How many misses are going to block you in the next link?

Adam Barrett said:Based on that, she doesn't sound like much of an angel... if you actually love someone, you stick by them through the thick and thin.

Look, I’m definitely not being objective here. If it were her, I’d probably come up with a hundred excuses just to shift all the blame onto myself.🙄

granitefalcon26 said:Look, I’m definitely not being objective here. If it were her, I’d probably come up with a hundred excuses just to shift all the blame onto myself.🙄

Yeah, I know that feeling😢 once you start seeing her flaws—like when you realize some other girl could actually be there for you during the rough patches while this one isn't, then you know you're finally moving on. You guys long gone?

granitefalcon26 said:I can't be a superstar in every single area of my life. You actually said it yourself—finding a real connection takes a little bit of luck, and I’m clearly running low on that right now.😢

The Club☕

The guest made a fair point; a partner should be there for you, even if few people today are actually willing to ride out the low points with someone else.

We actually called it quits two years ago, though I somehow ended up being her fuck buddy for another year after that.🙄

copperfox22 said:It’s not him who’s an idiot 🙂...long story, doesn't really matter anymore. Just bad luck, I guess. 😁

The main thing is that I’ve been feeling pretty shaken up lately. Everything seems to be piling up at once. But what you're saying makes sense. Maybe this was just the final straw after a long stretch of bad luck. Honestly, I feel like my life is experiencing some kind of delayed reaction to everything that's happened recently.

I usually consider myself a "rock"—someone who can handle anything, even the chaotic stuff. I often forget that I'm made of flesh and blood just like everyone else. 🙂

The second to last one was definitely an idiot 😳 😁

It'll pass, eventually.
Everyone hits a breaking point sooner or later.

copperfox22 said:It’s not him who’s an idiot 🙂...long story, doesn't really matter anymore. Just bad luck, I guess. 😁

The main thing is that I’ve been feeling pretty shaken up lately. Everything seems to be piling up at once. But what you're saying makes sense. Maybe this was just the final straw after a long stretch of bad luck. Honestly, I feel like my life is experiencing some kind of delayed reaction to everything that's happened recently.

I usually consider myself a "rock"—someone who can handle anything, even the chaotic stuff. I often forget that I'm made of flesh and blood just like everyone else. 🙂

The second to last one was definitely an idiot 😳 😁

I buy into those theories.
Everyone has a different breaking point.
Some people think they can handle anything until they realize they can't.
But even then, the cup overflows when enough nonsense piles up.😁

Nobody's bulletproof.😉

Fair enough, but you didn't really answer my question here:

I think you’re being a bit dramatic—though I'll admit the whole "nice guys aren't interesting" trope isn't entirely without merit.😁

So, why do we gravitate toward the bad boys?😍 (Whether it's the lawyers, the plumbers, or whatever else😳 🤣 )

Is it the adrenaline rush? The sense of danger? Or just the challenge?

Look, copperfox22, you're asking the million-dollar question right there. 😁

Honestly, there are probably hundreds of millions of guys out there wondering exactly what those damn plumbers have that they don't.

That’s one secret that’s staying buried forever.

Mark Hughes36 said:Look, copperfox22, you're asking the million-dollar question right there. 😁

Honestly, there are probably hundreds of millions of guys out there wondering exactly what those damn plumbers have that they don't.

That’s one secret that’s staying buried forever.

I think we’ve finally hit on the core question of this whole thread. What exactly is that "something" I—or anyone else—is lacking?

For me, that "something" usually boiled down to them not being masculine enough. And when I say masculine, I mean with a capital 'M.' That's a pretty big distinction for me. They had all the other qualities, otherwise, they wouldn't have even made the cut in the first place.

As for that one specific instance where I couldn't quite put my finger on what was missing? Honestly, I haven't a clue. I’d give a million bucks if I could figure it out. 😬

So, let's turn it back to you: what is that "Something" for you? That one thing that either keeps you hooked, holds you back, or draws you in?

Are you actively looking for that same quality in the next person (or is it something completely different every time), or is it the very thing that keeps you tethered to an ex?

I suspect most of us can spot certain recurring patterns or traits that seem to show up in pretty much every partner we've ever had.

