the fact that so many people insist their specific version is the only truth is an added complication that complicates everything. There are various kinds of love; some manifest fully only to be severed prematurely, some endure for a time before eventually flickering out, and others somehow persist forever, regardless of how strange that might seem to an outsider. Personally, I have lived through several different iterations, and each was genuine and true in its own way, but I find myself lacking the desire to argue about it—though, lately, I am starting to feel as though there might be only one truly authentic, unrepeatable kind, or at least one that feels more real and singular than all the rest...

We're just waiting on the OP to clear things up.

Love comes in all shapes and sizes, and everyone’s journey with it is entirely their own. One of the biggest hurdles people face is the stubborn belief that their specific perspective is the only truth worth holding onto. It complicates everything. There are different kinds of love—some ignite beautifully only to be cut short, some burn steady before eventually flickering out, and others somehow manage to endure forever, no matter how strange that might look to an outsider.

Exactly. People throw the word "love" around like it’s some universal constant, when in reality, they're just using it to describe an endless loop of whatever they personally happen to value. It’s entirely subjective—what one person calls love, another might call obsession or just a passing whim. It changes completely from one individual to the next.

I’ve personally walked through several different versions of this, and honestly, they were all equally authentic and real in their own way.

No ordinary love... 🙂

Sean Cruz said:🤣
I had absolutely no idea you possessed such a sharp sense of humor. 😍

I once had a dream where someone close to me rose from the dead. It was terrifying at first... until someone, or perhaps some presence in the dream, whispered: "Don't be afraid. If our loved ones actually rose from their graves, nobody would fear death anymore." It would just be a celebration. 🙂

The woman who raised me—she was essentially my second mother—always used to say: Don't fear the dead; fear the living..
And she was right...

Seriously, imagine the chaos... "Where am I supposed to go with you, dear? Why can't you just rest in peace like everyone else!" And think about the laws... what would they even look like? Not to mention the emotional toll... I don't know how much a person could possibly take. 🤷 What would that world even look like?

I think this is a fascinating topic. 😬 We should probably start a new thread over in spirituality or somewhere else to dive into this properly without cluttering this discussion. 🙂

Eh, I'm pretty sure there's already a thread about that over on spirituality. Besides, I'm just rambling a bit... doesn't feel like I'm ruining the vibe here. 😉 (shapatalaptanemojnikomkazat)

Gerald Ward61 said:And love?

I don't think I could even put this into words properly—maybe a live discussion would work better, though honestly, I’d probably still struggle to find the right way to say it. But hey, if anyone actually wants to know, I’m sure they’ll find their answers eventually. This is a totally personal journey; you can't just read two sentences from some random guy on a forum who thinks he's cracked the code to the universe.

If you get it, you get it: Love is life, and life is love. If you don't wrap your head around that, all the words in the world won't help you.

I'm obsessed with this quote: "Once you have been struck by the beauty of something, dedicate your life to it." — A. Heyting

Love is essentially a singular force, though it manifests in billions of different ways, which is why we all walk around convinced that our specific version is the one true thing—and honestly, I can't say I blame us, given how unique every individual experience really is. If we can just let love exist, even if it’s nothing more than a persistent, abstract idea, then perhaps there’s hope. There’s an old saying going around that suggests success is merely the grave where love goes to die, a thought that certainly opens up a whole new rabbit hole of debate...🙂

stormycanyon11 said:Love is essentially a singular force, though it manifests in billions of different ways, which is why we all walk around convinced that our specific version is the one true thing—and honestly, I can't say I blame us, given how unique every individual experience really is. If we can just let love exist, even if it’s nothing more than a persistent, abstract idea, then perhaps there’s hope. There’s an old saying going around that suggests success is merely the grave where love goes to die, a thought that certainly opens up a whole new rabbit hole of debate...🙂

I wouldn't put it quite that way, unless you're implying that love fades because we get too wrapped up in chasing a paycheck, climbing the corporate ladder, or just accumulating stuff while neglecting actual empathy and connection with a partner. Sadly, that seems to be the standard American playbook lately. It's always about having versus being.

To me, when you actually find happiness in a relationship, I don't call that "success"... it's more like a sense of contentment and a deep, steady kind of fulfillment...

I really wanted to lay out the whole story right here, but I’m just swamped right now, and honestly, I don't want my coworkers snooping around at my little obsession. 😁
I'm loving it, though—the theme is really starting to come together!

And you know, speaking of "to have or to be," I think the only kind of love that actually works is this specific idea... it's about living the love and feeling it deeply, without that desperate need to own someone or possess them. 😍

I'll try to write out my specific scenario and how it all played out over the weekend
Catch ya later! 👍

northernbadger12 said:I really wanted to lay out the whole story right here, but I’m just swamped right now, and honestly, I don't want my coworkers snooping around at my little obsession. 😁
I'm loving it, though—the theme is really starting to come together!

