Started by copperfox22 · · 👁 13 views · 200 replies
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Mark Hughes36 said:I have zero doubt you’ll stumble upon someone interesting again soon—since you're such an incurable optimist and dreamer. Maybe this time they'll actually share your worldview... 🙂
Jeremy Torres5 said:copperfox22, your only issue is that you're trying way too hard and giving too much
and you're doing it all at once 🤷
it scares people off
men especially 🤣
I'd take it much slower next time, honey🙂
Jeremy Torres5 said:copperfox22, your only issue is that you're trying way too hard and giving too much
and you're doing it all at once 🤷
it scares people off
men especially 🤣
I'd take it much slower next time, honey🙂
copperfox22 said:What I’m going through is recent—it's the fallout from some fresh experiences, not even a full-blown relationship.
Walter Peterson said:And there lies the crux of your issue. Sometimes, when emotions run that deep, you don't even need a committed relationship to feel absolutely miserable. I suspect you'll find much more energy and resilience once these "fresh" moments fade into distant memories.
copperfox22 said:You've got a point there. This person meant a lot to me,🙂 which is probably why it hits this hard.
And if I'm being totally honest, I don't think this will ever just be a "distant memory"—and truthfully, I wouldn't want it to.
northernwolf3 said:wiredmoose3 As if I haven't heard this one before!
I’m just at a point where I’ve had enough of the struggle, the constant mistakes, and all those wrong turns that seem to lead nowhere. I honestly don't have any desire to chase after more heartache or deal with the fallout of bad decisions anymore; I'm ready for some peace.
It honestly feels like you’re saying you don't even want to live life at all... but I know how this goes, you'll just end up changing your mind and saying "I do" eventually, I'm certain of it.🙂And that’s exactly where the catch lies—it all comes down to the fact that you just won't accept him.
I wouldn't exactly go so far as to say that copperfox22 is completely unwilling to embrace life, including all the inevitable suffering and the messy, difficult parts that come along with it.
She’s just done with taking the long way around anymore, you know? Honestly, she’s just reached her limit—it's exhausting to keep going in circles like that, and it's honestly wearing a person down.
Even when you’re fully aware that there isn’t any other way to look at it—that eventually, you’re inevitably going to mess things up again—there’s still this deep, nagging desire to just wish those screw-ups were kept to an absolute minimum.
And then you think about just taking a little break to clear your head... but honestly, even that doesn't quite hit the mark.🤷
It’s honestly such a heavy feeling when you hit that specific stage of life where you just start questioning everything, wondering if it’s even worth the effort to try something new or see where things might lead. You find yourself stuck in this exhausting loop of wanting to move forward, yet you're simultaneously completely dissatisfied with the way things are right now, which leaves you feeling totally paralyzed by the uncertainty of what's actually ahead.
Humans are fundamentally social creatures who thrive on connection, and while having a solid circle of friends and supportive family members is absolutely essential for a balanced life, there is still this subtle, missing piece to the puzzle that remains elusive in almost any other context. There is a very specific, unique kind of intimacy—that deep, singular closeness—that you just can't quite replicate through platonic bonds or kinship, and it’s something you can only truly experience within the framework of a romantic relationship.
The world isn't going to end just because you don't have that one specific thing, and honestly, you eventually learn how to make peace with whatever life hands you, but there’s always going to be that tiny little ache lingering deep inside, a persistent little sting that refuses to fully fade away—and you really shouldn't try to crush it out of existence.
You really have to let the whole thing cocoon itself first, just sitting back and waiting to see if a butterfly actually emerges from the shell—because, honestly, once that transformation starts, you aren't looking at a caterpillar anymore, you're looking at something entirely different.😁It’s just one of those things, you know... whether we're talking about those stunningly beautiful wings or that deep, heavy gloom that seems to settle in during the night, I can't help but wonder if anything actually gets better, or if some things just stay broken forever.
The real struggle is that you just don't have the stomach to sit around and wait anymore, especially when you're stuck staring into the void without any clue what's actually going to happen next.By the way, I was just checking my watch and realized that everything Peje had written down in the logbook didn't actually line up with the actual time.
It really just boils down to this: an A grade is usually the direct result of actual knowledge, whereas a failing grade is typically just the fallout of not knowing anything at all.
You know, you should probably drop by the old neighborhood spots every once in a while, even if you aren't exactly paying close attention to everything going on—just a quick visit to say hello, provided you don't overstay your welcome.😁Is suffering actually a good thing? I honestly believe it is, and there’s a real necessity to it. Without going through those difficult, painful stretches, you simply don't see any genuine progress or meaningful personal growth, nor do you ever truly learn to appreciate the deeper beauty in life. Think about it—is a person who is constantly comfortable and perfectly content ever going to be pushed out of their comfort zone? It’s highly unlikely. Real movement only happens when things get tough.