Look, we've all heard the endless chatter about what defines a "real man."

However, many would argue there's no guarantee a woman can actually spot one when she sees him. 😉
It’s also incredibly common for people to be fooled by appearances—fake confidence and manufactured charisma, which works far too often in this superficial era we live in.

For instance, it’s not rare for a girl to think she's met the next big thing, only to find out he's married, or some guy who hits the gym hard only to vanish the second things get real—leaving her to deal with a crisis alone without a shred of support.

Honestly, there isn't a single thread on this forum that hasn't touched upon this "crucial" question.
Don't you think it's a bit pretentious to expect us to find an answer right now? 😉

As for me, I've stopped searching for the Holy Grail of dating.
I’m trying to convince myself that I simply don't care who wants or expects what kind of worldview someone else holds. Luck usually only strikes when you stop overthinking these things entirely.

It won't be easy, but I'll try. 😁

Mark Hughes36 said:Look, we've all heard the endless chatter about what defines a "real man."

However, many would argue there's no guarantee a woman can actually spot one when she sees him. 😉
It’s also incredibly common for people to be fooled by appearances—fake confidence and manufactured charisma, which works far too often in this superficial era we live in.

For instance, it’s not rare for a girl to think she's met the next big thing, only to find out he's married, or some guy who hits the gym hard only to vanish the second things get real—leaving her to deal with a crisis alone without a shred of support.

Honestly, there isn't a single thread on this forum that hasn't touched upon this "crucial" question.
Don't you think it's a bit pretentious to expect us to find an answer right now? 😉

As for me, I've stopped searching for the Holy Grail of dating.
I’m trying to convince myself that I simply don't care who wants or expects what kind of worldview someone else holds. Luck usually only strikes when you stop overthinking these things entirely.

It won't be easy, but I'll try. 😁

Precisely.🙂

copperfox22 said:I think we’ve finally hit on the core question of this whole thread. What exactly is that "something" I—or anyone else—is lacking?

For me, that "something" usually boiled down to them not being masculine enough. And when I say masculine, I mean with a capital 'M.' That's a pretty big distinction for me. They had all the other qualities, otherwise, they wouldn't have even made the cut in the first place.

As for that one specific instance where I couldn't quite put my finger on what was missing? Honestly, I haven't a clue. I’d give a million bucks if I could figure it out. 😬

So, let's turn it back to you: what is that "Something" for you? That one thing that either keeps you hooked, holds you back, or draws you in?

Are you actively looking for that same quality in the next person (or is it something completely different every time), or is it the very thing that keeps you tethered to an ex?

I suspect most of us can spot certain recurring patterns or traits that seem to show up in pretty much every partner we've ever had.

If you make a hundred attempts at dating the exact same type of man and nothing works, perhaps it's time to consider if a different personality type is required?

It is always easier to stick with what is familiar, simply repeating learned behavioral patterns. However, clearly, that isn't yielding the desired results.

I once read an interesting observation in a book: if the map doesn't match the terrain, the map is wrong.😉

Mark Hughes36 said:Look, we've all heard the endless chatter about what defines a "real man."

However, many would argue there's no guarantee a woman can actually spot one when she sees him. 😉
It’s also incredibly common for people to be fooled by appearances—fake confidence and manufactured charisma, which works far too often in this superficial era we live in.

For instance, it’s not rare for a girl to think she's met the next big thing, only to find out he's married, or some guy who hits the gym hard only to vanish the second things get real—leaving her to deal with a crisis alone without a shred of support.

Honestly, there isn't a single thread on this forum that hasn't touched upon this "crucial" question.
Don't you think it's a bit pretentious to expect us to find an answer right now? 😉

As for me, I've stopped searching for the Holy Grail of dating.
I’m trying to convince myself that I simply don't care who wants or expects what kind of worldview someone else holds. Luck usually only strikes when you stop overthinking these things entirely.

It won't be easy, but I'll try. 😁

I definitely agree with the sentiment, but doesn't it feel like by adopting that "I don't care" attitude, you're actually just throwing in the towel and walking away from everything?

