Not wanting kids: Is it just me?

Chris Watson3 said:I never once stated that it was "abnormal" to choose not to have children. In fact, if someone doesn't want them, it's much better than having them just because society expects it of them. My issue is solely that comparing children to cats is absolutely revolting. I don't find other people's children annoying either—I'm not the type to fawn over every kid I see—but my nephews are wonderful, though I didn't realize how much I'd love them until they were actually born. It also irritates me when parents talk exclusively about diapers and every single movement their baby makes. A friend of mine has a six-month-old and she's a totally normal, happy mom who isn't limited to talking only about her child. There are all kinds of people in this world; you have the right to not have children, and you have the right not to be stigmatized for that choice. But if I respect your choice, then you should respect the choices of others to have children, rather than following the logic many of you have used here—that most people have them simply because they feel "forced" to by their social circles.

Has anyone here actually been attacking parents?😕

As for this whole pressure to have kids thing... it’s always random strangers bothering me about it, never my actual family or my boyfriend. It’s funny how it’s perfectly fine for those people, yet some random person from across the country feels the need to lecture me on my life choices.🙄

Quincy:

says: Look, I genuinely love kids. I think babies are adorable, and I enjoy playing with them and just being around children in general. But having my own? That’s just not on the table. I don't want that lifestyle for myself; I simply don't feel the urge, and I honestly don't believe it would make me happy. In fact, I’d much rather adopt a child who’s already out there in need than go through the whole process of bringing my own into the world. I don't see the necessity or the point in biological reproduction for my own sake. That's just how I feel. To me, providing a home for a kid who’s already stuck in the system without anyone to look out for them feels like a far more meaningful way to contribute.

As a man, I find myself agreeing with most of what’s being said here.

Jane Doe, nobody is out here bashing parents—far from it. In many ways, I can only admire people who step up and become great parents. What really gets under my skin, though, is the subset of people who judge those of us who don't share that desire. It’s baffling to me that they view someone as "lesser" or fundamentally flawed just because they choose a different path in life.

boldstag33 said:Am I the only one who’s 31 and still doesn't have any desire to have kids?
I've never really felt it, and I kept telling myself: maybe it'll hit me when I'm older... but nothing yet.
My marriage is wonderful, my husband is amazing (and he isn't exactly itching to be a dad either), I run my own business, I have employees... I travel, life is good... and honestly, I don't feel like anything is missing—especially not a kid.
Is that weird? What do you guys think?

Why would it be weird? You're doing fine the way things are. It would only be a problem if you suddenly decided you wanted your own kids at 50, only to find out you can't have them because you're too old...🙂We women can be incredibly unpredictable sometimes...😉

Chris Watson3 said:I never once stated that it was "abnormal" to choose not to have children. In fact, if someone doesn't want them, it's much better than having them just because society expects it of them. My issue is solely that comparing children to cats is absolutely revolting. I don't find other people's children annoying either—I'm not the type to fawn over every kid I see—but my nephews are wonderful, though I didn't realize how much I'd love them until they were actually born. It also irritates me when parents talk exclusively about diapers and every single movement their baby makes. A friend of mine has a six-month-old and she's a totally normal, happy mom who isn't limited to talking only about her child. There are all kinds of people in this world; you have the right to not have children, and you have the right not to be stigmatized for that choice. But if I respect your choice, then you should respect the choices of others to have children, rather than following the logic many of you have used here—that most people have them simply because they feel "forced" to by their social circles.

Yes, comparing humans to animals is indeed repulsive, though perhaps only because humans, as a species, might actually feel a sense of shame if we stood before the rest of the animal kingdom.
It is humans who slaughter other species merely for sport and call it a noble pursuit.
It is humans who abandon their own offspring in homes or leave them in trash bins.
It is humans who consider themselves superior to all other species based solely on having a higher degree of intelligence.
And we are not superior.
We simply happened to have more luck in the evolutionary lottery than a beautiful gorilla whose hands are currently being harvested by poachers for trinkets.
Indeed, I too find such comparisons distasteful, but for entirely different reasons.
A human female is capable of leaving her child in a dumpster.
An elephant, however, is capable of carrying its deceased baby for days, dragging it along while the entire herd slows its pace just so she won't fall behind.
Perhaps we ought to take a moment to model our behavior after certain other species instead of assuming we are inherently more valuable, because we truly are not.

