How many misses are going to block you in the next link?

aquarius - I totally underestimated you, so I’ve got nothing left to say. Good luck out there!

Not even close.

Maybe I’ll be a hell of a lot more careful about who I let in after dealing with one particularly nasty situation, but if I decide I actually want to be with someone...

What happened back then might serve as a guide for navigating things better—and maybe knowing when to bail 🙂before things go south—but an innocent partner shouldn't have to pay the price for some other idiot's bullshit.

Gary Ruiz17 said:But see, here’s where the real trouble starts for me... I’ve had a few different relationships in my life, and it felt like every single one of them just left me more bruised than the last. Eventually, I decided to just be on my own for a while, moved from my hometown over to Chicago, and I actually started to feel like myself again—like I was finally blooming. Then, I met this girl, and man, I felt that spark instantly; after being solo for a few years, I was genuinely ready to dive back into something serious. We dated, and let me tell you, it was an absolute nightmare. This relationship was incredibly traumatic because she would break up with me multiple times a week over the most trivial, nonsensical reasons or tiny little arguments, and then I’d find myself practically begging her to stay, trying to patch things up just to keep us afloat for a few more months. When it finally did fall apart for good, things were okay for about a month, but then something inside my head just... snapped. I suddenly realized that this simply wasn't it; I couldn't be with someone with that kind of temperament, and just like that, all those feelings of being in love just evaporated.

And now, because I have this tendency to be a total people pleaser, I hit this incredibly paradoxical wall—I needed to be the one to betray, reject, and walk away from someone who was insistently telling me they loved me. It was supposed to be my first time ever being the one to initiate a breakup, and I just couldn't bring myself to do it... there was so much fear, so much misplaced pity... and in the end, I just suppressed everything, trying to ignore the red flags and burying them deep inside myself. I tried talking to her a couple of times, but it was useless, and because of her volatile nature, it always spiraled into these massive, exhausting fights—and on top of that, I didn't have the strength or the guts to admit what the real issue was, so we just ended up circling the drain indefinitely. Paradoxically, it actually felt easier when she was being horrible to me for no reason, because I felt like that's what I deserved; I’d actually feel a sense of relief when she was being mean, yet I felt terrible whenever she was being sweet to me... Finally, after one particularly bad blowout, I just broke, and I ended things in a really blunt, almost rude way via a text and a phone call. After that, I actually saw her a few times to try and explain myself, but it went nowhere. To make matters even worse, once the breakup happened, she tried everything to reel me back in, and it turned into straight-up harassment—hundreds of calls, her friends calling me to say she was getting shots at the hospital and feeling miserable and that I was being heartless for not answering, showing up at my apartment building, waiting outside my place, even faking a pregnancy...

Once the dust finally settled, I gave myself some breathing room, and eventually, I tried going out with a few different women, but it just wouldn't work. Even though there weren't any actual problems with them, those old feelings of anxiety, that sense of suffocation and helplessness, would come rushing back almost immediately. And I'd just have to end it 😢 After those attempts, a year has passed since that mess, and about two years since the relationship itself. So, where am I now? How do I learn to relax and truly give someone else a fair shot? What really eats at me is whether I even HAVE the right—being this psychologically wrecked, this emotional wreck—to enter a relationship with a perfectly normal girl and dump all this heavy baggage onto her shoulders through no fault of her own? I have a thousand questions, and just being alone isn't the solution; it's just an escape... The one bright spot is that I'm tired of running, and I truly want to take action and fix this part of my life that feels so fundamentally broken 😢

YOU DON'T HAVE THAT RIGHT. However, you do have the right (and indeed, the obligation) to prioritize yourself by sorting out the mess in your head and exorcising those demons first. It’s easy to just say, "Someone broke me; I'm damaged goods, my luck has run out, and all I can do now is ruin someone else."

I'm not just saying this to you, but to everyone facing similar struggles: stop playing the victim! I categorically refuse to be a victim. I am not some object that random passersby in my life can crush so thoroughly that I become useless or nothing more than a burden to others. I am not a broken toy.

When a person views themselves as having inherent value, they realize that temporary failures don't define them. I leave those broken toys to someone else. I approach people with positive expectations and a smile; I give people the opportunity to be good, and if they miss it, it's their loss, not mine.

In short: less self-pity, more action.

