Not wanting kids: Is it just me?

Honestly, dear, I’m exactly the same way. I have never once craved motherhood, nor have I ever been particularly fond of my friends' kids. I’ve been in a wonderful marriage for over five years now—my husband has brought up the idea of having children a few times, even though he knows where I stand—not to mention the constant pressure from everyone else, which is frankly infuriating. It feels like there's this unspoken social mandate to meet certain arbitrary standards, as if we all have to follow some script. In my social circle, I think I’m actually one of the rare ones who got married without being pregnant first; most people probably assumed we were struggling to conceive, never once considering that I simply didn't want them. It wasn't fear—it was choice. But, life happens, and here I am: I’m pregnant. To be blunt, I’m finding the whole experience difficult to stomach. I’m anxious about everything, and those "maternal instincts" everyone talks about? They haven't shown up once. My thoughts are entirely self-centered right now—I’m already busy planning how, once the baby arrives, I can manage childcare just so I can take a shower in peace, get back to my career, and maintain some semblance of my own life.
It’s all quite disorienting, but I suppose this is just how things turned out.
I don't doubt that having a child will be a beautiful experience eventually, but since this is my only chance at it, I just pray to God that everything goes smoothly.

I have no intention of judging anyone who chooses not to have children, nor should they be judged or pressured by society. Everyone should be free to live their lives exactly how they see fit.

I don't want kids.
Honestly, I’m pretty much anti-child—I actively dodge any place where they hang out in massive numbers (think McDonald's, Grand Central Terminal, you name it)... And man, those women who lose their entire minds after giving birth? It drives me insane. They act like they can't read anything anymore that isn't about their precious little baby.
It makes my skin crawl—and honestly just pisses me off—when I'm at the salon and two moms start deep-diving into every single detail of their labor... excuse me, but I really, *really* don't care how dilated someone was, or the specifics of the tearing, or how many stitches they had to get... 🤮
Don't even get me started on the people trying to lecture you about how "it's a duty" or how it's "the greatest blessing ever"... total nonsense.
I am not willing to trade in my career, my car, my life, my long nails, or my expensive skincare routine just to raise a kid. Yeah, call me selfish. Fine. Whatever. Just leave me alone to make my own damn decisions. Maybe—and I mean *maybe*—I'll eventually decide to have one, but only if I were 100% certain some lowlife man wouldn't be cheating on me behind my back. And unfortunately, I know way too many guys who spend all their energy fooling around while their wives are dealing with swollen bellies, hemorrhoids, morning sickness, and feeling absolutely miserable... plus, who would watch the kid if I actually wanted to go out for a drink? Or if I didn't want to sacrifice everything for a toddler's whims? etc., etc...
Bottom line: I'm just not ready for that level of self-sacrifice. I'm not. Period.

amberfox4 said:However, I must concede that someone rightfully pointed out the absurdity of this thread's current placement; sitting right alongside discussions on borderline personality disorder, suicidal ideation, and debilitating anxiety... perhaps a women's interest forum would have been a more appropriate venue for this particular topic?

I mean, what category does this actually fall under? It feels more like analyzing one specific person's psychology..
Don't get too caught up in it; we aren't here to diagnose personality disorders..

Honestly, I don't want them. At all. Never wanted them, never will.
I don't even love people enough to have kids, and let's be real, I'd be a terrible mother anyway—so why bother jumping into that mess?
Luckily, my partner is totally on the same page. We've both decided it's just gonna be us and our cats—and we love those cats, bordering on obsession at this point. 😍
It’s actually a relief to see other people feel the same way. There were times I genuinely thought something was wrong with me, like I was some kind of freak...
Mostly because people have literally attacked and insulted me more than once just for making this choice.
People are so weird.

nimbleviper142 said:Honestly, I don't want them. At all. Never wanted them, never will.
I don't even love people enough to have kids, and let's be real, I'd be a terrible mother anyway—so why bother jumping into that mess?
Luckily, my partner is totally on the same page. We've both decided it's just gonna be us and our cats—and we love those cats, bordering on obsession at this point. 😍
It’s actually a relief to see other people feel the same way. There were times I genuinely thought something was wrong with me, like I was some kind of freak...
Mostly because people have literally attacked and insulted me more than once just for making this choice.
People are so weird.

I totally agree with the bolded part, though with one little tweak... we're going to have a whole pack of dogs.😁

Maria Palmer9, give me a break.
It’s funny how we both seem to get hung up on the exact same things... though I have to say, some women just seem to lose all sense of perspective—it’s as if their entire universe shrinks down to nothing more than bathroom breaks, digestion, and breastfeeding. I’m two months along myself, yet I don't feel the slightest urge to corner my friends and force them to endure a play-by-play of my bodily functions. I actually have a life outside of this—real topics to discuss. They only ever want to talk about what interests *them*; meanwhile, when someone else tries to bore me with tales of their own pregnancy or—God forbid—their labor experience, I’m perfectly comfortable being blunt and letting them know I simply am not interested.

