How many misses are going to block you in the next link?

To be fair, 😍...it seems even the geniuses are on the same page here. 🤣

copperfox22 said:Man, I’m going to be the cashier at the checkout 😁, and he’s going to walk up like:

And Mary was happier than she'd ever been before.
But get this—he tells me: "I finally met the love of my life."
About a month ago, when I was heading down to the corner store
Just grabbing some bread and a carton of milk
And there I am at the register, and I lock eyes with her—everything just stops.
It was like my brain went completely numb; all I could hear was her voice:
"Hey, honey, here's your change."

😍

And now look at this mess—all this magic and new drama to deal with. 😁

As they say...http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PDRGNLATlXs

🙂

wiredmoose3 said:To be fair, 😍...it seems even the geniuses are on the same page here. 🤣

As they say...http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PDRGNLATlXs

🙂

Thanks, friend, but I’m just not as certain as you are.
And honestly, the worst part is when you start losing faith. 😢

They only block us if we let them. I’ve seen it all—the good, the bad, and the ugly.
The only logical takeaway here is this: never let anyone else take the wheel of your life. At the end of the day, we are the ones responsible for our own existence. We can't blame an ex-husband, a rough childhood, or some guy who cheated on us if we choose to spend our lives miserable and broken. Sure, those guys were jerks, but I’m moving forward anyway. Pure spite. The best revenge is simply living well.

When one of those losers runs into me now, and they see me looking better than I did ten years ago, feeling happier, killing it at work, and being financially stable—while they’re just pathetic, washed up, broke, and spiraling... believe me, every single one of them thinks: "Damn, if I had been smarter, I would have had her."

And no, I’m not being arrogant. After everything I went through, I just decided to give everyone the middle finger. That includes my own family.

It’s certainly easier to dream it up than to actually pull it off 😁

I finally made it happen, God knows, after nearly two years of wallowing in deep depression. The hardest part is facing yourself. It’s admitting things you’ve been avoiding—like realizing you made a massive mistake in judgment. Or acknowledging your parents were overly restrictive. Or that your best friend actually resents you because you’re more successful. Or that your neighbor keeps harassing you in the driveway because you get under his skin. Or that you're overweight. Or that you lack an education. Or... whatever else. The toughest thing is looking in the mirror and accepting the raw truth.

Once you own up to it, choosing a direction becomes simple.

Believe me, admitting all that wasn't easy for me. But once I did, everything changed. I stood up, brushed myself off, and got to work. I organized my life—one step at a time. I cut out the dead weight, dumped the jerk, committed to losing 20 pounds, decided to go back to school, and so on. Was it easy? No. Do I still sit around feeling sorry for myself? NOT A CHANCE.

copperfox22 said:Thanks, friend, but I’m just not as certain as you are.
And honestly, the worst part is when you start losing faith. 😢

Certain? I’m not certain about anything—not even my own mortality... for instance, I’ve heard people claiming some guy has been alive for two thousand years and will live forever 🤷😁
Yeah, I agree that losing faith is terrifying—but only because reality starts hitting you all at once... and we all know how ugly and intimidating reality can get. Still, facing it is the only way to actually *live*... it gives you the agency to manage your life, look at it clearly, steer it, and eventually accept it. Of course, you won't always be "on top of things," and life will knock you down sometimes, but you learn to pick yourself up over time. And if you can't? Well, there are friends (if you're lucky), and there's zero shame in seeking professional help these days
It wasn't easy for me to accept the possibility that my prince might never show up in this lifetime... but after the initial disappointment, my own life started feeling clearer, more defined... which happened to coincide with that first, sudden wave of general maturity (which is, naturally, a lifelong 😉 process)... you realize there are no princes, that faith is just a fog (and I don't mean 😁 politics), hope is a fickle 😁 Baby blues, and certainty is nothing but an illusion... yet you still have to keep walking... and
...."maybe everything really does work out for the best"...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mmr1Ind-3kA

