Not wanting kids: Is it just me?

I’ve also been in my own little bubble... focused on my career and enjoying my free time. That maternal instinct just never hit me, nor did this overwhelming sense of "I have to." I haven't felt that biological clock ticking at all. I have friends who feel the exact same way too... nothing unusual about it. Personally, I don't think I'd be ready even at 40, just like I didn't feel entirely prepared at 28—even back then, with my degree finished, a solid full-time job, and a partner I've been with for nearly nine years...

boldstag33 said:Thanks! I wasn't quite sure where to drop this thread... I'm new here 🙂

Well, you certainly made sure it reached an audience by posting it across at least three different subforums, from what I can see.
It’s not as if we don't already have a million threads like this floating around the site.

I don't particularly have a burning desire for kids myself, but even then, I wouldn't dream of opening a thread about it in the Parenting section. It feels a bit tone-deaf to walk into a room full of parents just to declare, "I don't want children, I really don't." 🙂

How exactly do you plan on having a real conversation when you're fighting a war on three different fronts, constantly dealing with people jumping in to tell you that you're "abnormal"?
By just copy-pasting your way through the backlash?
🤷

boldstag33 said:Am I the only one who’s 31 and still doesn't have any desire to have kids?
I've never really felt it, and I kept telling myself: maybe it'll hit me when I'm older... but nothing yet.
My marriage is wonderful, my husband is amazing (and he isn't exactly itching to be a dad either), I run my own business, I have employees... I travel, life is good... and honestly, I don't feel like anything is missing—especially not a kid.
Is that weird? What do you guys think?

Unfortunately, this is pretty much where most European women stand—they either don't want kids at all, or they settle for one, maybe two at most. That's why the population in Europe is shrinking; every twenty-five years, there are about 20% fewer people. It’s interesting to note that the only groups in Europe seeing positive birth rates are Turks, Albanians, and Canadians. Western civilization has hit its peak, and now it's slowly but surely sliding toward decline, just like every other major civilization throughout history. This might be the first one to go down specifically because of low birth rates.

To be perfectly honest, I don't have any desire to have children, nor do I experience those typical maternal instincts people talk about. 🤷

I remember one thread where people practically labeled me as "broken" just because of that.

But unlike you, I’m not sitting around waiting for some sudden wave of longing to hit me; I know my mind on this. If those feelings were to suddenly appear out of nowhere, it would actually be quite overwhelming because, logically speaking, I simply don't want kids. Of course, that realization really narrows down the dating pool—for instance, my ex was absolutely obsessed with the idea of starting a family, which made things difficult.

Please believe me when I say you aren't "abnormal," and there is absolutely nothing wrong with you. You simply don't want children, and that is a valid way to live. 🙂

I guess I don't either 🙂 I'm not even looking for marriage 😁
I just want a successful, fulfilling life in other areas and to do things that actually make me happy 🙂 I'm a selfish person, I can't help it 🤣

boldstag33 said:Am I the only one who’s 31 and still doesn't have any desire to have kids?
I've never felt it, and I kept telling myself: maybe it'll hit me when I'm older... but nothing yet.
I have a wonderful marriage, an amazing husband (who isn't exactly itching to be a dad either), my own business, employees... I travel, I have everything I need... and most importantly, I don't feel like I'm missing out on having children...
Is that weird? What do you guys think?

I'm 37, and the idea of having children isn't even on my radar... it's a total abstraction. Honestly, I just don't want kids. Period. And I don't think that makes me a bad person.

I always dreamed of having children, though I honestly never imagined marriage would be part of the equation. As it turns out, both happened, and I couldn't be happier about it. I have one little one right now, but I think I’d love to have two more eventually.
Whenever I see a pregnant woman, I find myself feeling a bit envious—and I feel that same longing when I see mothers with their tiny babies.
My little one seems to be growing up so incredibly fast, almost too quickly, I guess.😍

The funniest part is how this topic got moved over to Psychology🤣

It's ontological—
Does every single woman need to have children, or at least want them?

He wants kids, but I really don't.

Could you ever see yourself staying with a guy who doesn't want children?

To the original poster— wiki

Literature 1 and 2 Amazon orders ship here without any trouble, and you can always grab an e-book in PDF or Kindle format. You can just use PayPal or Moneybookers.

That should be plenty to get you started.🙂

Christian Sanchez4 said:The funniest part is how this topic got moved over to Psychology🤣

It's ontological—
Does every single woman need to have children, or at least want them?

He wants kids, but I really don't.

Could you ever see yourself staying with a guy who doesn't want children?

To the original poster— wiki

Literature 1 and 2 Amazon orders ship here without any trouble, and you can always grab an e-book in PDF or Kindle format. You can just use PayPal or Moneybookers.

That should be plenty to get you started.🙂

I suppose I don't see anything particularly strange about it; this department has always functioned somewhat like a catch-all bin, I guess... ☕

A friend once told me straight up: she didn't want kids. She said she couldn't even wrap her head around the idea, let alone the terrifying thought of someone growing inside her and stripping away all her freedom forever. Fast forward three months—she’s pregnant. The second she saw that positive result on the test, she transformed into a mother. Seriously, she’s one of the most nurturing moms I’ve ever met. It seems like those maternal instincts don't really kick in until you actually hold that baby for the first time... Before that, "motherhood" is often just this abstract concept we're told we need because it's what society expects from us.