You aren’t alone in this; anyone suggesting otherwise is simply out of touch with reality. Honestly, just focus on the things that actually bring you fulfillment, because life is far too short to waste even a second worrying about the opinions of some small-minded local busybody. If motherhood eventually becomes a part of your journey, wonderful—if it doesn't, that's equally fine. At the end of the day, we are facing a massive global overpopulation crisis and dwindling resources, so choosing not to participate in that cycle is actually quite a noble stance to take. 😁
The decision to have children should never be framed as some kind of societal obligation. It is frankly tragic when parents bring children into this world solely to boost national birth rates or to shut up some judgmental old ladies at the grocery store...
And frankly, if anyone has the audacity to tell you that your choice makes you "abnormal," they aren't worth the breath it takes to listen to them.

Gerald Scott4 said:I totally agree with the bolded part, though with one little tweak... we're going to have a whole pack of dogs.😁

I’m just not a dog person. Not even a little bit. It isn't just about the basic stuff—the walks, the swimming, the constant playing—it’s the sheer volume of responsibility. You're looking at endless training sessions, managing their diet, and basically being a full-time caregiver. For me, it's just too much.😁

One dog feels like you've only added half a child to the household, but try bringing home three, and suddenly it’s like you’re raising a toddler and a half. 😬
Same here.

slypuma17 said:I’m just not a dog person. Not even a little bit. It isn't just about the basic stuff—the walks, the swimming, the constant playing—it’s the sheer volume of responsibility. You're looking at endless training sessions, managing their diet, and basically being a full-time caregiver. For me, it's just too much.😁

One dog feels like you've only added half a child to the household, but try bringing home three, and suddenly it’s like you’re raising a toddler and a half. 😬
Same here.

I have two dogs, which according to this logic means I already have a kid😁 so if anyone wants to try and lecture me about children, they can come talk to me.🤣

I honestly think most people just want kids because of social conditioning. If we’re going to judge one another for our personal life choices, then everyone should be prepared to face that same scrutiny and handle it with some actual maturity. When someone rolls their eyes and uses that condescending tone to hiss, "Wait, you *don't* want children? That's just not normal! I'm sure you'll change your mind eventually, don't worry," they aren't looking for a conversation—they're looking for a fight. It’s pretty obvious when someone uses those passive-aggressive questions to imply you're abnormal, or that you're somehow socially stunted or lagging behind. They are intentionally casting judgment on you. In my view, if you're going to sit in judgment of others, you have to be ready to be judged yourself. If you aren't willing to walk that walk, then all you're doing is being a hypocrite.

Dennis Cook78 said:I honestly think most people just want kids because of social conditioning. If we’re going to judge one another for our personal life choices, then everyone should be prepared to face that same scrutiny and handle it with some actual maturity. When someone rolls their eyes and uses that condescending tone to hiss, "Wait, you *don't* want children? That's just not normal! I'm sure you'll change your mind eventually, don't worry," they aren't looking for a conversation—they're looking for a fight. It’s pretty obvious when someone uses those passive-aggressive questions to imply you're abnormal, or that you're somehow socially stunted or lagging behind. They are intentionally casting judgment on you. In my view, if you're going to sit in judgment of others, you have to be ready to be judged yourself. If you aren't willing to walk that walk, then all you're doing is being a hypocrite.

Hah, honestly, that's exactly what people say to me: "Oh, just wait until you get the urge!" As if wanting children is something that just happens to you against your will, like a sudden bout of the flu.🙄
As if my desire were somehow tethered to theirs, or as if their sudden impulse would magically transfer over to me and my husband.

amberfox4 said:Hah, honestly, that's exactly what people say to me: "Oh, just wait until you get the urge!" As if wanting children is something that just happens to you against your will, like a sudden bout of the flu.🙄
As if my desire were somehow tethered to theirs, or as if their sudden impulse would magically transfer over to me and my husband.

Sure, sure, "once you find the right one." 😬

That’s easily the best one. It might actually hold water if we were talking about a single girl, but try saying that to a woman who is already in a committed relationship...🙄

I honestly find myself losing patience for these kinds of debates. I'm thinking about adopting a new strategy for when I encounter people who don't know me yet.
The older I get, the more this question is going to be shoved in my face. Maybe it would be easier to just break down in tears and claim I can't have children; at least then the provocateurs might back off for good once they feel a sense of shame—which they really should, given how much they stick their noses where they don't belong—instead of me having to explain myself endlessly. 😁

I’m 26 years old now, and honestly, the desire to have children just isn't there for me. When I was younger, I used to assume that having kids was just this inevitable, automatic part of life—like a natural progression we all follow—but as I get older, the idea feels further and further away. It's almost as if the thought of starting a family is drifting out of reach, and maybe, just maybe, I'll feel differently if the world becomes a more stable or better place to live in down the road. But right now, I really don't know.

slypuma17 said:Sure, sure, "once you find the right one." 😬

That’s easily the best one. It might actually hold water if we were talking about a single girl, but try saying that to a woman who is already in a committed relationship...🙄

I honestly find myself losing patience for these kinds of debates. I'm thinking about adopting a new strategy for when I encounter people who don't know me yet.
The older I get, the more this question is going to be shoved in my face. Maybe it would be easier to just break down in tears and claim I can't have children; at least then the provocateurs might back off for good once they feel a sense of shame—which they really should, given how much they stick their noses where they don't belong—instead of me having to explain myself endlessly. 😁

But why on earth would you pretend to be ill just so people would pity you or, worse, mock you? Please, let's have some dignity.
For my part, as I grow older, I find it increasingly easy to simply be blunt with these nosy acquaintances and make it crystal clear that their lack of manners is showing.

amberfox4 said:But why on earth would you pretend to be ill just so people would pity you or, worse, mock you? Please, let's have some dignity.
For my part, as I grow older, I find it increasingly easy to simply be blunt with these nosy acquaintances and make it crystal clear that their lack of manners is showing.