wiredmoose3 said:Certain? I’m not certain about anything—not even my own mortality... for instance, I’ve heard people claiming some guy has been alive for two thousand years and will live forever 🤷😁
Yeah, I agree that losing faith is terrifying—but only because reality starts hitting you all at once... and we all know how ugly and intimidating reality can get. Still, facing it is the only way to actually *live*... it gives you the agency to manage your life, look at it clearly, steer it, and eventually accept it. Of course, you won't always be "on top of things," and life will knock you down sometimes, but you learn to pick yourself up over time. And if you can't? Well, there are friends (if you're lucky), and there's zero shame in seeking professional help these days
It wasn't easy for me to accept the possibility that my prince might never show up in this lifetime... but after the initial disappointment, my own life started feeling clearer, more defined... which happened to coincide with that first, sudden wave of general maturity (which is, naturally, a lifelong 😉 process)... you realize there are no princes, that faith is just a fog (and I don't mean 😁 politics), hope is a fickle 😁 Baby blues, and certainty is nothing but an illusion... yet you still have to keep walking... and
...."maybe everything really does work out for the best"...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mmr1Ind-3kA

Look, if you really want to get down to brass tacks, everything that’s been highlighted in bold is essentially the heart and soul of the whole matter.
You really just have to come to terms with the fact that sometimes, life is just going to throw you a curveball, and honestly, shit happens.
Maybe it’s just you, copperfox22... or maybe it’s everyone else too (though, honestly, I feel it right along with you).😁)
Listen, this doesn't mean you have to hang up your knitting needles or stop making those cozy sweaters altogether. It’s really just about timing. If you’re feeling completely burnt out right now, then honestly, just sit down and give yourself permission to rest—let your fingers relax, give your brain a break, or whatever else needs some downtime. Once you've had a moment to recharge, you'll find yourself ready to jump right back into it with a much lighter step.😁
You also have to be able to come to terms with the idea that maybe, just maybe, you aren't destined to possess every single thing that might bring you happiness in this lifetime.
It’s a bit of a tough pill to swallow at first, I know, but once you truly wrap your head around the reality of it all, there’s this incredible sense of relief that washes over you, almost like a massive weight is finally being lifted off your chest because you realize that in the next life, everything is going to work out so much better.
Or maybe even the third option...😁

Why should having a "partner" or "someone else" be a prerequisite for finding happiness? Can't people find fulfillment through countless other avenues? Or is there still this outdated mindset that if you aren't married, you haven't truly succeeded—even if you’re leading the country or running major charities?

Personally, I see things differently. There are endless ways to achieve personal fulfillment. A partner is just one option among many. They aren't always essential.

Humans weren't built to live in isolation.

No one is claiming it’s impossible to pull off; it’s just that such a fate doesn't look particularly inviting.

copperfox22 said:I’m not sure if we’ve covered a topic like this before. If we have, mods, feel free to lock this thread.

After reading through some of the discussions here and doing a bit of my own reflecting, I’ve been thinking about those "ghosts from the past" and how much weight they actually carry for us. Obviously, everyone is different—some of us are tougher, some more sensitive, some more confident—but I think there’s a common thread we can pull on. So, here’s my question: how much are your past romantic failures and poor choices subconsciously (or even consciously) holding you back when you try to move forward?

To kick things off, I’ll be honest about myself. I’ve started wondering if I’m just making excuses under the guise of "life getting in the way," essentially sabotaging my chances at finding a real connection. It’s not that I’m shy or confused about what I want, and I don't really deal with massive complexes (at least nothing that feels like a major issue)... I tend to march to the beat of my own drum and don't always follow social norms, though I wouldn't say I'm a rebel, since I generally fit in just fine with society.

To cut to the chase, as much as I try to convince myself otherwise, I think I still carry some baggage from my past that’s starting to cause friction. Instead of throwing myself into meeting new people or experiencing new things with an open heart right from the jump, I find myself internally telling myself, "Don't bother, it’ll just be another bust... stay guarded, keep your distance."

