Schizophrenia - General Discussion

Carol Barrett2 said:So, looks like I’ve got schizophrenia—and honestly, it feels like I’m just a bad, miserable, toxic person. The worst part? I don't even realize I'm doing it. It's all on me.

You have schizophrenia just like I do. You've just let certain things get stuck in your head. This isn't schizophrenia. If you were actually evil, you wouldn't be worrying about being evil.

Carol Barrett2 said:So, looks like I’ve got schizophrenia—and honestly, it feels like I’m just a bad, miserable, toxic person. The worst part? I don't even realize I'm doing it. It's all on me.

Jason Kim6 said:You have schizophrenia just like I do. You've just let certain things get stuck in your head. This isn't schizophrenia. If you were actually evil, you wouldn't be worrying about being evil.

I honestly don't see the point of this whole story.

Jason Kim6 said:You have schizophrenia just like I do. You've just let certain things get stuck in your head. This isn't schizophrenia. If you were actually evil, you wouldn't be worrying about being evil.

Look, I’m not a saint, but I’m not a monster either. I know that much. I’m owning it—no denials, no hiding here. The real question is just how far gone I am. And yeah, I’m definitely not perfect or sinless—I'm aware of that, and honestly, the Bible backs me up there. I agree with the Book; I have no interest in being some hypocrite claiming I'm pure.

I just hope I haven't caused too much wreckage or done too much harm in my time. As for doing good? I don't know. I'm not exactly a philanthropist, nor do I particularly remember being one. But let it be known that I've made a genuine effort to avoid hurting people on purpose. That said—realistically—I have done wrong by others in my life.

😢 = Unfortunately

Carol Barrett2 said:Look, I’m not a saint, but I’m not a monster either. I know that much. I’m owning it—no denials, no hiding here. The real question is just how far gone I am. And yeah, I’m definitely not perfect or sinless—I'm aware of that, and honestly, the Bible backs me up there. I agree with the Book; I have no interest in being some hypocrite claiming I'm pure.

I just hope I haven't caused too much wreckage or done too much harm in my time. As for doing good? I don't know. I'm not exactly a philanthropist, nor do I particularly remember being one. But let it be known that I've made a genuine effort to avoid hurting people on purpose. That said—realistically—I have done wrong by others in my life.

😢 = Unfortunately

Look... your remorse says a lot about you. You feel regret—that's a good sign, I suppose. Maybe you should go to confession so a priest can give you absolution. Don't dwell on your guilt too much. Jesus said, "Go and sin no more."

Carol Barrett2 said:Look, I’m not a saint, but I’m not a monster either. I know that much. I’m owning it—no denials, no hiding here. The real question is just how far gone I am. And yeah, I’m definitely not perfect or sinless—I'm aware of that, and honestly, the Bible backs me up there. I agree with the Book; I have no interest in being some hypocrite claiming I'm pure.

I just hope I haven't caused too much wreckage or done too much harm in my time. As for doing good? I don't know. I'm not exactly a philanthropist, nor do I particularly remember being one. But let it be known that I've made a genuine effort to avoid hurting people on purpose. That said—realistically—I have done wrong by others in my life.

😢 = Unfortunately

So, yeah, I’m fully aware that at various points in my life, I’ve messed people up and caused them pain. Now, I’m not saying I’m a murderer, a rapist, or a thief—nothing like that. I really hope I’m not some kind of villain. But I have hurt people, both others and myself, and I can't even tell if I was in my right mind when I did it. To me, that falls under the category of bad and evil. That's why I say I'm not a "good," sinless person.

Jason Kim6 said:Look... your remorse says a lot about you. You feel regret—that's a good sign, I suppose. Maybe you should go to confession so a priest can give you absolution. Don't dwell on your guilt too much. Jesus said, "Go and sin no more."

That's tough, though. First off, I'm not Catholic, Orthodox, Muslim, or any of those. I'm not even an atheist, really. I just don't know if God is going to forgive me or not. I guess I'll find out when I kick the bucket—just like everyone else, I suppose. It's not like I'm hunting for a VIP pass to Heaven or anything. I just hope other people get their reward. I don't necessarily need one myself.

Carol Barrett2 said:So, yeah, I’m fully aware that at various points in my life, I’ve messed people up and caused them pain. Now, I’m not saying I’m a murderer, a rapist, or a thief—nothing like that. I really hope I’m not some kind of villain. But I have hurt people, both others and myself, and I can't even tell if I was in my right mind when I did it. To me, that falls under the category of bad and evil. That's why I say I'm not a "good," sinless person.

Though, if we're being totally honest, I did steal from the government once or twice back when my buddy and I used to go out drinking. So, yeah... I guess I am a thief after all.

