#5701 ·
Why don't you try joining some group therapy sessions? At least then you won't feel quite so isolated.
Plus—it doesn't cost you a dime.
Plus—it doesn't cost you a dime.
Schizophrenia - General Discussion
Started by briskgull27 · · 👁 692 views · 7.5K replies
#5702 ·
Harold Anderson3 said:I’ve been wrestling with depression for over a decade now, though looking back, I clearly haven't been tackling it the right way.
Maybe there isn't actually a "right" way to do it, because I'm starting to fear that this depression has woven itself so deeply into my psyche that it's become part of my very character.
On top of that, I've been carrying a schizophrenia diagnosis for the last eight years.
I just don't have the energy left for psychotherapy; at this point, medication is really my only lifeline, but I've actually been without my antidepressants for more than three weeks now.
My sleep schedule is a total wreck—I'll lie awake staring at the ceiling until sunrise, only to crash and sleep through the entire day when I should be getting my most important things done, including making it to my psychiatrist appointment.
Have any of you ever hit that wall where even the simplest tasks feel impossible, like just remembering to eat, keeping up with basic hygiene, or actually showing up for a doctor's visit?
Keeping up with my college coursework feels even more overwhelming, though thankfully I have enough savings right now that I don't have to worry about finding a job.
The loneliness is also absolutely crushing me.
I’m honestly wondering if I should look into being hospitalized. My experience at the local state psychiatric facility was a complete disaster; I ended up going there seven different times.
I find myself asking how much longer I can keep doing this. 🙂I just don't see a way out.
Why on earth would you call it a disaster?
Sure, being stuck in any hospital ward is never a pleasant experience, but is there some other specific reason why you feel things are so catastrophic over there?
#5703 ·
Eric Fowler2 said:Why don't you try joining some group therapy sessions? At least then you won't feel quite so isolated.
Plus—it doesn't cost you a dime.
For me, the priority is adjusting my medication—I definitely need different antidepressants and potentially a change in my antipsychotics.
Psychotherapy would be more of a secondary step down the road. Besides, if you go through a private provider, even group sessions aren't free; the only way to get it covered is through a day hospital program, but honestly, spending half my day stuck in a facility sounds miserable when I have so many other responsibilities to juggle. I just can't afford to make my entire life about treatment, though I did fall into such deep financial hardship recently that I haven't been able to seek help at all. Aside from that, I'm still taking my current meds, even though they don't really feel right for me.
Nicole Barrett76 said:Why on earth would you call it a disaster?
Sure, being stuck in any hospital ward is never a pleasant experience, but is there some other specific reason why you feel things are so catastrophic over there?
The conditions just aren't great. The building is old, poorly maintained, and honestly looks like it's falling apart, and then you have the incredibly intense cases where people are completely unable to care for themselves.
I try to stay away from the hospital whenever I possibly can.
#5704 ·
Look, what I’m trying to tell you all is this: NOBODY has it. Absolutely nobody. It all boils down to our parents and whether or not there's some money involved. Just to give you some context, I ended up in the hospital back on August 1st, 2017, because I started hearing voices. How do I even explain that? It hit me in a 48-hour window—just suddenly, like someone was standing right there next to me, talking away. Honestly. Now, here I am, cooking dinner while fighting off those voices. And I wonder, where did it come from? A few weeks before I was admitted, things got too heavy to handle, so I started taking lavender on my own—not the medical kind, mind you—mixing it in two or three times a week. Back in the day, people used lavender to ward off the plague, just so you know. I was combining it with my meds. Basically, I was taking my prescriptions along with the lavender, and the sensation... it's like you aren't alone anymore. You feel incredibly peaceful, zero anxiety, just this strange sense of security. Okay, enough about that. Anyway, I was stuck in the hospital for a month. For the first 20 days, they had me on benzodiazepines—you know, those pills with the number 5 on them—and I was actually functioning perfectly fine for those 20 days. I was talking, walking around, no incidents at all, even on the benzos. Then, during the last 10 days, the psych ward switched me over to Haldol. Now that I don't have my folks around anymore, it honestly isn't even hard to walk away from my old life. I find myself thinking about leaving the pills behind more and more. Sometimes I get these visions of my dad or my mom—real visions. Like a commune or something. Bob. That's just my take on it: everything is tied to the choices we make when we're with our parents and when we aren't. Even while they're still alive, it's about having enough money—not a fortune, obviously, but enough to eat and dress. That’s just how I see it. It all comes down to fear.
