#1 ·
Treating homophobia...
Homophobia: basically a profound lack of love for one's own gender, which inevitably morphs into a deep-seated resentment toward anyone else who actually feels that connection... It’s the delusional belief that one specific way of loving is inherently superior and, therefore, should be forced upon everyone else.
Audre Lorde
For way too long, we’ve treated same-sex attraction and relationships as if they were the primary crisis facing our society. But let's be clear: the connection between two people isn't the issue. The actual social rot is homophobia—the endless, exhausting ways people choose to degrade others simply because of who they love or how they identify...
In many cultures, same-sex relationships are widely accepted as just another normal part of the human experience. But here in America, we still have people who cling to the idea that sexual contact between two men is somehow diseased or immoral... and they go even further when it comes to women, acting as if any kind of intimacy between them is either fundamentally wrong or simply impossible. It's exhausting...
This piece dives into how to spot homophobia within yourself and in those around you. It explores why this prejudice actually ends up hurting heterosexual people too, digs into the root causes behind the bias, and looks at what the path toward healing really looks like...
How to spot homophobia in yourself and others...
There are four distinct, yet deeply interconnected, layers to homophobia: personal, interpersonal, institutional, and cultural...
Personal homophobia is essentially just a prejudice rooted in the deep-seated belief that anyone identifying as lesbian, gay, or bisexual is somehow sinful, immoral, broken, or simply "less than" a heterosexual person... or just an incomplete man or woman. It shows up through fear, discomfort, dislike, or even outright hatred toward same-sex attraction. And honestly? Anyone can experience it, regardless of their own orientation. When someone in the LGBTQ+ community experiences those exact same feelings toward themselves, we call that internalized homophobia...
Just like heterosexuals, lesbians, gay men, and bisexuals are conditioned to believe that same-sex attraction is somehow inferior to being straight. A lot of people end up internalizing that nonsense... it becomes this deep-seated struggle where true self-acceptance feels almost impossible. They just swallow the stigma attached to being queer without ever realizing their own shame is actually a byproduct of societal pressure. It’s a vicious cycle. One result is that many people go to extreme lengths to hide who they really are; others desperately try to deny or "fix" their orientation; and some, tragically, end up driven to suicide...
Interpersonal homophobia isn't some abstract societal concept; it’s driven by raw, personal prejudice. It manifests through the small, ugly stuff—slurs, cheap jokes, verbal harassment, or even physical aggression. It's just one person targeting another... purely out of individual hate.
At its most extreme, interpersonal homophobia manifests as physical violence—people attacking lesbians, gay men, and bisexuals simply because they can't stomach their existence. But for most, that fear shows up in much quieter, more insidious ways. It’s the family members who suddenly find reasons to avoid their queer relatives; it’s the coworkers who become cold and distant the moment they realize someone isn't straight; it’s the "friends" who suddenly lose all interest the second you mention your partner... It's a subtle, constant withdrawal.
Institutional homophobia isn't just about individual prejudice; it’s much deeper than that. It refers to the systemic ways the government, major corporations, religious institutions, and other organized bodies discriminate against people based on their sexual orientation. In academic circles, this is also known as heterosexism... It's baked right into the system.
Institutional homophobia shows up in all sorts of ways. You see it in religious organizations that cling to rigid rules preventing LGBTQ+ individuals from leading services... you see it in agencies that flatly refuse to provide essential resources or support to those same communities... and you see it in government bodies that simply fail to protect equal rights for every citizen, regardless of who they love. It’s everywhere...
Cultural homophobia essentially boils down to those ingrained social norms and standards that dictate one version of reality: the idea that being heterosexual is inherently superior, or more "moral," than being a lesbian, gay, or bisexual. It’s this pervasive assumption that everyone is—or absolutely ought to be—straight. In academic circles, we call this systemic bias heterosexism...
Cultural homophobia is baked into our daily lives through TV shows and commercials where every single character is straight. Every romantic connection features a man and a woman, and there’s this unspoken assumption that every "normal" kid will naturally be attracted to the opposite sex and eventually marry them. In those rare instances where lesbians, gay men, or bisexual women and men actually get screen time, they’re usually portrayed through tired tropes—depicted as miserable, stuck in stereotypes, prone to self-destruction, or constantly questioning their own identity...
So, how does homophobia end up hurting straight people too?
