Dealing with jealousy

steeltiger2 said:Man, I know that feeling all too well.😢 I had a friend who went through the exact same thing while his girlfriend was traveling; he completely spiraled and invented scenarios out of thin air. She wasn't even doing anything! The real issue lies within us—the pathologically jealous ones. It's all happening inside our own heads.
When my boyfriend was away on a business trip, I was practically dying from the anxiety.
I need someone else to weigh in with some actual wisdom here, because if it were up to me, I'd have fixed this internal problem ages ago.

lonegardener said:So, are those two still together? How many years has it been now? 😬

steeltiger2;23439211 said:Hey everyone!
I’m posting here because I’m dealing with something a bit out of the ordinary—this toxic jealousy is eating at me, and if I don't get it under control soon, it’s going to wreck my relationship.

Look, I know exactly how you feel. I am an incredibly jealous person myself. If you only knew the kinds of scenes I used to cause back in the day, it was honestly embarrassing. It took me a long time to realize that my jealousy stemmed from one very simple issue: I wasn't happy with myself. Because of that, I viewed every single person as a threat. You have to do the work on yourself. You need to build up your self-esteem and find some actual confidence. Once you do that, you'll finally trust that your partner loves you, and you won't be constantly terrified they're going to cheat, because you'll actually know you're worth loving. 👍

steeltiger2 said:Roger Davis2, maybe that’s just one of those things you have to figure out. It sounds heavy, and honestly, it's kind of a bummer to admit, but I genuinely don't know how he actually sees me. He once made this comment about how women over in some other place—doesn't even matter where—are just incredibly beautiful...
They’re just... honestly, they're so stunning that you can't even wrap your head around the idea of them marrying for money. You look at them and you see this intelligence in their eyes—it's a striking, thoughtful kind of beauty. It’s genuine. I mean, I was genuinely floored when I heard the truth about them...
She said: "😢 John, be honest with me for a second—am I actually beautiful to you? Or are you just saying that because we're dating?"
On: "Oh, come on now, please... as if you don't already know how gorgeous you are.
I honestly don't know where to start with this one. It’s just... it's a lot. I was sitting there, thinking about how things used to be, and then it hit me. You know that feeling? That sudden, sharp realization that everything you thought was set in stone is actually shifting under your feet? Yeah. That. Anyway, I was reading what steeltiger2 had to say earlier, and I have to agree—mostly. There's a certain logic to it, even if it feels a bit counterintuitive at first glance. But then again, maybe I'm overthinking it. I tend to do that. My mind just wanders off into these little side quests, chasing down details that probably don't even matter in the grand scheme of things. Like, does anyone else find themselves obsessing over the smallest details of a conversation hours after it's already over? Just me? Okay. But back to the point. We need to look at the bigger picture here. If we keep ignoring the obvious signs, we're just setting ourselves up for a headache later on. It's like trying to fix a leaky faucet with duct tape—it might work for an hour, but eventually, you're going to end up with a flooded kitchen. And nobody wants that. Not even me. I'm far too lazy for that kind of cleanup. So, yeah. Let's just keep an eye on things. Stay observant. Don't let the noise distract you from what's actually happening right in front of us. It's simple, really. Or at least, it should be. I mean, I honestly don't know... I’m genuinely asking you here.
On: "Yeah, I am. Why on earth would you even ask me that?"
I honestly think people don't realize how much weight certain decisions carry. It’s like when you’re standing there, looking at all the options, and you just know—deep down—that one path is going to change everything. You can feel it in your gut. Some folks try to overanalyze every little detail, running numbers and checking charts, but sometimes you just have to trust that internal compass. It's about intuition, really. And if you ignore it? Well, you usually end up regretting it later on. Just a thought. Anyway, I could go on about this, but I'll leave it there for now. 😲 😍

Nicholas Edwards10 said:Look, I get it, this kind of stuff can be a lot to process if you aren't used to it..

Take my ex, for example. He once told me his absolute dream woman—the perfect standard by his metrics—was the actress from Titanic who starred alongside Leonard..

