Dealing with the teenage years is a nightmare

restlessbear10 said:Just like Erin mentioned, when my mom finally accepted that I was smoking at sixteen, I took it as her way of validating that I was actually becoming a mature, grown-up person—which is exactly how I felt at the time.

The initial reaction from the family was pretty intense—lots of bans, lectures, and all that stuff. Honestly, I took it really hard emotionally. But, I didn't stop smoking.
About eight months after she caught me, she called me over one morning to just sit, have coffee, and smoke a cigarette with her. I hesitated for a second, but it felt like the logical next step. It didn't feel like I was being disrespectful by sharing that moment with her.
That’s when we really unlocked a whole new level of friendship.
Fast forward to today: I'm an adult, and my mom and I have a wonderful relationship.
I actually quit smoking spontaneously when I turned 22—I got into a really cool sport and just wanted to be at my absolute best.
My godmother, on the other hand, won't smoke in front of her family. Even now, she has to sneak away to the backyard, the balcony, or even the bathroom... even at all those big parties where everyone else is smoking—it just seems so unnecessary!
Anyway... try to be friends with your kids. They're slowly turning into their own people. A cigarette isn't exactly a joke, but it's definitely not the end of the world either.

I kind of worked things out with myself the same way. To me, disrespect would be doing it behind her back instead of right in front of her, you know? If she isn't lying to me, she's respecting me.
But it's not like that's the foundation we should build our entire relationship on.
If we tied our bond too closely to that, it could easily turn into a pack-a-day habit if we leaned into that "friendship" too much. 🙂
The way I see it, I'd rather we aren't necessarily "BFFs," but rather mother and daughter... and she can smoke accordingly.

restlessbear10 said:Just like Erin mentioned, when my mom finally accepted that I was smoking at sixteen, I took it as her way of validating that I was actually becoming a mature, grown-up person—which is exactly how I felt at the time.

The initial reaction from the family was pretty intense—lots of bans, lectures, and all that stuff. Honestly, I took it really hard emotionally. But, I didn't stop smoking.
About eight months after she caught me, she called me over one morning to just sit, have coffee, and smoke a cigarette with her. I hesitated for a second, but it felt like the logical next step. It didn't feel like I was being disrespectful by sharing that moment with her.
That’s when we really unlocked a whole new level of friendship.
Fast forward to today: I'm an adult, and my mom and I have a wonderful relationship.
I actually quit smoking spontaneously when I turned 22—I got into a really cool sport and just wanted to be at my absolute best.
My godmother, on the other hand, won't smoke in front of her family. Even now, she has to sneak away to the backyard, the balcony, or even the bathroom... even at all those big parties where everyone else is smoking—it just seems so unnecessary!
Anyway... try to be friends with your kids. They're slowly turning into their own people. A cigarette isn't exactly a joke, but it's definitely not the end of the world either.

To be honest, I don't view my daughter as a mature adult yet. Even seeing her smoke at fifteen feels like immaturity, which is honestly what you expect at those ages. She certainly thinks she’s grown, and smoking is clearly one way she tries to prove it. Kids push boundaries, and it’s on parents to hold them where they can.
The other day she suggested getting her nose pierced. I had to put my foot down there. Maybe my perception is skewed, but to me, that feels vulgar regardless of age. People might say I'm buying her cigarettes but making a scene over a piercing, but to me, the piercing just seems more tasteless.

Even my twelve-year-old has been obsessing over getting tattoos and piercings lately. My stance—which I try to maintain—is that she can do whatever she wants, provided she actually lands a job and pays for it herself. Maybe once she hits that stage of life, the whole fascination will just... fade away.

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mellowskipper said:Even my twelve-year-old has been obsessing over getting tattoos and piercings lately. My stance—which I try to maintain—is that she can do whatever she wants, provided she actually lands a job and pays for it herself. Maybe once she hits that stage of life, the whole fascination will just... fade away.

