Help! Does anyone know why they're acting like this?

So, my 83-year-old grandmother—who has always been incredibly sharp and well-read—has recently started acting quite strangely. She lives with her daughter, who works long hours and is rarely home, while the rest of the family only drops by once a week for short visits, so she spends a lot of time alone. Now we’re facing a real crisis because she suddenly announced to everyone that she’s getting married, which came as a massive shock to the whole family. She’s started going out and staying away from the house for an hour or two at a time, and we were all convinced she was out with this supposed fiancé, but then we discovered that he doesn't actually exist!!! She has begun inventing all sorts of things; she wanders off, stays out late, talks to herself on the street or in the house, and at night she'll lie in bed laughing, talking, or crying. She often holds her hand up to her ear and insists that we just can't see the receiver, claiming it’s a "military" earpiece that only she and her "boyfriend" can perceive... if anyone suggests she's just talking to herself, she gets defensive and laughs it off as if it isn't true. I tried a different approach once—when she said this person wanted to meet me, I told her I was ready, but when I actually got dressed, she told me "he" couldn't make it. Essentially, we've all come to the conclusion that this is like an imaginary friend for a child, but nobody knows how to handle it or how to talk to her about it. As her granddaughter, this is especially painful because, I have to emphasize, she was always such an intelligent, educated woman, and I never expected this to happen; plus, she is putting herself in danger by walking around at night, especially since her vision isn't what it used to be. We don't live close by, so unfortunately I can only visit a few times a year, but she always used to look forward to seeing me; now, she can hardly wait to lock herself in her room to talk to this imaginary person... I am deeply worried about her, and if anyone knows what kind of condition this might be, please help me... thank you in advance!

Look, I’m no doctor—definitely not—but it might be worth getting Grandma checked out by a neurologist or maybe a psychiatrist. This could be early signs of some kind of cognitive decline, which is unfortunately pretty common for people her age.

If we're talking about old-age dementia—you know, that whole thing where you forget who you are, where you're standing, or even what time it is—then yeah, there’s no cure for that, but you seriously need to get her to a psychiatrist because maybe they've got some meds to help manage that kind of behavior.

Getting Grandma to the doctor is a given, but honestly, she could use some actual human interaction too. It’s pretty obvious she’s feeling incredibly isolated 😢

We’ve tried suggesting she see a doctor, but she just shuts down whenever we bring it up. I’ve come to stay with them for about a week, and looking at her situation this morning really hit me hard. I sat down beside her and we were having a perfectly normal conversation at first, but then she suddenly started talking about him again—insisting that even though everyone tells her he isn't real, she knows deep down that he is. She just broke down in tears because she feels like the whole world thinks she’s lost her mind. Then, out of nowhere, she thought he "called" her, so she pressed her hand to her ear and started having a full conversation with him. It truly breaks my heart to witness. I suggested she come stay with me for a while to get a change of scenery and be around some company, but she snapped back saying she couldn't leave because she needs to stay here to marry him. I am honestly at a loss for words; how am I even supposed to react to things like this? Should I validate what she's feeling, or should I try to correct her? 😢

fadedheron892 said:If we're talking about old-age dementia—you know, that whole thing where you forget who you are, where you're standing, or even what time it is—then yeah, there’s no cure for that, but you seriously need to get her to a psychiatrist because maybe they've got some meds to help manage that kind of behavior.

She actually knows exactly who she is and where she stands, yet she seems to be interacting with this imaginary persona, someone she is constantly trying to reach, while in reality, she is just wandering through the streets of Chicago all by herself.

Just let the old lady enjoy herself with her friends.

Your grandma is getting up there in years, so she’ll probably pass away pretty soon anyway... I guess paying for a checkup is kind of a waste of money at this point. Just let her be...