I try to look back at my life and piece things together—maybe reasonably well, though my memory is honestly pretty trash. I guess I act like I have schizophrenia just because I’ve always been a bit of an oddball, and well, I still am.

Carol Barrett2 said:I try to look back at my life and piece things together—maybe reasonably well, though my memory is honestly pretty trash. I guess I act like I have schizophrenia just because I’ve always been a bit of an oddball, and well, I still am.

Hey, you aren't an oddball, don't get it twisted. Look, please don't take this the wrong way—I'm really not trying to insult you—but I honestly believe that when a person has too much idle time on their hands, they start spiraling into nonsense. You start questioning why you are this way or that way, or obsessing over dark thoughts. Try to find something to occupy your mind. Anything that actually interests you. Believe me, I've been there. It was exactly like that for me, especially right after getting out of the hospital. There are just endless questions. Where am I going? How do I do this? I know it isn't easy, but you really have to break out of that monotony. And honestly, I might be facing some serious financial trouble in a few months myself; things aren't exactly blooming at work right now, so you see, maybe things aren't as bad for you as they feel. There are worse things out there. I'm not ashamed to say that—only a fool wouldn't see the reality of how we live.

Look, Visionary—if you can find it in yourself to forgive, then I guess God has already forgiven you too. At least, that’s what some smart guy once told me. Besides—I used to think you were more depressed than schizophrenic.
You’re being way too hard on yourself.🙏

Jose Ward4 said:Hey, you aren't an oddball, don't get it twisted. Look, please don't take this the wrong way—I'm really not trying to insult you—but I honestly believe that when a person has too much idle time on their hands, they start spiraling into nonsense. You start questioning why you are this way or that way, or obsessing over dark thoughts. Try to find something to occupy your mind. Anything that actually interests you. Believe me, I've been there. It was exactly like that for me, especially right after getting out of the hospital. There are just endless questions. Where am I going? How do I do this? I know it isn't easy, but you really have to break out of that monotony. And honestly, I might be facing some serious financial trouble in a few months myself; things aren't exactly blooming at work right now, so you see, maybe things aren't as bad for you as they feel. There are worse things out there. I'm not ashamed to say that—only a fool wouldn't see the reality of how we live.

Yeah, I get all that and you're right, but I've just gotten stuck in this rut and I honestly don't know how to dig my way out.

Jason Kim6 said:Look, Visionary—if you can find it in yourself to forgive, then I guess God has already forgiven you too. At least, that’s what some smart guy once told me. Besides—I used to think you were more depressed than schizophrenic.
You’re being way too hard on yourself.🙏

I just can't get there, and honestly, I'm stuck in the mud. As for judging myself too harshly... maybe? But I don't know, I really feel like it's not that. I've got this feeling that it's schizophrenia and depression—and from what I've heard, those two usually travel together anyway.

I made it to my psychiatrist appointment today, right on schedule after about a month and a half.

We decided to switch things up—instead of taking my usual pills, I’ll be moving to an injectable version (Abilify Mainten) at a 400 mg dose once a month. I also asked to keep Cerson on hand, just to use as a backup when my other medications aren't quite enough to help me drift off. We haven't changed anything regarding Ladiomil or Leponex; I’m still taking 50 mg of each in the evening, about an hour before I hit the sack. Honestly, if the dosage isn't too high, I really think Leponex deserves the credit for how much better I’m feeling; in my opinion, it's probably the best medication out there for schizophrenia. Taking it at night is a nice little two-for-one deal since it helps settle the psychosis and knocks me out at the same time.

As far as my university situation goes, I can't say I have much to complain about, mostly because I took out a student loan that will pay out over the next two years. After a one-year grace period, I'll be paying that money back over seven years with a pretty decent interest rate. Of course, there's always a risk involved with any kind of debt, but this is really my only shot at finishing my degree—it's the last lifeline I've got. I don't think I could live with myself if I didn't finish, especially since I've already knocked out one year and only have two left to go.

I wouldn't wish the struggle of working while being in school on anyone, let alone someone dealing with health issues on top of everything else. This past academic year was honestly one for the books, though not in a good way; I only managed to pass two exams because I was completely wiped out from working morning shifts at Coca-Cola for three months and then rushing to lectures in the afternoon. All that stress eventually caught up with me, resulting in a hospital stay during the Christmas and New Year holidays. Even though I was only in for three weeks, it took me at least another three months to feel like myself again. I've learned my lesson: I am never trying to juggle a job and schoolwork at the same time ever again, because I end up doing a mediocre job at both. I'll leave those kinds of intense challenges to the more ambitious, capable, and—frankly—healthier people.

Harold Anderson3 said:I made it to my psychiatrist appointment today, right on schedule after about a month and a half.

