Not wanting kids: Is it just me?

[/B]

feralcobra92 said:I honestly think everyone needs to realize that questions like these are just a mix of nosy curiosity, a total lack of manners, and that annoying urge people get to poke at things when they see life isn't following some perfect script, not to mention just plain old rudeness.
It has never even crossed my mind to grill someone about whether they go to church, what their religion is, or why they don't have kids—or why they have eight of them (like one acquaintance of mine who has a huge family but zero romantic life, which is just tragic to me). Even though I make sure to stay discreet with those kinds of topics, I am perfectly capable of having deep, serious, and totally uninhibited conversations about anything from abortion and sex to death, faith, and all those other supposedly "taboo" subjects.
In my opinion, the mere fact that a woman hasn't tied the knot or decided she doesn't want children is enough to trigger a mountain of these intrusive questions. You really shouldn't let it get to you or feel like you have to snap back aggressively. If I were in that position, I’d probably just tell them I want kids but can't have them, because that seems like such a convenient way to shut the conversation down! Instead of getting anger or disgust from them, you'll just get sympathy and maybe some unsolicited advice about herbal teas, compresses, steam treatments, or vitamins...
☕

Precisely. My neighbor is constantly implying that my husband and I ought to have a child.
And it doesn't stop there.
He is clearly attempting to "nudge" the situation, perceiving that things aren't progressing as he envisions.🙄
He intends to exert this pressure by posing intrusive questions about matters that, quite frankly, have absolutely nothing to do with him.

Honestly, I really don't think you owe anyone an explanation or any kind of sympathy, and frankly, what the neighbors or your extended family thinks shouldn't matter one bit! It feels so much less exhausting and way less stressful to just say you can't have kids rather than admitting you simply don't want them. I wouldn't even call that lying in the traditional sense; it's more like just gracefully steering clear of a conversation you have no interest in having. People who push those kinds of intrusive questions haven't earned the right to an honest answer, especially since being totally blunt would likely just trigger their outrage and leave everyone feeling miserable anyway.

feralcobra92 said:Honestly, I really don't think you owe anyone an explanation or any kind of sympathy, and frankly, what the neighbors or your extended family thinks shouldn't matter one bit! It feels so much less exhausting and way less stressful to just say you can't have kids rather than admitting you simply don't want them. I wouldn't even call that lying in the traditional sense; it's more like just gracefully steering clear of a conversation you have no interest in having. People who push those kinds of intrusive questions haven't earned the right to an honest answer, especially since being totally blunt would likely just trigger their outrage and leave everyone feeling miserable anyway.

I find myself feeling poorly primarily because I am far too polite, and I simply haven't mastered the art of telling people that their business is none of their own and that their inquiries are quite uncouth.
It leaves me feeling frustrated with my own temperament, almost as if I've been foolish.
And this isn't limited to this specific subject; it happens whenever someone becomes overly inquisitive and oversteps a boundary, and I fail to react appropriately because I am terrified of appearing rude.

feralcobra92 said:Honestly, I really don't think you owe anyone an explanation or any kind of sympathy, and frankly, what the neighbors or your extended family thinks shouldn't matter one bit! It feels so much less exhausting and way less stressful to just say you can't have kids rather than admitting you simply don't want them. I wouldn't even call that lying in the traditional sense; it's more like just gracefully steering clear of a conversation you have no interest in having. People who push those kinds of intrusive questions haven't earned the right to an honest answer, especially since being totally blunt would likely just trigger their outrage and leave everyone feeling miserable anyway.

Look, just get it through your head: it’s my absolute right to say, loud and clear, that I DON'T WANT them. And that’s exactly what I’m doing. I really couldn't care less about judging people who are operating on a level of mental deficiency that's frankly hard to wrap my head around.

I honestly don't even know how to respond to that last sentence.🤷 Should I actually consider their anger to be my own personal problem?🤔 Should I just tell my boyfriend to knock me up already so we can stop dealing with everyone else's unsolicited opinions?🤔

If she had just snapped back at him and been totally rude, she’d honestly feel even worse about the whole thing. I'm positive she would.

amberfox4 said:I find myself feeling poorly primarily because I am far too polite, and I simply haven't mastered the art of telling people that their business is none of their own and that their inquiries are quite uncouth.
It leaves me feeling frustrated with my own temperament, almost as if I've been foolish.
And this isn't limited to this specific subject; it happens whenever someone becomes overly inquisitive and oversteps a boundary, and I fail to react appropriately because I am terrified of appearing rude.