It's simply because I'm putting in much less effort.
Once you set a firm boundary, people usually don't dare to push it again.

Because once you tell someone you don't want kids, you've essentially thrown down the gauntlet. I'm speaking from experience here.

Whenever the opportunity arises, you'll be met with some "well-meaning" or unsolicited comment, and over the long haul, that is incredibly draining—especially if these are people you see regularly, say at your office in Chicago, or even close friends.
You end up having to justify yourself constantly. It’s relentless.
They might ask you something like, "Do you just hate children?" 🙄
And it keeps going like that. They might even try to needle you or make little jabs whenever they get the chance.
😉

With the other option, they might be annoyed for a moment, but they'll eventually leave me alone. 😁

I’m really not looking to bring a dog into the house, and don't even get me started on cats—that lingering smell once they settle in? Absolutely gross. If I had to choose, I’d take a baby over any pet, honestly. But for now, I’m perfectly content with how things are. I’ve got my nieces to spoil, and frankly, that's more than enough for me.

amberfox4 said:But why on earth would you pretend to be ill just so people would pity you or, worse, mock you? Please, let's have some dignity.
For my part, as I grow older, I find it increasingly easy to simply be blunt with these nosy acquaintances and make it crystal clear that their lack of manners is showing.

I had this one neighbor once—just a nasty old woman—who actually cornered me in the street to ask why I don't have kids. Such audacity. And the kicker? She has a daughter who barely ever visits her, if ever. Not once. Since then, I don't even give her a polite nod when we pass. Sometimes you really do need to make it clear that their questions are completely out of line and shut the whole conversation down right then and there.

Taking the path of least resistance is usually the smartest move anyway; if they want to go around claiming someone is sick, it’ll eventually come back to haunt them.

slypuma17 said:It's simply because I'm putting in much less effort.
Once you set a firm boundary, people usually don't dare to push it again.

Because once you tell someone you don't want kids, you've essentially thrown down the gauntlet. I'm speaking from experience here.

Whenever the opportunity arises, you'll be met with some "well-meaning" or unsolicited comment, and over the long haul, that is incredibly draining—especially if these are people you see regularly, say at your office in Chicago, or even close friends.
You end up having to justify yourself constantly. It’s relentless.
They might ask you something like, "Do you just hate children?" 🙄
And it keeps going like that. They might even try to needle you or make little jabs whenever they get the chance.
😉

With the other option, they might be annoyed for a moment, but they'll eventually leave me alone. 😁

I agree. The idea that we don't want children is treated like it's sacred ground. Like it's some kind of social taboo. An absolute anathema.
The other day, I told a dear friend of mine—who has two tiny toddlers—that I actually don't want kids, and she reacted like I had personally slapped her in the face. 🙄🤷

slypuma17 said:It's simply because I'm putting in much less effort.
Once you set a firm boundary, people usually don't dare to push it again.

Because once you tell someone you don't want kids, you've essentially thrown down the gauntlet. I'm speaking from experience here.

Whenever the opportunity arises, you'll be met with some "well-meaning" or unsolicited comment, and over the long haul, that is incredibly draining—especially if these are people you see regularly, say at your office in Chicago, or even close friends.
You end up having to justify yourself constantly. It’s relentless.
They might ask you something like, "Do you just hate children?" 🙄
And it keeps going like that. They might even try to needle you or make little jabs whenever they get the chance.
😉

With the other option, they might be annoyed for a moment, but they'll eventually leave me alone. 😁

Honestly, there isn't a single stupid comment I haven't already heard, considering I am 36 years old.
People are finally starting to back off, though I suspect that is only because I have become increasingly blunt when answering their inquiries.
I usually just say something along the lines of, "No, I never wanted children."
And when they follow up with, "But why?"
I respond, "Because the desire was never there."
And if it hasn't happened by now...
Well, it isn't going to happen. I don't want kids.
Then comes the inevitable, "What about your husband?"
My response? "My husband and I aren't allowed to have children because we were both diagnosed with cannibalism, and our specialty is the 'warm cradle' method." (That is a joke, of course, but it always seems to shut down those busybodies who feel entitled to stick their noses into my business.)
One can safely assume that we discussed such vital matters before we ever tied the knot; furthermore, I discuss private matters exclusively with my husband, not with acquaintances or neighbors whose opinions hold absolutely no weight in my life. Quite frankly, your personal affairs do not interest me one bit.