Let's talk perfectionism: General discussion

Matthew Castillo5 said:Okay, that’s a pretty harmless example of perfectionism right there. I have my own version of this; before I put my headphones on, I always make sure I know which one is left and which is right, even though, honestly, it barely makes any difference which ear gets which side.

But it actually does matter if you possess a keen sense of hearing and truly care about knowing exactly which instrument is playing on which side of the track.

However, my futile pursuit of perfection extends far beyond that.

Since my vision is quite poor, I have to be incredibly careful, yet... heaven forbid I should spill even a single crumb from the bowl when I am serving snacks to guests. It would be devastating if the simple act of pouring snacks into a bowl took two or three minutes instead of just twenty or thirty seconds.

I suspect that I might actually be a neurotic perfectionist.

Here’s my struggle with perfectionism: when I'm at university, I feel this intense pressure to pull straight A's. If I end up with even a single B, I can't help but feel disappointed, even though objectively, it's still a stellar grade.
For me, "good" just doesn't cut it; if it isn't "exceptional," then it isn't truly "good."🙂

I wouldn't say I'm like this about everything, though—it really only hits me when it comes to the things that actually matter to me.

Hey everyone!

Decided to jump into this thread because I’ve been battling this whole perfectionism thing for a few months now. Honestly, before I started law school, I never really felt these symptoms when studying—I just liked keeping things tidy. But ever since I got enrolled, it feels like things have spiraled out of control.

My main issue is this obsession with everything being "perfect." Like, when I’m studying, everything has to be absolutely flawless, and I feel this intense pressure to stick to my schedule down to the exact minute. Of course, that’s impossible, so I end up falling behind, and my grades at school are definitely taking a hit because of it.

I actually found some links to counseling services on the university website, and after reading up on perfectionism there, it was a huge wake-up call. Everything they described? Yeah, that was me.

So, a couple of months later, I’m still fighting it, but I think I’m finally starting to get the upper hand. I’ve been following some new principles I picked up from reading about it, and I just try to remind myself:

Perfection is just an illusion. Excellence is a different beast entirely, and that's what you should actually aim for. If I set a goal that's totally unrealistic, I dial it back a notch and focus on that instead. Lately, I've been trying to find more joy in the work itself—focusing on the process rather than obsessing over the final result. And when those old anxieties pop up, I just view them as little warning signs telling me I've set the bar too high.

I'm trying to live by these rules every single day. It's how I'm pushing back against the perfectionism, and hopefully, in time, I'll beat it for good.

gentlesailor25 said:I don't think I've ever actually run into a perfectionist who wasn't also, well, kind of lacking in the brain department.🙄

If one were to adopt a slightly broader perspective to truly visualize ☕

just imagine a "dim-witted" perfectionist—how would such an individual actually function or navigate daily life? ... well, there it is. You see how rare they are? It’s quite remarkable, isn't it? 😁

My thoughts on this.🤦

I wouldn't say I'm like this about everything, but when it comes to the things that actually matter to me, my perfectionism is so intense that I’m starting to think I’ll eventually just stop showing up for anything where there's a risk of failing.

On paper, I can rationalize it all. I can explain the fine line between being driven and being unwell, and I can give anyone else solid advice on how to fight perfectionism, but emotionally? It feels like absolute garbage whenever I screw something up.

Jack Jones7 said:My thoughts on this.🤦

I wouldn't say I'm like this about everything, but when it comes to the things that actually matter to me, my perfectionism is so intense that I’m starting to think I’ll eventually just stop showing up for anything where there's a risk of failing.

On paper, I can rationalize it all. I can explain the fine line between being driven and being unwell, and I can give anyone else solid advice on how to fight perfectionism, but emotionally? It feels like absolute garbage whenever I screw something up.

Give yourself permission to fail. What would actually happen if you did fail at something important to you (aside from just feeling bad)? Like, looking at this realistically. Are these your own expectations, or are they just pressures coming from everyone else?