That’s how it feels to me. That's the exact mindset I've been operating under—acting self-assured and untouchable, like I'm "shielded" from all the bullshit. But then there comes a moment where you realize you're just lying to yourself. You actually do care, and this supposed unavailability to everyone else's advances ends up doing more harm than good. In reality, it hurts only you.

I'm sitting here in my own little fortress, and at the end of the day, what does that get me? Nothing. Absolutely nothing. Just loneliness and isolation.

Walter Peterson said:Precisely.🙂

Walter Peterson said:If you make a hundred attempts at dating the exact same type of man and nothing works, perhaps it's time to consider if a different personality type is required?

It is always easier to stick with what is familiar, simply repeating learned behavioral patterns. However, clearly, that isn't yielding the desired results.

I once read an interesting observation in a book: if the map doesn't match the terrain, the map is wrong.😉

I wouldn't want to oversimplify things like that. I mean, what does "the same type" even actually mean in this context?
I’m speaking from my own perspective here, of course. What I wanted to point out is that while every one of them possessed certain qualities that technically qualified them for the position—you know, met the basic criteria—they weren't actually all that similar. Far from it, in fact.

Changing someone's "type"? I honestly think that’s a debatable concept to begin with. A "type" isn't just one single trait; it’s an entire constellation of qualities that make up a person. If those specific traits are exactly what you value, what you find attractive, and—more importantly—what you actually need in a partner, then how can you really change your type? You'd essentially be trying to change your own fundamental values. 🙂

Look, I’m speaking strictly from my own personal experience here—I don't know how everyone else approaches this, but I have these certain "tests" I run, and believe me, they tend to hold up. Liars. They’re failing on the very first exam, and there isn't even a chance for a retake. 😁That’s exactly why things don't stay on my desk for very long. I have a pretty low threshold for mediocrity; if a recording doesn't show genuine potential right out of the gate, I move on almost immediately.

I’m more interested in figuring out what exactly this "something" is—that one thing that seems to cross every single flaw and tie them all together.

An update on this: He was telling me all about her—how she was narcissistic, exhausting, selfish, the whole nine yards. But then he follows it up by saying he loved her more than anyone else he’s ever known, and now he can’t find a way to move on. It makes you wonder, doesn't it? Why is it that certain people can hold onto you like that, even when they possess the exact traits you can't stand? It’s those very flaws that should be dealbreakers, yet somehow, there’s this one thing about them that overrides everything else and keeps the feeling alive. What is that one thing that manages to cancel out all the negatives and keeps the love from fading?

copperfox22 said:I wouldn't want to oversimplify things like that. I mean, what does "the same type" even actually mean in this context?
I’m speaking from my own perspective here, of course. What I wanted to point out is that while every one of them possessed certain qualities that technically qualified them for the position—you know, met the basic criteria—they weren't actually all that similar. Far from it, in fact.

Changing someone's "type"? I honestly think that’s a debatable concept to begin with. A "type" isn't just one single trait; it’s an entire constellation of qualities that make up a person. If those specific traits are exactly what you value, what you find attractive, and—more importantly—what you actually need in a partner, then how can you really change your type? You'd essentially be trying to change your own fundamental values. 🙂

Look, I’m speaking strictly from my own personal experience here—I don't know how everyone else approaches this, but I have these certain "tests" I run, and believe me, they tend to hold up. Liars. They’re failing on the very first exam, and there isn't even a chance for a retake. 😁That’s exactly why things don't stay on my desk for very long. I have a pretty low threshold for mediocrity; if a recording doesn't show genuine potential right out of the gate, I move on almost immediately.

I’m more interested in figuring out what exactly this "something" is—that one thing that seems to cross every single flaw and tie them all together.

An update on this: He was telling me all about her—how she was narcissistic, exhausting, selfish, the whole nine yards. But then he follows it up by saying he loved her more than anyone else he’s ever known, and now he can’t find a way to move on. It makes you wonder, doesn't it? Why is it that certain people can hold onto you like that, even when they possess the exact traits you can't stand? It’s those very flaws that should be dealbreakers, yet somehow, there’s this one thing about them that overrides everything else and keeps the feeling alive. What is that one thing that manages to cancel out all the negatives and keeps the love from fading?