It’s honestly such a blast to just embrace the struggle sometimes, you know? There is something incredibly liberating about pushing yourself to the absolute limit, like sprinting full tilt toward a finish line in a place like Boulder, Colorado, when you've still got that youthful energy and a bit of madness in your soul. When you're young and feeling reckless, those moments where you're gasping for air and testing your own boundaries are exactly what make life feel vivid and real.
When you finally reach a certain age, there’s this incredible sense of peace that settles in, where being genuinely happy and content becomes the ultimate goal, and honestly, there is nothing quite like the simple pleasure of taking a slow, steady stroll, even if you aren't exactly covering much ground.
It isn't just about getting older... there is so much more weighing on you... the disappointments, the heartache, all those awkward experiences... and honestly, that growing lack of energy to constantly be out and about searching for something.
Sometimes it’s just nice to sit down and relax, especially when your legs are aching from being on the move all day.😁It all started with the simple idea of "as long as she's a woman." 🙂 Back then, I didn't have a clue what I actually wanted, and everything seemed perfect. But gradually, I started figuring out what truly fits my life, so my standards began to grow and shift across all sorts of different areas as I adapted.
I think everyone goes through this... once you realize there are fundamental differences between men and women... you start by looking at their temperament.. that's usually where the distinction first hits you.😁
Then you eventually realize there are other layers to it... and you find yourself trying to ensure those other differences stay as minimal as possible.
The technical term for it would be... maturity.😁I don't really view my criteria as an extension of my identity, but rather as a mold that someone has to pass through before I decide to take things further. Sometimes people who are totally wrong for me slip through, so I tighten the mold in certain spots, and other times I loosen it up a bit just to see what happens if I let something unexpected and unpredictable in.
To me, it looks more like those criteria are part of who you are, you're just being flexible in how you apply them.
Everyone has their own threshold for tolerance... you aren't going to build a rigid mold to exact specifications and never change it, not even then.
But if your mold is three liters big... one person isn't going to fill it up.
And yet... if you try to force five liters into it... you might manage to fit four once you loosen things up, but that fifth liter is always going to be extra, no matter how you look at it.Are you absolutely sure you know what you need? That *this* is exactly what will make you happy, rather than something else entirely?
Look... I honestly don't know if what I want is 100% what will actually make me happy.
Right now, I think it is... but thinking about it is a real headache.
But then again... how can I think about anything else when I've only got this one brain to work with?🤷
I'd much prefer if I didn't have to think at all—if I could either just naturally encounter exactly what I need, or if I could just stop caring about the things I haven't figured out yet.
But neither of those is going to happen... I'll still be overthinking, and it won't just magically appear.
So you just sit there thinking... and then what?😁
To me, it looks like those criteria are baked right into who you are—you just happen to be incredibly flexible about how you apply them.
Everyone has their own threshold—their own breaking point. You can't exactly build a rigid mold for yourself and expect it to stay that way forever. Life doesn't work like that. Even if you try to set a standard today, things change. I’ve learned that the moment you think you've finally settled on a fixed set of rules, reality finds a way to shift the goalposts.
Look, if you're working with a three-liter mold—and let's be honest, that's a massive container—one batch isn't going to cut it. You won't fill it. Simple math.
Here we go again... if you’re forcing five gallons into it, you can expect four back once you let up—that fifth gallon is just wasted effort, no matter how you look at it.
I honestly don't know—is what I’m chasing actually going to make me happy? Or am I just running in circles.
I suppose I think so... though honestly, thinking is a damn chore.
But... how am I supposed to think any other way when this is the only brain I’ve got?🤷
I’d honestly prefer if I didn't have to think at all—either let exactly what I need just show up when it's time, or stop making the fact that I can't think a constant distraction.
None of that is actually going to happen... I’ll just sit here thinking about it while nothing ever moves. Typical.
So, you're sitting there thinking... what now?😁
copperfox22 said:🤣 This logic works fine when you're 16 versus 46... but man, wouldn't it be great if things actually worked out like this 🙏I occasionally loosen my grip just a bit to see what happens if I let something unusual or unpredictable slip through.
What'll happen? A total mess, that's what. 🙄Are you absolutely certain you know what you need? That THIS is truly what will make you happy, rather than something else entirely?
I think I am. I've had plenty of time behind me to figure out what might actually bring me happiness in that regard. If you think I have some perfectly etched blueprint or mental image in my head, you're wrong. A few deviations aren't really the issue... I suppose that’s where tolerance comes in. It's the big stuff, the foundations, that worry me more. I don't know, I just find myself spiraling into these thoughts from time to time when I'm feeling down, but it's becoming a frequent habit lately, which has forced me to reflect. Maybe there's an actual issue with me and my poor judgment. 🤷 Perhaps there's some psychological quirk at play here.
