On top of everything, there's no Fear

C G
Oh, my Blue one... You were a little rough around the edges... But you were the real deal...
Am F
Never lost your way in the weeds... Never turned your back on anyone... Owed nobody a thing...
G
You were, all in all, armed with a solid heart...

What can I even say? These days, I don't know anyone else who measures up to you...
Someone ready to step up at high noon without a second thought, clearing the path for the weak
And just like Gary Cooper, stepping out to face the bullies...

Yeah, every now and then I catch myself thinking about that girl we both knew...
That moody, rainy summer... Back in the seventies... That year of hardship...
Back when my high school sweetheart left me because of Murjak?

Man, that was ages ago... Since then, it feels like seven seas have merged into the Danube...
While the winds drove the sails of my coat through stormy waters
And two or three stars landed right on your shoulders...

F G C Am
Then came the preachers... Then the cannons... Then the thieves...
F G C
And the whole world just went sideways...
F G C Am
Crawling out from the shadows were the predators... The liars... The smooth talkers...
F
But who would dare remind you of who you actually are...
G
People only ever truly remember the top of the class...

I don't know, Blue... It felt to me like New York City was celebrating...
A massive spiritual rebirth... All those murals... And then the cordon...
Standing there against kids who faced down a horde they couldn't possibly match...

You know how it goes... Still, she was something worth fighting for...
So when we didn't back down that summer to defend her honor...
Are we really going to cave now, just for these desperate, power-hungry losers?

/solo: C G Am F G/ x2

As long as these freaks are running around with bags full of cheap tricks
Nothing of actual value will ever matter...
Is there really no way to stop this invasion of lowlifes...
When you were trained to capture that talog a
Instead of letting them dictate orders to you...

Sorry, Blue... Sometimes I let my heart take over my head...
From the old crew... Nothing much changed... Some people snapped, some just played their part...
But hey, you're doing great, man, if you can honestly say you're sleeping easy at night...

Why is it so quiet in here?
I'm not a fan of the silence.

And who managed to recover so quickly?

I was actually getting ready to post when I noticed something weird and honestly, it gave me a little bit of Fear—classic me. I see a post and think, "Wait, is that really it?" and then realize, yeah, it is. Turns out, feralbear49 was just sharing something.
I’ve been hit hard with the flu, too. My symptoms are all mixed up and messy, and I honestly didn't even want to post because I felt a bit self-conscious about it..
Even this song by Arsen isn't quite the right vibe right now, but whatever, I'll drop it in above... just because of certain things (not the whole thing)
I spent five days totally alone, stuck in bed, watching nothing, reading nothing, listening to nothing, just trying to survive... That silence outside is heavy because that's when you start hearing all the noise inside your own head... and like I said, that part was brutal.
..Everyone else seems to have shaken it off and they're doing great, finally found some peace with themselves and everything around them.. Even Drew Richardson82 started trying to study and comfort me.. huh, pretty rough.🙂

I just feel healthy-tired, if that makes sense.

....Arsen
Who stands behind me in this terrible
time
Behind some, it's a nation; behind others, a woman
Because strength lies within the tribe
And who will stand behind me to offer help
When I turn around and find no one
Except a long shadow on the road after midnight...

Finally got that avatar uploaded... and added the signature under my posts too!
I should probably try to post a little more consistently and stay on top of things, though. No, that's no good, definitely not good enough!

Life is just a dream, a little house near the highway ramp, a dim yellow lamp, and a stash of sadness,
D Gm
Sadly, it's a bad dream: Dad was a notorious stickler, Mom was always armed with a ruler, and life felt like a runway for misery.
I had to do it all alone—fingers light on the trigger, a hurricane in my heart, and one giant leap over the long haul.
G7
Between the ships and the trucks, by twenty-two he’d seen it all, and that's when he saw her...

Cm Gm
I'm crazy for you, babe, but hey, I'm already a nutcase anyway; I've been looking for you since I first realized who I was.
F Bb G7
Be my partner in crime, baby, because it's tough trying to blow through all this heavy cash all by myself.
Cm Gm
I heard a rumor that tomorrow might not even show up, so we might as well go all in right now.
D Gm G7
Buy me for a dime and let's run wild through those brambles.
Cm Gm
I'm crazy for you, but this is the era of the madmen, and I'm going to saddle up and conquer my Fear for us,
D Gm
So kiss me like crazy until I can't catch my breath....aaaaaaaah
I haven't quite figured out the secret to living life yet—at least not mine. Extremes suit me, but I can't handle them emotionally or intellectually... and I absolutely loathe the middle ground. Honestly, I just don't know...
Lately, I've realized that I'm at my best when I'm laughing. I think I'll just spend my time reciting Monty Python sketches from memory, telling good jokes, and watching funny movies.
..basically, I only vibe with simple, lighthearted stuff..
constantly unserious (even when I look deathly serious)
it's not worth anything
absolutely nothing... but without the "but"... nothing
at least for me
at least in my book
I hope so until my very last breath
and even if I change my mind, that's fine too
anyway... it's all good
The most important thing is that I'm entertaining myself... that's a huge shift for me.
Alright, I won't bore you guys with my life story anymore.