Walter Peterson said:YOU DON'T HAVE THAT RIGHT. However, you do have the right (and indeed, the obligation) to prioritize yourself by sorting out the mess in your head and exorcising those demons first. It’s easy to just say, "Someone broke me; I'm damaged goods, my luck has run out, and all I can do now is ruin someone else."

I'm not just saying this to you, but to everyone facing similar struggles: stop playing the victim! I categorically refuse to be a victim. I am not some object that random passersby in my life can crush so thoroughly that I become useless or nothing more than a burden to others. I am not a broken toy.

When a person views themselves as having inherent value, they realize that temporary failures don't define them. I leave those broken toys to someone else. I approach people with positive expectations and a smile; I give people the opportunity to be good, and if they miss it, it's their loss, not mine.

In short: less self-pity, more action.

That sounds fine in theory—everyone has flaws, it’s common sense.
But it's much harder to swallow in practice when someone, despite having the 😉, decides to hire a new plumber instead...

Mark Hughes36 said:That sounds fine in theory—everyone has flaws, it’s common sense.
But it's much harder to swallow in practice when someone, despite having the 😉, decides to hire a new plumber instead...

Did I ever suggest it was easy? 😉 I wouldn't dream of lecturing others on something I haven't experienced firsthand.

The point is, one shouldn't stay too long wallowing in dark moods.

Pain isn't felt equally by everyone.

There are even theories suggesting some people are essentially "hardwired" to only fall for more attractive individuals. It's a way of limiting their pool, I suppose—fewer partners means fewer chances to get hurt. 🤷

Mark Hughes36 said:Pain isn't felt equally by everyone.

There are even theories suggesting some people are essentially "hardwired" to only fall for more attractive individuals. It's a way of limiting their pool, I suppose—fewer partners means fewer chances to get hurt. 🤷

That topic actually came up over at Lowe's, where I explicitly noted that I fall squarely into that more sensitive category. I am attempting to fight against it, however.

Walter Peterson said:That topic actually came up over at Lowe's, where I explicitly noted that I fall squarely into that more sensitive category. I am attempting to fight against it, however.

But really, how does one even go about fighting that? 🙂 It isn't like you can just force yourself to fall in love with someone on command...

Gary Ruiz17 said:But really, how does one even go about fighting that? 🙂 It isn't like you can just force yourself to fall in love with someone on command...

Of course you can't. 🙂

What I meant was the actual struggle we always seem to debate here: how to prevent our past failures from paralyzing us moving forward. How to work on ourselves—to become more positive and open to meeting new people—so that when that famous moment of falling in love finally happens, we don't end up sabotaging it ourselves.

At this point, I feel like my only real shot is finding that lightning-strike, love-at-first-sight kind of magic, because the moment I actually get to know someone I'm interested in—once we start going on dates and things move toward the possibility of something serious—all my internal alarms start blaring red. It’s this overwhelming surge of anxiety, this paralyzing fear where my mind just starts spinning through a billion different catastrophic scenarios and potential disasters, and I end up physically struggling with it; I get these literal cramps from the stress, and being in a relationship while feeling that unsettled is just completely unbearable. Sometimes even just ten days of dating is enough for that whole defensive mechanism of mine to kick into high gear and shut everything down. 🤷

I honestly can't tell if this is all stemming from some bad experiences in my past, or if there's something much deeper buried in my psyche that I haven't quite unraveled yet... But look, love is such a massive, fundamental part of the human experience, and without it, you don't have a family, and without a family, life feels pretty hollow and diminished. It's reached a stage where this pattern is actively dragging down my overall quality of life. So now I'm left wondering: how do I actually fight against this? 😕

Gary Ruiz17 said:At this point, I feel like my only real shot is finding that lightning-strike, love-at-first-sight kind of magic, because the moment I actually get to know someone I'm interested in—once we start going on dates and things move toward the possibility of something serious—all my internal alarms start blaring red. It’s this overwhelming surge of anxiety, this paralyzing fear where my mind just starts spinning through a billion different catastrophic scenarios and potential disasters, and I end up physically struggling with it; I get these literal cramps from the stress, and being in a relationship while feeling that unsettled is just completely unbearable. Sometimes even just ten days of dating is enough for that whole defensive mechanism of mine to kick into high gear and shut everything down. 🤷

I honestly can't tell if this is all stemming from some bad experiences in my past, or if there's something much deeper buried in my psyche that I haven't quite unraveled yet... But look, love is such a massive, fundamental part of the human experience, and without it, you don't have a family, and without a family, life feels pretty hollow and diminished. It's reached a stage where this pattern is actively dragging down my overall quality of life. So now I'm left wondering: how do I actually fight against this? 😕

Perhaps through psychotherapy, if necessary.