I can't tell if my brain is doing this because it genuinely believes I have a knack for picking the wrong people, or if it’s just a defense mechanism—a fear that if I actually dare to trust someone, I’ll just end up disappointed all over again.
Sometimes I catch myself wondering if there's a reason I'm perpetually drawn to the wrong crowd. Why does that happen? Because, honestly, the "perfectly stable" types usually don't interest me at all 😕... they're always these eccentric characters, slightly off in one way or another. Now, combined with everything else, it’s creating a total mental block. It’s like the moment I find someone attractive, there's always some glaring, dangerous flaw 😬

Anyway, bottom line: how much are your failed relationships and past mistakes actually messing with your head? 😁

But wait, what even counts as a "relationship fail" or a "bad call"? Does that kind of thing even exist? Seriously, think about it: if you spend a beautiful stretch of time with someone, and then they go and pull some total BS—like cheating or any other massive disappointment—does that really erase all the good moments from your perspective? Can those ugly moments actually dim the present and turn a bright sunny day into total darkness in your eyes? Heck no, they can't! Why? Because those moments happened, they were lived, and you can't change the past. There is zero point in denying them or letting them ruin the beauty of right now by getting tangled up in a web of dark thoughts. Instead, why not just move forward with a smile and the mindset of "life is beautiful"? I know, I know—it sounds nearly impossible when you're in the thick of it, but whenever you find your footing, you have the power to throw your hands up and say, "This is my life, and I'm going to live it exactly how I want!" The thing is, people haven't learned how to live with actual respect for life, for others, or for the world, so their passion just burns out fast. But even when that spark dies, and you're sitting there alone for those ten minutes before you drift off to sleep, that’s your most honest moment. That’s when you realize the only truth is the one you found in that burst of energy. The question is: are you going to get back up and keep pushing, or are you going to sit around wallowing in self-pity over coffee with friends? You can choose to finally learn the difference between right and wrong, beautiful and ugly, and start valuing the highs and lows of life equally. You can take that relationship where you felt wronged and finally start living by the code: "Yes, I am enough. I am freaking enough. I have value, and I don't need to play stupid games with myself or others to prove it." Why act out some fake role, trying to look superior or constantly struggling to be "enough" for someone else, when your most noble role is simply being enough for yourself? That is the only thing that truly matters.

Was this supposed to be comforting? 🤣
You're praying to the wrong god 😁

northernwolf3 said:Look, if you really want to get down to brass tacks, everything that’s been highlighted in bold is essentially the heart and soul of the whole matter.
You really just have to come to terms with the fact that sometimes, life is just going to throw you a curveball, and honestly, shit happens.
Maybe it’s just you, copperfox22... or maybe it’s everyone else too (though, honestly, I feel it right along with you).😁)
Listen, this doesn't mean you have to hang up your knitting needles or stop making those cozy sweaters altogether. It’s really just about timing. If you’re feeling completely burnt out right now, then honestly, just sit down and give yourself permission to rest—let your fingers relax, give your brain a break, or whatever else needs some downtime. Once you've had a moment to recharge, you'll find yourself ready to jump right back into it with a much lighter step.😁
You also have to be able to come to terms with the idea that maybe, just maybe, you aren't destined to possess every single thing that might bring you happiness in this lifetime.
It’s a bit of a tough pill to swallow at first, I know, but once you truly wrap your head around the reality of it all, there’s this incredible sense of relief that washes over you, almost like a massive weight is finally being lifted off your chest because you realize that in the next life, everything is going to work out so much better.
Or maybe even the third option...😁

Where did this thread even go? 😕
What next life?.. Give me a break, I'm living in this one right now. And whatever I want, I want it now.
And to be honest, it hurts thinking about the past, and yeah, the future too. But when I actually get to live that future, then I'll deal with it. Right now, my focus is on this one, single life I have. 🙂

So, as far as this whole "acceptance" thing goes, it’s just not happening for me.

Thomas Moore3 said:Why should having a "partner" or "someone else" be a prerequisite for finding happiness? Can't people find fulfillment through countless other avenues? Or is there still this outdated mindset that if you aren't married, you haven't truly succeeded—even if you’re leading the country or running major charities?