I honestly have zero desire for them. None at all. Maybe I’ll feel differently in ten years, though I highly doubt it—just the thought of being near them makes me cringe. I don't know how to act around them, nor do I want to learn. I just feel this massive, suffocating pressure to "perform"—to hover over someone's baby and coo about how cute it is while the kid is literally screaming its lungs out everywhere. Brrrr, no thanks. I’m perfectly happy with what I have at home. My own little private zoo is enough for me; I’m fine with having three pets instead of a child. And honestly, seeing how many guys cheat on their partners while they're pregnant? I can't even imagine putting myself in that position.
It's wild how women in small towns get treated—like everyone is constantly dictating what you should do, how to act, and who to be with. It’s always the same cycle: give birth, clean, cook, satisfy the man, clean, cook, give birth, clean... and then apparently produce ten sons because girls are just seen as "trouble."
The social pressure is relentless, too. According to my circle, I’m at the "perfect age" to get married and start a family. Like, excuse me, what?! Just because I’m a woman, I’m supposed to immediately check off all these boxes because I've reached a certain age—lol. It’s just more stuff expected of me.
I don't want to be rude, but seriously, just leave me alone.
Nobody ever asks what *I* actually want. If I say no, suddenly I’m "weird" or a lesbian or whatever label they want to slap on me.
I’m actually really glad I stumbled upon this thread, because it looks like I’m definitely not the only one feeling this way.
Don't get me wrong—I don't have anything against kids. If someone wants them, go for it. If someone doesn't, that's fine too. Why would anyone force themselves into parenthood when it causes them such visceral anxiety? It’s better not to have them than to raise them in an environment where you aren't happy.
I have to say, the pressure from my surroundings is literally killing me—from the older generation down to my boyfriend, who tries to push the whole marriage and kids thing indirectly. Sometimes I just want to pack everything up and move somewhere where nobody knows me, just so I can live in peace. Especially in a patriarchal country like this, where the church tries to dictate whether you can have an abortion or what you should do with your own body. It’s nauseating when some priest starts lecturing about women's health and stuff like that. For example, just yesterday—this was a total "moment of truth"—someone asked a woman if she had ever had more than two abortions, and her sister or whoever started panicking, clicking buttons and saying it was a "Catholic matter and only God should know, not some TV show." It was terrifying.😲🙄🙄
Look, maybe one day the desire will grow, you never know. But right now, and for the foreseeable future, there is absolutely no chance.

I see people are comparing pets to children here, which is, by the way, an absurd comparison—and that’s exactly why I choose to have animals instead.

A human female might just leave her child in a dumpster.
An elephant, on the other hand, will carry its deceased baby for days, dragging it along while the entire herd slows down just so she doesn't fall behind.

You honestly have no idea what you're talking about here! It’s all well and good to have that romanticized view of innocent animals versus corrupt humans, but let's get real for a second. There are plenty of female animals out there that, if they aren't ready, will actually eat their young or just refuse to nurse them until they die. And look, it's the same story with people—there are many women who sacrifice their lives literally for their kids, but then you have the exact opposite happening too. Most mothers and female animals are wonderful, nurturing caregivers, but every single group has those that just aren't. As for which group has more of the latter? I haven't exactly conducted a scientific study on that one!

By all means, feel free to conduct your little investigation—though perhaps you might consider looking up some basic grammar rules first, specifically regarding "nouns"... I believe you're struggling there. As for my position, I maintain that any form of comparison is utterly distasteful, much as you suggested earlier, though our motivations differ; I still firmly believe that we humans are a species capable of being thoroughly shamed by almost any other animal, not to mention the sheer magnitude of evil we are capable of inflicting upon one another, on wildlife, and on the natural world at large.
Anyway, goodbye. We have drifted far too far from the actual topic.

amberfox4 said:By all means, feel free to conduct your little investigation—though perhaps you might consider looking up some basic grammar rules first, specifically regarding "nouns"... I believe you're struggling there. As for my position, I maintain that any form of comparison is utterly distasteful, much as you suggested earlier, though our motivations differ; I still firmly believe that we humans are a species capable of being thoroughly shamed by almost any other animal, not to mention the sheer magnitude of evil we are capable of inflicting upon one another, on wildlife, and on the natural world at large.
Anyway, goodbye. We have drifted far too far from the actual topic.