#5705 ·
Harold Anderson3;65833981 said:My main priority is getting the right meds—definitely antidepressants and maybe some other antipsychotics.
Then, eventually, I might look into psychotherapy. Otherwise, you're paying out of pocket for group sessions if you go private; the only thing covered is day programs, but honestly, spending half my day stuck in one sounds miserable when I have so much else going on. I can't afford the luxury of doing nothing but treating myself—though, since I hit rock bottom, I haven't been treating anything at all. Aside from that, I’m just stuck taking medications that don't even work for me.
QUOTE]
Look, people walk away from psychiatrists all the time if they aren't a good fit, let alone a day program. It’s not supposed to be a trap—it's actually meant to give you more freedom, not less. And honestly? There isn't much difference between a private doctor and one at a public clinic if neither of them is actually helping you... at the end of the day, you have to be willing to help yourself first.
#5706 ·
Jose Ward4 said:Look, what I’m trying to tell you all is this: NOBODY has it. Absolutely nobody. It all boils down to our parents and whether or not there's some money involved. Just to give you some context, I ended up in the hospital back on August 1st, 2017, because I started hearing voices. How do I even explain that? It hit me in a 48-hour window—just suddenly, like someone was standing right there next to me, talking away. Honestly. Now, here I am, cooking dinner while fighting off those voices. And I wonder, where did it come from? A few weeks before I was admitted, things got too heavy to handle, so I started taking lavender on my own—not the medical kind, mind you—mixing it in two or three times a week. Back in the day, people used lavender to ward off the plague, just so you know. I was combining it with my meds. Basically, I was taking my prescriptions along with the lavender, and the sensation... it's like you aren't alone anymore. You feel incredibly peaceful, zero anxiety, just this strange sense of security. Okay, enough about that. Anyway, I was stuck in the hospital for a month. For the first 20 days, they had me on benzodiazepines—you know, those pills with the number 5 on them—and I was actually functioning perfectly fine for those 20 days. I was talking, walking around, no incidents at all, even on the benzos. Then, during the last 10 days, the psych ward switched me over to Haldol. Now that I don't have my folks around anymore, it honestly isn't even hard to walk away from my old life. I find myself thinking about leaving the pills behind more and more. Sometimes I get these visions of my dad or my mom—real visions. Like a commune or something. Bob. That's just my take on it: everything is tied to the choices we make when we're with our parents and when we aren't. Even while they're still alive, it's about having enough money—not a fortune, obviously, but enough to eat and dress. That’s just how I see it. It all comes down to fear.
If you truly believe this, then you've lost your grip. Therefore, I believe you require more intensive treatment, such as seeing a psychiatrist twice a week or attending a day clinic.
#5707 ·
Nicole Barrett76 said:If you truly believe this, then you've lost your grip. Therefore, I believe you require more intensive treatment, such as seeing a psychiatrist twice a week or attending a day clinic.
Why? Walk me through your logic.
#5708 ·
Nicole Barrett76 said:If you truly believe this, then you've lost your grip. Therefore, I believe you require more intensive treatment, such as seeing a psychiatrist twice a week or attending a day clinic.
Have you ever actually tried talking about this stuff?
#5709 ·
Jose Ward4 said:Why? Walk me through your logic.
Your train of thought seems somewhat disorganized. Furthermore, your assumption that your condition is linked to aging might be true, yet it certainly isn't an established fact.
Do you happen to know if either of your parents has ever been diagnosed with schizophrenia?
Jose Ward4 said:Have you ever actually tried talking about this stuff?
I haven't. However, I have read a significant amount of literature regarding schizophrenia.
#5710 ·
Nicole Barrett76 said:Your train of thought seems somewhat disorganized. Furthermore, your assumption that your condition is linked to aging might be true, yet it certainly isn't an established fact.
Do you happen to know if either of your parents has ever been diagnosed with schizophrenia?
I haven't. However, I have read a significant amount of literature regarding schizophrenia.
Look, that's just why I hate posting on this Reddit site. It's always the same old patterns, so I just throw things out there.
I wasn't even talking about schizophrenia; I was talking about lavender.