Psychotherapy
Psychotherapy
Psychotherapy
That's all they want to offer me
Psychotherapy
Psychotherapy
Psychotherapy
All they ever want to give me

🙂

Mark Hughes36 said:Psychotherapy
Psychotherapy
Psychotherapy
That's all they want to offer me
Psychotherapy
Psychotherapy
Psychotherapy
All they ever want to give me

🙂

🙂

With a cheerful approach to healing!

Gary Ruiz17 said:But see, here’s where the real trouble starts for me... I’ve had a few different relationships in my life, and it felt like every single one of them just left me more bruised than the last. Eventually, I decided to just be on my own for a while, moved from my hometown over to Chicago, and I actually started to feel like myself again—like I was finally blooming. Then, I met this girl, and man, I felt that spark instantly; after being solo for a few years, I was genuinely ready to dive back into something serious. We dated, and let me tell you, it was an absolute nightmare. This relationship was incredibly traumatic because she would break up with me multiple times a week over the most trivial, nonsensical reasons or tiny little arguments, and then I’d find myself practically begging her to stay, trying to patch things up just to keep us afloat for a few more months. When it finally did fall apart for good, things were okay for about a month, but then something inside my head just... snapped. I suddenly realized that this simply wasn't it; I couldn't be with someone with that kind of temperament, and just like that, all those feelings of being in love just evaporated.

And now, because I have this tendency to be a total people pleaser, I hit this incredibly paradoxical wall—I needed to be the one to betray, reject, and walk away from someone who was insistently telling me they loved me. It was supposed to be my first time ever being the one to initiate a breakup, and I just couldn't bring myself to do it... there was so much fear, so much misplaced pity... and in the end, I just suppressed everything, trying to ignore the red flags and burying them deep inside myself. I tried talking to her a couple of times, but it was useless, and because of her volatile nature, it always spiraled into these massive, exhausting fights—and on top of that, I didn't have the strength or the guts to admit what the real issue was, so we just ended up circling the drain indefinitely. Paradoxically, it actually felt easier when she was being horrible to me for no reason, because I felt like that's what I deserved; I’d actually feel a sense of relief when she was being mean, yet I felt terrible whenever she was being sweet to me... Finally, after one particularly bad blowout, I just broke, and I ended things in a really blunt, almost rude way via a text and a phone call. After that, I actually saw her a few times to try and explain myself, but it went nowhere. To make matters even worse, once the breakup happened, she tried everything to reel me back in, and it turned into straight-up harassment—hundreds of calls, her friends calling me to say she was getting shots at the hospital and feeling miserable and that I was being heartless for not answering, showing up at my apartment building, waiting outside my place, even faking a pregnancy...

Once the dust finally settled, I gave myself some breathing room, and eventually, I tried going out with a few different women, but it just wouldn't work. Even though there weren't any actual problems with them, those old feelings of anxiety, that sense of suffocation and helplessness, would come rushing back almost immediately. And I'd just have to end it 😢 After those attempts, a year has passed since that mess, and about two years since the relationship itself. So, where am I now? How do I learn to relax and truly give someone else a fair shot? What really eats at me is whether I even HAVE the right—being this psychologically wrecked, this emotional wreck—to enter a relationship with a perfectly normal girl and dump all this heavy baggage onto her shoulders through no fault of her own? I have a thousand questions, and just being alone isn't the solution; it's just an escape... The one bright spot is that I'm tired of running, and I truly want to take action and fix this part of my life that feels so fundamentally broken 😢

It’s a sad story.
I don't know, old friend. It feels like I'm just going in circles myself. Honestly, I have this nagging feeling that the answer lies somewhere within that concept of "true justice." If we actually lived by that, there wouldn't be all this constant fear, all the endless calculating, or these paranoid scenarios we keep running through in our heads.

Well, damn. He’s nowhere to be found.