🙏🙏🙏🙏

Honestly, there are already way too many people on this planet as it is. If someone decides they just don't want to have kids... I think that's actually a really positive thing for everyone involved.
The only real issue would be if someone actually hated children... or wanted to cause them harm...

feralcobra92 said:A human female might just leave her child in a dumpster.
An elephant, on the other hand, will carry its deceased baby for days, dragging it along while the entire herd slows down just so she doesn't fall behind.

You honestly have no idea what you're talking about here! It’s all well and good to have that romanticized view of innocent animals versus corrupt humans, but let's get real for a second. There are plenty of female animals out there that, if they aren't ready, will actually eat their young or just refuse to nurse them until they die. And look, it's the same story with people—there are many women who sacrifice their lives literally for their kids, but then you have the exact opposite happening too. Most mothers and female animals are wonderful, nurturing caregivers, but every single group has those that just aren't. As for which group has more of the latter? I haven't exactly conducted a scientific study on that one!

Apple, I can see that something really stung you when amberfox4 dared to compare human sanctity to "worthless" animals, but I won't get involved in that territory; it clearly touches a nerve. You're the one who doesn't know what they're talking about here, so let me try to explain. Look, when a mother animal doesn't produce milk for her young, it's because she lacks the milk herself—and that's because she's hungry. If you take a moment to think about how mammals actually produce milk, you might realize it requires nutrition. Try visualizing it this way: food plus maternal satiety equals a healthy baby.
Secondly, regarding your point about animals eating their young—that is a biological reality. They do it because of natural selection; the offspring is either born dead or has some anomaly. You don't see it in nature documentaries because they don't film three-legged lions or show scenes where animals attack purely for the sake of cruelty.
What amberfox4 was trying to get at is that animals don't have a choice; they act on instinct. Humans, despite having the freedom to choose, still kill, rape, torture, and psychologically abuse the very children they claim to treat like little angels. Don't everyone lose your minds because I've listed these grim realities, but it's all things you see in the news and on TV every day. Your claim that "everyone says people are terrible" isn't quite right; it's not that *everyone* says it, but rather that far more people are mentally twisted and perverse than there are animals. That's the core message of the post. This isn't me defending amberfox4; it's just my response—without accusations, please—to your somewhat primitive reaction. You reacted like someone who felt insulted simply because someone dared to draw a comparison between humans and animals.
To the moderators: if anyone finds this post offensive, please feel free to remove it with an explanation. My critique is directed at the content of feralcobra92's post, not at them as a person. My reply is to the argument, not the user. My apologies for going off-topic, but the discussion demanded a response.

Rebecca Scott3 said:Honestly, there are already way too many people on this planet as it is. If someone decides they just don't want to have kids... I think that's actually a really positive thing for everyone involved.
The only real issue would be if someone actually hated children... or wanted to cause them harm...

I couldn't agree more.🙏🙏There’s nothing worse than seeing people actively trying to hurt one another, especially when they target those who are sick or just more vulnerable than they are. I really appreciate you sharing this. Posts like yours remind me that there are still plenty of decent, normal people hanging out on this forum.🙏👍

Gerald Scott4 said:The absolute worst part for me is when people with kids look me in the eye and ask, "Well, who's going to bring you water in bed when you're old?"😲😲😲
And get this—it’s always people who already have children asking me that. You can see their entire motive right there in the question; it’s nothing but pure, calculated selfishness. Then they have the nerve to turn around and call *me* selfish. The hypocrisy is almost impressive, honestly. But hey, whatever.☕