Here is what I see when I look at you. You aren't actually going to *do* anything. Ever. Seriously, never. I've seen your other posts and you probably believe the Earth is flat and all those other conspiracy theories too. You're wasting your life worrying about everyone else's business. And don't get cocky with me, acting like you're some expert because you've "read a lot" about schizophrenia. Just let it go... have you actually ever experienced any of this, or are you just looking at pictures?
#5711 ·
Jose Ward4 said:Look, that's just why I hate posting on this Reddit site. It's always the same old patterns, so I just throw things out there.
I wasn't even talking about schizophrenia; I was talking about lavender.
Here is what I see when I look at you. You aren't actually going to *do* anything. Ever. Seriously, never. I've seen your other posts and you probably believe the Earth is flat and all those other conspiracy theories too. You're wasting your life worrying about everyone else's business. And don't get cocky with me, acting like you're some expert because you've "read a lot" about schizophrenia. Just let it go... have you actually ever experienced any of this, or are you just looking at pictures?
To possess empathy for someone who, for instance, is blind or suffers from severe visual impairment (the latter being my own situation), one does not need to experience blindness or go sightless themselves. The same principle applies to any illness or disorder.
#5712 ·
Jose Ward4 said:Look, what I’m trying to tell you all is this: NOBODY has it. Absolutely nobody. It all boils down to our parents and whether or not there's some money involved. Just to give you some context, I ended up in the hospital back on August 1st, 2017, because I started hearing voices. How do I even explain that? It hit me in a 48-hour window—just suddenly, like someone was standing right there next to me, talking away. Honestly. Now, here I am, cooking dinner while fighting off those voices. And I wonder, where did it come from? A few weeks before I was admitted, things got too heavy to handle, so I started taking lavender on my own—not the medical kind, mind you—mixing it in two or three times a week. Back in the day, people used lavender to ward off the plague, just so you know. I was combining it with my meds. Basically, I was taking my prescriptions along with the lavender, and the sensation... it's like you aren't alone anymore. You feel incredibly peaceful, zero anxiety, just this strange sense of security. Okay, enough about that. Anyway, I was stuck in the hospital for a month. For the first 20 days, they had me on benzodiazepines—you know, those pills with the number 5 on them—and I was actually functioning perfectly fine for those 20 days. I was talking, walking around, no incidents at all, even on the benzos. Then, during the last 10 days, the psych ward switched me over to Haldol. Now that I don't have my folks around anymore, it honestly isn't even hard to walk away from my old life. I find myself thinking about leaving the pills behind more and more. Sometimes I get these visions of my dad or my mom—real visions. Like a commune or something. Bob. That's just my take on it: everything is tied to the choices we make when we're with our parents and when we aren't. Even while they're still alive, it's about having enough money—not a fortune, obviously, but enough to eat and dress. That’s just how I see it. It all comes down to fear.
It all boils down to dealing with aging parents and just trying to find some semblance of love.
Spot on. Personally, I’m broke and dealing with my own set of issues with elderly relatives—not to mention I’m not exactly in peak health or holding down a steady job. Honestly, finding employment feels like a pipe dream at this point. Between being older and dealing with chronic illness, it's clear that when you hit a wall with money and people, things start to unravel. Maybe for a few, maybe for everyone.
About two or three weeks ago—right before I ended up in the hospital—I decided to take matters into my own hands because I just couldn't take it anymore. I was drinking lavender essence, which has zero medical backing, combining it two or three times a week. Just a fun fact: they used to use lavender against the plague, so there. I was mixing it with my actual meds. Basically, I'd take my prescriptions along with the lavender, and the feeling was just... "you aren't alone." It felt incredible—zero anxiety, just this strange, overwhelming sense of security.
Exactly. I actually went through a breakdown myself because of the pain and some other illnesses, all while battling depression and mania caused by family drama. I spiraled because I was overdoing it on Kafetina back then. Before that, they were basically selling them like candy in blisters without any instructions—kind of how they used to be sold loosely in Canada. Then, an article came out about how some people can't process them properly and how Kafetin hits your head like a drug. In my case, they even flagged Morphine in my urine tests. After I dealt with psychiatry, they suddenly started packaging Kafetina in boxes with actual instructions; I honestly suspect someone mentioned my situation to them, and they changed their distribution in Canada just to avoid a negligence lawsuit or something similar.