Veronika27 was totally spot on—I’m finally starting to truly wrap my head around what she meant regarding finding peace. You basically just have to dampen all those impulses. You cycle through the extremes: that heavy depression that hits when you realize how fleeting everything is, including the people close to you. You see the pointlessness in it all, push through the hatred... you just sit there in your room like an idiot, not even caring where your thoughts or focus wander. Eventually, you just come to terms with being alone. And man, that’s tough. I’ve been through every single stage myself—peace, restlessness, pure joy, crushing sadness, and then sliding right back into old habits. In the end, the only thing you can really say is that you feel strange. Different. It’s indescribable.
Intense, yet somehow weak.
Wise, yet somehow foolish.
Content, yet somehow unsatisfied.
Full of knowledge, knowing everything, yet somehow knowing nothing at all.
So you just reach that peace and lightly tap away at the keys... or maybe you just put on a song, any song, since you already know every lyric. You listen to a single note and just imagine the piano playing.
...Sometimes you hope you'll hear something new, but then you realize you won't. Suddenly, that depression grabs you again—but only for a second. These days, I pull myself out of those moods with ease.
You just sit on the floor. You could stay there for hours. You know it doesn't matter either way.
You know time is slipping away... and yet, you know it's eternity.

Everything's settled—Kenny is going to be my best man!
And when the priest says, "Until death do us part," Kenny is just going to burst into tears and go, "Noooo, not death, please no!" and then we'll both just sit there sobbing together. We'll be wailing right in that little chapel over in Murter... screaming "Not death!" Then he'll probably pivot to, "Well, not life either, at least not eternal life..." Honestly, whatever works for you guys! We’ll just shrug our shoulders in unison and admit, "We haven't got a clue." 😢
Anyway, here's the song—I finally managed to download it!
BONNIE TYLER

Total Eclipse of the Heart

Turnaround, Every now and then i get a Little bit lonely
and you're never Coming round
Turnaround, Every now and then I get a Little bit tired
of listening to The sound of my tears
Turnaround, Every now and then i get a Little bit nervous
that The Best of All The years have goniti by Turnaround
Turnaround, Every now and then i get a Little biti terrified and then i see The look in Your eyes Turnaround bright eyes , Every now and then i fall apart Turnaround bright eyes

Turnaround, Every now and then i get a Little biti terrified and then i see The look in Your eyes Turnaround bright eyes , Every now and then i fall apart Turnaround bright eyes

Turnaround, Every now and then i fall apart Turnaround bright eyes

Turnaround, Every now and then i get a Little bit restless and i dream of something Wild Turnaround

Turnaround, Every now and then i get a Little biti helpless and I'm lying like a child in Your arms Turnaround

Turnaround, Every now and then i get a Little biti angry and i know I've Got to get out and cry Turnaround

Turnaround, Every now and then i get a Little bit terrified but then i see The look in Your eyes Turnaround bright eyes , Every now and then i fall apart Turnaround bright eyes

Turnaround bright eyes , Every now and then i fall apart Turnaround bright eyes

Turnaround bright eyes

Every now and then i fall apart and i need you now tonight and i need you more Than ever and if you'll only hold me tight We'll be holding on forever and we'll only be Making IT right Cause we'll never be wrong together WE Can taka IT to The end of The Lin Your Love is like a shadow on me All of The time i don't know What to do and I'm always in The dark We're living in a powder keg and giving OFF sparks i really need you tonight Forever's

Once upon a time i was falling in Love but now I'm falling apart there's nothing i Can do a total eclipse of The Heart Once upon a time There was light in my Life but now there's only Love in The dark Nothing i Can say a total eclipse of The Heart Turnaround bright eyes Turnaround bright eyes Turnaround

Turnaround bright eyes
Turnaround bright eyes
Turnaround, Every now and then i know you'll never be The Boy you always wanted to be Turnaround

