Not wanting kids: Is it just me?

I find myself getting all sorts of judgmental comments whenever I mention that having kids just isn't in my plans... honestly, it sometimes feels like people are looking at me like I’m some kind of outlier or completely out of touch with reality just because of that one choice.

amberfox4 said:Honestly, there isn't a single stupid comment I haven't already heard, considering I am 36 years old.
People are finally starting to back off, though I suspect that is only because I have become increasingly blunt when answering their inquiries.
I usually just say something along the lines of, "No, I never wanted children."
And when they follow up with, "But why?"
I respond, "Because the desire was never there."
And if it hasn't happened by now...
Well, it isn't going to happen. I don't want kids.
Then comes the inevitable, "What about your husband?"
My response? "My husband and I aren't allowed to have children because we were both diagnosed with cannibalism, and our specialty is the 'warm cradle' method." (That is a joke, of course, but it always seems to shut down those busybodies who feel entitled to stick their noses into my business.)
One can safely assume that we discussed such vital matters before we ever tied the knot; furthermore, I discuss private matters exclusively with my husband, not with acquaintances or neighbors whose opinions hold absolutely no weight in my life. Quite frankly, your personal affairs do not interest me one bit.

You’ve certainly been around the block more than I have, so how is it that I’m already feeling this sense of burnout? 😁

My husband and I aren't allowed to have kids because we've been diagnosed with cannibalism, and our specialty is the "warm cradle" wrap.

😂

I’d probably make the same joke if it were someone I was never going to run into again.
But try being stuck in a room for seven hours a day with three coworkers who absolutely live for motherhood.
They would practically hunt you down.

It’s strange—when you tell them you can't have children, they actually have the decency to stop bringing up the subject around you. They act perfectly polite and kind, treating you with this patronizing sort of pity because you're "unfortunate." 😁

I get it; nobody actually wants to be pitied. But unfortunately, if you're a woman in America and you don't have children by a certain age, you're usually met with either profound sympathy or blatant judgment. There really isn't a middle ground. So, I suppose I'll just take the sympathy. ☕

amberfox4 said:Honestly, there isn't a single stupid comment I haven't already heard, considering I am 36 years old.
People are finally starting to back off, though I suspect that is only because I have become increasingly blunt when answering their inquiries.
I usually just say something along the lines of, "No, I never wanted children."
And when they follow up with, "But why?"
I respond, "Because the desire was never there."
And if it hasn't happened by now...
Well, it isn't going to happen. I don't want kids.
Then comes the inevitable, "What about your husband?"
My response? "My husband and I aren't allowed to have children because we were both diagnosed with cannibalism, and our specialty is the 'warm cradle' method." (That is a joke, of course, but it always seems to shut down those busybodies who feel entitled to stick their noses into my business.)
One can safely assume that we discussed such vital matters before we ever tied the knot; furthermore, I discuss private matters exclusively with my husband, not with acquaintances or neighbors whose opinions hold absolutely no weight in my life. Quite frankly, your personal affairs do not interest me one bit.

Brilliant.🤣🤣🤣

Honestly, why would I even bother wasting my breath trying to explain myself to people who are clearly too unrefined to get it? They think I can't have kids, when the reality is I just don't want them. I really don't need more unsolicited pity from people acting like I’m some tragic figure just because I'm making a choice they can't wrap their heads around. No thanks.☕
The parents in my circle have basically already distanced themselves from me anyway. Apparently, my lack of "maternal instinct" is somehow an insult to their entire lifestyle, which is honestly just nonsensical. But whatever...☕

amberfox4 said:Honestly, there isn't a single stupid comment I haven't already heard, considering I am 36 years old.
People are finally starting to back off, though I suspect that is only because I have become increasingly blunt when answering their inquiries.
I usually just say something along the lines of, "No, I never wanted children."
And when they follow up with, "But why?"
I respond, "Because the desire was never there."
And if it hasn't happened by now...
Well, it isn't going to happen. I don't want kids.
Then comes the inevitable, "What about your husband?"
My response? "My husband and I aren't allowed to have children because we were both diagnosed with cannibalism, and our specialty is the 'warm cradle' method." (That is a joke, of course, but it always seems to shut down those busybodies who feel entitled to stick their noses into my business.)
One can safely assume that we discussed such vital matters before we ever tied the knot; furthermore, I discuss private matters exclusively with my husband, not with acquaintances or neighbors whose opinions hold absolutely no weight in my life. Quite frankly, your personal affairs do not interest me one bit.