#5713 ·
And honestly, whenever I bring up my issues with Kafetina, it’s like I’ve reported them to someone on their end, because they just tell me I’m making things up. It’s the classic move—when they can't actually argue against my points, they just claim I’m imagining things, hallucinating, or being paranoid. Which is funny, because I’ve never had hallucinations, and I don't think I'm even remotely paranoid. But hey, is it really paranoia to think that government agencies these days are basically recording and tracking everything from our phone calls to our internet history?
#5714 ·
Carol Barrett2 said:And honestly, whenever I bring up my issues with Kafetina, it’s like I’ve reported them to someone on their end, because they just tell me I’m making things up. It’s the classic move—when they can't actually argue against my points, they just claim I’m imagining things, hallucinating, or being paranoid. Which is funny, because I’ve never had hallucinations, and I don't think I'm even remotely paranoid. But hey, is it really paranoia to think that government agencies these days are basically recording and tracking everything from our phone calls to our internet history?
It is absolutely not paranoia.
#5715 ·
Nicole Barrett76 said:It is absolutely not paranoia.
Well, maybe everyone else was out of the loop back then—but nowadays, they're finally catching up to my side of things. 😵
#5716 ·
The absolute worst feeling is when paranoia starts creeping in and you can't tell if you're actually right or just completely losing it. It’s exhausting. When you don't have any hard evidence to back yourself up, everything just becomes so incredibly subjective.
#5717 ·
Nicole Barrett76 said:It is absolutely not paranoia.
Look, calling it paranoia only works if you're convinced they're specifically targeting *you*. But let's be real: the fact is, we're all being watched, more or less.
#5718 ·
Matthew Castillo5 said:Look, calling it paranoia only works if you're convinced they're specifically targeting *you*. But let's be real: the fact is, we're all being watched, more or less.
Sure, but prove it. I could go around claiming the FBI is following me through my living room... even when nobody's actually there. You know what I mean?
#5719 ·
I’ve been reading this forum for two days now, trying to make sense of things. Back when I was 21, I dealt with psychotic episodes following a sexual assault, which led to several psychiatric hospitalizations. Since then, I’ve spent 24 years building a successful career and moving up the ladder. Throughout that entire time, I’ve been on maintenance therapy. Recently, however, my ex-husband weaponized my medical history against me. Following a period of domestic violence, he had me forcibly hospitalized. I wasn't being aggressive; I was simply exhausted by him. He went behind my back to the doctors and spun a narrative that stuck. I was diagnosed with schizophrenia. The truth is, I was fully lucid in that hospital. There were no hallucinations, no voices—just pure resentment toward a system that failed me and the people closest to me. I even tried to walk out. After that hospitalization, I hit rock bottom. With nowhere to turn and no one to lean on, I swallowed a whole bottle of Norvasc. It wasn't psychosis or hallucinations driving me; it was sheer despair and a total loss of trust in the system and my own family. It’s a bitter pill to swallow: an abuser locks me away in a ward while he walks free. He even threatened our children, telling them they’d be locked up too just because they were grieving for me. After receiving that schizophrenia diagnosis, I pushed for a divorce. My attorney sent me to Washington, D.C., for a second opinion and psychological testing. The results came back clear: no psychopathology. The court awarded me custody of the children, while he was convicted of domestic violence and served with a six-month restraining order. The psychiatrist in Washington, D.C., noted that I couldn't possibly have schizophrenia given how successfully I’ve functioned for decades. I despise hospitalization. The trauma inflicted by the psychiatric system itself was devastating. Has anyone else here dealt with forced hospitalization? Or experienced "lazy" diagnosing where doctors just slap on a label? Regardless of what the official paperwork says, I am traumatized. People look at me with the same judgment they look at you. I’ve withdrawn from society, just trying to manage these problems on my own. To make matters worse, he made 20 copies of my medical records and distributed them all over town. I carry the stigma. I had a psychosis episode at 21, and I know what that feels like. What happened during this last hospitalization was nothing more than calculated abuse orchestrated by him. That’s my story.
#5720 ·
So, looks like I’ve got schizophrenia—and honestly, it feels like I’m just a bad, miserable, toxic person. The worst part? I don't even realize I'm doing it. It's all on me.
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