Turnaround, Every now and then i know you'll always be The only Boy Who wanted me The way that i am Turnaround

Turnaround, Every now and then i know there's no One in The Universe as magical and wonderous as you Turnaround

Turnaround, Every now and then i know there's nothing Any Better and there's nothing i Just wouldn't to do Turnaround bright eyes

Turnaround bright eyes, Every now and then i fall apart Turnaround bright eyes
Turnaround bright eyes, Every now and then i fall apart Turnaround bright eyes

Every now and then i fall apart and i need you now tonight and i need you more Than ever and if you'll only hold me tight We'll be holding on forever and we'll only be Making IT right Cause we'll never be wrong together WE Can taka IT to The end of The Lin Your Love is like a shadow on me All of The time i don't know What to do and I'm always in The dark We're living in a powder keg and gi

Once upon a time i was falling in Love but now I'm falling apart there's nothing i Can do a total eclipse of The Heart Once upon a time There was light in my Life but now there's only Love in The dark Nothing i Can say a total eclipse of The Heart Turnaround bright eyes Turnaround bright eyes Turnaround

🙂 🙂 🙂

"..we've got everything settled, Kenny is going to be my best man
and when the priest says, "Until death do us part," Kenny is going to start bawling and shouting, "Nooooo, not death, nooo!" and we’ll all just start crying together... screaming inside that little chapel on Murter... not death... and then maybe not life, at least not eternal life... but honestly, whatever works for you guys. We’ll just shrug our shoulders in unison and say, "We haven't a clue."

🙂 You really cracked me up, Richard Murphy6... what you're saying is spot on. Who could ever truly satisfy us or who could we actually trust? We feel the need to carry our own version of the truth everywhere we go... sticking our noses into everything and overanalyzing every single detail. It’s no wonder anxiety hits us so hard, trying to filter through it all because we believe in God... yet we haven't seen Him. And let's face it, priests aren't exactly the most reliable crowd either... so who's going to believe them? It all feels like a bit of a sham... though maybe not quite... there's something else out there, and we keep searching until maybe the truth finally shines through on us (that was just an example 🙂 of how we spiral into endless theories)... so, just keep living your life like that... stay strong 🙂)... and in the end, all we have is love. It's the one thing we believe in, yet we can never seem to grasp it (who would truly love and understand us, or put in the effort when we aren't even sure who we are ourselves?). If we only had enough love... if we had freedom and if someone loved us exactly as we are, maybe we'd actually like ourselves more. Maybe we'd appreciate our own uniqueness and even admire ourselves, and maybe our anxiety would finally become a thing of the past... but I guess that's only in a better world, hopefully. Until then, we just keep shaking it off!
Pusa pupiti and Kenny from Avi!👋

Do you even know who you are?
I'm still trying to find
A borrowed dream or a superstar?
Everybody wants to be
Is life good to you, or is it bad?
I can't tell anymore
Do you even know what you have?
No
.
.
.
I'm a lonely girl
I'll tell a taliti for you ' Couse I'm Just Trying to make All my dreams Come true
'Couse I'm just trying to make
All my dreams come true
.
.
.
PINK

.If it’s all about free will—if I actually believe I can choose my own path—then fine, call me a fool or a clown. I am my moon
deep inside you
maybe I left a trail of light behind
in the night between the walls
not even all the good souls
nor all the people you know
nor an escape from the loneliness
that you retreat into
(when everything falls apart)
they are barely enough
against that raw power
the ultimate and final one
deep inside you
passions shatter
and what is left over
and what doesn't even exist
the longing for death
the will to survive
the craving for freedom
and the urge to surrender to fate
like it's sitting right there in your palm
deep inside you
thousands of drummers
fanfares echoing from afar
flags hanging halfway up the poles
who are you mourning, my love
that dark omen on the face of your darling
sorrow etched in words

just once in a lifetime
I'll let myself be captured
by a man with a cold grip
and a piercing stare
dosadness is hitting hard, man, this life is just boring

...you think you know what disgrace looks like... and then you see it staring back at you... (like those creepy doll eyes)... and you get more terrified than you ever have in your life... Fear... GODDAMN FEAR........... SELF-PITY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !

...nobody can help me... I hate this site... I hate it... I don't even want to read it... I learn absolutely nothing good from it... I just end up getting lost in my own head.