And you know, speaking of "to have or to be," I think the only kind of love that actually works is this specific idea... it's about living the love and feeling it deeply, without that desperate need to own someone or possess them. 😍

I'll try to write out my specific scenario and how it all played out over the weekend
Catch ya later! 👍

Oh, please... if you're actually into someone, there's no way you won't want them right next to you. And yeah, you can't exactly "own" them either. 😉

But how you actually act on it? That's a whole different ballgame.

stormycanyon11 said:Love is essentially a singular force, though it manifests in billions of different ways, which is why we all walk around convinced that our specific version is the one true thing—and honestly, I can't say I blame us, given how unique every individual experience really is. If we can just let love exist, even if it’s nothing more than a persistent, abstract idea, then perhaps there’s hope. There’s an old saying going around that suggests success is merely the grave where love goes to die, a thought that certainly opens up a whole new rabbit hole of debate...🙂

Success at what, though? We've got plenty of different kinds of "success" floating around out there...🙂

Gerald Ward61 said:Oh, please... if you're actually into someone, there's no way you won't want them right next to you. And yeah, you can't exactly "own" them either. 😉

But how you actually act on it? That's a whole different ballgame.

Gerald, you basically just read my mind.🙂

I think the real essence of love is when two people remain entirely themselves—autonomous individuals—while working together to build something new, something else entirely. Think of it like two circles existing independently, then overlapping. They can never perfectly merge; that's just impossible between human beings. But within that union, there are segments where they absolutely align. The more those areas overlap, the better the relationship becomes... it leads to deeper understanding, more tolerance, and actual respect. Not to mention the raw depth of the feelings involved...🙂

stormycanyon11 said:Love is essentially a singular force, though it manifests in billions of different ways, which is why we all walk around convinced that our specific version is the one true thing—and honestly, I can't say I blame us, given how unique every individual experience really is. If we can just let love exist, even if it’s nothing more than a persistent, abstract idea, then perhaps there’s hope. There’s an old saying going around that suggests success is merely the grave where love goes to die, a thought that certainly opens up a whole new rabbit hole of debate...🙂

I haven't heard that one, but I have heard this:

Marriage is the death of love, and a wife is the cross one bears above it. 😬 🤣

From that same author: 😁

For women, marriage is a comedy that begins with a wedding; for men, it is a tragedy that ends with death.

This has to be one of the most compelling threads I’ve come across since I started lurking on this forum. There is something about it that just hits home... and honestly, a little bit of healthy debate won't hurt anyone; the subject matter is universal enough to span several different PDFs, though I suspect it belongs right here in the psychology section. Figaro, bravo—you’ve clearly struck a chord with us, and I find myself eagerly anticipating the next few posts from you and everyone else. Have a pleasant weekend, all.

northernbadger12 said:I really wanted to lay out the whole story right here, but I’m just swamped right now, and honestly, I don't want my coworkers snooping around at my little obsession. 😁
I'm loving it, though—the theme is really starting to come together!

And you know, speaking of "to have or to be," I think the only kind of love that actually works is this specific idea... it's about living the love and feeling it deeply, without that desperate need to own someone or possess them. 😍

I'll try to write out my specific scenario and how it all played out over the weekend
Catch ya later! 👍

I disagree. Love between two people is perfectly possible even when they are together. We shouldn't generalize and claim that love only counts when it's "realized" while dismissing everything else as mere illusions—that’s just not how it works. Everyone carries their own set of assumptions, and if we want to keep this conversation going, everyone needs to define what "love" actually means to them. To me, the concept is far too vast to be captured in just a few sentences.

By the way, don't buy into the modern obsession with labeling "possession" as inherently negative. In my view, the word "belonging" is much more appropriate. 🙂

cosmictinker21 said:Gerald, you basically just read my mind.🙂

I think the real essence of love is when two people remain entirely themselves—autonomous individuals—while working together to build something new, something else entirely. Think of it like two circles existing independently, then overlapping. They can never perfectly merge; that's just impossible between human beings. But within that union, there are segments where they absolutely align. The more those areas overlap, the better the relationship becomes... it leads to deeper understanding, more tolerance, and actual respect. Not to mention the raw depth of the feelings involved...🙂

Ugh... way too much math and geometry for me.

Honestly? I just want to enjoy someone's company. 🙂 I've never been one to obsess over the whole "work" aspect of a relationship. 😂

To me, love is about the enjoyment. And all the good stuff that comes with it. I don't do compromises. 😬

Gerald Ward61 said:Ugh... way too much math and geometry for me.

Honestly? I just want to enjoy someone's company. 🙂 I've never been one to obsess over the whole "work" aspect of a relationship. 😂

To me, love is about the enjoyment. And all the good stuff that comes with it. I don't do compromises. 😬

I touch on this sort of thing from time to time over at my literature corner... When love is actually there, it’s real—it doesn't recognize boundaries or fences. I suppose some people find mathematical formulas a bit easier to lean on than trying to put actual feelings into words...
Uncompromising integrity—having that sense of wholeness where you actually expect things to be complete, and more importantly, you have the right to demand it. If you don't, you just end up becoming a pushover. Although, I suppose being a pushover isn't always the worst thing in the world... you tend to learn a few lessons once you finally come to your senses... 😍

Sean Cruz said:I disagree. Love between two people is perfectly possible even when they are together. We shouldn't generalize and claim that love only counts when it's "realized" while dismissing everything else as mere illusions—that’s just not how it works. Everyone carries their own set of assumptions, and if we want to keep this conversation going, everyone needs to define what "love" actually means to them. To me, the concept is far too vast to be captured in just a few sentences.