Personally, I see things differently. There are endless ways to achieve personal fulfillment. A partner is just one option among many. They aren't always essential.

I don't know who you're trying to convince here. Me, or yourself?
I am fulfilled in every damn way possible, except for that. And yes, I miss it... I need it.
Some people find "meaning" in other things. Good for them. I'm just not one of those people. So what? What's the issue? I don't see any reason why you or anyone else should be telling someone else what they need out of life. I know myself well enough, and I've had enough life experience to know exactly what I want and what I need.
If you're feeling great that way, awesome. Fine by me. But please, stop lecturing others on what's best for them. 😉

The reason I started this thread was just to reflect on making a bad choice. Nothing more, nothing less.

I'm trying to pull out the Bill of Rights😁
Something about the deck doesn't feel right😬

wearyhawk83 said:But wait, what even counts as a "relationship fail" or a "bad call"? Does that kind of thing even exist? Seriously, think about it: if you spend a beautiful stretch of time with someone, and then they go and pull some total BS—like cheating or any other massive disappointment—does that really erase all the good moments from your perspective? Can those ugly moments actually dim the present and turn a bright sunny day into total darkness in your eyes? Heck no, they can't! Why? Because those moments happened, they were lived, and you can't change the past. There is zero point in denying them or letting them ruin the beauty of right now by getting tangled up in a web of dark thoughts. Instead, why not just move forward with a smile and the mindset of "life is beautiful"? I know, I know—it sounds nearly impossible when you're in the thick of it, but whenever you find your footing, you have the power to throw your hands up and say, "This is my life, and I'm going to live it exactly how I want!" The thing is, people haven't learned how to live with actual respect for life, for others, or for the world, so their passion just burns out fast. But even when that spark dies, and you're sitting there alone for those ten minutes before you drift off to sleep, that’s your most honest moment. That’s when you realize the only truth is the one you found in that burst of energy. The question is: are you going to get back up and keep pushing, or are you going to sit around wallowing in self-pity over coffee with friends? You can choose to finally learn the difference between right and wrong, beautiful and ugly, and start valuing the highs and lows of life equally. You can take that relationship where you felt wronged and finally start living by the code: "Yes, I am enough. I am freaking enough. I have value, and I don't need to play stupid games with myself or others to prove it." Why act out some fake role, trying to look superior or constantly struggling to be "enough" for someone else, when your most noble role is simply being enough for yourself? That is the only thing that truly matters.

it isn't a failure based on what actually happened. Not even close. You can't just erase beautiful moments from your history. A failure is when things don't land—when there's no longevity, no real alignment, none of that "click" where everything finally falls into place perfectly 😁

A failure is defined by the ache it leaves behind... because it saps your courage to try again. Who in their right mind wants to go through the meat grinder all over again? It’s a failure because you can't just walk away from the void it creates. It’s a failure precisely because it felt good, yet it didn't work out. No sane person wants to give up something that actually brought them joy

It's a failure because getting back off the ground after you've fallen is exhausting. And falling hurts. People haven't figured out how to bypass the pain yet . That sting of loss, the loneliness, the emptiness—that's the whole point. 🙂

copperfox22 said:it isn't a failure based on what actually happened. Not even close. You can't just erase beautiful moments from your history. A failure is when things don't land—when there's no longevity, no real alignment, none of that "click" where everything finally falls into place perfectly 😁

A failure is defined by the ache it leaves behind... because it saps your courage to try again. Who in their right mind wants to go through the meat grinder all over again? It’s a failure because you can't just walk away from the void it creates. It’s a failure precisely because it felt good, yet it didn't work out. No sane person wants to give up something that actually brought them joy

It's a failure because getting back off the ground after you've fallen is exhausting. And falling hurts. People haven't figured out how to bypass the pain yet . That sting of loss, the loneliness, the emptiness—that's the whole point. 🙂

Leah would never realize that if there are no misses, then nothing is a hit. You’d just zero everything out and blend into one. That’s when you truly find life, both in the "pain" and the "joy."
You have to find that "something special" within yourself first; only then can you truly live out love.