It’s incredibly draining, honestly. It causes nothing but frustration for everyone around me... but perhaps the worst part is my own mindset. I either want everything, or I want absolutely nothing. If it isn't executed perfectly, exactly how I envisioned it, then what is even the point? It's just zero.

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Morgan Campbell4 said:It’s incredibly draining, honestly. It causes nothing but frustration for everyone around me... but perhaps the worst part is my own mindset. I either want everything, or I want absolutely nothing. If it isn't executed perfectly, exactly how I envisioned it, then what is even the point? It's just zero.

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And you certainly live up to that standard of perfection, considering you managed to come up with a plan to be nearly an hour and a half late just yesterday! 😛 🤣 🙏

I had 9:00 PM stuck in my head the entire time... haha

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Perfectionism can essentially morph into an obsessive-compulsive disorder.
At its core, OCD is just perfectionism taken to a pathological extreme. If things aren't arranged perfectly or symmetrically—if they lack exact spacing—it triggers a mental torture that won't cease until everything is rearranged. This cycle can repeat 20 or 30 times before the mind finally finds any semblance of peace.

I fail to see why perfectionism is being debated on a psychoanalysis forum. True perfectionism is actually a healthy state of mind; it’s a drive toward excellence that doesn't cause issues for the individual. It lacks the intense, debilitating pathological anxiety found in actual OCD.

Do you honestly think I’m the type to walk into a Starbucks, dump my phone, wallet, and a pack of Marlboros on the table, then scatter sugar packets everywhere like some kind of slob?

In my own room, there is absolutely zero clutter. Everything is perfectly in its place. At most, you might find a shirt or two neatly draped over a chair or laid across some pants. My room is always spotless.
My closet is organized to perfection. Honestly, I obsess over tidying up so much that I end up annoying everyone around me—and myself. 😂

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Chris Ruiz5 said:Here’s my struggle with perfectionism: when I'm at university, I feel this intense pressure to pull straight A's. If I end up with even a single B, I can't help but feel disappointed, even though objectively, it's still a stellar grade.
For me, "good" just doesn't cut it; if it isn't "exceptional," then it isn't truly "good."🙂

I wouldn't say I'm like this about everything, though—it really only hits me when it comes to the things that actually matter to me.

I was the exact same way through high school and college. High school was easy enough to maintain, but in college, it cost me a lot of nerves and extra semesters.
By the end, even getting an A didn't feel like enough because I felt like I hadn't truly mastered the material. I started spending months prepping for every single exam...

Anyway, once I realized I couldn't be perfect at everything (or at least everything I cared about), I kind of lost the motivation to try too hard at all.

Richard White8 said:Perfectionism can essentially morph into an obsessive-compulsive disorder.
At its core, OCD is just perfectionism taken to a pathological extreme. If things aren't arranged perfectly or symmetrically—if they lack exact spacing—it triggers a mental torture that won't cease until everything is rearranged. This cycle can repeat 20 or 30 times before the mind finally finds any semblance of peace.

I fail to see why perfectionism is being debated on a psychoanalysis forum. True perfectionism is actually a healthy state of mind; it’s a drive toward excellence that doesn't cause issues for the individual. It lacks the intense, debilitating pathological anxiety found in actual OCD.

Honestly, perfectionism is pretty much always a bad thing. This idea that "nothing is good enough unless it's perfect" doesn't actually exist in the real world—it's just something we carry around in our heads. The world around us isn't perfect by any means; it's constantly fighting to adapt and find compromises. Adaptation happens because everything is always changing, and compromise is how we save energy while still getting enough done to survive. Nature is great at cutting out extremes—like, mice with unlimited food would breed so fast they'd eventually starve themselves out. Or a mouse that eats too much becomes lazy and an easy snack for cats... only the ones who adapted actually make it. So, is being "perfectly adaptable" the same as perfectionism?
Nah, check this out:

You shouldn't confuse perfectionism with the healthy drive to do something excellently. Wanting to be excellent means trying to achieve the absolute best possible result given the current situation. That involves setting high but realistic goals, aiming for success, and accepting that mistakes happen.
Perfectionism, on the other hand, is chasing things that are literally impossible. Perfectionists set sky-high, unrealistic targets, deal with a massive fear of failure, beat themselves up constantly because they think mistakes are unacceptable, and end up with pretty low self-esteem.

