Not wanting kids: Is it just me?

I honestly love animals, and little kittens and puppies are just absolutely precious to me! And look, I totally get that some people choose to bring a dog into their home instead of having a child, and I completely respect and accept that choice—it’s really fine. But for those of you who don't have kids, please understand that having a dog is nothing like raising a child. It isn't even close, let alone similar! You get a dog when you want some companionship or when you want to satisfy your own needs, but once you have a child, your entire life becomes centered around caring for them. You're constantly second-guessing whether you've made the right moves, and that deep sense of worry and love doesn't just vanish once they grow up. If you're a good parent, your child's well-being often becomes way more important than your own, and that is a massive responsibility that definitely isn't for everyone.
Still, I truly believe most people want children and have the capacity to be wonderful parents, though if someone doesn't, that's perfectly okay too because we aren't all cut from the same cloth. I just don't get why people get so worked up when others ask them about it! You can always come up with a polite, clever response that won't offend the person asking while still effectively shutting down the conversation. If you've chosen a path that differs from the majority, you really have to be prepared for those kinds of interactions.

And once again, you haven't actually specified what exactly makes this so repulsive.

I mean, I’ll probably sound totally airheaded, but honestly, there are moments where I feel like I wouldn't even be disappointed if I ended up giving birth to a kitten instead of a human baby!

Seriously, this is just repulsive to me. I work directly with children with disabilities, so I know firsthand exactly what it means when you have a child who isn't what you expected. People struggle with that reality their entire lives, yet here you are, joking around with comments about how convenient it would be to just pop out a kitten or a panda! It’s absolutely gross. You're still young and just talking nonsense right now, but if you ever do have kids of your own, you are going to feel so much shame when you look back at the ridiculous things you said.

Lawrence Wells said:I've been reading through this whole thread, and look, I'm not trying to judge you, but how can you just generalize everyone with children as being driven by nothing but breeding instincts? Can't you see that there are actually people out there who genuinely love being parents? You aren't some 13-year-old kid anymore—you don't need to snap back at every single thing your acquaintances say. Nobody is forcing you to have kids, period. If you don't want them, that's your choice and nobody has the right to tell you otherwise. Just ignore those busybodies and live your life, but please, stop looking down on people who actually *want* to be parents like they're just animals acting on instinct.

If I actually thought people were animals, that would probably be the biggest compliment they'd ever get from me😉
so, I won't say it, because they haven't earned the praise☕

Lawrence Wells said:And yours? Yours just drip with wisdom. Listen, princess—you're only 28. Get over yourself.😉

Thanks a lot... I already know I'm a princess.🥳

feralcobra92 said:Where on earth in my posts does it say that I don't care about animals or that I believe in human sanctity ? I absolutely adore animals, which is exactly why my cats and my dog are constantly roaming around my apartment! I love kids too, so naturally, there are children running around my place all the time, and since I work directly with them, there are little ones buzzing around me at the office every single day.
Even though I'm an animal lover, I don't go walking around with these silly illusions about their "purity" or how "innocent" they are. I love people—for the most part, anyway—and I don't hold any delusions about their innocence or holiness either.
It’s certainly not my opinion that everyone is obligated to have children, and honestly, I’d even prefer if some people who currently have them hadn't, simply because of the way they treat them.
The thing that actually bothers me—and the reason I commented in the first place—is that angry, aggressive attitude toward children that just radiates from your posts, and frankly, the absolute worst part is when you compare kids to pets.
Society is constantly breathing down your necks, pressuring you to get married, have babies, and play the part of the perfect wife and mother, but seriously, so what?
If you don't want to do it, then don't listen to them and just move on! You're still young and you have plenty of time to change your mind later on if you ever feel like it.

for what reason?

Christian Sanchez4 said:Look, once people stop rolling their eyes at me, spitting on the floor, and interrogating me with a million questions about why I don't feel some "maternal instinct," then maybe I'll bother being polite and just give a brief, civil response like, "I don't have kids because I don't want to be a parent."
I simply don't care for the idea of parenthood. Kids irritate me; they're exhausting. That doesn't mean I mistreat them or harbor any malice. I'd never hurt one, and if a child were hungry or cold, I would step up and provide for them without hesitation. But I just don't want children in my life. Their existence doesn't fascinate me. I don't see how that should bother anyone else. I'm not hurting a soul, unless you count the offense of being labeled "unstable" just because I don't share the collective obsession with procreation.