While homophobia and heterosexism clearly target lesbians, gay men, and bisexual individuals through everything from verbal harassment to physical violence and systemic erasure, the fallout isn't limited to them. It hits straight people as well. By enforcing these rigid, suffocating definitions of what "appropriate" sexual behavior looks like, society limits everyone's ability to enjoy genuine sensual connections or emotional intimacy with the same sex. There's even a lingering fear that being too close to a friend of the same sex might lead others to label you as gay or lesbian. These anxieties create unnecessary stress and emotional rigidity, which can ultimately sabotage even heterosexual relationships.
Homophobia frequently tears families apart when parents discover their child is a lesbian, gay, or bisexual. Honestly, wouldn't life be much better if we just kept our families intact by supporting and respecting all our relatives, regardless of who they love?
In a society where the achievements of LGBTQ+ individuals are either hidden or actively disparaged, straight people end up living with a warped view of reality. They essentially learn about life through a single lens, ignoring the vast experiences, skills, and wisdom that lesbians, gay men, and bisexual people bring to the table. People could really enrich their own lives if they simply stayed connected with the LGBTQ+ community.
Denying equal rights to lesbians, gay men, and bisexual people inevitably leads to the erosion of rights for everyone else. Historically, American governments that most aggressively suppressed gay people were also the ones restricting others based on gender, race, ethnicity, religion, or class. If the LGBTQ+ community can be targeted for discrimination, then any other group in this country is vulnerable. If we truly believe in freedom and individual rights, we have to value all people and the differences that make a pluralistic society work.
What actually drives homophobia?
Personal homophobia—those deep-seated prejudices—is primarily fueled by ignorance. Much like sexism and racism, people are essentially taught how to be homophobes. Even with accurate information readily available, outdated myths about the LGBTQ+ community continue to circulate in American culture. Very few children receive unbiased information; instead, many adults cling to stereotypes learned in childhood, while certain religious and conservative organizations continue to peddle falsehoods.
Interpersonal homophobia, involving bullying and individual discrimination, can be understood through social psychology and its link to prejudice. People who are uncomfortable with their own sexuality, or who feel threatened by same-sex attraction, tend to be extremely rigid about what is considered "correct" behavior. They often try to punish others or force their beliefs onto lesbians, gay men, and bisexual people.
Institutional homophobia is driven, in part, by the struggle for power. Modern societies often create scapegoats just to maintain the status quo and protect those currently in charge. Throughout this century, various groups—including Jews, Black Americans, Asian Americans, Latinos, Native Americans, women, and the LGBTQ+ community—have been blamed for a wide array of social and economic issues. When scapegoating works, the dominant group avoids having to take responsibility for injustice or give up their hard-won privileges.
Cultural homophobia is mostly driven by societal norms that dictate what counts as "acceptable" sexuality. Same-sex contact has existed in every society throughout history and has been openly embraced in many cultures. However, Western civilization tends to be repressive toward almost all forms of sexuality, unless it’s strictly for procreation or occurs within the framework of a heterosexual marriage. Because of this, same-sex attraction often becomes a target for fear and condemnation...
Is there a cure for homophobia?
Homophobia is widespread in America and many other places. Since we are all products of our environment, most of us carry some level of homophobia, regardless of our own sexual orientation.
Dealing with homophobia constructively starts with acknowledging that it exists everywhere. We can't just flip a switch and erase these ingrained feelings, but if we are willing to admit that these biases are present in all of us, we can take responsibility for our choices and change how we act.
Beyond acknowledging its ubiquity, here is what we can actually do:
Identify homophobia—not homosexuality—as the actual problem that needs solving. When talking with friends or colleagues, address homophobia directly. For too many people, discussions about lesbians, gay men, or bisexuals only happen through the lens of homophobic jokes or slurs.
Look at the parallels between homophobia and other forms of prejudice. Applying what we know about racism, sexism, or classism can help us better understand homophobia and find effective ways to push back against it.
Listen to the lived experiences of the LGBTQ+ community and assume their accounts of oppression are valid and true. Similarly, we should accept that the way lesbians, gay men, and bisexuals navigate the world is fundamentally different from the way heterosexuals experience it.
Actively support anti-discrimination efforts and campaigns aimed at dismantling homophobic prejudice and violence.