We decided to switch things up—instead of taking my usual pills, I’ll be moving to an injectable version (Abilify Mainten) at a 400 mg dose once a month. I also asked to keep Cerson on hand, just to use as a backup when my other medications aren't quite enough to help me drift off. We haven't changed anything regarding Ladiomil or Leponex; I’m still taking 50 mg of each in the evening, about an hour before I hit the sack. Honestly, if the dosage isn't too high, I really think Leponex deserves the credit for how much better I’m feeling; in my opinion, it's probably the best medication out there for schizophrenia. Taking it at night is a nice little two-for-one deal since it helps settle the psychosis and knocks me out at the same time.

As far as my university situation goes, I can't say I have much to complain about, mostly because I took out a student loan that will pay out over the next two years. After a one-year grace period, I'll be paying that money back over seven years with a pretty decent interest rate. Of course, there's always a risk involved with any kind of debt, but this is really my only shot at finishing my degree—it's the last lifeline I've got. I don't think I could live with myself if I didn't finish, especially since I've already knocked out one year and only have two left to go.

I wouldn't wish the struggle of working while being in school on anyone, let alone someone dealing with health issues on top of everything else. This past academic year was honestly one for the books, though not in a good way; I only managed to pass two exams because I was completely wiped out from working morning shifts at Coca-Cola for three months and then rushing to lectures in the afternoon. All that stress eventually caught up with me, resulting in a hospital stay during the Christmas and New Year holidays. Even though I was only in for three weeks, it took me at least another three months to feel like myself again. I've learned my lesson: I am never trying to juggle a job and schoolwork at the same time ever again, because I end up doing a mediocre job at both. I'll leave those kinds of intense challenges to the more ambitious, capable, and—frankly—healthier people.

Way to go, Harold Anderson3. 👍

Jose Ward4 said:Way to go, Harold Anderson3. 👍

Thanks, Jose Ward4, 🙂 how have you been doing?

Harold Anderson3 said:Thanks, Jose Ward4, 🙂 how have you been doing?

Listen, I’ve actually been feeling a bit worse lately. Maybe it's just the weather changing—I don't really watch the news, so I haven't been tracking the forecasts, but I've been spending a lot of time online and everyone's saying this stretch of weather isn't going to be great for people with chronic conditions. Other than that, my health is fine; it's just this weather getting to me. I'm headed to see my therapist next week.

Jose Ward4 said:Listen, I’ve actually been feeling a bit worse lately. Maybe it's just the weather changing—I don't really watch the news, so I haven't been tracking the forecasts, but I've been spending a lot of time online and everyone's saying this stretch of weather isn't going to be great for people with chronic conditions. Other than that, my health is fine; it's just this weather getting to me. I'm headed to see my therapist next week.

That’s certainly possible. Personally, I wouldn't say I'm sensitive to the weather changes, which doesn't mean I don't have my bad days, but for me, those fluctuations don't seem to be tied to the forecast at all.

Things are actually getting worse for me. I’ve never dealt with hallucinations before—neither visual nor auditory—but lately, I’ve started hearing these thoughts that feel just like my own voice, except they aren't mine. They’re pretty much all garbage—just constant, nasty stuff, ranging from swearing to full-on insults. The absolute worst part? I’ve started cursing out loud, sometimes even directed at myself. 😢

My current medication regimen
is an aripiprazole injection at 400 mg every four weeks,
along with 75-100 mg of Leponex and 50 mg of Ladiomil in the evenings,
plus 5-10 mg of Cerson and 10-20 mg of Normabel right before bed.

I usually get about 7 to 8 hours of sleep, and I actually wake up feeling refreshed, often even before my alarm goes off. To be honest, I never really believed that medication could make such a massive difference, but this specific treatment has honestly been life-changing for me. Though, I suppose I’ll probably still be dealing with some existential dread over the next couple of years.

Harold Anderson3 said:My current medication regimen
is an aripiprazole injection at 400 mg every four weeks,
along with 75-100 mg of Leponex and 50 mg of Ladiomil in the evenings,
plus 5-10 mg of Cerson and 10-20 mg of Normabel right before bed.

I usually get about 7 to 8 hours of sleep, and I actually wake up feeling refreshed, often even before my alarm goes off. To be honest, I never really believed that medication could make such a massive difference, but this specific treatment has honestly been life-changing for me. Though, I suppose I’ll probably still be dealing with some existential dread over the next couple of years.

Man, you really hit the jackpot. I used to take 25mg of Leponex morning and night, and let me tell you, that stuff absolutely wiped me out. It was so heavy I could barely even hold a conversation. I haven't touched it in eight years now.

But hey, if it works for you... it sounds like everything has finally fallen into place. The treatment is working and you've got things sorted. No stress, as they say.