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Tattoos aren't even a big thing here yet, though a friend of my daughter's—who's two years older—actually went to get tattooed with her mom. They both got identical butterfly tattoos in the exact same spot on their legs. It was bizarre.
I'm just waiting for my turn to deal with this.
Honestly, I'm just relieved she isn't covered in ink and piercings yet. 🙂

Timothy Phillips said:Tattoos aren't even a big thing here yet, though a friend of my daughter's—who's two years older—actually went to get tattooed with her mom. They both got identical butterfly tattoos in the exact same spot on their legs. It was bizarre.
I'm just waiting for my turn to deal with this.
Honestly, I'm just relieved she isn't covered in ink and piercings yet. 🙂

😵
🙂
I honestly can't stand those girls posting photos covered in flowers and butterflies, usually paired with captions in languages they don't even speak. It's just such an unbearable teenage phase...
Honestly, smoking feels like a blessing compared to that.

I totally get being okay with the massive tattoos or heavy piercings. But a little nose stud or an eyebrow ring? Seriously, what’s the big deal? Are kids supposed to be miniature versions of us? Should they only like what we like? At that age, finding themselves is everything, and I don't see why I'd want to stifle that just over some tiny things. Honestly, I think tattoos and piercings look great—nothing gross about them in my book.

My only rule was that they had to be at least 16. And honestly, I'd much rather they go to a professional piercing studio. Getting ears pierced at a mall jewelry kiosk always gives me the creeps; it feels like such an open invitation for an infection.

Is 16 the cutoff for piercings like ears or eyebrows/nose? 🤔
As for her hair, she can basically do whatever she wants—shaving it or dyeing it neon green, I don't care. Well, okay, I do care a little; I'd be sad because her color is gorgeous, but I wouldn't say a word to her about it.
I’d be fine with piercings after 16, but tattoos... maybe wait until she's 18. Honestly, I'd probably tell her to just hold off for another couple of years anyway.

Since high school, I’ve always felt like hair and nails should be totally up to them.
If they wanted to get some piercings at sixteen, I’d say go for it, as long as they hit up a legit, professional studio.
Once they turn eighteen, tattoos are really their call, though I still wish they’d actually give it some serious thought instead of just acting on impulse.
As for smoking? Yeah, I am never giving my blessing to that.
Look, I was a smoker myself back in the day—started at twelve and didn't quit until twenty-four—and it wasn't like I suffered any kind of trauma just because my family didn't approve. We don't have to agree on every single little thing, right?

For now, everything seems pretty chill, but who knows? You can never tell when some random teenage brain decides to throw a massive party and go completely off the rails.

rowdypanther12 said:Is 16 the cutoff for piercings like ears or eyebrows/nose? 🤔
As for her hair, she can basically do whatever she wants—shaving it or dyeing it neon green, I don't care. Well, okay, I do care a little; I'd be sad because her color is gorgeous, but I wouldn't say a word to her about it.
I’d be fine with piercings after 16, but tattoos... maybe wait until she's 18. Honestly, I'd probably tell her to just hold off for another couple of years anyway.

Not exactly, but at our local piercing studio, they told me there's a rule where you can get certain things done without a parent present once you hit 16 and have an ID. My first thought was "nope, I'm not going with her," but mostly I just wanted to make sure she understood that some choices are permanent. Well, she finally reached that age! 😁

She’s gone through everything—ginger balayage, purple, pink, even that look where it’s dark blue at the neck... now she’s rocking black. The only thing off-limits is green. I absolutely cannot stand green. 😬

It’s the same deal with acrylic nails; she’s got a whole stash of polish and nail charms. She wears leather pants, does her makeup however she feels like...

As for tattoos, she’s dreaming big—something on her shoulder or arm. I don't hate them, I actually think they're pretty, but she can get one once she starts paying for it herself. That's a lot of money for a kid!