It's easier than you think. You just have to practice. It's rough the first few times you snap back, but eventually, you get used to it. Might even enjoy it...

But to actually do it, you have to stop caring what they think. Whether that neighbor thinks you're great or hates your guts, it doesn't change anything. It's true, but we were raised on those silly American myths about being nice to everyone and how everyone is inherently good... lies that take years to unlearn. In the meantime, you just waste time and energy you'll never get back.

amberfox4 said:I find myself feeling poorly primarily because I am far too polite, and I simply haven't mastered the art of telling people that their business is none of their own and that their inquiries are quite uncouth.
It leaves me feeling frustrated with my own temperament, almost as if I've been foolish.
And this isn't limited to this specific subject; it happens whenever someone becomes overly inquisitive and oversteps a boundary, and I fail to react appropriately because I am terrified of appearing rude.

Just call them out on it. There is zero reason to be nice to people like that. Just look at how they act...

feralcobra92 said:If she had just snapped back at him and been totally rude, she’d honestly feel even worse about the whole thing. I'm positive she would.

That's because you've been conditioned to think being "rude" is inherently wrong.
It isn't. It's actually much more dangerous to maintain this facade of politeness while letting resentment build up inside. That's not just bad advice; it's a health hazard in the long run.

It’s perfectly normal—and justified—to stop caring about people like that and let them know where they stand. At least then everyone knows exactly where they sit...

Well let me just lay out my perspective on this because honestly, that’s kind of the whole point of having an opinion, right? I don't see why you’d expect me to feel exactly like you or view everything through your lens, because my take—which totally doesn't have to align with yours—is pretty simple. You're more than welcome to disagree, but I truly believe it’s just plain silly to be blunt or brutally honest in those super trivial moments, like when some nosy neighbor asks you when you're planning on having kids. If you really think being harsh is the way to go, then hey, be my guest! Go tell your grandma to back off and tell her that since she never grills you about when she last hooked up with your grandpa, why she didn't have five kids instead of four, or why she goes to church every single day, or why her house is overflowing with crocheted coasters, for heaven's sake!

feralcobra92 said:Well let me just lay out my perspective on this because honestly, that’s kind of the whole point of having an opinion, right? I don't see why you’d expect me to feel exactly like you or view everything through your lens, because my take—which totally doesn't have to align with yours—is pretty simple. You're more than welcome to disagree, but I truly believe it’s just plain silly to be blunt or brutally honest in those super trivial moments, like when some nosy neighbor asks you when you're planning on having kids. If you really think being harsh is the way to go, then hey, be my guest! Go tell your grandma to back off and tell her that since she never grills you about when she last hooked up with your grandpa, why she didn't have five kids instead of four, or why she goes to church every single day, or why her house is overflowing with crocheted coasters, for heaven's sake!

Where on earth did you get the idea that you and I are supposed to think and feel exactly the same way... 😕

I just think that, generally speaking, people are better off when others don't mess with their privacy. But if you don't mind... fine. Then you clearly don't have that issue...

Not that any neighbor, old lady, colleague, or even my own mother ever bothered asking... I guess they know me well enough to be intimidated...

crimsongull20 said:Where on earth did you get the idea that you and I are supposed to think and feel exactly the same way... 😕

I just think that, generally speaking, people are better off when others don't mess with their privacy. But if you don't mind... fine. Then you clearly don't have that issue...

Not that any neighbor, old lady, colleague, or even my own mother ever bothered asking... I guess they know me well enough to be intimidated...

👍People tell me all the time that they're actually afraid of me...🤣🙂
and honestly, I take that as a huge compliment.🥳
Though, it is pretty hilarious to me that women who are barely 5'4" and 105 lbs are supposedly "scared" of me.😁

crimsongull20 said:It's easier than you think. You just have to practice. It's rough the first few times you snap back, but eventually, you get used to it. Might even enjoy it...