See, this is exactly the kind of question that drives me absolutely insane. It makes me feel so incredibly stupid when people ask. And it happens all the time—usually right after that famous line, "So, when are you having kids?" (Look, I'm 32). I had this recent exchange with a young mom of three that went something like this: "No kids?" "Nope." "Why not?" "I don't want them. What am I supposed to do with them?"☕ "And what about your husband? What does he say?" "I don't know.☕" "Does he want kids?" "Maybe he does.☕". "Well, what are you going to do then?" "Nothing, I guess he'll just leave me.☕" And then she just stands there giving me this blank, mindless stare. Of course my husband (who is 40) and I settled this before we ever got married. Of course! I wouldn't marry a man if we weren't on the same page about something this fundamental. But some people act like they just dropped in from outer space when I have to explain it. Sometimes I just stop trying and let the conversation drift, just to see how much idiocy they can squeeze out of one interaction.

One could certainly say: my husband? He’s doing quite well, thank you ever so much for asking, though I must wonder how your own partner is faring; has he finally managed to resolve that rather awkward issue regarding erectile dysfunction?

Honestly, until you guys can actually sink your teeth into it, I’m just not losing any sleep over it...

...to's the response for people who think this whole topic is somehow sick... maybe just take a breather? It’s a beautiful, crisp day out there, so why not go outside and cool off those grumpy brains?

Hey ladies,
I’ve been away from the forum for a bit, so seeing all your posts pop up after a week was such a lovely surprise. Thanks for keeping things lively!

So, I had this guy ask me the other day, "When am I going to have kids?" and I just looked at him and said, "Who knows? But looking at you, you might already be six months along!"
I don't think he'll be asking me any more silly questions anytime soon. 🙂

Have any of you come up with some legendary comebacks lately? I can't wait to read them (and maybe steal a few for my own 🙂 ))

Honestly, kids were never my thing, and even back when I was a little girl myself, other kids just totally rubbed me the wrong way—I always preferred hanging out with the older crowd. I was never that person stopping in the middle of a sidewalk to coo over some cute baby in a stroller, and I never felt this sudden urge to hold my friends' infants... actually, it used to drive me crazy when they’d try to shove a baby into my arms like some magical maternal instinct was supposed to suddenly kick in. Newsflash: it didn't. For a long time, my husband and I were living our absolute best lives, just going out, traveling, doing us... and then we let our guard down a bit, and somehow, at 34, I ended up pregnant. I swear, I was probably the most depressed pregnant woman on the planet. When it came time to head to the hospital, I didn't bother prepping anything for the baby; my husband handled all the gear and the setup. The whole birth was over in like fifteen minutes, and honestly, the actual process wasn't even scary for me. My husband was there crying his eyes out from pure joy, while I just sat there feeling... nothing. I knew what was coming, and I was genuinely terrified that I wouldn't be able to handle the weight of that responsibility. But then, slowly but surely, this "mother" side of me started waking up, and it happened exactly how it's supposed to: I became caring, responsible, tender... My kid is five now, and looking back, I’m so incredibly glad that pregnancy happened, and I actually feel bad for thinking I didn't want to be a mom. My girlfriends can't even wrap their heads around the total transformation I went through, but it truly just happened naturally, straight from the heart. I'm a mom now and I am endlessly happy about it, but at the same time, I totally get the women who don't want this life. I don't judge them one bit. And even though I love my kid, if I had to go through another pregnancy right now? No thanks, I'm good.