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feralcobra92 said:I mean, I’ll probably sound totally airheaded, but honestly, there are moments where I feel like I wouldn't even be disappointed if I ended up giving birth to a kitten instead of a human baby!

Seriously, this is just repulsive to me. I work directly with children with disabilities, so I know firsthand exactly what it means when you have a child who isn't what you expected. People struggle with that reality their entire lives, yet here you are, joking around with comments about how convenient it would be to just pop out a kitten or a panda! It’s absolutely gross. You're still young and just talking nonsense right now, but if you ever do have kids of your own, you are going to feel so much shame when you look back at the ridiculous things you said.

The statement was mine, so it’s only fair I respond.

The first issue is that you aren't reading a love for cats in that post, but rather a hatred for children. You're projecting meanings onto it that just aren't there.

I don't usually share personal details like age around here, but I'll make an exception: I have more than three bank accounts and I'm currently pregnant, dealing with all the anxieties that come with it, without any expectations. The kitten thing was basically my own way of trying to ease the fear of the scenario you mentioned—which has been haunting me since the start of my pregnancy—and trying to convince myself that I could handle any outcome.

You're misinterpreting both my words and my age, mostly because we're speaking different languages. My opinion of the human race is a little darker than yours, and my boundaries for sarcasm go a bit further... That's all.

feralcobra92 said:I honestly love animals, and little kittens and puppies are just absolutely precious to me! And look, I totally get that some people choose to bring a dog into their home instead of having a child, and I completely respect and accept that choice—it’s really fine. But for those of you who don't have kids, please understand that having a dog is nothing like raising a child. It isn't even close, let alone similar! You get a dog when you want some companionship or when you want to satisfy your own needs, but once you have a child, your entire life becomes centered around caring for them. You're constantly second-guessing whether you've made the right moves, and that deep sense of worry and love doesn't just vanish once they grow up. If you're a good parent, your child's well-being often becomes way more important than your own, and that is a massive responsibility that definitely isn't for everyone.
Still, I truly believe most people want children and have the capacity to be wonderful parents, though if someone doesn't, that's perfectly okay too because we aren't all cut from the same cloth. I just don't get why people get so worked up when others ask them about it! You can always come up with a polite, clever response that won't offend the person asking while still effectively shutting down the conversation. If you've chosen a path that differs from the majority, you really have to be prepared for those kinds of interactions.

No, none of us who don't have children think that having a dog is the same as having a child.
For instance, I personally see absolutely zero resemblance between owning a dog and raising a child, and I honestly don't know what anyone is trying to link together here; besides, I haven't compared the two in any of my posts, because in my view, there is no connection to be made.
I was merely commenting on a previous post where human beings and animals were being compared.
And yes, we must be prepared for questions and objections, but not because we chose not to have children, rather because we live among rude people who have no concept of privacy or knowing when to mind their own business.
It has nothing to do with whether or not you have kids. For example, my neighbor has a child and tells me she is constantly driven to madness by questions regarding breastfeeding and negative comments that border on outright accusations just because she stopped nursing early.
Honestly, where does it even occur to someone to ask such invasive personal questions and then proceed to lecture someone else on how to live their life?!
As for my age, I am much closer to 40 than 30.

amberfox4 said:No, none of us who don't have children think that having a dog is the same as having a child.
For instance, I personally see absolutely zero resemblance between owning a dog and raising a child, and I honestly don't know what anyone is trying to link together here; besides, I haven't compared the two in any of my posts, because in my view, there is no connection to be made.
I was merely commenting on a previous post where human beings and animals were being compared.
And yes, we must be prepared for questions and objections, but not because we chose not to have children, rather because we live among rude people who have no concept of privacy or knowing when to mind their own business.
It has nothing to do with whether or not you have kids. For example, my neighbor has a child and tells me she is constantly driven to madness by questions regarding breastfeeding and negative comments that border on outright accusations just because she stopped nursing early.
Honestly, where does it even occur to someone to ask such invasive personal questions and then proceed to lecture someone else on how to live their life?!
As for my age, I am much closer to 40 than 30.