Dr. Livia Puljak
Homophobia: basically a profound lack of love for one's own gender, which inevitably morphs into a deep-seated resentment toward anyone else who actually feels that connection... It’s the delusional belief that one specific way of loving is inherently superior and, therefore, should be forced upon everyone else.
Audre Lorde
For way too long, we’ve treated same-sex attraction and relationships as if they were the primary crisis facing our society. But let's be clear: the connection between two people isn't the issue. The actual social rot is homophobia—the endless, exhausting ways people choose to degrade others simply because of who they love or how they identify...
In many cultures, same-sex relationships are widely accepted as just another normal part of the human experience. But here in America, we still have people who cling to the idea that sexual contact between two men is somehow diseased or immoral... and they go even further when it comes to women, acting as if any kind of intimacy between them is either fundamentally wrong or simply impossible. It's exhausting...
This piece dives into how to spot homophobia within yourself and in those around you. It explores why this prejudice actually ends up hurting heterosexual people too, digs into the root causes behind the bias, and looks at what the path toward healing really looks like...
How to spot homophobia in yourself and others...
There are four distinct, yet deeply interconnected, layers to homophobia: personal, interpersonal, institutional, and cultural...
Personal homophobia is essentially just a prejudice rooted in the deep-seated belief that anyone identifying as lesbian, gay, or bisexual is somehow sinful, immoral, broken, or simply "less than" a heterosexual person... or just an incomplete man or woman. It shows up through fear, discomfort, dislike, or even outright hatred toward same-sex attraction. And honestly? Anyone can experience it, regardless of their own orientation. When someone in the LGBTQ+ community experiences those exact same feelings toward themselves, we call that internalized homophobia...
Just like heterosexuals, lesbians, gay men, and bisexuals are conditioned to believe that same-sex attraction is somehow inferior to being straight. A lot of people end up internalizing that nonsense... it becomes this deep-seated struggle where true self-acceptance feels almost impossible. They just swallow the stigma attached to being queer without ever realizing their own shame is actually a byproduct of societal pressure. It’s a vicious cycle. One result is that many people go to extreme lengths to hide who they really are; others desperately try to deny or "fix" their orientation; and some, tragically, end up driven to suicide...
Interpersonal homophobia isn't some abstract societal concept; it’s driven by raw, personal prejudice. It manifests through the small, ugly stuff—slurs, cheap jokes, verbal harassment, or even physical aggression. It's just one person targeting another... purely out of individual hate.
At its most extreme, interpersonal homophobia manifests as physical violence—people attacking lesbians, gay men, and bisexuals simply because they can't stomach their existence. But for most, that fear shows up in much quieter, more insidious ways. It’s the family members who suddenly find reasons to avoid their queer relatives; it’s the coworkers who become cold and distant the moment they realize someone isn't straight; it’s the "friends" who suddenly lose all interest the second you mention your partner... It's a subtle, constant withdrawal.
Institutional homophobia isn't just about individual prejudice; it’s much deeper than that. It refers to the systemic ways the government, major corporations, religious institutions, and other organized bodies discriminate against people based on their sexual orientation. In academic circles, this is also known as heterosexism... It's baked right into the system.
Institutional homophobia shows up in all sorts of ways. You see it in religious organizations that cling to rigid rules preventing LGBTQ+ individuals from leading services... you see it in agencies that flatly refuse to provide essential resources or support to those same communities... and you see it in government bodies that simply fail to protect equal rights for every citizen, regardless of who they love. It’s everywhere...
Cultural homophobia essentially boils down to those ingrained social norms and standards that dictate one version of reality: the idea that being heterosexual is inherently superior, or more "moral," than being a lesbian, gay, or bisexual. It’s this pervasive assumption that everyone is—or absolutely ought to be—straight. In academic circles, we call this systemic bias heterosexism...
Cultural homophobia is baked into our daily lives through TV shows and commercials where every single character is straight. Every romantic connection features a man and a woman, and there’s this unspoken assumption that every "normal" kid will naturally be attracted to the opposite sex and eventually marry them. In those rare instances where lesbians, gay men, or bisexual women and men actually get screen time, they’re usually portrayed through tired tropes—depicted as miserable, stuck in stereotypes, prone to self-destruction, or constantly questioning their own identity...
So, how does homophobia end up hurting straight people too?