By the way, don't buy into the modern obsession with labeling "possession" as inherently negative. In my view, the word "belonging" is much more appropriate. 🙂

We're getting a tiny, tiny bit 😉 mixed up here... confusing simple desire or just missing someone for love.
Desire can be unbearable, and longing? Yeah, that hurts... but love? Love is just holding hands. Not crushing them, but not letting go either. Just right. 🙂

cosmictinker21 said:I touch on this sort of thing from time to time over at my literature corner... When love is actually there, it’s real—it doesn't recognize boundaries or fences. I suppose some people find mathematical formulas a bit easier to lean on than trying to put actual feelings into words...
Uncompromising integrity—having that sense of wholeness where you actually expect things to be complete, and more importantly, you have the right to demand it. If you don't, you just end up becoming a pushover. Although, I suppose being a pushover isn't always the worst thing in the world... you tend to learn a few lessons once you finally come to your senses... 😍

Honestly, I might just curse you out right now. 😁

No matter how much I study, I never feel like I've learned enough... I master one life lesson, and then boom, here comes the next one. It never stops... man. I just need a tiny breather between exams. That's really all I'm asking for. 😂

stormycanyon11 said:Love is essentially a singular force, though it manifests in billions of different ways, which is why we all walk around convinced that our specific version is the one true thing—and honestly, I can't say I blame us, given how unique every individual experience really is. If we can just let love exist, even if it’s nothing more than a persistent, abstract idea, then perhaps there’s hope. There’s an old saying going around that suggests success is merely the grave where love goes to die, a thought that certainly opens up a whole new rabbit hole of debate...🙂

Exactly!

The real trick is spotting those specific versions of love that actually touch our lives and stripping away the fluff to find the core truth. See, people often wrap love up in these massive, inflated stories that aren't even real—they're just straight-up lies. And calling out those lies is incredibly tough because they’re usually tied to our own egos. If we expose the lie, we end up exposing ourselves, too. It’s way easier to hide behind a facade, because once you tear that mask down, you lose all your excuses. You can't keep feeding the nonsense anymore; you actually have to step up, take responsibility, and act in a way that truly honors what love is supposed to be.

Gerald Ward61 said:We're getting a tiny, tiny bit 😉 mixed up here... confusing simple desire or just missing someone for love.
Desire can be unbearable, and longing? Yeah, that hurts... but love? Love is just holding hands. Not crushing them, but not letting go either. Just right. 🙂

It’s pointless to try and "convince" anyone when our perspectives differ. Desire and longing are fundamental components of love—whether they are fulfilled or left unrequited.
In fact, the ancient American Vedic texts emphasize how longing actually deepens one's capacity to love.

I’ve always been struck by this thought from Ivo Andrić:

The beauty of the entire world is hidden within my thoughts. An unachievable dream has become the very substance of my life. And so life passes, but at the moment of death, I can point to my longing as the only great, true, and beautiful thing in my existence.

Sean Cruz said:It’s pointless to try and "convince" anyone when our perspectives differ. Desire and longing are fundamental components of love—whether they are fulfilled or left unrequited.
In fact, the ancient American Vedic texts emphasize how longing actually deepens one's capacity to love.

I’ve always been struck by this thought from Ivo Andrić:

The beauty of the entire world is hidden within my thoughts. An unachievable dream has become the very substance of my life. And so life passes, but at the moment of death, I can point to my longing as the only great, true, and beautiful thing in my existence.

Beautifully put. Though, personally, I'd much rather experience all that together with someone else...😍

Sean Cruz said:It’s pointless to try and "convince" anyone when our perspectives differ. Desire and longing are fundamental components of love—whether they are fulfilled or left unrequited.
In fact, the ancient American Vedic texts emphasize how longing actually deepens one's capacity to love.

I’ve always been struck by this thought from Ivo Andrić:

The beauty of the entire world is hidden within my thoughts. An unachievable dream has become the very substance of my life. And so life passes, but at the moment of death, I can point to my longing as the only great, true, and beautiful thing in my existence.

It's honestly pointless, especially since you're living a totally different life than me. You've got your own perspective. And for the record, I wasn't even trying to win an argument here. 😉

Besides, the ancient Veda texts emphasize how longing actually intensifies love.

Uh-huh. Sure. It boosts the hunger for love. 🙂

Fine. Whatever. Let's call it a "love ingredient," but only if it's temporary. 😬

I've always loved this thought from Ernest Hemingway:

The beauty of the whole world is hidden within my thoughts. An unfulfilled dream has become the very essence of my existence. And so life passes, but in the moment of death, I can point to my longing as the one great, true, and beautiful thing in my life.

It's a pretty sentiment, I guess, but I'm not digging it when it comes to love. 😬

Longing for the truth? That's fine... but longing for love is just... well, it's basically a slow death.