Sexual Dysfunction Discussions

Alright, this is my first post here, so I’m hoping you guys can help me out with something.
I wouldn't call myself an expert on psychology, but I’m pretty sure addiction falls under that umbrella, right?😕
My boyfriend is actually such a good guy—polite, kind, truly a sweetheart... We’ve known each other for eight years now, and we've been together for two. But honestly, there isn't one thing that bothers me more than his porn habit.😠
Right at the start of our relationship, he confessed he used to be a voyeur, which really shook me. We talked about it extensively, and he managed to kick that specific habit...
I guess I'm wondering what you all think—is he a sex addict? Every time he watches porn, he’s definitely masturbating. It’s not like we’re lacking intimacy; we live together and have sex almost every single day. I don't even know why it gets under my skin so much. Maybe it’s just me? Like, maybe it's a lack of self-confidence or something else entirely???
The way he acts just triggers these awful feelings inside me. I feel neglected, like I'm second best, or just plain unattractive... He knows exactly how I feel, yet somehow that isn't enough to make him change... Does anyone have any advice for me?

I feel like I need to get this off my chest... I’m not saying I’m against watching porn if we’re doing it together, but does that make me a hypocrite? Honestly, I find myself wearing really provocative lingerie quite often, trying my absolute hardest to play into his specific fantasies just because I'm terrified I won't be enough for him... Is there something fundamentally wrong with me, or is it him? Please, I need some perspective here, because this whole thing is honestly eating me alive... 😢

John Price said:I should mention I’m not against watching porn if we're doing it together? Does that make me a hypocrite? I often wear provocative lingerie and try to play into his fantasies hoping I'll be enough for him... Is the issue me or him? Please help, this is honestly killing me. 😢

It's you. Definitely.

Kick pornography out of your house. The more you consume it, the more you’ll end up demanding that same stuff from your partner.

crimsongull20 said:In you, absolutely.

Alright, I’m stepping up. I’ll take the advice from crimsongull20 and admit I need help. How do you actually fight back against those negative feelings that porn triggers in me? Where is the line... when is it just harmless fun or a way to spice things up, and when does it cross over into full-blown addiction? When is enough actually enough? It's already affecting the teenagers in the house... what comes next? My kids???🤮

dustyjackal68 said:Get the porn out of the house. The more he watches it, the more he’s going to expect you to act like it.

That is actually the exact reason we don't have Wi-Fi at the apartment right now, even though we could easily get it hooked up tomorrow if we wanted to. We are sitting here together in a university library in Germany right now, and you will not believe what he is looking at... in a public place!!! He just finds a way, no matter what. He used to go to those adult theaters and sex shops... The real question is: Is he an addict? And is there even any way to actually control this "habit"???

I know I’m going to get roasted for this, but honestly? I think we're looking at a straight-up addiction.
I dealt with the exact same nightmare with my ex. Constant screaming, throwing stuff out of the house, just total chaos... everything. Honestly? Nothing I did actually worked.

We aren't even together anymore... and yet, just the other day, I ask him to stay with the little guy for a few hours while I run some errands. When I finally get home? What a sight. My kid is just chilling in his room playing PlayStation, and the gentleman himself has barricaded himself inside my home office... sitting right there on my computer.
It only takes a few hours before he’s back online, scrolling through porn... in someone else's house—well, my house now. Instead of actually playing with his kid, he's just sitting there, feeding those urges under my roof. Unbelievable. 😢 Honestly, it’s just pathetic.
I honestly couldn't believe it!
Look, if all else fails, common sense says you should probably act like you actually have some manners when you're stepping foot in someone else's house.

Jerry Moore2 said:I know I’m going to get stoned for this, but I honestly think we’re looking at an addiction here...

Why would you get stoned for saying that? I came to this forum specifically because there isn't really anyone else I can talk to about this stuff, but I know "sexual addiction" is a legitimate psychological term—unless everyone just decides to tolerate everything nowadays???
That kind of behavior (just like what you dealt with from your ex) is exactly what I'd expect from him. If he sees an opening, he's going to take it!