While homophobia and heterosexism clearly target lesbians, gay men, and bisexual individuals through everything from verbal harassment to physical violence and systemic erasure, the fallout isn't limited to them. It hits straight people as well. By enforcing these rigid, suffocating definitions of what "appropriate" sexual behavior looks like, society limits everyone's ability to enjoy genuine sensual connections or emotional intimacy with the same sex. There's even a lingering fear that being too close to a friend of the same sex might lead others to label you as gay or lesbian. These anxieties create unnecessary stress and emotional rigidity, which can ultimately sabotage even heterosexual relationships.
Homophobia frequently tears families apart when parents discover their child is a lesbian, gay, or bisexual. Honestly, wouldn't life be much better if we just kept our families intact by supporting and respecting all our relatives, regardless of who they love?
In a society where the achievements of LGBTQ+ individuals are either hidden or actively disparaged, straight people end up living with a warped view of reality. They essentially learn about life through a single lens, ignoring the vast experiences, skills, and wisdom that lesbians, gay men, and bisexual people bring to the table. People could really enrich their own lives if they simply stayed connected with the LGBTQ+ community.
Denying equal rights to lesbians, gay men, and bisexual people inevitably leads to the erosion of rights for everyone else. Historically, American governments that most aggressively suppressed gay people were also the ones restricting others based on gender, race, ethnicity, religion, or class. If the LGBTQ+ community can be targeted for discrimination, then any other group in this country is vulnerable. If we truly believe in freedom and individual rights, we have to value all people and the differences that make a pluralistic society work.
What actually drives homophobia?
Personal homophobia—those deep-seated prejudices—is primarily fueled by ignorance. Much like sexism and racism, people are essentially taught how to be homophobes. Even with accurate information readily available, outdated myths about the LGBTQ+ community continue to circulate in American culture. Very few children receive unbiased information; instead, many adults cling to stereotypes learned in childhood, while certain religious and conservative organizations continue to peddle falsehoods.
Interpersonal homophobia, involving bullying and individual discrimination, can be understood through social psychology and its link to prejudice. People who are uncomfortable with their own sexuality, or who feel threatened by same-sex attraction, tend to be extremely rigid about what is considered "correct" behavior. They often try to punish others or force their beliefs onto lesbians, gay men, and bisexual people.
Institutional homophobia is driven, in part, by the struggle for power. Modern societies often create scapegoats just to maintain the status quo and protect those currently in charge. Throughout this century, various groups—including Jews, Black Americans, Asian Americans, Latinos, Native Americans, women, and the LGBTQ+ community—have been blamed for a wide array of social and economic issues. When scapegoating works, the dominant group avoids having to take responsibility for injustice or give up their hard-won privileges.
Cultural homophobia is mostly driven by societal norms that dictate what counts as "acceptable" sexuality. Same-sex contact has existed in every society throughout history and has been openly embraced in many cultures. However, Western civilization tends to be repressive toward almost all forms of sexuality, unless it’s strictly for procreation or occurs within the framework of a heterosexual marriage. Because of this, same-sex attraction often becomes a target for fear and condemnation...
Is there a cure for homophobia?
Homophobia is widespread in America and many other places. Since we are all products of our environment, most of us carry some level of homophobia, regardless of our own sexual orientation.
Dealing with homophobia constructively starts with acknowledging that it exists everywhere. We can't just flip a switch and erase these ingrained feelings, but if we are willing to admit that these biases are present in all of us, we can take responsibility for our choices and change how we act.
Beyond acknowledging its ubiquity, here is what we can actually do:
Identify homophobia—not homosexuality—as the actual problem that needs solving. When talking with friends or colleagues, address homophobia directly. For too many people, discussions about lesbians, gay men, or bisexuals only happen through the lens of homophobic jokes or slurs.
Look at the parallels between homophobia and other forms of prejudice. Applying what we know about racism, sexism, or classism can help us better understand homophobia and find effective ways to push back against it.
Listen to the lived experiences of the LGBTQ+ community and assume their accounts of oppression are valid and true. Similarly, we should accept that the way lesbians, gay men, and bisexuals navigate the world is fundamentally different from the way heterosexuals experience it.
Actively support anti-discrimination efforts and campaigns aimed at dismantling homophobic prejudice and violence.
Dr. Livia Puljak