I've been reading through this whole thread, and look, I'm not trying to judge you, but how can you just generalize everyone with children as being driven by nothing but breeding instincts? Can't you see that there are actually people out there who genuinely love being parents? You aren't some 13-year-old kid anymore—you don't need to snap back at every single thing your acquaintances say. Nobody is forcing you to have kids, period. If you don't want them, that's your choice and nobody has the right to tell you otherwise. Just ignore those busybodies and live your life, but please, stop looking down on people who actually *want* to be parents like they're just animals acting on instinct.

feralcobra92 said:I honestly don't think it's just about jealousy; I think it’s more about the fact that some people simply march to the beat of their own drum. People tend to get uncomfortable when someone stands out, and they use these kinds of nasty comments as a way to try and force everyone back into a "normal" mold.
But honestly, while reading through this thread and seeing how everyone is reacting, there is one thing that keeps bothering me.
If a woman decides she doesn't want kids—that is her business, plain and simple. It’s totally understandable if she deals with pressure from her neighbors or family, because they're going to have opinions. She should be the one making the call on when, or even if, she wants to start a family.
What I can't wrap my head around, though, is this intense hatred toward children and the sheer aggression in these posts. Telling someone you'd rather they gave birth to a kitten than their own child is just way over the line, yet everyone else seems to jump right in to agree and joke about how cute kittens are.
That aggressive, old-school, "traditionalist" attitude really rubs me the wrong way. If our mothers and grandmothers had thought that way, we wouldn't even be here today! Women actually have the power to make decisions about their own bodies now. In the past, fathers would basically marry them off, send them away to some distant town, and leave them to have twelve kids with whoever was chosen for them—half of whom probably wouldn't even survive. No one ever stopped to ask what SHE wanted or if she even felt like being a mother.
So, please, just be grateful that we live in such a liberal era where you actually have the right to shape your own life, and let's stop talking nonsense about kittens and acting like children are the enemy.

I'm right there with you. That comment about the kittens? Totally uncalled for.🙄

Gerald Scott4 said:Oh, great. I should probably be extra grateful that I even get to have a choice in the matter. 🙄🙄
Who exactly am I supposed to thank for that?☕
And honestly, your post didn't exactly scream "voice of reason," even if it's clear you were trying to make a point.☕

And yours? Yours just drip with wisdom. Listen, princess—you're only 28. Get over yourself.😉

Where on earth in my posts does it say that I don't care about animals or that I believe in human sanctity ? I absolutely adore animals, which is exactly why my cats and my dog are constantly roaming around my apartment! I love kids too, so naturally, there are children running around my place all the time, and since I work directly with them, there are little ones buzzing around me at the office every single day.
Even though I'm an animal lover, I don't go walking around with these silly illusions about their "purity" or how "innocent" they are. I love people—for the most part, anyway—and I don't hold any delusions about their innocence or holiness either.
It’s certainly not my opinion that everyone is obligated to have children, and honestly, I’d even prefer if some people who currently have them hadn't, simply because of the way they treat them.
The thing that actually bothers me—and the reason I commented in the first place—is that angry, aggressive attitude toward children that just radiates from your posts, and frankly, the absolute worst part is when you compare kids to pets.
Society is constantly breathing down your necks, pressuring you to get married, have babies, and play the part of the perfect wife and mother, but seriously, so what?
If you don't want to do it, then don't listen to them and just move on! You're still young and you have plenty of time to change your mind later on if you ever feel like it.

A newly discovered link, this woman writes exceptionally well 🙏

feralcobra92 said:Where on earth in my posts does it say that I don't care about animals or that I believe in human sanctity ? I absolutely adore animals, which is exactly why my cats and my dog are constantly roaming around my apartment! I love kids too, so naturally, there are children running around my place all the time, and since I work directly with them, there are little ones buzzing around me at the office every single day.
Even though I'm an animal lover, I don't go walking around with these silly illusions about their "purity" or how "innocent" they are. I love people—for the most part, anyway—and I don't hold any delusions about their innocence or holiness either.
It’s certainly not my opinion that everyone is obligated to have children, and honestly, I’d even prefer if some people who currently have them hadn't, simply because of the way they treat them.
The thing that actually bothers me—and the reason I commented in the first place—is that angry, aggressive attitude toward children that just radiates from your posts, and frankly, the absolute worst part is when you compare kids to pets.
Society is constantly breathing down your necks, pressuring you to get married, have babies, and play the part of the perfect wife and mother, but seriously, so what?
If you don't want to do it, then don't listen to them and just move on! You're still young and you have plenty of time to change your mind later on if you ever feel like it.