It’s almost there, if only they spoke Spanish 😁
So we've gone from talking about "all my past lives" straight into New Age lifestyle recipes— Zen and solitude
:holy mother and all the saints: : cruising in a Rolls-Royce:

Hmm... being alone?
I can be by myself whenever I feel like it. 🤷
I've been doing this since I was three (my mom says I was born that way).
I can handle everything on my own.
Whatever I can't manage, I just outsource it.
I'll deal with the heavy lifting solo.
I'll follow the boss's orders to the letter, all by myself.
And I carry all the "side gigs" too.
My friends are there,
my weird habits and hobbies,
even my dear little beast of a pet.
There are books,
laughter,
and plenty of fun.

Should I keep going?? Or has anyone else caught the thread? 🙂

People are capable of being alone; that's not the question. But at the same time, the desire to have someone by your side shouldn't be questioned either.
Not so they can "complete" you
not so they can "give your life meaning" 🙂
not to make life interesting or whatever else
not to carry you on their back
etc.

Just to be there, next to you 🙂...that's more than enough when it comes to—The Someone.
That's why I think these hollow stories about solitude are nonsense... they just don't hold water.

wearyhawk83 said:Leah would never realize that if there are no misses, then nothing is a hit. You’d just zero everything out and blend into one. That’s when you truly find life, both in the "pain" and the "joy."
You have to find that "something special" within yourself first; only then can you truly live out love.

I get it, but that sentence is honestly pretty silly to me. You "feel" a hit... you don't need a bunch of philosophy. We all have enough senses to recognize a "bingo" moment.

"That certain something" must first be found within oneself, only then can love be lived.

No, "that certain something" is when it doesn't matter if they're dark, horned, goofy, or acting out—who they are or what they do—because you just click and they fit perfectly... they are flawed and "real," and you just want them to be yours. 😍

But the questions were actually
- Why can't we find them? (Or keep them 😳) 😁
- How do you overcome the fear when you feel "something in the air" again, because the memory of past pain is such a powerful force keeping you stuck in place?

Dammit, we’re just spinning our wheels here....😵
copperfox22, you’re messing with me, obviously....🙂
The answers to your questions are actually pretty straightforward—life itself tends to be quite simple if you look at it that way...
1. Why can't we find it?
And more importantly, why should we even bother looking? Desires, wants, needs, and dreams are one thing—but circumstances, opportunities, and reality are something else entirely. They rarely align; usually, they aren't even in the same zip code. Is it karma, a bad hand dealt by fate, pure bad luck, or just some cosmic curse? 😲😁...I suspect we might be left without an answer. My approach is to simply do my best and adapt to the situation as gracefully as possible—especially since changing things isn't always an option. As for tomorrow... I don't think even the heavens know what's coming...😬
2. How to overcome fear....
You need courage to live. Period.
How do you beat fear? By walking straight into it.
Pro tip: ask yourself which will sting more later—the memory of a missed opportunity or just another "failure." 😢

Let's play a game... let's play a little roulette

Since I have a habit of sharing things, here’s a little something to lift the mood.😁http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=32Js2Ef5Ojg

Leah was clearly more focused on figuring out if she was making some kind of mistake herself—maybe something fixable—by picking guys who turned out to be total busts later on. 😉

I honestly feel like we’ve been circling this topic for ages without ever really landing on a solid conclusion, and if you ask me, it’s high time we took a much closer look at how these systemic shifts are actually impacting our day-to-day lives here in the States. It isn't just about the surface-level changes that everyone seems to be buzzing about on social media; it’s about the deeper, more structural movements within our institutions that tend to go unnoticed until they’ve already fundamentally altered the landscape we're all navigating. I’ve always believed that if you take the time to step back and observe the broader patterns rather than getting caught up in the immediate noise, you start to see these inevitable trajectories forming, and frankly, I think we’re standing right on the precipice of a significant turning point that will demand a lot more from us than just passive observation. kaže:
People just haven't figured out how to existence without feeling pain yet, have they?The real crux of the matter—the absolute heart of the struggle—is that lingering ache you feel from loss, that heavy sense of loneliness, and that hollow, echoing emptiness left behind. That is where the whole trick lies. 🙂