@northernwolf3—are you sewing? 😁
placidranger said:je 🙂
Dammit—there comes a point where you just have to make a call. You either sit there and let yourself spiral, or you actually get out there. Sign up for a yoga class, take some dance lessons, quit that dead-end job—whatever it takes to shake things up. Honestly, if I want to meet new people without it feeling like a full-time chore, I need to make a move.To me, it looks like those criteria are baked right into who you are—you just happen to be incredibly flexible about how you apply them.
Everyone has their own threshold—their own breaking point. You can't exactly build a rigid mold for yourself and expect it to stay that way forever. Life doesn't work like that. Even if you try to set a standard today, things change. I’ve learned that the moment you think you've finally settled on a fixed set of rules, reality finds a way to shift the goalposts.
Look, if you're working with a three-liter mold—and let's be honest, that's a massive container—one batch isn't going to cut it. You won't fill it. Simple math.
Here we go again... if you’re forcing five gallons into it, you can expect four back once you let up—that fifth gallon is just wasted effort, no matter how you look at it.
I honestly don't know—is what I’m chasing actually going to make me happy? Or am I just running in circles.
I suppose I think so... though honestly, thinking is a damn chore.
But... how am I supposed to think any other way when this is the only brain I’ve got?🤷
I’d honestly prefer if I didn't have to think at all—either let exactly what I need just show up when it's time, or stop making the fact that I can't think a constant distraction.
None of that is actually going to happen... I’ll just sit here thinking about it while nothing ever moves. Typical.
So, you're sitting there thinking... what now?😁
So, what now? 😁 Sheet, poster, buy some cats, grab some yarn, and have my nephews knit some scarves—because those sweaters just aren't happening. 😁
I’ve come to realize that some of these dating criteria are purely irrational—they aren't even problematic on their own, they just seem tied to specific people who were once caught short or simply don't make sense. For the longest time, I wasn't into curvier women. Not at all. I wouldn't call myself a "chubby lover" now, either, but I don't rule it out immediately anymore. I used to think my preference was perfectly rational—look, you want good sex, and you can't get turned on by body fat—but then you see how much of a mess that logic actually creates.
You’ve gotta sample all walks of life—it’s worth the hassle. 🤷
🤷
Or maybe not. Maybe you’re just genuinely meeting idiots. What happened with the last one? Or the one before that?
Walter Peterson said:Perhaps my phrasing was imprecise. Every single moment will remain etched in your mind, and I am certain you would live through it all again, remembering it with a smile.
What I intended to convey is that, as time passes, the sorrow and bitterness will dissipate, eventually leaving you ready to try again with someone else.
granitefalcon26 said:But what if I end up measuring every future relationship against my ex? Honestly, I just know it’ll never feel the way it did with her.😢
granitefalcon26 said:But what if I end up measuring every future relationship against my ex? Honestly, I just know it’ll never feel the way it did with her.😢
granitefalcon26 said:The biggest issue is just the lack of communication. On top of that, I’m dealing with my own anxiety and panic attacks. I struggle with agoraphobia and social anxiety too, which makes everything so much harder to manage. I constantly worry about what people will think if I have a panic attack in public. She has such a huge family, and here I am struggling with agoraphobia.😲
It’s a tough combination to navigate. Eventually, we stopped going out almost entirely because she was always terrified that I’d have a panic attack. 😢
copperfox22 said:Don't take this the wrong way, but I think you're romanticizing things a bit too much here.🙂
It isn't really that there's some "unbeatable" standard out there. No one is. It's just that there isn't only one single high-quality person who fits your criteria perfectly. Maybe the real issue is that, deep down, you aren't actually looking to move on. You might find someone great, but only if you can finally accept that she was a chapter that closed, rather than treating her like this permanent benchmark.
Walter Peterson said:Your issues run much deeper than just this breakup. Are you actually working on them?
granitefalcon26 said:The phobias and panic attacks? Yeah, I inherited those from my mom. I've been dealing with them since I was ten. You know how it is—the last thing you ever think is that it's all in your head. So, you end up bouncing between every specialist in town. Everyone gives you a different diagnosis. One guy told me I had a brain tumor, another said it was MS. By their logic, I should be dead by now, or at least using a wheelchair.
What a joke.😍
And honestly, what am I supposed to do? I can't find the time for psychotherapy with my work schedule being what it is. I did see a psychiatrist, though, and they put me on some ADHD meds and an anti-anxiety script. I will say the attacks happen less often now, but they still pop up just to remind me they're there.😢
granitefalcon26 said:The biggest issue is just the lack of communication. On top of that, I’m dealing with my own anxiety and panic attacks. I struggle with agoraphobia and social anxiety too, which makes everything so much harder to manage. I constantly worry about what people will think if I have a panic attack in public. She has such a huge family, and here I am struggling with agoraphobia.😲
It’s a tough combination to navigate. Eventually, we stopped going out almost entirely because she was always terrified that I’d have a panic attack. 😢