Man 😠

I haven't been able to watch that movie again, or even listen to that soundtrack... It just makes me feel sick.. 🙂

steeltiger2 said:Hey everyone!
So, I’m posting here because I’m dealing with something a bit out of the ordinary—this intense, sickening jealousy that’s honestly going to wreck my relationship if I don't get a handle on it soon. I really don't want to keep dumping this on my partner anymore, but fighting it alone is just... it's exhausting. Honestly, I feel like I'm losing my mind sometimes, and there are moments where I act out without any self-control at all.
I just need to make it stop. It doesn't make sense to keep living like this.
Does anyone know if seeing a psychiatrist is actually worth it for something like this? Are there specific methods or approaches that can help kill this awful feeling?
Has anyone here actually managed to pull themselves out of this kind of spiral on their own? If so, what would you suggest?
Look, I know she’s normal to an extent, but when you're sitting there by yourself and everyone who knows you can see that this isn't just "cute" or "harmless" anymore—it's just pure misery.🤷

steeltiger2 said:Man, I totally feel you on that. But hey, at least in those scenarios, you can dish it right back where it came from. So, if we're talking guys... who's the sexiest actor in your book? 😉

silentjackal94 said:Look, jealousy isn't "normal," and I personally couldn't deal with it. It's honestly a sign of insecurity. Just get this through your head: you can't own anyone. No one belongs to you. Once you swallow that pride and realize you can't tie someone down or force them to stay unless they actually want to be there, things get easier. My advice? You might be better off being single, because this kind of character flaw is hard to fix. Why ruin someone else's life? I've known plenty of people where irrational jealousy led to total breakdowns—worst case, they ended up hurting the people closest to them and blowing up their entire lives.

Nicholas Edwards10 said:Look, I'm telling you... I do it out of pure spite, honestly. It’s not even because I’m actually that impressed by him. 🙂 And besides, when I act out, he doesn't end up feeling the sting nearly as much as I do.

Whatever. I try not to dwell on it too long and just let it pass. I mean, it's exhausting constantly obsessing over what he thinks or what he likes. I eventually just check out and move on.

steeltiger2 said:Honestly, if things go south, he’ll probably be the one to walk away from me anyway...
And I definitely don't want things to spiral, because I'll end up in a hospital bed at this rate.

What does "trusting him" even mean in this context?
I believe he won't cheat on me. I'm not constantly terrified that I'll lose him overnight. I truly believe he loves me right now.
The real fear—the actual anxiety—is that someone better will show up eventually. Like, one bright, sunny morning while he's working on a big project with his colleagues, they bring in a new partner. She's incredibly attractive, maybe a bit "stunning," and she actually understands the technical side of the job. They grab a coffee to talk shop, and he starts enjoying her company so much that he realizes—not even thinking about it, just feeling it deep down—that he'd rather spend his time with her than with me.
Say she talks to him about specialized medicine that he's passionate about (which is an area I know absolutely nothing about), and she's clearly at a higher professional level. He respects her, admires her as a powerhouse in the medical field, feels understood by her, finds her motivating, and, well, she flirts with him too... then one day, he just comes home and tells me, almost casually, how much he feels drawn to this doctor, just so I'd know... that would just break me.
So, I find myself spinning these entire scenarios in my head, sometimes completely out of nowhere. It just pops in. Is he really to blame for that?🤷

steeltiger2 said:Example No. 2:

