I truly didn't expect that I would find myself needing to write here... but necessity is a powerful thing, isn't it? It concerns Zyprexa. I’ve struggled with OCD for about four years now, and I honestly can't fathom why, after being on Luvox, Prozac, and Anafranil, I ended up with such a massive pile of medications. But the worst of them all? Definitely Zyprexa. Why? Well, as they say, I have what is essentially the mildest, most basic version of schizophrenia, F20.6—the simplex version, not the deluxe edition, haha! What the ICD-10 classification states is true, almost entirely... but I can't help but wonder, didn't this all stem from my severe OCD? For practically six years, I was consistently on Zyprexa 10 mg. My psychiatrist is quite pleasant, so she checked in on me once a month, then every two months, and eventually even every three. Most recently, I had been on Luvox 150 mg paired with that single 10 mg dose of Zyprexa. What breaks my heart is that while Zyprexa might actually be beneficial for those dealing with paranoia or other intense symptoms... is it really meant for a simple case like mine? Hmm... I don't think so. Just 10 mg is enough to literally turn you into a zombie. And I mean that literally. Of course, it depends on individual tolerance and physical makeup—gender, height, weight, and so on. For me, it was a constant struggle. I was sleeping twelve hours straight, from 2:00 AM to 2:00 PM, plus another three hours in the afternoon. I lost absolutely every interest I ever had. Video games! Music! Everything! Because I knew that the moment I started anything, I would just fall asleep. There was this crushing fatigue that lasted all day. And the weight gain? My appetite skyrocketed! I always looked like I had just smoked something. Besides, olanzapine is a drug, plain and simple. And I have always stood against drugs; I have never wanted to take them, nor did I ever intend to. Eventually, I just couldn't take it anymore, so exactly four months ago, I stopped taking it. Quite abruptly, I suppose. But for just a day or two, I felt this incredible sense of freedom. My mind cleared, I became much more talkative, I had more interests, and I slept significantly less—about half as much. The exhaustion vanished. It was all wonderful. There were no withdrawals or scary side effects like people warned me about. In fact, I found myself wondering: are there really no side effects to stopping so suddenly? Then, I went in for my checkup fifteen days ago, and she suspected I wasn't taking the Zyprexa. I didn't tell her I had stopped; I told her I was still taking it. But I highly doubt she believed me, because instead of the Luvox, she prescribed me one 300mg tablet of Depakote. That’s a mood stabilizer and an anti-epileptic, yet we are back to the Zyprexa issue. I hadn't taken it for three and a half months, and then, perhaps doing the stupidest thing possible, I took it again for ten days. My parents were nagging me about it; they realized I wasn't taking it. They never forced me, though. But a few days ago, I finally told them I hadn't been taking it for a long time and that I don't plan to start again. So, I stopped once more. And please forgive me, but it has completely wrecked my system. On the plus side, I am not sleeping nearly as much, but the major downside since I quit is that it takes me five hours to fall asleep! I lie down around 1:00 AM but don't drift off until 6:00 AM. Then I sleep until noon. I don't feel tired, but it is exhausting to spend five hours every single day just trying to fall asleep. It isn't exactly "insomnia." It's more like my mind is constantly planning and thinking, constantly. Tomorrow I should do this, I will say that there, I'll do this here. I'm interested in this, how does that work, what about that? Nothing unusual, really. Just thoughts, sometimes worries, sometimes love, haha! So, what now? I have a follow-up appointment in two weeks. What on earth am I supposed to do? Naturally, I will tell her. An old doctor who used to be a great conversationalist regarding treatment once told me that no one will ever force me to take medication. And looking at American law, nowhere does it say "forced medication." I find myself asking: isn't there some alternative? I was a zombie for six years, and I refuse to be one again, even if I face problems until the day I die. My GP gave me Zonadren for sleep, which surprises me given the potential interactions with antipsychotics. I tried herbal supplements, but I think I might just take the Zonadren. For three or four days, as instructed. I simply don't understand what she will say after I explain everything. Fortunately, she isn't some ancient, judgmental woman. Still, now that I am returning to Zyprexa for a third time, does it even make sense? Please, tell me. You all have more experience. I am twenty-two, so I'm not a complete fool. I always read the side effects; I spend hours reading through pages of information online. But I am no psychiatrist; I just listen to what various people think. It feels silly because every psychiatrist in the world seems to have their own unique theory. It feels like a bit of pseudo-science. It isn't a "disease," it's a disorder. It offends me when someone says, "You are sick." It doesn't offend me when they say, "You aren't normal," because that just means I'm unconventional. What kind of "illness" is it where every psychiatric patient receives a different therapy? Where there are no lab tests? We know nothing about the brain. It's all becoming so complex. What should I do? Or rather, what will she say? I have the support and authority of my parents. Just as any medication is taken at one's own responsibility, so is the decision to stop. If anyone messes up, it's on me. And no, I am not acting crazy. I simply want to live as healthily as I can while I am young, with as few chemicals as possible. I'm a vegetarian, by the way. Even a friend encouraged me to quit. I hesitated, but he gave me the extra push I needed to stop. Now, I am at a loss. No matter how you look at it, it's a lose-lose situation. And yes, I am a fool—I get used to being off it, and then I go back for ten days. Zyprexa works incredibly well as a hypnotic, though. No matter how much you think or plan, within an hour, you are deep in sleep. But then there is that 555.555... factor. So, is there a compromise? An alternative? Any advice would be very welcome!
P.S. Before anyone starts throwing those shocking emojis my way or lecturing me about what I’ve supposedly done wrong, perhaps you might consider a different perspective? Is it truly necessary to take medication for something like cancer? Of course not, yet we do it. In my own experience, I didn't find any negativity in my actual behavior—though I certainly felt it during my OCD phase—rather, the negativity stemmed entirely from the medication itself. And I know plenty of people who are prescribed as many as four pills at once; if they were actually taking them, they wouldn't be out riding their bikes for five hours a day, but would instead be completely bedridden twenty-four hours a day. So, please, do not assume that I am the only one who has decided to stop taking these. For those interested, here is some research:
Dr. Jeffrey Lieberman from Columbia University, along with several other researchers, published a government-funded study in "The New England Journal of Medicine" regarding the efficacy of certain "medications" used to treat mental disorders, comparing older generations of these drugs against newer ones. Far from proving how effective these "medications" truly are, the study revealed that out of 1,493 participating patients, 74% discontinued their "medication" before the treatment was even finished due to lack of effectiveness, unbearable side effects, or various other reasons. After 18 months of taking Zyprexa (Olanzapine, a psychiatric drug), 64% of patients had stopped using it, most frequently because it caused drowsiness, weight gain, or neurological issues such as stiffness and tremors.