I suppose I wonder why?

feralcobra92 said:Where on earth in my posts does it say that I don't care about animals or that I believe in human sanctity ? I absolutely adore animals, which is exactly why my cats and my dog are constantly roaming around my apartment! I love kids too, so naturally, there are children running around my place all the time, and since I work directly with them, there are little ones buzzing around me at the office every single day.
Even though I'm an animal lover, I don't go walking around with these silly illusions about their "purity" or how "innocent" they are. I love people—for the most part, anyway—and I don't hold any delusions about their innocence or holiness either.
It’s certainly not my opinion that everyone is obligated to have children, and honestly, I’d even prefer if some people who currently have them hadn't, simply because of the way they treat them.
The thing that actually bothers me—and the reason I commented in the first place—is that angry, aggressive attitude toward children that just radiates from your posts, and frankly, the absolute worst part is when you compare kids to pets.
Society is constantly breathing down your necks, pressuring you to get married, have babies, and play the part of the perfect wife and mother, but seriously, so what?
If you don't want to do it, then don't listen to them and just move on! You're still young and you have plenty of time to change your mind later on if you ever feel like it.

Look, once people stop rolling their eyes at me, spitting on the floor, and interrogating me with a million questions about why I don't feel some "maternal instinct," then maybe I'll bother being polite and just give a brief, civil response like, "I don't have kids because I don't want to be a parent."
I simply don't care for the idea of parenthood. Kids irritate me; they're exhausting. That doesn't mean I mistreat them or harbor any malice. I'd never hurt one, and if a child were hungry or cold, I would step up and provide for them without hesitation. But I just don't want children in my life. Their existence doesn't fascinate me. I don't see how that should bother anyone else. I'm not hurting a soul, unless you count the offense of being labeled "unstable" just because I don't share the collective obsession with procreation.

feralcobra92 said:Where on earth in my posts does it say that I don't care about animals or that I believe in human sanctity ? I absolutely adore animals, which is exactly why my cats and my dog are constantly roaming around my apartment! I love kids too, so naturally, there are children running around my place all the time, and since I work directly with them, there are little ones buzzing around me at the office every single day.
Even though I'm an animal lover, I don't go walking around with these silly illusions about their "purity" or how "innocent" they are. I love people—for the most part, anyway—and I don't hold any delusions about their innocence or holiness either.
It’s certainly not my opinion that everyone is obligated to have children, and honestly, I’d even prefer if some people who currently have them hadn't, simply because of the way they treat them.
The thing that actually bothers me—and the reason I commented in the first place—is that angry, aggressive attitude toward children that just radiates from your posts, and frankly, the absolute worst part is when you compare kids to pets.
Society is constantly breathing down your necks, pressuring you to get married, have babies, and play the part of the perfect wife and mother, but seriously, so what?
If you don't want to do it, then don't listen to them and just move on! You're still young and you have plenty of time to change your mind later on if you ever feel like it.

Why does that bother you so much? Pets are basically their owners' children anyway...

I remember this colleague—she’s a big hiker out in the Rocky Mountains—telling me about how she ran into a mother bear and her cub once. Her son was just a baby back then, maybe a year old. She said the mama bear was beautiful, she wasn't scared at all, and her first thought was just: "I get it, you have a baby too."

Seems pretty logical to me. If someone can relate to an animal, I don't see why comparing offspring is such a big deal...

I find myself wondering why this specific discussion regarding psychology and eating disorders has been relegated to the women's corner of the forum, rather than being given its own dedicated space. I have actually raised this question before, yet I seem to be met with nothing but silence from the community. It strikes me as somewhat illogical, if not outright counterintuitive—wouldn't it make far more sense for the topics to be categorized the other way around?