Look, deciding whether or not to have children is entirely your call. If you don't want them, that is perfectly okay! Stick to your gut rather than bowing to social pressure. But, if you do find yourself pregnant, there's a huge chance your whole perspective will shift, and suddenly you won't be able to imagine life without that little bundle of joy...

Whether or not to have children is a deeply personal decision for any woman—period. It drives me absolutely crazy when people feel entitled to stick their noses in and start grilling you with "when" or "why"... blah, blah, blah. This is your life, and you’re the only one who gets to call the shots. Besides, common courtesy dictates that you just don't ask those kinds of questions. 😍

boldstag33 said:It’s actually kind of a relief to know I’m not the only one feeling this way...
And honestly? It’s 100% true. Everyone follows some arbitrary "tradition" just because they think it’s the only "right" way to live, or because it feels "NORMAL" to them...
Just don't bother trying to argue with them. Why bother? You'll only end up shattering their little bubble and ruining their illusions.

I'm right there with you..

Look, I love kids—really, I do—but I just don't have that overwhelming biological urge to become a parent. I'm 32, I've got a solid career, and I'm in a great relationship. My partner also loves kids, but he doesn't necessarily feel the need to actually *have* them.

I have a close friend who feels the exact same way; she just finds the whole idea of raising children to be pretty tedious. She's 32, too.

So, there are plenty of women out there who feel this way, but of course, people don't talk about it openly. It tends to trigger a lot of anger in others—I guess they take it personally, like you're somehow implying their own life choices are wrong..🤷

fadedbear92 said:Whether or not to have children is a deeply personal decision for any woman—period. It drives me absolutely crazy when people feel entitled to stick their noses in and start grilling you with "when" or "why"... blah, blah, blah. This is your life, and you’re the only one who gets to call the shots. Besides, common courtesy dictates that you just don't ask those kinds of questions. 😍

Exactly, it’s a matter of manners. In most decent parts of the US, people actually respect those social boundaries and understand the importance of not meddling in another person's private affairs.🙄

However, I must concede that someone rightfully pointed out the absurdity of this thread's current placement; sitting right alongside discussions on borderline personality disorder, suicidal ideation, and debilitating anxiety... perhaps a women's interest forum would have been a more appropriate venue for this particular topic?

Honestly, I feel like some moms decide not to have kids just because they think "why not?" or they end up treating their children more like roommates than actual kids. Like, they might care for them because they’re rational enough to know it’s their responsibility once the baby is here, but that deep maternal instinct just isn't there. In my opinion, if you don't actually *want* to be a parent, you shouldn't do it... it’s just wild and honestly pretty messed up for the kid. I see this happen all the time, and my own mom was kind of like that. Don't get me wrong, she was totally dedicated to us when we were little, but we could always just... feel it. We felt like she didn't necessarily want *us* as people, just as her children. She used to wonder what life would be like if she hadn't had us. She never said it out loud, obviously, but you can sense it, and it’s such a heavy, lonely feeling deep down when you realize you weren't truly wanted from the start. I don't know about you guys, but I really believe instinct plays a massive role here. Personally, I don't have kids yet and I wouldn't rush into it—I want my own time and to focus on my career first (which is totally doable)—but I can already feel this pull in my gut. I know that whenever the time is right, I’m going to be completely consumed by that feeling from conception until the day I die. Even now, just looking at my partner and imagining him as a father, or seeing other babies, or even just talking about it together... that protective instinct is so strong. I'm not saying I'm the only one built for this (I definitely will be!), since being a good parent also takes organization and being able to communicate well with your kids and your partner, but still... I think most women who lack that primal drive aren't exactly great parents in other ways either. If you can't connect with a child on their level, you end up yelling or losing your cool because you don't know how else to explain things. It's just sad. Of course, I know I'm being subjective here because my instincts are definitely winning over my logic right now, but I'm totally with you on this.

amberfox4 said:However, I must concede that someone rightfully pointed out the absurdity of this thread's current placement; sitting right alongside discussions on borderline personality disorder, suicidal ideation, and debilitating anxiety... perhaps a women's interest forum would have been a more appropriate venue for this particular topic?

I mean, come on. I guess the moderators here just think we're all mentally unstable or something.🤷

That’s just nonsense. You aren't "unstable"—you'd actually be unstable if you had kids and didn't want them. I guess this topic keeps coming up because most people can't wrap their heads around how someone could possibly lack that biological urge, right? Honestly, I’m genuinely curious about that part, especially seeing how things play out in my own house with my mom... 🙂

Whether they get it or not... honestly, I couldn't care less☕
I’m not out here forcing anyone to understand why having two dogs jumping all over my bed is perfectly normal for me... nor am I interrogating them about why they choose to live differently☕

So, she started the thread... and honestly, why not? I mean, I’m not going to grill you about it because I know that’s not how you roll, but she clearly felt the need to get the conversation moving. My question isn't meant to be an attack on you or her, either. It’s not personal. I guess I’m just curious—not really about her specific personality or anything, but more about the mechanics of it all. Like, how does a person actually function?