Richard White8 said:Perfectionism can essentially morph into an obsessive-compulsive disorder.
At its core, OCD is just perfectionism taken to a pathological extreme. If things aren't arranged perfectly or symmetrically—if they lack exact spacing—it triggers a mental torture that won't cease until everything is rearranged. This cycle can repeat 20 or 30 times before the mind finally finds any semblance of peace.

I fail to see why perfectionism is being debated on a psychoanalysis forum. True perfectionism is actually a healthy state of mind; it’s a drive toward excellence that doesn't cause issues for the individual. It lacks the intense, debilitating pathological anxiety found in actual OCD.

But as Donna White50 pointed out, perfectionism is ultimately toxic. There is no such thing as "healthy" perfectionism. A healthy mindset involves taking action and committing to a task while hoping for a good outcome. Perfectionism, however, fixates on the result itself. That obsession is useless. It leads straight to procrastination, laziness, and eventually, massive anxiety. I've seen it happen. Perfectionists often wait for "perfect" conditions before they even start. They need to be well-rested, full, have their coffee just right, start at a specific hour, or wait for some lunar cycle... they'll watch YouTube videos or read motivational quotes just to create these absurd, imaginary prerequisites for an imaginary perfect result.

The truth is, perfection doesn't exist. Only "good enough" exists. It's much healthier to focus on growth and enjoy the process of working itself. Aim for better results, sure, but keep your eyes on the work, not the trophy. And for heaven's sake, stop tying your self-worth to your productivity. That's a recipe for disaster.

Perfectionism and procrastination are so closely linked—it’s hard to tell which one causes the other. I suspect it all comes down to how we chase instant gratification. I’ve struggled with both, but once I shifted my perspective, I stopped chasing either.

Justin Garcia7 said:Perfectionism and procrastination are so closely linked—it’s hard to tell which one causes the other. I suspect it all comes down to how we chase instant gratification. I’ve struggled with both, but once I shifted my perspective, I stopped chasing either.

Yeah, perfectionism and procrastination are definitely linked. I’d say one is usually just a symptom of the other—plus, there's a massive connection to a lack of self-confidence. How did you actually manage to move past it? 🙂

Perfectionism—is it a one-way ticket to spiritual ruin? Or perhaps just a slippery slope toward the much more clinical reality of OCD.

Justin Garcia7 said:Perfectionism and procrastination are so closely linked—it’s hard to tell which one causes the other. I suspect it all comes down to how we chase instant gratification. I’ve struggled with both, but once I shifted my perspective, I stopped chasing either.

I'm exactly the same way—if I wait until the very last second to get something done, I at least have a built-in excuse for why the work isn't perfect. 😬

Jeffrey Ramos4 said:Give yourself permission to fail. What would actually happen if you did fail at something important to you (aside from just feeling bad)? Like, looking at this realistically. Are these your own expectations, or are they just pressures coming from everyone else?

For a true perfectionist, failure feels like the end of the world. It’s a total collapse of self-confidence and a complete loss of any drive to keep going. Basically, it leads straight to depression. ☕

If someone doesn't feel like ending it all in the most brutal way possible after, say, parking their car incorrectly, then they don't really deserve the title of a perfectionist. 🤣

Joseph Bailey41 said:For a true perfectionist, failure feels like the end of the world. It’s a total collapse of self-confidence and a complete loss of any drive to keep going. Basically, it leads straight to depression. ☕

If someone doesn't feel like ending it all in the most brutal way possible after, say, parking their car incorrectly, then they don't really deserve the title of a perfectionist. 🤣

So, I guess I'm clearly not a "real" (or rather, a perfect) perfectionist. It actually amuses me when I mess something up spectacularly; I'm really only a perfectionist about certain specific things.
What actually sends me into a spiral isn't failing to do something perfectly—it's when my perfectionism causes me to freeze up entirely or miss a deadline altogether.