I can't quite make out what you're trying to say there. You might want to try typing that again. kaže:
copperfox22 — I definitely underestimated you, so I don't really have anything else to add. Best of luck.

Are you seriously underestimating me?
(And honestly, that was usually my ace in the hole.) 😬 )
Thanks, anyway.

Walter Peterson said:YOU DON'T HAVE THAT RIGHT. However, you do have the right (and indeed, the obligation) to prioritize yourself by sorting out the mess in your head and exorcising those demons first. It’s easy to just say, "Someone broke me; I'm damaged goods, my luck has run out, and all I can do now is ruin someone else."

I'm not just saying this to you, but to everyone facing similar struggles: stop playing the victim! I categorically refuse to be a victim. I am not some object that random passersby in my life can crush so thoroughly that I become useless or nothing more than a burden to others. I am not a broken toy.

When a person views themselves as having inherent value, they realize that temporary failures don't define them. I leave those broken toys to someone else. I approach people with positive expectations and a smile; I give people the opportunity to be good, and if they miss it, it's their loss, not mine.

In short: less self-pity, more action.

Man, this one has cost me so much over the years... if only I could get a little something back for my trouble.😁

If they miss out on her, that’s their loss, not mine.

Honestly, northernwolf3, this is just way too much for me... it’s definitely not my scene.
Loss is mine too, honestly—as long as the person is someone I actually like and nothing was forced into place.

I value myself, sure, but I’m not under any illusions that I’m some kind of perfect fit for every single person out there. 🙂

Mark Hughes36 said:That sounds fine in theory—everyone has flaws, it’s common sense.
But it's much harder to swallow in practice when someone, despite having the 😉, decides to hire a new plumber instead...

🙏
It’s like being led straight into a swamp full of frogs and leeches 😍

Walter Peterson said:Of course you can't. 🙂

What I meant was the actual struggle we always seem to debate here: how to prevent our past failures from paralyzing us moving forward. How to work on ourselves—to become more positive and open to meeting new people—so that when that famous moment of falling in love finally happens, we don't end up sabotaging it ourselves.

Everything you just listed (literally everything) is exactly what I haven't been able to pull off this last time... especially that famous falling in love part. Honestly, I'm not even mourning it... but right now, I'm just stuck in a rut, waiting to see what happens. No drama intended, it’s just that this whole situation really got to me.... it left me with nothing but a pile of questions, uncertainty, fears, and distrust. There are plenty of reasons for that, but it's irrelevant to this thread right now.

The only thing left is to hope that time (as usual) does its job.
Otherwise, I'm completely screwed 😁

edit: Mark Hughes36 & Walter Peterson—you guys are totally tripping 😁

copperfox22 said:It’s a sad story.
I don't know, old friend. It feels like I'm just going in circles myself. Honestly, I have this nagging feeling that the answer lies somewhere within that concept of "true justice." If we actually lived by that, there wouldn't be all this constant fear, all the endless calculating, or these paranoid scenarios we keep running through in our heads.

Well, damn. He’s nowhere to be found.

I can't quite make out what you're trying to say there. You might want to try typing that again. kaže:
copperfox22 — I definitely underestimated you, so I don't really have anything else to add. Best of luck.

Are you seriously underestimating me?
(And honestly, that was usually my ace in the hole.) 😬 )
Thanks, anyway.

Man, this one has cost me so much over the years... if only I could get a little something back for my trouble.😁

If they miss out on her, that’s their loss, not mine.

Honestly, northernwolf3, this is just way too much for me... it’s definitely not my scene.
Loss is mine too, honestly—as long as the person is someone I actually like and nothing was forced into place.

I value myself, sure, but I’m not under any illusions that I’m some kind of perfect fit for every single person out there. 🙂

🙏
It’s like being led straight into a swamp full of frogs and leeches 😍

Everything you just listed (literally everything) is exactly what I haven't been able to pull off this last time... especially that famous falling in love part. Honestly, I'm not even mourning it... but right now, I'm just stuck in a rut, waiting to see what happens. No drama intended, it’s just that this whole situation really got to me.... it left me with nothing but a pile of questions, uncertainty, fears, and distrust. There are plenty of reasons for that, but it's irrelevant to this thread right now.