I just finished piercing her ears, and I had to hold her hand the whole time 😂 She’s actually planning on getting her ear cartilage done next, but hopefully, she’ll forget all about it for a few years 😂
Still, it doesn't really matter—a professional piercing studio is lightyears better than a jeweler 🙏 I honestly wish piercings were this easy back when I was doing my own ears 😢

rowdypanther12 said:I just finished piercing her ears, and I had to hold her hand the whole time 😂 She’s actually planning on getting her ear cartilage done next, but hopefully, she’ll forget all about it for a few years 😂
Still, it doesn't really matter—a professional piercing studio is lightyears better than a jeweler 🙏 I honestly wish piercings were this easy back when I was doing my own ears 😢

You ready? 🙂

She got handed three whole pages of dense, typed-out instructions on how to take care of her piercing. For the first two weeks, her girlfriend actually made her wear a longer stud just so it wouldn't squeeze if things started swelling up. So, after those two weeks were up, she went in to swap it out for a shorter one. Everything was super professional—gloves, sterile setup, the whole nine yards.

And get this—she even got a little "gift" in their promotional pack: a sticker and a condom. She was absolutely horrified. 🤣 I've gotta say, I really dig that. Honestly, props to them.

So, this condom just finished its second day of school. They were actually testing out how much water it could hold before it gave way. Honestly, kind of a wild experiment, right? 🤣

😂
Ugh, and they give you all these different sets of instructions? Most of mine ended up messed up because I kept twisting the stud just so it wouldn't stick, or trying to swap out the jewelry within a month. Honestly, jewelers can be so clueless; they really need to step it up and actually learn how this works.
But yeah, there's just no comparison.

Peter Rogers said:Since high school, I’ve always felt like hair and nails should be totally up to them.
If they wanted to get some piercings at sixteen, I’d say go for it, as long as they hit up a legit, professional studio.
Once they turn eighteen, tattoos are really their call, though I still wish they’d actually give it some serious thought instead of just acting on impulse.
As for smoking? Yeah, I am never giving my blessing to that.
Look, I was a smoker myself back in the day—started at twelve and didn't quit until twenty-four—and it wasn't like I suffered any kind of trauma just because my family didn't approve. We don't have to agree on every single little thing, right?

For now, everything seems pretty chill, but who knows? You can never tell when some random teenage brain decides to throw a massive party and go completely off the rails.

I am not in favor of repression, obviously. However, what was acceptable in my day remains tolerable today, whereas I find modern trends harder to accept.
I grumbled a bit about the smoking part; I wouldn't call it a blessing, but there is a certain unspoken approval on my part. I don't make an issue of standard makeup or nail polish either. It all feels normal for those years. At 15, we all wanted to look older and more mature than we actually were. And it continues until 25, when suddenly we want to be younger again.
We certainly shouldn't expect children to be our clones. Times change, and neither do we.
I remember making mistakes with my makeup and clothing back in high school, and my parents didn't restrict me too much.

Peter Rogers said:Since high school, I’ve always felt like hair and nails should be totally up to them.
If they wanted to get some piercings at sixteen, I’d say go for it, as long as they hit up a legit, professional studio.
Once they turn eighteen, tattoos are really their call, though I still wish they’d actually give it some serious thought instead of just acting on impulse.
As for smoking? Yeah, I am never giving my blessing to that.
Look, I was a smoker myself back in the day—started at twelve and didn't quit until twenty-four—and it wasn't like I suffered any kind of trauma just because my family didn't approve. We don't have to agree on every single little thing, right?

For now, everything seems pretty chill, but who knows? You can never tell when some random teenage brain decides to throw a massive party and go completely off the rails.

It’s actually kind of comforting to see from the comments that most people who started early ended up quitting later on. For a huge chunk of people, it’s just a phase of growing up...
I have a coworker who didn't even pick up a cigarette until she was thirty-seven, and honestly, I've never seen anyone smoke more in my entire life...

