Can psychology actually help fix relationship issues?

Chloe Barnes8 said:It honestly caught me off guard reading about people online, and even just meeting folks lately, how many "parallel" relationships seem to be going on at once...

Like, seriously... you see people browsing sites looking for their "soulmate," but they’ve already got someone else tucked away in the background. And don't even get me started on the whole side-story thing happening with married people...

Has the Internet just turned into this giant digital window shop for hookups where everyone is just scanning the shelves?
I can't help but feel like there's this massive devaluation of all types of connections now... it's like you're just surfing through people like they're random webpages...🙄 ☕

You find what you're looking for, I guess.
Some of these sites aren't even really designed for people to connect.
And honestly, believing every single username you see—especially when it comes to the whole "soulmate" or "you are THE One" thing—is probably bordering on a total lack of common sense.

@Taylor, I’m not talking strictly about the internet as a way for people to connect. This specific version—forums, chat rooms—is definitely one of the most interactive ways to go about it. But I guess the fundamental purpose of the internet is just moving information along. Then again, that really depends on what kind of information we're talking about, etc., etc. You could even argue that things like dating profiles or looking for soulmates fall under that umbrella😁, just another form of information.
You know how there are whole sections dedicated to people trying to recover from internet addiction? Well, those kinds of thoughts... 😉
And honestly, what physical traits am I supposed to expect behind a screen name? Personally, I'm more interested in studying psychological 😉 😁

I really dig this whole "friendship shock" concept, Taylor...😁 😁 🤣

So, look... maybe it’s actually us, and not them, who are constantly scanning people... or whatever... I guess we’re all just a little bit like Jim Jordan (yikes, scary thought right there)...

But honestly, looking at how much noise there is on forums or dating sites, they all seem to share these specific traits—plus a brand new dimension where psychology isn't just going to help, it's practically going to be required soon...

Basically, we jump straight into building this virtual persona, or like, a curated image...

You, me, the mods, EVERYONE..

Anyone claiming otherwise...
that person is lying (and probably stealing too)... 😁 😉

The question I find myself pondering is whether one can truly craft a virtual persona on a forum—the kind of digital identity one frequents—and sustain that facade over a significant stretch of time. Now, if I were merely lurking on a site dedicated to finding a romantic partner, where most interactions fizzle out in less than a month, then yes, I suppose such a charade is entirely feasible.

However, if I am situated in a community where I intend to remain for a year or more... and my goal is to engage in meaningful conversation (and let’s be perfectly honest, I seek an immense amount of interaction), then I simply cannot, nor will I, pretend to be someone I am not. It would be utterly futile, as I would never actually achieve the connection I am searching for.

Besides, I once spent an entire night trying to fix the pages on Spark for Friends because they wouldn't load properly, and it gave me a glimpse into how some of these dialogues unfold. Honestly, I think I would have lost my mind at the very first exchange!

Hey, what's up?
Hey, nothing much, you?
Nothing, what are you doing?
Nothing, what are you doing?
Nothing.
................and then, after a long silence....

Anyone else around?
Dunno.
Anything happening?
Dunno.
What's going on?
Nothing.

And so it continues, hour after hour. 😲

No, we don't share even a shred of commonality with those types of sites. 👎
Suppose, for instance, I were to find a partner through a simple "hey" on one of those platforms, which effectively constitutes their entire conversational repertoire. On Dateline, the headline would read that she beat him to death with her bare hands after he asked her "what's up" for the 2,356th time.

Chloe Barnes8 said:I really dig this whole "friendship shock" concept, Taylor...😁 😁 🤣

So, look... maybe it’s actually us, and not them, who are constantly scanning people... or whatever... I guess we’re all just a little bit like Jim Jordan (yikes, scary thought right there)...

But honestly, looking at how much noise there is on forums or dating sites, they all seem to share these specific traits—plus a brand new dimension where psychology isn't just going to help, it's practically going to be required soon...

Basically, we jump straight into building this virtual persona, or like, a curated image...

You, me, the mods, EVERYONE..

Anyone claiming otherwise...
that person is lying (and probably stealing too)... 😁 😉

Anyone who spends even a little time in any kind of online community realizes that through written words, you only ever see one side of a person's character—and it’s usually the version they choose to reveal last in real life. It is incredibly easy to let your imagination fill in the blanks and create a mental image of someone who doesn't actually exist. 😉 Similarly, we all curate what we present to the world; no matter how honest we try to be, the image we project isn't a complete reality. For people who simply enjoy meeting others and making new friends, this isn't much of an issue. They might face a bit of a surprise when meeting in person, which requires some preparation, but once you get past the physical appearance and certain unknown quirks, they will still find the person they liked online (provided that person was being truthful). 🙂
When people are specifically looking for romantic partners online, this becomes a real hurdle because those users prioritize both physical attraction and personality compatibility. To avoid awkward surprises, these individuals should exchange photos and schedule an in-person meeting immediately. This prevents them from building a fictionalized version of someone—or themselves—based solely on text, which helps avoid inevitable disappointment.
Just like anything else, the key to online connections is knowing exactly what you are looking for.

Taylor, please be sure to let me know about that rafting trip on the Colorado River. 😉

Angela Rogers2 said:@Taylor, I’m not talking strictly about the internet as a way for people to connect. This specific version—forums, chat rooms—is definitely one of the most interactive ways to go about it. But I guess the fundamental purpose of the internet is just moving information along. Then again, that really depends on what kind of information we're talking about, etc., etc. You could even argue that things like dating profiles or looking for soulmates fall under that umbrella😁, just another form of information.
You know how there are whole sections dedicated to people trying to recover from internet addiction? Well, those kinds of thoughts... 😉
And honestly, what physical traits am I supposed to expect behind a screen name? Personally, I'm more interested in studying psychological 😉 😁

I guess we're all studying those psychological vibes, right? 🙂
Personally, I can't separate the physical from the mental. Whether you want to or not, you build a mental image of what someone looks like.
Go ahead and try to study just one side; it’s just as fascinating.

But honestly, there's more of yourself to analyze here. 🙄
How did you even land on that specific mental image of them?
Because it changes. At least, that's how it works for me.
All it takes is changing a profile picture, and suddenly I've created a totally different persona for that user.
Of course, through the way people write, a physical image starts to emerge too.
It doesn't matter if they say something concrete... or just throw out a random comment... or whatever...
Then I start making comparisons.
And so on... it's kind of a fun little game for me.

I really do spend my time... scrolling through people...

Christian Wells6 said:The question I find myself pondering is whether one can truly craft a virtual persona on a forum—the kind of digital identity one frequents—and sustain that facade over a significant stretch of time. Now, if I were merely lurking on a site dedicated to finding a romantic partner, where most interactions fizzle out in less than a month, then yes, I suppose such a charade is entirely feasible.

However, if I am situated in a community where I intend to remain for a year or more... and my goal is to engage in meaningful conversation (and let’s be perfectly honest, I seek an immense amount of interaction), then I simply cannot, nor will I, pretend to be someone I am not. It would be utterly futile, as I would never actually achieve the connection I am searching for.

Besides, I once spent an entire night trying to fix the pages on Spark for Friends because they wouldn't load properly, and it gave me a glimpse into how some of these dialogues unfold. Honestly, I think I would have lost my mind at the very first exchange!

Hey, what's up?
Hey, nothing much, you?
Nothing, what are you doing?
Nothing, what are you doing?
Nothing.
................and then, after a long silence....

Anyone else around?
Dunno.
Anything happening?
Dunno.
What's going on?
Nothing.

And so it continues, hour after hour. 😲

No, we don't share even a shred of commonality with those types of sites. 👎
Suppose, for instance, I were to find a partner through a simple "hey" on one of those platforms, which effectively constitutes their entire conversational repertoire. On Dateline, the headline would read that she beat him to death with her bare hands after he asked her "what's up" for the 2,356th time.

😁

I tried to write a reply to Taylor but I think my message just vanished into the digital void somewhere...🙂

Honestly, you can build any kind of image you want, and you can actually maintain it too, depending on what drives you, your skills, how much imagination you have... whatever works..

From what I’ve gathered through my own experiences scrolling online and looking for people... if I do a little filtering—you know, cutting out those "whatever" types, the married folks, the taken ones, the obviously creepy guys, the illiterate ones, the boring ones, or the drama queens—and try to narrow it down to just interesting single people; well, it turns out some people who seem interesting and single aren't actually single at all (they're stuck in some messy situation or even married), and then there are the single, "interesting" people who turn out to be anything but (unattractive, boring, or both)...

If you're a single woman just looking for a hookup, opportunities are everywhere, like finding salads at a grocery store... but if you're actually looking for a REAL RELATIONSHIP? Mission impossible. At least for any woman with half a brain...🤷

Chloe Barnes8 said:I tried to write a reply to Taylor but I think my message just vanished into the digital void somewhere...🙂

Honestly, you can build any kind of image you want, and you can actually maintain it too, depending on what drives you, your skills, how much imagination you have... whatever works..

From what I’ve gathered through my own experiences scrolling online and looking for people... if I do a little filtering—you know, cutting out those "whatever" types, the married folks, the taken ones, the obviously creepy guys, the illiterate ones, the boring ones, or the drama queens—and try to narrow it down to just interesting single people; well, it turns out some people who seem interesting and single aren't actually single at all (they're stuck in some messy situation or even married), and then there are the single, "interesting" people who turn out to be anything but (unattractive, boring, or both)...

If you're a single woman just looking for a hookup, opportunities are everywhere, like finding salads at a grocery store... but if you're actually looking for a REAL RELATIONSHIP? Mission impossible. At least for any woman with half a brain...🤷

Online dating and real life aren't that different. If anything, the internet lets you curate better because we're willing to overlook physical flaws for good personality traits discovered through chat. Assuming you've filtered correctly and found someone genuine, I don't think you're right about finding a relationship being an impossible mission online.

Hmm, okay... maybe we’re looking at a whole new psychological phenomenon here..

So, here's the thing... there are tons of people out there actively searching for a relationship in one specific place...
Yeah, most of them have college degrees (well, at least half of them do). And since everyone seems way more obsessed with staying fit these days, let's just assume a good chunk of them look pretty decent. For single people, that matters, right? So they probably put in that extra effort to look their best when they head out..

So, you've got all these attractive moments happening... educated folks, mostly physically fit, plenty of different hobbies and interests... and then what happens?

They find someone. Someone catches their eye. Sometimes it's mutual...

But because there are so many options constantly being thrown at them, a lot of people don't want to settle on just one crush. It's that whole "plenty of fish in the sea" mentality, I guess. So they end up seeing multiple people at once—some are in actual relationships, some are just "situationships," and with others, they're just flirting. It creates this totally new kind of chaos in modern dating...

And since they stay in this loop for so long, naturally, you get breakups, total meltdowns, frustration on all sides... just a lot of confusion...

And I honestly don't think it's just the people who were already prone to playing the field or juggling multiple partners. I think so many other people are getting sucked into this "model" simply because it's so accessible and becoming the new norm....😕

Chloe Barnes8 said:I tried to write a reply to Taylor but I think my message just vanished into the digital void somewhere...🙂

Honestly, you can build any kind of image you want, and you can actually maintain it too, depending on what drives you, your skills, how much imagination you have... whatever works..

From what I’ve gathered through my own experiences scrolling online and looking for people... if I do a little filtering—you know, cutting out those "whatever" types, the married folks, the taken ones, the obviously creepy guys, the illiterate ones, the boring ones, or the drama queens—and try to narrow it down to just interesting single people; well, it turns out some people who seem interesting and single aren't actually single at all (they're stuck in some messy situation or even married), and then there are the single, "interesting" people who turn out to be anything but (unattractive, boring, or both)...

If you're a single woman just looking for a hookup, opportunities are everywhere, like finding salads at a grocery store... but if you're actually looking for a REAL RELATIONSHIP? Mission impossible. At least for any woman with half a brain...🤷

Finding quality is always a challenge, whether you're browsing online or meeting people in person. 🙂 If your goal is simply to find an average relationship, you'll certainly succeed—you just need to stay persistent and perhaps adjust your criteria a bit. There are plenty of lonely people out there.

mistyharbor15 said:Online dating and real life aren't that different. If anything, the internet lets you curate better because we're willing to overlook physical flaws for good personality traits discovered through chat. Assuming you've filtered correctly and found someone genuine, I don't think you're right about finding a relationship being an impossible mission online.

Oh, they differ, they really do..

The selection process—how you pick people out—might be way better, but the actual pool? Man, the options are just worse...🙂

Chloe Barnes8 said:Hmm, okay... maybe we’re looking at a whole new psychological phenomenon here..

So, here's the thing... there are tons of people out there actively searching for a relationship in one specific place...
Yeah, most of them have college degrees (well, at least half of them do). And since everyone seems way more obsessed with staying fit these days, let's just assume a good chunk of them look pretty decent. For single people, that matters, right? So they probably put in that extra effort to look their best when they head out..

So, you've got all these attractive moments happening... educated folks, mostly physically fit, plenty of different hobbies and interests... and then what happens?

They find someone. Someone catches their eye. Sometimes it's mutual...

But because there are so many options constantly being thrown at them, a lot of people don't want to settle on just one crush. It's that whole "plenty of fish in the sea" mentality, I guess. So they end up seeing multiple people at once—some are in actual relationships, some are just "situationships," and with others, they're just flirting. It creates this totally new kind of chaos in modern dating...

And since they stay in this loop for so long, naturally, you get breakups, total meltdowns, frustration on all sides... just a lot of confusion...

And I honestly don't think it's just the people who were already prone to playing the field or juggling multiple partners. I think so many other people are getting sucked into this "model" simply because it's so accessible and becoming the new norm....😕

That is simply how modern society functions. 🙂 People are moving away from the idea of "one partner for life," committing less to relationships and marriage, and focusing more on individual happiness as moral standards shift. Perhaps these trends are just more visible because of the internet.

Chloe Barnes8 said:Oh, they differ, they really do..

The selection process—how you pick people out—might be way better, but the actual pool? Man, the options are just worse...🙂

They aren't that different. Like Enzo said, quality is always hard to find. It just depends on your approach. In real life, you go by what you see first, whereas online gives you an immediate look at someone's "vibe" and how they think. Depends on what you're looking for in the moment.
As for this "availability model," you could argue media plays a role by making us feel like something "better" is just around the corner and easy to grab, with the internet acting as our shortcut. But I don't see that as a problem for someone who knows what they want. They'll just have to stick to their guns and ignore the noise.

Chloe Barnes8 said:Hmm, okay... maybe we’re looking at a whole new psychological phenomenon here..

So, here's the thing... there are tons of people out there actively searching for a relationship in one specific place...
Yeah, most of them have college degrees (well, at least half of them do). And since everyone seems way more obsessed with staying fit these days, let's just assume a good chunk of them look pretty decent. For single people, that matters, right? So they probably put in that extra effort to look their best when they head out..

So, you've got all these attractive moments happening... educated folks, mostly physically fit, plenty of different hobbies and interests... and then what happens?

They find someone. Someone catches their eye. Sometimes it's mutual...

But because there are so many options constantly being thrown at them, a lot of people don't want to settle on just one crush. It's that whole "plenty of fish in the sea" mentality, I guess. So they end up seeing multiple people at once—some are in actual relationships, some are just "situationships," and with others, they're just flirting. It creates this totally new kind of chaos in modern dating...

And since they stay in this loop for so long, naturally, you get breakups, total meltdowns, frustration on all sides... just a lot of confusion...

And I honestly don't think it's just the people who were already prone to playing the field or juggling multiple partners. I think so many other people are getting sucked into this "model" simply because it's so accessible and becoming the new norm....😕

Exactly.

Quinn:

... because it’s just become so accessible and common lately....😕

I actually think the reason is something else entirely.
It's basically a way to escape reality.
And it's incredibly easy to mess up, specifically because of what you mentioned above—people aren't used to this, which means they aren't being careful enough.

Plus, what Enzo wrote about how it "shatters" your mental framework and moral standards...
is spot on.🙂

Sandra Parker3 said:Exactly.

Quinn:

... because it’s just become so accessible and common lately....😕

I actually think the reason is something else entirely.
It's basically a way to escape reality.
And it's incredibly easy to mess up, specifically because of what you mentioned above—people aren't used to this, which means they aren't being careful enough.

Plus, what Enzo wrote about how it "shatters" your mental framework and moral standards...
is spot on.🙂

Maybe "escaping responsibility" is a more accurate way to put it. Like that general superficiality everywhere lately.

mistyharbor15 said:Maybe "escaping responsibility" is a more accurate way to put it. Like that general superficiality everywhere lately.

No, why would you think that? I mean, I get the logic behind it, but honestly, no.

If you really want to look at it that way, a certain number of us just run away from things, and whether we admit it to ourselves or not, it happens.
Whether there was a relationship involved or not, or if someone was prone to a specific type of behavior 😉
At least you're hiding out somewhere for a little while...

Sandra Parker3 said:I guess we're all studying those psychological vibes, right? 🙂
Personally, I can't separate the physical from the mental. Whether you want to or not, you build a mental image of what someone looks like.
Go ahead and try to study just one side; it’s just as fascinating.

But honestly, there's more of yourself to analyze here. 🙄
How did you even land on that specific mental image of them?
Because it changes. At least, that's how it works for me.
All it takes is changing a profile picture, and suddenly I've created a totally different persona for that user.
Of course, through the way people write, a physical image starts to emerge too.
It doesn't matter if they say something concrete... or just throw out a random comment... or whatever...
Then I start making comparisons.
And so on... it's kind of a fun little game for me.

I really do spend my time... scrolling through people...

😁

then you've got a serious problem on your hands with me😁
To be totally blunt, no, I don't imagine what any of you look like at all. I don't even think about it.🤷

A caricature—interesting, though I’m a big believer in meeting people in person regardless of their physical appearance. Whether they have black, blonde, or brown hair, whether they’re tall, short, thin, heavy, or how they dress... it doesn't matter. It's more about body language. You communicate so much without saying a word, and that's where the internet fails. Given the whole development of the psyche and communication tools, you make much better selections face-to-face rather than monitor-to-monitor. I could write anything to you right now, and depending on how susceptible you are, you might just take it as gospel. And that could be a total lie. Of course, those kinds of manipulations have always been part of daily life; they weren't invented by the internet, but they're much easier—and honestly, better—to spot when you're looking someone in the eye.
Talking about quality in this context is like looking for a wheat stalk in a field of weeds.😁

Angela Rogers2 said:then you've got a serious problem on your hands with me😁
To be totally blunt, no, I don't imagine what any of you look like at all. I don't even think about it.🤷

A caricature—interesting, though I’m a big believer in meeting people in person regardless of their physical appearance. Whether they have black, blonde, or brown hair, whether they’re tall, short, thin, heavy, or how they dress... it doesn't matter. It's more about body language. You communicate so much without saying a word, and that's where the internet fails. Given the whole development of the psyche and communication tools, you make much better selections face-to-face rather than monitor-to-monitor. I could write anything to you right now, and depending on how susceptible you are, you might just take it as gospel. And that could be a total lie. Of course, those kinds of manipulations have always been part of daily life; they weren't invented by the internet, but they're much easier—and honestly, better—to spot when you're looking someone in the eye.
Talking about quality in this context is like looking for a wheat stalk in a field of weeds.😁

Neither do I, though if you're truly curious—we swap photos. 🙂 Still, pictures aren't everything because they can't capture someone's "vibe," which is the most vital part. 😉

Quinn:

Given how the human psyche and communication styles develop, you perform much better selection when meeting face-to-face rather than screen-to-screen.

That is precisely the great paradox of the internet. The things you notice immediately in person are often invisible online, yet the web allows you to discover traits, perspectives, and values that you might not even catch after years of knowing someone in real life. Both experiences have their own unique charm. 🙂
I find it sufficient to judge based on my own experience. On this forum, I have shared interests and thoughts that many people who have known me for years know nothing about. However, those people do know whether I maintain eye contact at the dinner table, whether I am relaxed or nervous in new social settings, whether I tend to smile or remain serious, if I am punctual, if I am trustworthy, and how reliable I am. People on the internet cannot know those things—they can only trust what I write, which may not always reflect reality. 😉 And that is certainly far more significant in human relationships—including choosing a partner, which is what we are discussing here. 🙂

Angela Rogers2 said:then you've got a serious problem on your hands with me😁
To be totally blunt, no, I don't imagine what any of you look like at all. I don't even think about it.🤷

A caricature—interesting, though I’m a big believer in meeting people in person regardless of their physical appearance. Whether they have black, blonde, or brown hair, whether they’re tall, short, thin, heavy, or how they dress... it doesn't matter. It's more about body language. You communicate so much without saying a word, and that's where the internet fails. Given the whole development of the psyche and communication tools, you make much better selections face-to-face rather than monitor-to-monitor. I could write anything to you right now, and depending on how susceptible you are, you might just take it as gospel. And that could be a total lie. Of course, those kinds of manipulations have always been part of daily life; they weren't invented by the internet, but they're much easier—and honestly, better—to spot when you're looking someone in the eye.
Talking about quality in this context is like looking for a wheat stalk in a field of weeds.😁

Don't get me wrong, hanging out in person (thankfully 😉) is still the gold standard for vetting people; I think we can all agree on that. But that doesn't mean online dating isn't useful for a bit of "pre-screening." To put it simply: if you're looking, you'll find them—anywhere.🙂

It isn't quite that straightforward. 🙂

Ten, the moment you started bringing up gestures, body language, and all that... you really dove straight into physical appearance. When I talk about looks, I don't mean whether someone is overweight or thin or anything of that nature. I was referring specifically to their mannerisms. I find it hard to believe there are many people out there imagining anything else entirely.

The reality is that one can certainly pull a thread from all of this that is worth considering. And that thread is that everything is actually the exact opposite. In that regard, Taylor Swift is absolutely correct. You end up questioning yourself.

Enchi, I can tell. I can sense it simply by the way they write, even if they happen to be lying. I highly doubt anyone would go through the trouble of writing long, dramatic laments about things they don't truly feel. For instance, nobody who is being ignored would suddenly find themselves banned...