Dealing with the teenage years is a nightmare

dustymarlin10;16700818 said:Every parent needs to get a real, objective look at what their kid is actually capable of.
Then you gotta push them to hit that ceiling.
Don't give an inch when they start with the whole "I don't feel like it" or "I won't do it" routine...
Look, I'm with you on this. Nobody's got patience for that kind of attitude. I'm strictly sticking to one thing:🙏high schoolis a must.They're gonna finish it, whether they're feeling inspired or just plain miserable, whether they want to or not.That’s just the baseline.After that? If they actually show some drive, we'll help them out as much as we can. But if they don't? Fine, let 'em go find a job. Maybe a few shifts at a local diner or a warehouse will teach 'em that life isn't all sunshine and rainbows like they think!🤷

dustymarlin10 said:Honestly, I’m worried it might be too late at this point.
You really have to shut that stuff down the second it starts showing up.

My daughter is basically living proof that if you handle things early, everything turns out just fine.

nimbletrucker132 said:I couldn't agree more with what was said above. Giving in to them isn't actually doing them any favors; if you start bending the rules now, when exactly are they going to learn how to compromise later in life? They really need to develop a sense of personal responsibility.
I also have some serious grievances regarding the manners of today's youth—specifically those around my son's age and slightly older. It all stems from that outdated "spare the rod, spoil the child" mentality being replaced by a different kind of leniency. Nowadays, people argue that physical discipline is unnecessary because there are much more effective ways to impose consequences that don't leave a mark—things like cutting off TV time, taking away the computer, the PlayStation, or grounding them from seeing friends. The idea is that you aren't being abusive, yet the loss of privileges actually hits them harder than a spanking ever would.
On the flip side, we are constantly bombarded by the media with these extreme cautionary tales where an entire family basically has to be institutionalized to fix the situation. Just the other day, I saw a story on the back page of the Wall Street Journal about a mother and her 13-year-old daughter. The girl is already smoking, drinking, and running wild, and the mother—who apparently knows everything that's happening 😲—actually took her to pick up birth control, and then rewards her with cigarettes when she’s behaving well 😢!!! The grandmother in the story claimed she does everything she can to coax the girl into being good, essentially saying that if the kid is in a bad mood, it becomes impossible for her to even stay in the same house. I mean, hello? Who is actually acting as the parent in this scenario??!? 🙂🙂🙂

Gregory Wells6 said:Honestly, folks, it feels like living in a cartoon—all this constant clutter, the endless complaining, the shouting, and the general chaos. It’s enough to drive anyone to their breaking point, though I suppose we all just try to power through. Everything seems manageable as long as you see them taking responsibility for themselves—you know, recognizing when they're making mistakes and actually stopping. It stays okay until you start worrying about bad influences, drugs, or alcohol creeping in. Someone mentioned that proactive intervention was key here. I tried clicking that link you shared, but it won't load for me, so I don't have the full context—but I would love some advice on how to handle a 14 or 15-year-old who is absolutely obsessed with "living her own life." She even went as far as demanding that my husband and I rent her an apartment so she can live entirely on her own at fifteen, arguing that it's her "right" to be independent! I feel like I've thrown everything at this—weekly meetings with her school counselor (who actually told me that in her twenty-year career, she's never seen a parent as involved as I am—I'm there every single week, sometimes more!), deep conversations, reward systems, consequences, even mentioning the reality of future job prospects, and professional counseling... you name it, I've done it. And yet, it's like none of it registered. Now, I'm just sitting here feeling this intense resentment. She views every bit of guidance as me being controlling or stifling her personality—just typical teenage nonsense, really. We look so much alike physically, too, which seems to make her work even harder to distance herself from me; she even dyed her hair a completely opposite color just so she wouldn't resemble me. She claims she hates school because I value education, and she refuses to study just so she won't end up like me.
I just have to ask—where does this end?

Gregory Wells6 said:I find myself asking that same question quite often. Back when I was in fourth grade, there wasn't even a debate about finishing school—it was just a given, a fundamental part of life. But looking at kids today? I get this impression that they think simply existing is enough, and that the world should just hand everything to them on a silver platter. When I try to talk to my daughter about her future—or even if she’s actually *thinking* about it—her responses vary wildly depending on her mood, usually landing somewhere along these lines:

- Ugh, stop bothering me with this nonsense!
- Why do you even care? It's my life, not yours!
- Who cares? I'll just go work as a barista or something!
- Whatever, if I can't find a job, I'll just figure something else out!
- Maybe I'll be an interpreter or something like that.
When I bring up what kind of grades she needs to get into language programs—reminding her that it actually requires studying—she just brushes me off, claiming I'm "ruining everything."