I honestly feel like we haven’t touched on this enough lately, but there is something about the way people approach these kinds of discussions that always strikes me as a bit narrow-minded, if I’m being completely honest with you all. It seems like everyone is so quick to jump to conclusions without really weighing the long-term implications of what they're saying, and I find myself constantly wanting to step back and offer a more balanced perspective because I truly believe we can do better than just reacting emotionally to every little thing that happens in the news cycle. If we could just take a moment to breathe and look at the broader landscape—much like how one might analyze a complex market shift on Wall Street rather than just panicking over a single day's dip—we would realize that most of these issues aren't as black and white as they seem at first glance. I am not trying to be difficult or contrarian for the sake of it, but I genuinely feel that a more nuanced, steady-handed approach would serve us all much better in the long run, and I'm eager to hear if anyone else feels that same sense of cautious optimism about finding some middle ground here. kaže:
So, how do you actually move past that paralyzing fear when you start sensing "something in the air" again? It’s that heavy, unmistakable feeling where the memory of your last heartbreak or failure hits you so hard it feels like a physical force, and suddenly you're stuck, unable to move forward because that old pain is just holding you hostage in the exact same spot.

Look at what's actually causing you the most grief here.
Is it just a fleeting thought, or am I actually dreading the sting of another missed opportunity?
That’s exactly how you should be playing it, so just use that as your North Star moving forward.🤷

I wouldn't exactly say so based on those last two questions...🤔
But if that really is the core issue—and we're assuming it is—then we’re going to need a bit more detail to work with.😬

Mark Hughes36 said:Leah was clearly more focused on figuring out if she was making some kind of mistake herself—maybe something fixable—by picking guys who turned out to be total busts later on. 😉

Look, my stage, they just don't get it. 🤣
Go grab another beer. 😁

wiredmoose3 said:I wouldn't exactly say so based on those last two questions...🤔
But if that really is the core issue—and we're assuming it is—then we’re going to need a bit more detail to work with.😬

🙂
I'm not really watching that movie. 😁

Come on, you're just messing with me, you know...

I am not 😁
but isn't it nice to philosophize a little? I feel like being a bit deep, just tossing around some smart thoughts.

Seriously though, I've currently convinced myself (I don't know why it's hitting me this hard, but here we are) that even this potential new guy (if anyone even notices him or films him... which is a big if 😬) will end up being the wrong choice again.
I feel like I'll just keep replaying old movies in my head, and they'll end up blocking me from trying anything new. I worry I won't have enough trust, neither in my own judgment nor in this guy..

Paranoia? Maybe. But it's the first time I've thought about it this way, and that's what worries me. I could blame it on "current disappointment," but this fear has taken such a massive hold on me.
Have I explained myself well enough now? And honestly, I'm wondering if anyone else feels this way. How do you deal with it, and what can you say about the whole thing in general? 🙂

I suspect this has something to do with age, but also with the "scripts" we've lived through... no offense to all those young girls running around in pink sneakers.😍

copperfox22 said:I’m not sure if we’ve covered a topic like this before. If we have, mods, feel free to lock this thread.

After reading through some of the discussions here and doing a bit of my own reflecting, I’ve been thinking about those "ghosts from the past" and how much weight they actually carry for us. Obviously, everyone is different—some of us are tougher, some more sensitive, some more confident—but I think there’s a common thread we can pull on. So, here’s my question: how much are your past romantic failures and poor choices subconsciously (or even consciously) holding you back when you try to move forward?

To kick things off, I’ll be honest about myself. I’ve started wondering if I’m just making excuses under the guise of "life getting in the way," essentially sabotaging my chances at finding a real connection. It’s not that I’m shy or confused about what I want, and I don't really deal with massive complexes (at least nothing that feels like a major issue)... I tend to march to the beat of my own drum and don't always follow social norms, though I wouldn't say I'm a rebel, since I generally fit in just fine with society.