The only thing left is to hope that time (as usual) does its job.
Otherwise, I'm completely screwed 😁

edit: Mark Hughes36 & Walter Peterson—you guys are totally tripping 😁

You understood me perfectly. One ought to strive to be a good person, yet one must remain vigilant regarding that thin line where kindness devolves into mere stupidity. A positive approach isn't a universal remedy; it only works on those who actually possess some semblance of value. Think about it—when someone approaches you with a crude, arrogant, and negative attitude fueled by nothing but prejudice, does that person truly appeal to you?

copperfox22 said:It’s a sad story.
I don't know, old friend. It feels like I'm just going in circles myself. Honestly, I have this nagging feeling that the answer lies somewhere within that concept of "true justice." If we actually lived by that, there wouldn't be all this constant fear, all the endless calculating, or these paranoid scenarios we keep running through in our heads.

Well, damn. He’s nowhere to be found.

I can't quite make out what you're trying to say there. You might want to try typing that again. kaže:
copperfox22 — I definitely underestimated you, so I don't really have anything else to add. Best of luck.

Are you seriously underestimating me?
(And honestly, that was usually my ace in the hole.) 😬 )
Thanks, anyway.

Man, this one has cost me so much over the years... if only I could get a little something back for my trouble.😁

If they miss out on her, that’s their loss, not mine.

Honestly, northernwolf3, this is just way too much for me... it’s definitely not my scene.
Loss is mine too, honestly—as long as the person is someone I actually like and nothing was forced into place.

I value myself, sure, but I’m not under any illusions that I’m some kind of perfect fit for every single person out there. 🙂

🙏
It’s like being led straight into a swamp full of frogs and leeches 😍

Everything you just listed (literally everything) is exactly what I haven't been able to pull off this last time... especially that famous falling in love part. Honestly, I'm not even mourning it... but right now, I'm just stuck in a rut, waiting to see what happens. No drama intended, it’s just that this whole situation really got to me.... it left me with nothing but a pile of questions, uncertainty, fears, and distrust. There are plenty of reasons for that, but it's irrelevant to this thread right now.

The only thing left is to hope that time (as usual) does its job.
Otherwise, I'm completely screwed 😁

edit: Mark Hughes36 & Walter Peterson—you guys are totally tripping 😁

No one bothered to bring up their own perfection. 🙂 When people look for a life partner—specifically those mature enough to actually want a lasting relationship, marriage, or a family—they tend to prioritize a very specific set of virtues: kindness, responsibility, courage in the face of adversity, honesty, and loyalty. Honestly, anyone who overlooks those qualities is genuinely losing out.

copperfox22 said:It’s a sad story.
I don't know, old friend. It feels like I'm just going in circles myself. Honestly, I have this nagging feeling that the answer lies somewhere within that concept of "true justice." If we actually lived by that, there wouldn't be all this constant fear, all the endless calculating, or these paranoid scenarios we keep running through in our heads.

Well, damn. He’s nowhere to be found.

I can't quite make out what you're trying to say there. You might want to try typing that again. kaže:
copperfox22 — I definitely underestimated you, so I don't really have anything else to add. Best of luck.

Are you seriously underestimating me?
(And honestly, that was usually my ace in the hole.) 😬 )
Thanks, anyway.

Man, this one has cost me so much over the years... if only I could get a little something back for my trouble.😁

If they miss out on her, that’s their loss, not mine.

Honestly, northernwolf3, this is just way too much for me... it’s definitely not my scene.
Loss is mine too, honestly—as long as the person is someone I actually like and nothing was forced into place.

I value myself, sure, but I’m not under any illusions that I’m some kind of perfect fit for every single person out there. 🙂

🙏
It’s like being led straight into a swamp full of frogs and leeches 😍

Everything you just listed (literally everything) is exactly what I haven't been able to pull off this last time... especially that famous falling in love part. Honestly, I'm not even mourning it... but right now, I'm just stuck in a rut, waiting to see what happens. No drama intended, it’s just that this whole situation really got to me.... it left me with nothing but a pile of questions, uncertainty, fears, and distrust. There are plenty of reasons for that, but it's irrelevant to this thread right now.