Well, that is precisely what I am asking you. I realize they aren't similar as individuals, but what are these specific things? What would you consider your sine qua non criteria?

copperfox22 said:I wouldn't want to oversimplify things like that. I mean, what does "the same type" even actually mean in this context?
I’m speaking from my own perspective here, of course. What I wanted to point out is that while every one of them possessed certain qualities that technically qualified them for the position—you know, met the basic criteria—they weren't actually all that similar. Far from it, in fact.

Changing someone's "type"? I honestly think that’s a debatable concept to begin with. A "type" isn't just one single trait; it’s an entire constellation of qualities that make up a person. If those specific traits are exactly what you value, what you find attractive, and—more importantly—what you actually need in a partner, then how can you really change your type? You'd essentially be trying to change your own fundamental values. 🙂

Look, I’m speaking strictly from my own personal experience here—I don't know how everyone else approaches this, but I have these certain "tests" I run, and believe me, they tend to hold up. Liars. They’re failing on the very first exam, and there isn't even a chance for a retake. 😁That’s exactly why things don't stay on my desk for very long. I have a pretty low threshold for mediocrity; if a recording doesn't show genuine potential right out of the gate, I move on almost immediately.

I’m more interested in figuring out what exactly this "something" is—that one thing that seems to cross every single flaw and tie them all together.

An update on this: He was telling me all about her—how she was narcissistic, exhausting, selfish, the whole nine yards. But then he follows it up by saying he loved her more than anyone else he’s ever known, and now he can’t find a way to move on. It makes you wonder, doesn't it? Why is it that certain people can hold onto you like that, even when they possess the exact traits you can't stand? It’s those very flaws that should be dealbreakers, yet somehow, there’s this one thing about them that overrides everything else and keeps the feeling alive. What is that one thing that manages to cancel out all the negatives and keeps the love from fading?

I fail to see what you mean by that question.

copperfox22 said:I wouldn't want to oversimplify things like that. I mean, what does "the same type" even actually mean in this context?
I’m speaking from my own perspective here, of course. What I wanted to point out is that while every one of them possessed certain qualities that technically qualified them for the position—you know, met the basic criteria—they weren't actually all that similar. Far from it, in fact.

Changing someone's "type"? I honestly think that’s a debatable concept to begin with. A "type" isn't just one single trait; it’s an entire constellation of qualities that make up a person. If those specific traits are exactly what you value, what you find attractive, and—more importantly—what you actually need in a partner, then how can you really change your type? You'd essentially be trying to change your own fundamental values. 🙂

Look, I’m speaking strictly from my own personal experience here—I don't know how everyone else approaches this, but I have these certain "tests" I run, and believe me, they tend to hold up. Liars. They’re failing on the very first exam, and there isn't even a chance for a retake. 😁That’s exactly why things don't stay on my desk for very long. I have a pretty low threshold for mediocrity; if a recording doesn't show genuine potential right out of the gate, I move on almost immediately.

I’m more interested in figuring out what exactly this "something" is—that one thing that seems to cross every single flaw and tie them all together.

An update on this: He was telling me all about her—how she was narcissistic, exhausting, selfish, the whole nine yards. But then he follows it up by saying he loved her more than anyone else he’s ever known, and now he can’t find a way to move on. It makes you wonder, doesn't it? Why is it that certain people can hold onto you like that, even when they possess the exact traits you can't stand? It’s those very flaws that should be dealbreakers, yet somehow, there’s this one thing about them that overrides everything else and keeps the feeling alive. What is that one thing that manages to cancel out all the negatives and keeps the love from fading?

One's own weaknesses tend to eclipse all those negative qualities in her. People often seek in others what they lack in themselves—traits they wish they possessed or deeply admire.

Those who struggle with self-love might gravitate toward a narcissist simply because the narcissist adores themselves. It’s a reflection of what the partner wishes they could feel. Or perhaps someone who is overly accommodating, empathetic, or perhaps too much of a "good person" (and instinctively knows people take advantage of that) finds themselves admiring someone demanding and selfish just because they seem so unapologetically indifferent to everyone else's opinion.