To cut to the chase, as much as I try to convince myself otherwise, I think I still carry some baggage from my past that’s starting to cause friction. Instead of throwing myself into meeting new people or experiencing new things with an open heart right from the jump, I find myself internally telling myself, "Don't bother, it’ll just be another bust... stay guarded, keep your distance."

I can't tell if my brain is doing this because it genuinely believes I have a knack for picking the wrong people, or if it’s just a defense mechanism—a fear that if I actually dare to trust someone, I’ll just end up disappointed all over again.
Sometimes I catch myself wondering if there's a reason I'm perpetually drawn to the wrong crowd. Why does that happen? Because, honestly, the "perfectly stable" types usually don't interest me at all 😕... they're always these eccentric characters, slightly off in one way or another. Now, combined with everything else, it’s creating a total mental block. It’s like the moment I find someone attractive, there's always some glaring, dangerous flaw 😬

Anyway, bottom line: how much are your failed relationships and past mistakes actually messing with your head? 😁

But see, here’s where the real trouble starts for me... I’ve had a few different relationships in my life, and it felt like every single one of them just left me more bruised than the last. Eventually, I decided to just be on my own for a while, moved from my hometown over to Chicago, and I actually started to feel like myself again—like I was finally blooming. Then, I met this girl, and man, I felt that spark instantly; after being solo for a few years, I was genuinely ready to dive back into something serious. We dated, and let me tell you, it was an absolute nightmare. This relationship was incredibly traumatic because she would break up with me multiple times a week over the most trivial, nonsensical reasons or tiny little arguments, and then I’d find myself practically begging her to stay, trying to patch things up just to keep us afloat for a few more months. When it finally did fall apart for good, things were okay for about a month, but then something inside my head just... snapped. I suddenly realized that this simply wasn't it; I couldn't be with someone with that kind of temperament, and just like that, all those feelings of being in love just evaporated.

And now, because I have this tendency to be a total people pleaser, I hit this incredibly paradoxical wall—I needed to be the one to betray, reject, and walk away from someone who was insistently telling me they loved me. It was supposed to be my first time ever being the one to initiate a breakup, and I just couldn't bring myself to do it... there was so much fear, so much misplaced pity... and in the end, I just suppressed everything, trying to ignore the red flags and burying them deep inside myself. I tried talking to her a couple of times, but it was useless, and because of her volatile nature, it always spiraled into these massive, exhausting fights—and on top of that, I didn't have the strength or the guts to admit what the real issue was, so we just ended up circling the drain indefinitely. Paradoxically, it actually felt easier when she was being horrible to me for no reason, because I felt like that's what I deserved; I’d actually feel a sense of relief when she was being mean, yet I felt terrible whenever she was being sweet to me... Finally, after one particularly bad blowout, I just broke, and I ended things in a really blunt, almost rude way via a text and a phone call. After that, I actually saw her a few times to try and explain myself, but it went nowhere. To make matters even worse, once the breakup happened, she tried everything to reel me back in, and it turned into straight-up harassment—hundreds of calls, her friends calling me to say she was getting shots at the hospital and feeling miserable and that I was being heartless for not answering, showing up at my apartment building, waiting outside my place, even faking a pregnancy...

Once the dust finally settled, I gave myself some breathing room, and eventually, I tried going out with a few different women, but it just wouldn't work. Even though there weren't any actual problems with them, those old feelings of anxiety, that sense of suffocation and helplessness, would come rushing back almost immediately. And I'd just have to end it 😢 After those attempts, a year has passed since that mess, and about two years since the relationship itself. So, where am I now? How do I learn to relax and truly give someone else a fair shot? What really eats at me is whether I even HAVE the right—being this psychologically wrecked, this emotional wreck—to enter a relationship with a perfectly normal girl and dump all this heavy baggage onto her shoulders through no fault of her own? I have a thousand questions, and just being alone isn't the solution; it's just an escape... The one bright spot is that I'm tired of running, and I truly want to take action and fix this part of my life that feels so fundamentally broken 😢