Today is just not my day... today I am totally wrecked... after fighting anxiety, panic attacks, and neurosis for three long years, I actually bolted from the bus—the 492 line (which, honestly, was a blessing in disguise... I actually needed the 490 anyway)... I was sprinting from pharmacy to pharmacy, practically begging for Xanax... and I ended up with zero Xanax, zero cash, zero nerves, zero everything... I just sat at home and cried... like I did when I was first born. And I knew right then I was going to weep... I cried because I was trying so hard. But I keep laughing... and I'm actually nauseated by my own laughter... I just want to cry... CRY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
...in the end, they wouldn't give me the Xanax... instead, they sent me over to the local charity clinic... and now I'm just LAUGHING... apparently, they say they hand out free pills there... so I raced over to the charity center... running like a refugee. They shut the doors on me and said they were done for the day; I tried to explain that I didn't need new shoes, I needed medicine... but they totally blew me off... some pregnant lady was left sjedisti in front of the doors with me... (who knows, maybe she gave birth in the last ten hours... I just hope the kid doesn't end up with my name)
So go ahead, laugh at me....... while I just want to CRY.... CRY::::::::::
DAMN CAPITALISM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

......my head is pounding. I fled toward peace and quiet, only to run from that silence straight into noise and chaos (and I've done this XXXX times before)... and now, I just want to escape to 3 p.m................................

Drew Richardson82, don't even think about helping yourself. Don't bother trying to change, don't go practicing any relaxation techniques, don't even step foot in therapy, and definitely skip the psychoanalysis
Please, just don't! If you fix yourself, I won't have anyone left to laugh at or marvel at... seriously, don't do it
What kind of guy are you? Hahahaha!
I honestly can't believe it... you were my role model and my absolute ideal, and you're staying that way. I mean, who else would I learn from regarding what *not* to do in life?😁
Love ya, you legend! Hahahaha!
Never get better, okay? Please, never!🙂
So, I actually went to see a psychiatrist, and they handed me some meds... now I'm just over here talking about everything
I’m like, "In the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit," and then I just knock back a Xanax... I've played the hero long enough🙂
Cheers, buddy!
Long live science!
Long live technology!
Long live death!
Long live Mayo Clinic😉 and Josip Broz Marshall

Oh, my dear Jun, aka Avi... this is what happens when you don't believe me! I told you straight up, I climbed those steep cliffs overlooking the coast in Rijeka... and not because of the Virgin Mary, but for a girl. She wasn't exactly a saint, she was a Mexican woman. When we reached the summit, we were just making out and looking down at our massive harbor (like the Port of Los Angeles, haha!). I’m telling you the truth, but you just won't buy it!
We weren't meant to be... but man, did she fall for me (ah!). I got spooked and bolted home. I didn't even call her back. We bumped into each other later in Opatija, and she told me she ended up failing a whole year of college (she would've failed anyway!) all because of me. Her new boyfriend was standing right there next to us—he was handsome, way older and more mature than me, had money, and honestly, she needed someone like him. So, yeah, that's the story.
I think I made the right call. Honestly, the best move ever. Richard Murphy6 was acting surprised that I don't know how to enjoy life, and Avi said, "Well, it's just how it is"... okay, Avi, whatever. But seriously, she was one of the most beautiful and genuine people I've ever dated. Ha!!!

I love it when you talk
In all this madness of mine
The dream loses its illusion
Stripped down to the bone

It becomes reality
A forgotten pain
I don't want to pull you away
Far away

Words like a fairy tale
Calming the storm
Don't worry, someone remembers
Every single moment of the year

All the connections, the walks, the talks
And you're still thinking about it, trust me

Look at my baby girl
Walking down the street
Can you notice the color
On her cheek

Today is the first day of spring
And she's living it like it's the last
😉

...And besides that, Avi, you're telling me I'm not doing any better, and honestly, you've said so much... so this song goes out to you.
ESCAPING THE COMA

escaping the coma
a massive deal
working on the chords
waiting for the station
dreaming about happiness
passing judgment
living on credit
failing every single time

let's go
everyone shapes your skin
even when you're spitting on me
though you aren't even aware of it
I understand

yeah, even while you're drinking me down
yeah, even while you're lying to me
I am recovering