Larry Gonzalez83 said:It’s actually kind of comforting to see from the comments that most people who started early ended up quitting later on. For a huge chunk of people, it’s just a phase of growing up...
I have a coworker who didn't even pick up a cigarette until she was thirty-seven, and honestly, I've never seen anyone smoke more in my entire life...

Those cases are rare, but they happen. My godmother started smoking in her early forties right after her divorce. Within a year, she was going through a pack a day. She had never touched a cigarette before that. At the same time, she lost 15 pounds and got into fitness. She looks incredible, which I attribute to the divorce rather than the smoking.
Let's be honest: kids are healthier, so they tend to handle the damage better, but starting while your body is still developing is definitely more harmful. Eventually, most people grow tired of the habit. I see it with my own daughter. If she doesn't touch a cigarette for two days, I know exactly what happened the day before.

...honestly, we’ve already gone way past the point of discussing late puberty, crazy chickens, or midlife crises...

Larry Gonzalez83 said:😵
🙂
I honestly can't stand those girls posting photos covered in flowers and butterflies, usually paired with captions in languages they don't even speak. It's just such an unbearable teenage phase...
Honestly, smoking feels like a blessing compared to that.

Ugh, tattoos are trash—but they're definitely a lesser evil than cigarettes.

silverwalker27 said:Ugh, tattoos are trash—but they're definitely a lesser evil than cigarettes.

I guess it really just comes down to how you see things. I got used to the cigarettes, but with tattoos... I'm hoping I never have to get used to those. Every generation faces different hurdles. Things that were totally normal once become taboo, and then it flips again. Back when I was growing up, nobody had tattoos...
The whole debate started about what's actually okay for a teenager to do these days...
Kids experiment with smoking and many end up quitting. But once you get a tattoo, it's there for good.

I’ve actually spent quite a bit of time chatting with my daughter about how tattoos just inevitably lose their edge over time. It’s an unfortunate reality—they start to blur because, eventually, the body begins to break down the ink, and as we get older, our skin loses that elasticity. Honestly, there is nothing more unappealing than seeing a faded, stretched-out, blurry tattoo on an elderly person 🤮

I agree with Michelle Nelson4 on this one; they really do lose their charm. But I suppose if you decide to stop getting them, you're just left with a small scar, and most people end up moving away from that look after a while anyway

To be honest, I’d much rather see someone smoke for a few years than deal with a permanent tattoo. Getting them done is expensive enough, but trying to get them removed is a whole different level of costly ☕ Plus, let's be real—no sixteen-year-old has any clue what they’ll actually like by the time they hit thirty... not even close. There’s just a high chance they'll end up feeling embarrassed by it. It’s better to leave those youthful mistakes firmly in the past 😁

Anyway, my daughter keeps things pretty natural—short, unpolished nails and almost zero makeup. I won't say she's completely avoided the puberty phase yet, but luckily, she hasn't fully succumbed to it. I always tell her that the less makeup she wears, the better her chances of avoiding that "washed out" look most of her classmates have, and so far, it seems to be working. She can wear mascara or eyeshadow if she wants, but please, anything but those five layers of heavy foundation that all those beauty influencers are constantly pushing

Larry Gonzalez83 said:I guess it really just comes down to how you see things. I got used to the cigarettes, but with tattoos... I'm hoping I never have to get used to those. Every generation faces different hurdles. Things that were totally normal once become taboo, and then it flips again. Back when I was growing up, nobody had tattoos...
The whole debate started about what's actually okay for a teenager to do these days...
Kids experiment with smoking and many end up quitting. But once you get a tattoo, it's there for good.

If you want an honest answer, I would align the limits for all those questionable activities with the age of majority. We allow them to vote at 18 because we treat them as adults, even though we know they aren't truly mature yet.
Personal decisions that primarily affect the individual should follow that same logic.
I let my child smoke at 15 under a "live and let live" policy, though I might reconsider that now. Ideally, the minimum should be 18, but since it isn't illegal in America, I won't play police officer or act overly strict.