There are plenty of people like that out there. Don't let them get under your skin... don't even take it personally. Most of the time, they aren't being malicious; they just lack the basic social intelligence to realize how rude and inappropriate they're being. It's not really their fault... Just quietly walk away from them.

crimsongull20 said:There are plenty of people like that out there. Don't let them get under your skin... don't even take it personally. Most of the time, they aren't being malicious; they just lack the basic social intelligence to realize how rude and inappropriate they're being. It's not really their fault... Just quietly walk away from them.

I certainly understand the sentiment.
Just the other day, my neighbor actually had the audacity to ask me, "And what about your husband? What does he think of all this?"
I mean, excuse me???
I find it perfectly reasonable to assume that being in total alignment on fundamental issues is a prerequisite for marriage. One would think it goes without saying that we decided to tie the knot because, beyond our mutual affection and shared values, we are deeply compatible and see eye-to-eye on the things that truly matter in life.
Honestly, how can anyone consider such a question anything other than incredibly intrusive and rude!?

amberfox4 said:I certainly understand the sentiment.
Just the other day, my neighbor actually had the audacity to ask me, "And what about your husband? What does he think of all this?"
I mean, excuse me???
I find it perfectly reasonable to assume that being in total alignment on fundamental issues is a prerequisite for marriage. One would think it goes without saying that we decided to tie the knot because, beyond our mutual affection and shared values, we are deeply compatible and see eye-to-eye on the things that truly matter in life.
Honestly, how can anyone consider such a question anything other than incredibly intrusive and rude!?

She’s calling it rude because she’s too dim to know where public life ends and privacy begins. Honestly though, I'm pretty sure all she cares about is profanity... so if you hit her back with something like, "Hey neighbor, what color is your lady parts hair?" she'll probably just pass out from the sheer audacity and stop questioning you altogether.

crimsongull20 said:She’s calling it rude because she’s too dim to know where public life ends and privacy begins. Honestly though, I'm pretty sure all she cares about is profanity... so if you hit her back with something like, "Hey neighbor, what color is your lady parts hair?" she'll probably just pass out from the sheer audacity and stop questioning you altogether.

😂
Do you truly believe she would even comprehend the subtext?

amberfox4 said:😂
Do you truly believe she would even comprehend the subtext?

Doubtful. But you'd finally have some peace and quiet... which is worth a lot.

I’m actually pretty jealous 😢

Nobody ever bothers asking me when I’m going to have kids 🤷
ever

Why do people even talk about this stuff? When someone tries to grill me, I just give them this blank, dead-eyed stare and say nothing. And I mean nothing...
I told my neighbors straight up that I wasn't interested in the gossip—about them or me—and that those small-town clichés aren't my vibe. Since then, nobody has dared ask me again 🤷

And yet, here I am, counting down the days until I have a kid 😍
I’m really hoping 2009 turns out to be my year. It's wild to think back to when I was twenty; the mere thought of some little alien growing inside me and being sliced out with poultry shears used to make me gag 😢

So, honestly, I have no clue how this sudden urge for motherhood even kicked in. But it did, and I’m genuinely happy about it 🙂

Bradley Smith said:I’m actually pretty jealous 😢

Nobody ever bothers asking me when I’m going to have kids 🤷
ever

Why do people even talk about this stuff? When someone tries to grill me, I just give them this blank, dead-eyed stare and say nothing. And I mean nothing...
I told my neighbors straight up that I wasn't interested in the gossip—about them or me—and that those small-town clichés aren't my vibe. Since then, nobody has dared ask me again 🤷

And yet, here I am, counting down the days until I have a kid 😍
I’m really hoping 2009 turns out to be my year. It's wild to think back to when I was twenty; the mere thought of some little alien growing inside me and being sliced out with poultry shears used to make me gag 😢

So, honestly, I have no clue how this sudden urge for motherhood even kicked in. But it did, and I’m genuinely happy about it 🙂