Rachel Rodriguez6 said:Honestly, kids were never my thing, and even back when I was a little girl myself, other kids just totally rubbed me the wrong way—I always preferred hanging out with the older crowd. I was never that person stopping in the middle of a sidewalk to coo over some cute baby in a stroller, and I never felt this sudden urge to hold my friends' infants... actually, it used to drive me crazy when they’d try to shove a baby into my arms like some magical maternal instinct was supposed to suddenly kick in. Newsflash: it didn't. For a long time, my husband and I were living our absolute best lives, just going out, traveling, doing us... and then we let our guard down a bit, and somehow, at 34, I ended up pregnant. I swear, I was probably the most depressed pregnant woman on the planet. When it came time to head to the hospital, I didn't bother prepping anything for the baby; my husband handled all the gear and the setup. The whole birth was over in like fifteen minutes, and honestly, the actual process wasn't even scary for me. My husband was there crying his eyes out from pure joy, while I just sat there feeling... nothing. I knew what was coming, and I was genuinely terrified that I wouldn't be able to handle the weight of that responsibility. But then, slowly but surely, this "mother" side of me started waking up, and it happened exactly how it's supposed to: I became caring, responsible, tender... My kid is five now, and looking back, I’m so incredibly glad that pregnancy happened, and I actually feel bad for thinking I didn't want to be a mom. My girlfriends can't even wrap their heads around the total transformation I went through, but it truly just happened naturally, straight from the heart. I'm a mom now and I am endlessly happy about it, but at the same time, I totally get the women who don't want this life. I don't judge them one bit. And even though I love my kid, if I had to go through another pregnancy right now? No thanks, I'm good.

Traitor!
🙂

Of course it’s possible for your perspective to shift as you move through life. Choosing not to have children isn't some binding legal contract or a sacred vow; nobody standing here today claiming they don't want kids can predict with absolute certainty how they'll feel in ten, fifteen, or twenty years.

That's actually why so many people don't take women who say they don't want kids entirely at face value—and in a way, they aren't wrong, provided the woman hasn't reached the end of her reproductive years.

Furthermore, it doesn't mean those individuals wouldn't make wonderful parents if they ever did change their minds.

Who knows? Maybe in five or ten years, some of the people posting here will find themselves browsing forums for pregnant women or checking out Rid.🤷

It’s not like I don’t love kids or anything, it’s just that... I guess I just don't have such a high opinion of myself

Carol Baker6 said:It’s not like I don’t love kids or anything, it’s just that... I guess I just don't have such a high opinion of myself

😁 Now this is what I'm talking about. Spot on.

slypuma17 said:Traitor!
🙂

Of course it’s possible for your perspective to shift as you move through life. Choosing not to have children isn't some binding legal contract or a sacred vow; nobody standing here today claiming they don't want kids can predict with absolute certainty how they'll feel in ten, fifteen, or twenty years.

That's actually why so many people don't take women who say they don't want kids entirely at face value—and in a way, they aren't wrong, provided the woman hasn't reached the end of her reproductive years.

Furthermore, it doesn't mean those individuals wouldn't make wonderful parents if they ever did change their minds.

Who knows? Maybe in five or ten years, some of the people posting here will find themselves browsing forums for pregnant women or checking out Rid.🤷

🙄🙄🙄
People like this are exactly why I can't stand being around anyone anymore. It’s honestly nauseating.🤮
What exactly is that supposed to mean? Seriously? It feels like everyone is just sitting around waiting for me to hit menopause so they can finally realize that I REALLY don't want kids!
Honestly, I’m actually disgusted by how petty you're being. I truly feel sorry for people like you. You're just obsessed with sticking your nose into everyone else's business and judging their lives.👎

Try to focus a little. And maybe exercise some self-control. You really shouldn't be this abrupt or high-strung; you don't have kids to justify that kind of temperament.