It isn’t really a crisis if Grandma isn't acting out or getting aggressive. You shouldn't go around trying to force her to accept the reality that this "fiancé" of hers is a figment of her imagination. Honestly? Just lean into the fantasy. Ask her about him. Let her tell you stories. It's better to just play along with her little romantic movie rather than taking the heavy-handed route of drugging her up or shipping her off to a nursing home.

I'm really not sure what to make of this... we're right in the middle of prepping lunch and she mentions that he's joining us too... so we've gone ahead and set an extra place at the table 😢 I honestly don't know how I'll handle it... is it possible that I might actually pass away from the sheer anxiety of having to introduce myself to someone who feels completely invisible to me?

Just slip some Lorazepam into her soup. If she starts acting more chill (give it at least 2 to 2.5 hours)... you'll see it work.

If that doesn't do the trick... try Xanax, maybe Bromazepam, or Diazepam.

And if all else fails... find a decent barbiturate.

Honestly, your little circle is going to calm her down much faster than any doctor will ever convince her that this "third person" isn't actually there. (And that goes for before, too).

It’s probably best if you witness firsthand how much she needs the meds, then use that to talk her into seeing a specialist who actually knows their way around a prescription pad.

Personally, I just prescribe Lorazepam for everything. I even pour a bit of Diazepam into the cat's milk when he starts meowing too much.

It’s the exact same crap as little kids asking you to set a plate for their favorite teddy bear, or playing tea party and sipping from invisible cups. You guys have zero imagination. Honestly, you're so predictable, it’s like you've got some weird babysitter constantly hovering over your shoulder checking up on you.

Honestly, I don't think we have any imagination left... it isn't that we lack creativity, it's just that this behavior simply isn't normal... she talks about him all day long... he didn't show up for lunch, so now she’s feeling down, yet she’s waiting until 5:00 PM to take him to meet her other daughter, and she wants to bring me along as if I were her grandson... I mean, I really don't know what to make of it... but I suppose it's better if I go with her rather than letting her go alone, if only so I can look out for her. 😳/

I don't believe she's trying to test us, because she keeps talking to "him" even when there isn't anyone else in the house...

As for the medication, I wouldn't know; I don't understand how those things work, and I certainly wouldn't dream of administering anything without a doctor's guidance...

Playing doctor with medication is dangerous; please get a professional medical opinion first.

The way you described this sounds like some form of dementia. Only a specialist can diagnose what's actually going on, figure out the right treatment, and give you some practical advice on how to handle caring for your grandmother...

Look, honey, when it comes to medication, you’re stuck in a bit of a catch-22: sometimes taking pills on your own whim is dangerous, and other times, *not* taking them is just as risky.
Sometimes visiting certain doctors is a gamble too—usually it's fine, but occasionally it's a disaster. Or maybe it's always a risk? (Honestly, maybe someone who’s never touched a single prescription would be healthier than all of us right now?)

When you weigh it all up, you're essentially always making the call yourself. Even if you're just following orders from some guy with a degree or an elder and saying, "I took it because my doctor told me to"—that's still a choice you made. And there are times when waiting for a doctor's green light is actually dangerous, because by then it might be too late, or they might have gotten it wrong anyway.

If you slip a pill into someone's soup, it becomes "medicine." Or it becomes poison. You can never really know without an electron microscope, but usually... well, let's just leave it at that.

Don't go trying everything I just mentioned all at once. Try half a dose of Triazolam first—if that's even something that can be tested safely. For specific dosage questions, just ask the pharmacist. Just be extra careful with the Triazolam; don't hide it in soup, maybe try mixing it into milk instead. Maybe Grandma will just... lose her appetite for those pills altogether.

Sure, if you’ve got the expertise, you could try designing your own house from scratch. But most people aren't going to risk that; they'll leave it to the pros who spent years in school and actually know what they're doing.

We're talking about a legitimate issue here, not some minor finger injury.