Must mean you learned how to shut those nosy people down... 👍

Good luck with the baby. 🙂

Honestly, trying to be both an amazing mom and a powerhouse in your career is such a massive struggle these days... it feels like one side always ends up paying the price. I totally agree that everyone gets to choose their own path, but let’s be real—finding that sweet spot where you’re crushing it at work while being fully present for motherhood is incredibly tough. I really want to emphasize the "motherhood" part here, because when you’re responsible for another human life, you can't exactly just wing it or slack off... Work is obviously huge, but everything really just comes down to what you decide to prioritize. It’s a much heavier lift for women, since we’re often the ones expected to make the sacrifices. We all love to talk about "work-life balance," but in the real world? It’s rarely that seamless... You also really need a supportive partner by your side to help with the day-to-day grind, whether you have kids or not. Personally, I don't think we should care what society thinks. At the end of the day, the people who actually love you won't judge your choices, and the critics? Well, they'll find something to complain about no matter what you do. Life is full of hurdles regardless of whether you become a parent or not; the goal is just to find your own version of peace and happiness. If you have kids, it’s arguably the hardest job on the planet, but if you don't, I'm sure there are plenty of other things that bring fulfillment. As for me, I do think I want to have a child someday... Not out of selfishness, but because I genuinely want to experience that connection and be a mother. Whether that happens next year or ten years from now, I haven't decided... I've never been much of a planner, and as the saying goes, "Man plans, God laughs"... 🙂 so I'm just keeping my options open. For now, my life is pretty full with a great job, a few hobbies, and the person I love.

I honestly think everyone needs to realize that questions like these are just a mix of nosy curiosity, a total lack of manners, and that annoying urge people get to poke at things when they see life isn't following some perfect script, not to mention just plain old rudeness.
It has never even crossed my mind to grill someone about whether they go to church, what their religion is, or why they don't have kids—or why they have eight of them (like one acquaintance of mine who has a huge family but zero romantic life, which is just tragic to me). Even though I make sure to stay discreet with those kinds of topics, I am perfectly capable of having deep, serious, and totally uninhibited conversations about anything from abortion and sex to death, faith, and all those other supposedly "taboo" subjects.
In my opinion, the mere fact that a woman hasn't tied the knot or decided she doesn't want children is enough to trigger a mountain of these intrusive questions. You really shouldn't let it get to you or feel like you have to snap back aggressively. If I were in that position, I’d probably just tell them I want kids but can't have them, because that seems like such a convenient way to shut the conversation down! Instead of getting anger or disgust from them, you'll just get sympathy and maybe some unsolicited advice about herbal teas, compresses, steam treatments, or vitamins...
☕

feralcobra92 said:I honestly think everyone needs to realize that questions like these are just a mix of nosy curiosity, a total lack of manners, and that annoying urge people get to poke at things when they see life isn't following some perfect script, not to mention just plain old rudeness.
It has never even crossed my mind to grill someone about whether they go to church, what their religion is, or why they don't have kids—or why they have eight of them (like one acquaintance of mine who has a huge family but zero romantic life, which is just tragic to me). Even though I make sure to stay discreet with those kinds of topics, I am perfectly capable of having deep, serious, and totally uninhibited conversations about anything from abortion and sex to death, faith, and all those other supposedly "taboo" subjects.
In my opinion, the mere fact that a woman hasn't tied the knot or decided she doesn't want children is enough to trigger a mountain of these intrusive questions. You really shouldn't let it get to you or feel like you have to snap back aggressively. If I were in that position, I’d probably just tell them I want kids but can't have them, because that seems like such a convenient way to shut the conversation down! Instead of getting anger or disgust from them, you'll just get sympathy and maybe some unsolicited advice about herbal teas, compresses, steam treatments, or vitamins...
☕

🙄
Why on earth would anyone lie about something like that? And besides, who actually wants pity?☕

Gerald Scott4 said:🙄
Why on earth would anyone lie about something like that? And besides, who actually wants pity?☕

Exactly.
It seems I am trapped in a rather tiresome paradox where, if I choose to be candid, I am branded as unpleasant and subsequently loathed, yet if I were to resort to fabrication, people would simply offer pity or, perhaps more insultingly, mock my supposed "misfortunes."

I find myself hoping that, in the near future, I might finally possess the fortitude to simply state, without feeling such profound discomfort, "That is a private matter, and I do not answer questions of that nature."