There is, quite frankly, a certain amount of masochism involved in the whole affair.

Walter Peterson said:Well, that is precisely what I am asking you. I realize they aren't similar as individuals, but what are these specific things? What would you consider your sine qua non criteria?

I fail to see what you mean by that question.

Mine are... quite significant, actually. 😁

Should I even start listing the classics, or should I jump straight to the ones that feel unique and essential to me? 😍

I'm not sure I follow—what exactly are you getting at with that question?

It's about that moment when you realize just how flawed this "beloved soul" of yours actually is. When you see all those shortcomings that you usually wouldn't tolerate in anyone else, yet you still love them and find it impossible to walk away. 🙂

copperfox22 said:I definitely agree with the sentiment, but doesn't it feel like by adopting that "I don't care" attitude, you're actually just throwing in the towel and walking away from everything?

That’s how it feels to me. That's the exact mindset I've been operating under—acting self-assured and untouchable, like I'm "shielded" from all the bullshit. But then there comes a moment where you realize you're just lying to yourself. You actually do care, and this supposed unavailability to everyone else's advances ends up doing more harm than good. In reality, it hurts only you.

I'm sitting here in my own little fortress, and at the end of the day, what does that get me? Nothing. Absolutely nothing. Just loneliness and isolation.

The whole point is just reaching that state where you truly don't give a damn.
Whatever. You'll live.
It seems like that mindset pays off. At the very least, you stop questioning your own sanity every time things fall apart, or obsessing over all those "what if" scenarios.

I’ve come to believe the healthiest approach is to accept that there is no such thing as justice or blame in relationships. It all just boils down to a matter of compatibility—or the lack thereof—at any given moment.

Just to be clear, this is purely theoretical.
It’s a relief to see how much ground I've actually covered during this internship. 😁

copperfox22 said:I definitely agree with the sentiment, but doesn't it feel like by adopting that "I don't care" attitude, you're actually just throwing in the towel and walking away from everything?

That’s how it feels to me. That's the exact mindset I've been operating under—acting self-assured and untouchable, like I'm "shielded" from all the bullshit. But then there comes a moment where you realize you're just lying to yourself. You actually do care, and this supposed unavailability to everyone else's advances ends up doing more harm than good. In reality, it hurts only you.

I'm sitting here in my own little fortress, and at the end of the day, what does that get me? Nothing. Absolutely nothing. Just loneliness and isolation.

And that's just a glimpse of what fate has in store for us.
The truth, though nobody's exactly lining up to hear it. 😁

copperfox22 said:Mine are... quite significant, actually. 😁

Should I even start listing the classics, or should I jump straight to the ones that feel unique and essential to me? 😍

I'm not sure I follow—what exactly are you getting at with that question?

It's about that moment when you realize just how flawed this "beloved soul" of yours actually is. When you see all those shortcomings that you usually wouldn't tolerate in anyone else, yet you still love them and find it impossible to walk away. 🙂

In my view, it's pure ego: "How is it possible that someone I love this much doesn't see me as worthy of their devotion?"

Mark Hughes36 said:The whole point is just reaching that state where you truly don't give a damn.
Whatever. You'll live.
It seems like that mindset pays off. At the very least, you stop questioning your own sanity every time things fall apart, or obsessing over all those "what if" scenarios.

I’ve come to believe the healthiest approach is to accept that there is no such thing as justice or blame in relationships. It all just boils down to a matter of compatibility—or the lack thereof—at any given moment.

Just to be clear, this is purely theoretical.
It’s a relief to see how much ground I've actually covered during this internship. 😁

And that's just a glimpse of what fate has in store for us.
The truth, though nobody's exactly lining up to hear it. 😁

I can certainly agree with that, though I suspect it only holds true when we’re dealing with people who actually fit our own mold. Some individuals are simply fundamentally incompatible with us—personality-wise, there’s just no way to make it work, regardless of the circumstances.

Mark Hughes36 said:In my view, it's pure ego: "How is it possible that someone I love this much doesn't see me as worthy of their devotion?"

That is an accurate assessment. You possess a certain wisdom, 👍