Too many doctors prescribe medication with such reckless experience that kids end up dead—sometimes two at a time, or one jumps off a building while another wanders around looking like... a zombie. These same doctors eventually become department heads and administrators. You can spot them easily: they’ve got that caffeine-fueled look in their eyes and those permanent dark lines running from the corners of their eyes down their faces from staring at tablets all day.

Maybe she lives in an area where this is common, so she might be better off listening to me. Benzodiazepines aren't actually that dangerous, and they can be quite effective when used right.

Now wipe the drool off your chin and stop fantasizing that life is just pure mechanics and causality. Thinking that statistics and shouting at public institutions is all you need to navigate existence isn't helping anyone. When you actually have proof for your theory, bring it to the table, but right now, you just look ridiculous.

The kid can ask her doctor if I actually suggested doing something that would make Grandma sick, or if I was just being altruistic and trying to help. A doctor might give her something she won't even follow, or something she shouldn't be taking in the first place. For instance, my mother was totally screwed over by painkillers; now she can only take Tylenol and maybe a little something else. They also once gave her Xanax three times a day for a month, even though she had every reason *not* to be on it. She didn't even know what was happening...

So what, we're just supposed to hand everything over to doctors? No way. You actually have to learn things for yourself.

There's about 10% codeine in some of those cough syrups for kids—codeine makes up a certain percentage (usually around 10%, right?)—and once it enters the system, it converts into morphine, which is about half as potent as heroin. Yet, we still give that stuff to children. Is my approach really any more harmful than a kid taking that syrup for too long? Of course, the syrup helps. And honestly, kids sometimes just overdose on it themselves. Is there anything different about that?

Listen, and seriously, wipe the drool away since you love playing with statistics and probability so much: Statistically speaking, it's more likely that humans are "hardwired" to use drugs—at least occasionally, whether as an impulse or a motivation—than it is for it to be a disease. If that were true, then suppressing those impulses (along with others) could actually be harmful... even dangerous. You have to find ways to channel them.

That’s what the statistics show. According to the data it's most probable (if you aggregate everything psychology has ever known, clinical observations, and every possible documented experiment) that it is actually more harmful *not* to occasionally take a drug or medication on your own terms for recreational purposes (say, once every two weeks) than it is to actually take it.

The law says otherwise, the doctors say otherwise, and the psychologists say otherwise, but the statistics don't lie.

Walter Evans3 said:Honestly, I don't think we have any imagination left... it isn't that we lack creativity, it's just that this behavior simply isn't normal... she talks about him all day long... he didn't show up for lunch, so now she’s feeling down, yet she’s waiting until 5:00 PM to take him to meet her other daughter, and she wants to bring me along as if I were her grandson... I mean, I really don't know what to make of it... but I suppose it's better if I go with her rather than letting her go alone, if only so I can look out for her. 😳/

I don't believe she's trying to test us, because she keeps talking to "him" even when there isn't anyone else in the house...

As for the medication, I wouldn't know; I don't understand how those things work, and I certainly wouldn't dream of administering anything without a doctor's guidance...

You’ll get used to it.
In the beginning, it’s rough. Her reality and yours just don't align. But honestly, it's much easier to just lean into it—to play along with this fiancé business—than to watch her suffer because you won't validate her experience. To her, it is all very real.
Just support Grandma. Tell her you're happy if she's happy, and that you're fine with her choice. And please, stop trying to force her back into your version of reality. 😢
It reminds me of the hallucinations my grandfather had right before he passed away. We all played along just so he could feel some peace. There was no point in arguing facts with him. 😢
It takes very little effort from your side, but for her, it means everything. 🤷

Is this senile dementia or Alzheimer, mixed with psychological issues stemming from isolation? I agree—you have to meet her where she is and enter her world.

Frankly, the people who want to just numb an elderly woman with a cocktail of pills because "she’s old and dying soon" drive me absolutely insane. I honestly don't know what goes through your heads when you think like that...😲😲😲

Looks like some kind of dementia to me... but there’s zero point in looking for help or advice on these forums. Get her to a doctor immediately...