🙂

Sometimes when I’m scrolling back through my own old posts, I completely lose my train of thought and forget what I even wanted to say...
One day—if you manage to survive long enough and keep your head on straight—you might finally realize whether that Fear you felt was actually rational or just a massive overreaction. And honestly? That biggest fear of all? It's almost always irrational...
I mean, would you actually dare to live forever? Does it even make sense? If you aren't Dracula... Nosferatu, then you wouldn't be able to handle the Sun. You'd still be stuck wandering around looking for a buddy. Even a stupid Vampire can't stand being alone. And then, just when you think you're fine, some "hero" shows up thinking they're doing the right thing and drives a stake straight through your heart. Not even from a distance, either—right at you, at the crack of dawn, just seconds before the husband gets his morning Nespresso... and you're left drifting in the embrace of Hypnos...
And sometimes, it feels like absolutely nothing even happened... huh, it feels too surreal to even believe.😲
If there weren't other people around, would you truly know that you exist? Would you even think, or just *be*? How would you even process thoughts? Does that idea scare the hell out of you? What's eating at you? Just ask!!?? If you're genuinely curious, if you think you can handle the truth... if you think it's too complicated, then you're already heading down the wrong path...
Don't go fighting for "meaning"—just fight off the boredom. There it is... that's my big epiphany. So, like Twixy-Carpe Diem says... oila!!!!!!

..they scrubbed the Blue girl from the homepage, which is totally unfair..boooh...death rolls...maybe it’s for the best though, she reminds me of someone else anyway
out of sight
Man, what quality, what sheer potential.. if only she understood that fear of success is a real thing, or that change can be both incredibly hard and effortless at the exact same time... if she could just trust me a little more.. or even her own gut feeling.. maybe she caught a whiff of my inner conflict and insecurity (not that I was trying to hide it from her).. aaaaaaaaaaah, love, women, work, life, death, words, symbols, emotions, intellect, parents, kids, the military, happiness, sadness.... a total vacuum.... pffft!!—said Zagor.. labyrinths of rationalization, consciousness, primal instincts... Fine, Fin; Konec, En de; The end, the end

Reading back what I wrote... who even am I talking to here?
Here comes the song
I'm wondering if "Wild Thing" might swing by for a visit!!??
YOU KNOW I TRAVEL WITH THIS STUFF

you never could find the words to say
not through a gesture or a phrase
that you loved me

people try to pick you apart
they sense something's off, but they don't realize
just how much you're worth

but still, far too often
I think about us
way too often
like a losing battle in a war

everything that makes a woman weak
neither thinking nor caring
about my love

now I don't want to play the martyr anymore
I'm surrendering to my own star
we're moving on

but still, far too often
I think about us
way too often
like a losing battle in a war
you know I travel with this stuff
far too often

...man, the word neurosis and Neuroticar just sound so harsh to me. Couldn't they have picked something a little more pleasant sounding? I don't know... probably some Greek or Latin root or something, who knows... it just feels kind of off. But hey, at the end of the day, it's just a word, right?

I spent some time scrolling through this weird little thread today:-). Last night, I was singing something into my friend's headset—one of those songs she used to obsess over back in the day...

"Run away somewhere, far from all this
where sleeping pills aren't a necessity
run away somewhere, far, as far as possible,
just hand me a life jacket........"

"Fear me, because one day I might run out of fear entirely, and then I'll feel like anything is possible—and honestly, that feeling is just as dangerous as LOVE."

V. Krmpotic

I'm heading out.
🙂

I still remember the first time I ever got drunk... man, I was terrified. I kept thinking, "How long is this going to last? Am I gonna die?" It probably only lasted a few hours, but in my head, it felt like an absolute eternity...
Then there was that first time I tried a joint... that was pure panic. Nobody had warned me about anything, and since everyone else seemed to be doing it, I figured I’d just dive in too. Ugh, the fear was real! It lasted all night long. I was wandering through the woods, totally tripping out on how weird my brain felt. There were some good parts, sure, but mostly just straight-up fear.
I can still feel that first bout of Fear... that total shift in consciousness. It’s been three years now, and honestly, I still haven't quite gotten used to it... hehehehehehehehe😉
And you're still crying over it... but you'll never experience it the way I did.
Lyrics
REQUIEM

Standing by the Atlantic shore
The wind whistling through the barren banks
The roar of the ocean crashing against the bay
And the song that weeps for it

Because this is a requiem for my love
For every day and every night
Searching for the truth we will eventually find
When I pass away and go to serve
Someone else who weeps for me

Richard Murphy6!

You know what... I can see where this is headed... just another sacrificial lamb out here... Richard Murphy6, I'm honestly speechless... you're driving me crazy... those steep stairs in San Francisco?? Richard Murphy6, Richard Murphy6, Richard Murphy6.......🙏 ; 😛 😛 😛 😛 😛 😛 😛 little genius Richard Murphy6.... knows everything....

😘