Immaturity, recklessness, arrogance... what is it, really? I feel like by age 17, people should have at least a tiny bit more maturity in their heads—enough to realize that without an education, you aren't going very far. Unfortunately, unless you possess some extraordinary, once-in-a-generation talent, you can't exactly build a career out of thin air. You could always aim to marry well, assuming that's even her ambition and she finds someone willing to take her on, but has she even given any thought to that?

Lisa Foster2 said:Ha, finally stumbled upon a thread that actually makes sense. Read the whole thing through and I’m feeling a little less alone. We’ve got two kids—I call them my little terrors—one is 12 and the other is 8. The older one has been going through puberty for a year now... way too early, honestly. We really thought we had more time before this hit, but nope. Just my luck. It sounds like most of you are dealing with the exact same madness. These mood swings and the constant attitude are enough to drive anyone insane. We managed to nip the physical stuff in the bud early on, like him lashing out at the little one or trying to take it out on me and my wife, but man... and the repetition! I swear, sometimes I feel like we need to take him to an ENT specialist just to see if he can actually hear us when we ask him to do something for the hundredth time!🤣
Some day, out of nowhere, he tells me he’s absolutely not going to a specialized STEM high school?! And he's only in 6th grade here in the States!
When I asked him what on earth he was talking about, he just starts spiraling, freaking out that if I went to a technical school, he shouldn't have to go either. And we haven't even had a single conversation about high school until now.😕
His teacher changed this year (it's the math teacher), and while he absolutely loved his teacher last year, now everything they say just gets under his skin.🤷

Hannah Castillo31 said:I am absolutely floored by everything I’ve just read... though, frankly, it isn't your descriptions of your children that have me reeling, it's you...

Hannah Castillo31 said:There is just far too much misunderstanding happening here... I mean, surely you all remember what it was like being their age? How you felt? The only difference is that today’s American teenagers actually have the guts to express how confused they are. Maybe they’re wrong sometimes, sure, but punishing them isn't going to solve anything. I see so many posts claiming "they used to be such an angel, now they're a monster" or some other dramatic nonsense. We are trying to develop independence and show it! We aren't fragile little porcelain dolls! If you are truly embarrassed by your children or if their behavior genuinely bothers you, then speak up and tell them. With my kids, for example, the thought of punishing me never even crossed their minds, and I turned out just fine. And that girl who got punished because she failed a grade... you honestly think that punishment made her perform better? No. She improved because she finally understood. She would have realized it even if you had just let her be; if you weren't so bothered by her repeating a grade once, you wouldn't be so obsessed with it now.
And don't even get me started on the constant nagging about chores or cleaning their rooms. Excuse me, but is it *your* room? Do *you* sleep in it? Just leave the kid alone! They have a right to their creative mess; if they are doing okay, then you should be okay with it too. Honestly, half of you have no idea what is actually best for your child. I, however, think I know what is best for myself... so go ahead, move forward. Come at me 😂

Scott Howard74 said:Look, let me tell you one thing: every single parent wants what's best for their kid. A lot of what you wrote is partially right, so why don't you just photocopy it and read it again when you actually become a parent? I'm curious to see if you'll actually follow your own advice. I'm not criticizing you, it's just that everyone sees things differently, right?

Gregory Wells6 said:I find myself asking that same question quite often. Back when I was in fourth grade, there wasn't even a debate about finishing school—it was just a given, a fundamental part of life. But looking at kids today? I get this impression that they think simply existing is enough, and that the world should just hand everything to them on a silver platter. When I try to talk to my daughter about her future—or even if she’s actually *thinking* about it—her responses vary wildly depending on her mood, usually landing somewhere along these lines:

- Ugh, stop bothering me with this nonsense!
- Why do you even care? It's my life, not yours!
- Who cares? I'll just go work as a barista or something!
- Whatever, if I can't find a job, I'll just figure something else out!
- Maybe I'll be an interpreter or something like that.
When I bring up what kind of grades she needs to get into language programs—reminding her that it actually requires studying—she just brushes me off, claiming I'm "ruining everything."

Immaturity, recklessness, arrogance... what is it, really? I feel like by age 17, people should have at least a tiny bit more maturity in their heads—enough to realize that without an education, you aren't going very far. Unfortunately, unless you possess some extraordinary, once-in-a-generation talent, you can't exactly build a career out of thin air. You could always aim to marry well, assuming that's even her ambition and she finds someone willing to take her on, but has she even given any thought to that?