If you haven't picked up on it from my previous posts in this thread, I don't want children either. I’m not one of those people who interrogates others about their choices. On the contrary, I find myself experiencing these feelings more and more intensely as time goes by.
The urge hits me just as hard as it hits you.

But, unlike you, I actually try to understand why people act the way they do. One reason is precisely because of women who changed their minds—women who insisted they didn't want kids, only to end up surrounded by them later on.

So, people hang their hopes on the idea that I might change my mind too.

And honestly, who knows what aging will bring? How can I say for certain that I won't change my mind down the road? 🤷

slypuma17 said:Try to focus a little. And maybe exercise some self-control. You really shouldn't be this abrupt or high-strung; you don't have kids to justify that kind of temperament.

If you haven't picked up on it from my previous posts in this thread, I don't want children either. I’m not one of those people who interrogates others about their choices. On the contrary, I find myself experiencing these feelings more and more intensely as time goes by.
The urge hits me just as hard as it hits you.

But, unlike you, I actually try to understand why people act the way they do. One reason is precisely because of women who changed their minds—women who insisted they didn't want kids, only to end up surrounded by them later on.

So, people hang their hopes on the idea that I might change my mind too.

And honestly, who knows what aging will bring? How can I say for certain that I won't change my mind down the road? 🤷

The point isn't about whether I might flip-flop in some distant future. The point is this: if I have the absolute right to change my mind tomorrow, then I also have the natural right to speak up right now—in this very moment—and say clearly that I don't want children, I won't have them, or I simply don't love the idea. I should be respected as a normal, intelligent adult with the freedom to choose my own path, regardless of that decision. That’s where the friction lies, which is why I assume we're discussing this under the psychology section.

Look, I can’t stand being patronized. There is nothing more infuriating than being treated like a child or someone who simply doesn't grasp the weight of their own words. It drives me up the wall—and honestly, I deal with it just as much as you do, from my own mother down to my closest friends. It’s reached a point where I’ve seriously contemplated just claiming infertility as a way to get people to finally leave me alone, especially those I haven't even met yet.

That said, I do understand why "investigators" might not take me seriously.

It comes down to the women who changed their minds, and let's be honest, everyone knows at least one.
Then there’s the simple fact that it isn't impossible for me to change my mind too. Even if I were to swear up and down today that I won't, how can I truly know how I’ll feel ten years from now? The way I think today would have been completely unrecognizable to me a decade ago, which means I can't predict the person I'll be in the next ten, however much I hope I stay the same.
So, the possibility remains. No matter how negligible it might seem, it exists, and it will exist for as long as I am biologically capable of having children.

That’s really all I was trying to say. I’m not quite sure why my post sparked such aggression and confusion.
😕

Usually, you don't even realize how much you want a kid until you actually have one.

If the law actually let me, I’d have gone through with a sterilization long ago. But obviously, that's not an option since the rules say I need to already have two kids and a husband😕 who has to sign off on everything too.🤮

A quick question for the moderators: I am somewhat perplexed as to why this specific thread was relocated to the Psychology section rather than remaining in the Women’s Corner. Given that we are discussing anorexia and bulimia—which are clinically recognized psychological disorders—it seems counterintuitive to have them relegated to a general lifestyle forum. Wouldn't it be more logical to reverse the current placement?
Please understand, I truly mean no offense by this; there is absolutely no shame in struggling with mental health issues, but if a disorder is medically classified as such and carries a risk severe enough to be life-threatening, then it belongs here in the clinical discussion area.
On the other hand, discussions regarding the desire—or lack thereof—for children, or debating when a woman might decide to start a family, feels much more suited to the Women’s Corner. It seems a bit jarring to have those topics bundled together here alongside heavy subjects like suicide, panic disorders, and borderline personality disorder. Furthermore, I suspect this might be why participation in these threads remains relatively low; the Psychology subforum tends to attract individuals specifically interested in psychological study and clinical matters, whereas the demographic most likely to engage with reproductive and lifestyle topics is concentrated in the Women’s Corner.