Him: "Hey, just wanted to give you a heads-up, since I know it might bother you later... I think I've caught the eye of that woman I work with."
Her: "Okay, and why would that bother me if you actually cared? But clearly, you don't care much when you're busy bringing it up, do you?"
Him: "No, it's just... I noticed it and wanted to tell you so there wouldn't be any issues down the line.
Her: "What wouldn't be an issue? I don't even get what you're planning to pull with her that I'd need to worry about! And how can you even tell she likes you? Is she biting her lip when you walk in? Giving you those little coy laughs?
Him: "Geez... forget it... maybe I shouldn't have mentioned anything at all. You just... you just feel it, you know? You don't need them to do anything, you just know when someone's into you, right?i>
Her (now completely exasperated, wondering if he's trying to kill her or how he became so incredibly clumsy and dense overnight): "No!!! I don't "just know," unless it's glaringly obvious, because I'm not obsessed with looking for it in my life—and I certainly wouldn't be running over to tell you, especially not about some stranger I'm seeing for the first time. And obviously, you must be into her too if you can "just tell."
Him: "I'm not into her. She's attractive, sure, but who cares? I mean, when are you finally going to start believing that I'm not interested in other women? I haven't been since I met you."
Her: 😕 😢

steeltiger2 said:Ugh, that stupid feeling is hitting me all over again. Some girl is basically throwing herself at him through these long-winded messages, pretending they’re just "discussing business"...
He treats her like any other outside contractor or freelancer, so I really shouldn't be getting worked up at him, but let's be real—I know exactly what she's playing at.
It’s just so transparent. When she needed to discuss something with me online, she suddenly couldn't be bothered because she saw me as "just a woman," but then, wouldn't you know it, she reaches out to *him* the very next day about the exact same topic!!!! What a piece of work... honestly, part of me wants to do something about it, but I can't decide if it's even worth my energy.

steeltiger2 said:Ugh, that stupid feeling is hitting me all over again. Some girl is basically throwing herself at him through these long-winded messages, pretending they’re just "discussing business"...
He treats her like any other outside contractor or freelancer, so I really shouldn't be getting worked up at him, but let's be real—I know exactly what she's playing at.
It’s just so transparent. When she needed to discuss something with me online, she suddenly couldn't be bothered because she saw me as "just a woman," but then, wouldn't you know it, she reaches out to *him* the very next day about the exact same topic!!!! What a piece of work... honestly, part of me wants to do something about it, but I can't decide if it's even worth my energy.

Jacob Wilson50 said:isss,
you can't stop him from meeting people.
BUT YOU CAN MAKE SURE NO ONE IS BETTER THAN YOU TO HIM!
You can work on YOURSELF.
You can be that warm, loving presence, the person who offers him things no one else can. You can focus on US, instead of living in fear that someone else will come along.
There are ALWAYS plenty of "better" people out there.
The key is being the best version of yourself for him,
and you obviously won't be able to do that if you're constantly paralyzed by anxiety.

It's like you're in a beautiful ocean, but instead of swimming and diving and looking at tropical fish, you're just terrified that some shark from the deep sea might show up, and that fear is what's actually drowning you.!!!
It's all in your head, nowhere else!

If you don't want him to leave, don't be the kind of person people run away from!
BE his safe harbor.

Sean Cruz said:This reminds me of my younger days when I used to starve myself over guys who weren't even worth the effort. 🤣
The only way to pull his attention away from her isn't by making a scene; it's to boldly seduce him right when she sends him a message. 😁 After that, he probably won't even realize she messaged him, let alone bother to reply. 😛

hollowtrucker77 said:britta, honestly, all you really need to do is start recognizing your own damn worth
it’s funny how people are usually their own harshest critics, obsessing over every little flaw they think they have while completely ignoring those same issues in everyone else
you should try shifting the dynamic just a bit—maybe tell your guy how much fun it is seeing all these women circling him, and just let him sit there and realize exactly what he stands to lose if he ever lets you slip away
look, I see it all the time, even with my own wife; I catch guys checking her out, and I see her smiling back, just naturally being her charming self and engaging with the world around her
and that’s perfectly fine, actually; it's totally normal and nothing to get worked up about
but the thing is, she knows exactly what she brings to the table and exactly what she'd be risking if she decided to look elsewhere
and the same goes for me, too
men and women flirt, they play the game, they try to impress one another
it isn't anything groundbreaking, and it certainly isn't cause for alarm
I don't own my wife, and she doesn't own me either
we're together because we choose to be, because there's a genuine connection there
at any given moment, either one of us is free to walk away from this whole thing and move on; there aren't any handcuffs or prison cells involved here