But to actually do it, you have to stop caring what they think. Whether that neighbor thinks you're great or hates your guts, it doesn't change anything. It's true, but we were raised on those silly American myths about being nice to everyone and how everyone is inherently good... lies that take years to unlearn. In the meantime, you just waste time and energy you'll never get back.

You’ve articulated this perfectly; it is precisely the case.

crimsongull20 said:That's because you've been conditioned to think being "rude" is inherently wrong.
It isn't. It's actually much more dangerous to maintain this facade of politeness while letting resentment build up inside. That's not just bad advice; it's a health hazard in the long run.

It’s perfectly normal—and justified—to stop caring about people like that and let them know where they stand. At least then everyone knows exactly where they sit...

Suppressing all that anger is definitely a recipe for health problems.
I wouldn't say I get truly furious over things like this—it's hardly worth my energy—but I do find myself feeling quite frustrated with my own reactions when I get defensive, mostly because I have this nagging desire to avoid being harsh.

crimsongull20 said:Where on earth did you get the idea that you and I are supposed to think and feel exactly the same way... 😕

I just think that, generally speaking, people are better off when others don't mess with their privacy. But if you don't mind... fine. Then you clearly don't have that issue...

Not that any neighbor, old lady, colleague, or even my own mother ever bothered asking... I guess they know me well enough to be intimidated...

Lucky you.
I certainly seem to give off the impression that people feel entitled to ask me such things and, quite frankly, offer their unsolicited commentary on top of it.

In my view, every woman should have children. Those who don't give birth but still have sex are just sluts. Period.

Gerald Scott4 said:👍People tell me all the time that they're actually afraid of me...🤣🙂
and honestly, I take that as a huge compliment.🥳
Though, it is pretty hilarious to me that women who are barely 5'4" and 105 lbs are supposedly "scared" of me.😁

so what, now you're gonna complain about getting hit on constantly? 🤣 I don't buy the whole "intimidating" act for a second. 😁 It’s probably just because you don't walk around acting like a total gold digger in real life. 🤣

man, 😍senks! can't wait to hear your congratulations too.

I honestly don't deal with that kind of stress because, frankly, my neighbors' nosy little antics and general stupidity don't actually make me mad—they just genuinely entertain me! If someone actually manages to push my buttons, then I have absolutely no problem being blunt and standing my ground. I usually try to steer clear of conflict, but I definitely save my sharpest side for those moments when people clearly cross the line. For instance, it drives me absolutely wild when someone tries to intentionally belittle me. Like, the other day, my neighbor had the nerve to suggest that I should park my car right in the mud just so she could stay on the dry pavement, claiming she’s a high-powered corporate executive while implying I’m just some nobody. It seriously set me off so much that I was practically shaking with rage by the time I walked back into my house. I am truly not afraid to be rude when necessary, and I certainly don't believe in holding onto a grudge. I just don't get angry often, and I definitely don't waste my energy getting worked up over trivial nonsense, so that's really all there is to it.

Bradley Smith said:so what, now you're gonna complain about getting hit on constantly? 🤣 I don't buy the whole "intimidating" act for a second. 😁 It’s probably just because you don't walk around acting like a total gold digger in real life. 🤣

man, 😍senks! can't wait to hear your congratulations too.

It’s actually nice that someone finally recognizes what I’m really like in my day-to-day life☕
you couldn't be more wrong if you tried😉 judging people clearly isn't your forte😉

edit: anyway, let's get back to the actual topic😁

Patrick Johnson8 said:In my view, every woman should have children. Those who don't give birth but still have sex are just sluts. Period.

Well, call me a slut then.🙂

Gerald Scott4 said:It’s actually nice that someone finally recognizes what I’m really like in my day-to-day life☕
you couldn't be more wrong if you tried😉 judging people clearly isn't your forte😉

edit: anyway, let's get back to the actual topic😁

I actually liked your first reply better; too bad you deleted it
🤣 and honestly, nothing beats watching you bring up sex in a thread about kids🤣
man, you're something else🙏 🙏 🙂

what was that thing you said about not standing out? :wipes a tear from eye: