Dealing with the teenage years is a nightmare

Help... out of nowhere today, my kid just announced he’s completely done with school... says he can't deal with teachers constantly breathing down his neck expecting him to actually know the curriculum... claims he's just gonna go find a job instead. My god...
My husband just headed over to the school to get some answers from the administration... who knows what kind of mess they're going to walk into...
And the crazy part is, everything seemed totally fine until yesterday.

honestly, it might not even be that big of a deal. those spikes are everywhere right now anyway. just tell him he could probably land a gig down at the local Ford plant and he'll change his mind in a heartbeat.😉

The next time he starts rambling about dropping out of school and quitting his job, I suggest you sit him down for a serious, unfiltered conversation. Lay it all out on the table: walk him through exactly what kind of career prospects—if any—he actually has without a high school diploma, and show him the pathetic wage he’d be looking at. Then, hit him with the cold, hard reality of the cost of living. Break down the monthly expenses for rent, utilities, groceries, and everything else required to survive in this country. Once he realizes how quickly those meager earnings will vanish into basic necessities, I suspect he’ll lose interest in that little fantasy pretty fast. 😁

So, my son spent his whole summer working at a construction site... he was out there grinding all through the break. I actually tried to talk him into taking some time off to just relax and enjoy himself, but he insisted on working. He keeps telling me he prefers the manual labor over being stuck in a classroom, which is wild considering he’s actually doing pretty well in school. My husband just called me to say the grades are holding steady; they’ve dipped a little bit lately, but nothing we need to panic about yet.
The only real red flag is that he’s racked up seven unexcused absences, which is totally unlike him. It’s pretty obvious he’s going through some kind of personal crisis right now, and I’m honestly sitting here trying to figure out the best way to handle these missed days without making things worse...

Harold Flores4 said:So, my son spent his whole summer working at a construction site... he was out there grinding all through the break. I actually tried to talk him into taking some time off to just relax and enjoy himself, but he insisted on working. He keeps telling me he prefers the manual labor over being stuck in a classroom, which is wild considering he’s actually doing pretty well in school. My husband just called me to say the grades are holding steady; they’ve dipped a little bit lately, but nothing we need to panic about yet.
The only real red flag is that he’s racked up seven unexcused absences, which is totally unlike him. It’s pretty obvious he’s going through some kind of personal crisis right now, and I’m honestly sitting here trying to figure out the best way to handle these missed days without making things worse...

If everything else is fine, just excuse the absences for now and try to actually sit down and talk to him.🙂

Scott Howard74 said:If everything else is fine, just excuse the absences for now and try to actually sit down and talk to him.🙂

GIVE THEM A PASS?

How exactly?

And why on earth would I?

Without actually knowing where they were or what they were even doing?

Honestly, don't act surprised when you can't get your kids under control...

My absolute worst memories come from those PTA meetings where parents would just blindly excuse absences without having any clue where their kids actually were or when they skipped. Like, someone would justify missing third period by saying, "Oh, he probably just overslept"...

And then you've got the teacher just standing there with that condescending little smirk on their face...

But hey, at the end of the day, the grades and the behavior usually told you everything you needed to know about both the kids and the parents anyway...

Quincy:

dustymarlin10 says: Well, don't act surprised when you can't get those kids under control...

I think you're being a bit harsh on the rest of us...
If your kid turned out fine, great. But not every child is the same. You can't pin everything on parents. Take us, for example—we both gave it our all, but things didn't exactly go according to plan...

nimbletrucker132 said:It’s like reading a description of my own son from about three years ago. It feels like they were cloned. 😂They always claim they have nothing to study or write about; and when I show up at the school, all they can do is 😲
I'm actually home right now on maternity leave, and he’s incredibly excited about getting a little sister. It wasn't planned, but he's totally on board with it—except for the constant complaining about how much better things were before, back when I was working all the time and he was the king of the castle at home ☕ You can probably imagine how much "studying" he actually did: endless hours of surfing the web, gaming, PlayStation, TV, snacks, and then doing it all over again... Now he tells me the only perk of me being home is that he doesn't have to microwave his food because lunch is always freshly cooked 🤣 Meanwhile, according to him, I'm just boring, annoying, and outdated because all I ever want to do is talk about school and push him to study (to quote him)...

Here's the latest craze—LEGO sets. But get this: not the new stuff, but "vintage" sets from ten or more years ago. Collectors buy them, keep them mint in the box, and now they're flipping them for two or three times the retail price...
When he stumbled upon an auction like that and made a wishlist, the total climbed north of $350. 😲

I told him, fine, once you save up enough, we'll order them. Everyone helps him out, so he could theoretically hit his goal fast, but he has zero patience. Every time a hundred bucks lands in his hand, it vanishes just as quickly...

Now, he’s badgering me every single day, asking when we’re ordering, claiming they’ll sell out before we know it...
The worst part? He isn't even trying to flip them for profit. He just wants to play with them. Which means in two or three months—maybe even weeks—they'll just be another pile of plastic scattered across the floor.😠

rapidmaker10 said:Quincy:

dustymarlin10 says: Well, don't act surprised when you can't get those kids under control...

I think you're being a bit harsh on the rest of us...
If your kid turned out fine, great. But not every child is the same. You can't pin everything on parents. Take us, for example—we both gave it our all, but things didn't exactly go according to plan...

I wouldn't say I'm being harsh.
There are just certain lines you don't cross when it comes to kids, right?
Like, skipping school without a damn good reason is one of them.

To be perfectly honest, I wouldn't go out of my way to make excuses for a child’s unexcused absences either. If they just sat around being lazy, then fine—let them deal with the consequences and pull themselves out of that rut. I used to mark my own kids' attendance, sure, but the idea of begging some school administrator to cover for them never even crossed my mind. Letting them face the music actually does wonders for fostering a sense of personal responsibility and creativity 😁

Scott Howard74 said:If everything else is fine, just excuse the absences for now and try to actually sit down and talk to him.🙂

I’m just not going to do it... I already told him back when he was still in elementary school that we aren't about to start making excuses for absences that we know nothing about.
So, this kid actually had the nerve to ask if he could bail out two hours early and if I’d cover for him—which, obviously, I knew exactly where he was actually heading—so we just told him fine, but let me be clear, I am absolutely not backing up his excuse. To make matters even more ridiculous, his homeroom teacher is actually checking in to see if I’ll sign off on the absence, claiming that they've been handing out passes like candy to way worse kids lately.
He rolled back through the door that same evening looking way too happy, acting like we hadn't even sat him down earlier to have that whole heavy conversation about him skipping school. We actually went back and forth on whether we should ground him for the weekend since he had those unexcused absences, but honestly, we decided against it. Instead, we just laid it out straight and told him this was his final warning before we officially expelled him from our house, so he better start watching his step if he wants to keep things running smoothly.
The kid is actually pretty sharp, he really is, it’s just that his brain chemistry is acting up a bit and messing with him—you know, those hormone fluctuations can totally throw someone off.

Harold Flores4 said:I’m just not going to do it... I already told him back when he was still in elementary school that we aren't about to start making excuses for absences that we know nothing about.
So, this kid actually had the nerve to ask if he could bail out two hours early and if I’d cover for him—which, obviously, I knew exactly where he was actually heading—so we just told him fine, but let me be clear, I am absolutely not backing up his excuse. To make matters even more ridiculous, his homeroom teacher is actually checking in to see if I’ll sign off on the absence, claiming that they've been handing out passes like candy to way worse kids lately.
He rolled back through the door that same evening looking way too happy, acting like we hadn't even sat him down earlier to have that whole heavy conversation about him skipping school. We actually went back and forth on whether we should ground him for the weekend since he had those unexcused absences, but honestly, we decided against it. Instead, we just laid it out straight and told him this was his final warning before we officially expelled him from our house, so he better start watching his step if he wants to keep things running smoothly.
The kid is actually pretty sharp, he really is, it’s just that his brain chemistry is acting up a bit and messing with him—you know, those hormone fluctuations can totally throw someone off.

I do the same thing with my kid. If they aren't ready for a test, I'll let them skip it. It's way better for them to actually learn the material properly than to fail miserably and then have to deal with the fallout later.🙄

Ugh, honestly, those kinds of parents are just the absolute worst! So he’s not ready for his exam? And you’re actually making excuses for him???
If he keeps dodging his responsibilities like this—especially with a free pass from his parents—how is he ever going to learn accountability or stay consistent once he hits the real world?

Scott Howard74 said:I do the same thing with my kid. If they aren't ready for a test, I'll let them skip it. It's way better for them to actually learn the material properly than to fail miserably and then have to deal with the fallout later.🙄

Wait, an exam? Which one are we talking about here—middle school or high school? Are we discussing those pathetic little pop quizzes and unit tests that my brother—bless his heart, he’s a total procrastinator—can somehow cram for in just two hours right before class starts?

I’m not sure what your child's long-term plans are, but if they're eyeing college, things work differently. For the SATs, you really want to nail it the first time, because even though there are retakes, your options start narrowing down quickly. And at many universities these days, they’re moving toward having just one shot at certain courses; at the school I went to, if you fail, you’re basically stuck waiting until the exact same time next year to try again.

In my opinion, the issue isn't some specific biology quiz about viruses and bacteria; the real danger is the bad habit being cultivated.

P.S. That bolded word is physically hurting my eyes.

Raymond Cruz3 said:Ugh, honestly, those kinds of parents are just the absolute worst! So he’s not ready for his exam? And you’re actually making excuses for him???
If he keeps dodging his responsibilities like this—especially with a free pass from his parents—how is he ever going to learn accountability or stay consistent once he hits the real world?

This isn't some daily thing, it happens maybe once a year, and honestly, we don't have any issues. I'm not nearly as hardcore as some other parents out there; most of the time we just sit down and talk it out. Everything is fixable if you just communicate. Maybe I get a bit repetitive when I'm lecturing, sure, but hey, look at the results. Grades are solid, attendance is fine, he's pretty chill at school, and he comes home after class without throwing a massive tantrum—I'm happy with how things are going.👍

It’s good to see I'm not the only one here who actually gives a damn about being an honest, responsible parent.

So, silverpuma542, Raymond Cruz3, and Harold Flores4—bravo.

If you actually treat your kids this way, you might actually end up raising someone smart, serious, and capable for once, right?

Everyone thinks their way is the only right way, but hey, only time will tell who actually screwed up and who played it smart. You’ve got these parents out here acting like forcing a kid into a four-year degree at some big state university is the only path to success, even when the kid clearly isn't feeling it. Why force it? If they want to go later, they can scrape the cash together themselves, or we can toss them a lifeline if we're able. Look, I don't see eye-to-eye with every parent on this board, but that's just how I roll—it's my opinion, not a mandate. And frankly, it bugs the hell out of me when people start lecturing me about how I'm "doing it wrong." Maybe I am, maybe I'm not, but this is where I stand and I'm not budging.🤷

I honestly don't think there’s any need for anyone to lecture others on how to raise their kids. Everyone is navigating their own unique life, and at the end of the day, you know your own child better than anyone else. You understand your household dynamics and what's realistic for your situation. The issue is that some parents just refuse to face the reality of who their children actually are—they'd rather look the other way, but the truth always comes out eventually, sooner or later... 👍For instance, my kid might be a bit lazy when it comes to studying, but he’s incredibly helpful around the house. He handles the grocery shopping, hits up the Post Office, keeps the apartment tidy, and even tackles the windows. I know he's capable because he proves it daily, which is why we can afford to be a little more flexible when it comes to his schoolwork.
On the flip side, I have a colleague whose daughters, aged 16 and 18, won't lift a finger. Their mom is basically cleaning up after them constantly—it's like living in a disaster zone; their rooms look like nuclear fallout shelters. They struggle with even the simplest tasks, yet somehow they're straight-A students at school. 👍
Just look at that 🙏
My colleague insists that academics are the only thing that matters, arguing that they can learn to clean or cook once they're adults. I value education just as much as she does, but I also believe it's vital for them to develop practical life skills outside of a classroom.

nimbletrucker132 said:I honestly don't think there’s any need for anyone to lecture others on how to raise their kids. Everyone is navigating their own unique life, and at the end of the day, you know your own child better than anyone else. You understand your household dynamics and what's realistic for your situation. The issue is that some parents just refuse to face the reality of who their children actually are—they'd rather look the other way, but the truth always comes out eventually, sooner or later... 👍For instance, my kid might be a bit lazy when it comes to studying, but he’s incredibly helpful around the house. He handles the grocery shopping, hits up the Post Office, keeps the apartment tidy, and even tackles the windows. I know he's capable because he proves it daily, which is why we can afford to be a little more flexible when it comes to his schoolwork.
On the flip side, I have a colleague whose daughters, aged 16 and 18, won't lift a finger. Their mom is basically cleaning up after them constantly—it's like living in a disaster zone; their rooms look like nuclear fallout shelters. They struggle with even the simplest tasks, yet somehow they're straight-A students at school. 👍
Just look at that 🙏
My colleague insists that academics are the only thing that matters, arguing that they can learn to clean or cook once they're adults. I value education just as much as she does, but I also believe it's vital for them to develop practical life skills outside of a classroom.

I'm right there with you. I can't even get anything done around the house lately because I'm stuck on crutches. My husband and the kids have stepped up to handle everything. Honestly, the kids help out more than they probably should, and they still manage to study. No issues with my little girl since first grade. Sorry, my "little" one is actually 17 now. The only struggle is getting him to actually sit down and study, but he pulls B's in school. He never thinks to check if he even has homework, but when it comes to helping out? He's the first one there.
At the end of the day, you just gotta trust your kid. We weren't perfect growing up either, but I sure as hell am not going to project my own hang-ups onto my child.👍

Every parent really needs to get a clear, objective handle on what their kid is actually capable of.
Then you just have to push them to hit that ceiling.
And don't you dare cave when they start throwing those "I don't feel like it" or "I won't do it" tantrums.

Because one day, once they’re grown, they’re going to realize they never actually reached their full potential—and they’ll look at their parents as part of the reason why, whether it was because we were too lazy to push or just took the path of least resistance.

And trust me, they will hold it against you.