The only thing left is to hope that time (as usual) does its job.
Otherwise, I'm completely screwed 😁

edit: Mark Hughes36 & Walter Peterson—you guys are totally tripping 😁

It isn’t that you did something wrong; it’s just that you did it with the wrong person. If he were actually the right one for you, you’d be busy writing a Wedding Quote instead of this.🙂

copperfox22 said:It’s a sad story.
I don't know, old friend. It feels like I'm just going in circles myself. Honestly, I have this nagging feeling that the answer lies somewhere within that concept of "true justice." If we actually lived by that, there wouldn't be all this constant fear, all the endless calculating, or these paranoid scenarios we keep running through in our heads.

Well, damn. He’s nowhere to be found.

I can't quite make out what you're trying to say there. You might want to try typing that again. kaže:
copperfox22 — I definitely underestimated you, so I don't really have anything else to add. Best of luck.

Are you seriously underestimating me?
(And honestly, that was usually my ace in the hole.) 😬 )
Thanks, anyway.

Man, this one has cost me so much over the years... if only I could get a little something back for my trouble.😁

If they miss out on her, that’s their loss, not mine.

Honestly, northernwolf3, this is just way too much for me... it’s definitely not my scene.
Loss is mine too, honestly—as long as the person is someone I actually like and nothing was forced into place.

I value myself, sure, but I’m not under any illusions that I’m some kind of perfect fit for every single person out there. 🙂

🙏
It’s like being led straight into a swamp full of frogs and leeches 😍

Everything you just listed (literally everything) is exactly what I haven't been able to pull off this last time... especially that famous falling in love part. Honestly, I'm not even mourning it... but right now, I'm just stuck in a rut, waiting to see what happens. No drama intended, it’s just that this whole situation really got to me.... it left me with nothing but a pile of questions, uncertainty, fears, and distrust. There are plenty of reasons for that, but it's irrelevant to this thread right now.

The only thing left is to hope that time (as usual) does its job.
Otherwise, I'm completely screwed 😁

edit: Mark Hughes36 & Walter Peterson—you guys are totally tripping 😁

They really do. And once again, I’m the one left with all the experience. 😁

Walter Peterson said:You understood me perfectly. One ought to strive to be a good person, yet one must remain vigilant regarding that thin line where kindness devolves into mere stupidity. A positive approach isn't a universal remedy; it only works on those who actually possess some semblance of value. Think about it—when someone approaches you with a crude, arrogant, and negative attitude fueled by nothing but prejudice, does that person truly appeal to you?

No one bothered to bring up their own perfection. 🙂 When people look for a life partner—specifically those mature enough to actually want a lasting relationship, marriage, or a family—they tend to prioritize a very specific set of virtues: kindness, responsibility, courage in the face of adversity, honesty, and loyalty. Honestly, anyone who overlooks those qualities is genuinely losing out.

It isn’t that you did something wrong; it’s just that you did it with the wrong person. If he were actually the right one for you, you’d be busy writing a Wedding Quote instead of this.🙂

They really do. And once again, I’m the one left with all the experience. 😁

Man, if it were really that simple, we wouldn't see so many broken hearts out there everywhere.😁
You could find someone who checks every single one of those boxes, but if that spark—that undeniable chemistry that makes everything feel worthwhile—just isn't there, then honestly, what's the point?

northernwolf3 said:Man, if it were really that simple, we wouldn't see so many broken hearts out there everywhere.😁
You could find someone who checks every single one of those boxes, but if that spark—that undeniable chemistry that makes everything feel worthwhile—just isn't there, then honestly, what's the point?

I am aware. I suppose I just need some form of consolation. 😉

Is there actually anywhere to pick up those damn chemicals? 😁

Walter Peterson said:I am aware. I suppose I just need some form of consolation. 😉

🤣
You're absolutely right,🙂
and that's exactly what I tell myself too... that anyone who isn't with me is clearly the one missing out here.😁
So yeah, I'll just try to comfort myself, because what else is there to do?😬
though it would definitely be a lot more helpful if things could just 😵

What a load of absolute garbage. You’re all living in a total fantasy land, but none of you have the guts to admit it, so instead, you're just blowing smoke up my ass. 🤣

Alright, fine. Now that we've finally settled the theory, it’s time to get down to the actual practical side of things. 😁

Look, if someone isn't acting like a complete coward, they can find a doctor anywhere—they have everything you could possibly need. The problem isn't availability; the problem is that you don't have what he's looking for. Or better yet, you don't give him a single reason to actually "freeze" anyone out.

I'm waiting to hear more of these brilliant insights from you guys. 😍