It’s definitely not you. You can’t just fight against those kinds of urges and deep-seated needs on your own.
Voyeurism and being hooked on porn are psychological issues, usually tied to serious sexual inhibitions or imbalances that show up in all sorts of ways. He isn't even comparing you to any other woman; for him, those are just two completely different categories.

John Price said:They definitely masturbate whenever they watch porn.

And what else is there? Should they be singing opera and acting like complete lunatics?😲

John Price said:Why call it an addiction? I ended up on this forum because I don't really have anyone to talk to about this stuff, but I know "sexual addiction" is a real term used in psychology. Or is everything just socially acceptable nowadays?
That kind of behavior—the way your ex acted—is exactly what I’d expect from him too. If there's an opportunity to take it, he's going to grab it.

Is he actually addicted to sex, or is it more about other types of content?
Let's break this down a bit.😉

John Price said:...Do you guys have any advice for me?

Run. Either run far away from him... or get yourself some help.

You just can't fight someone else's addiction all by yourself. Believe me, I've seen it happen too many times.

There are various sexual disorders—including gender identity issues—but what we're looking at here seems to be a paraphilia. That covers everything from exhibitionism and fetishism to pedophilia, masochism, sadism, and voyeurism.

I don't have a PhD in this, but you'll find plenty of detail in psychology textbooks. Why not check a library or search online?

John Price said:So, this is my first post here, and I really hope you guys can help me out.
I don't know much about psychology, but I'm guessing addiction falls under that umbrella, right?😕
My boyfriend is actually a really great guy—super polite, kind, just a total sweetheart... I've known him for 8 years, and we've been together for 2. There isn't anything else about him that bothers me as much as his porn habit.😠
He confessed to me early on in our relationship that he used to be a voyeur, which honestly shocked me. We talked about it a lot, and he did manage to break that specific habit...
I'm wondering what you all think—is he a sex addict? He always watches porn when he masturbates. The issue isn't a lack of sex, because we have it almost every day (we live together). I don't even know why it gets to me so much. Maybe the problem is me? Like, maybe it's a lack of self-confidence or something like that???
His habit just triggers these awful feelings in me. I feel neglected, like I'm second best, or unattractive... He knows how I feel, but somehow it's not enough for him to make any changes... Do you have any advice for me?

I've got some advice for you.

First off, don't listen to what Jerry Moore2 is telling you.
I remember that thread where she was talking about her relationship with her boyfriend. It was such a sad read, seeing her story and how everyone basically tore her apart over it. I mean, I think everyone has a right to their own tastes and preferences, so I respect hers. But, Jerry Moore2 wasn't willing to stand up for herself against her then-boyfriend either. She didn't respect his stuff. To her, he was "disturbed" or "not normal" just because he was into anal sex. Even though I think people reacted way too harshly toward her, I also think it's not her place to come on here and dictate what is or isn't "normal." Her views are stuck in this super conservative mindset, where there's this general idea that certain things are okay, but everything else is weird or perverse and shouldn't happen.😁

Secondly, you've gotta realize that people just have different levels of sexual drive.
I don't get why it shocks you that someone was a voyeur. You find that strange and crazy??? Man, something as mindless as Big Brother, where I can just flip on the TV and see people scrolling through a Walmart website for ten minutes just picking out... one cucumber... or a bag of chips... or maybe we want some snacks, yeah, let's go with snacks... etc., is the most watched show in the country. Why? Because people are such voyeurs that even something that boring is interesting to watch. So how could it not be interesting when it comes to sex?
You think your boyfriend is the only one hitting it to porn? That is totally normal. Kids as young as 14 or 15 in my sports club are literally glued to their phones right after practice, scrolling through stuff online.😁
It's completely normal. It's a healthy interest. If that truly is the extent of it—if he loves having sex with you, but also likes watching porn—then you can totally relax. Most normal guys are like that.😉 Plus, having a high drive is perfectly normal. Honestly, it’s a positive thing. It's something you women usually brag about to each other!
Just get used to the fact that your boyfriend has a strong sex drive, and you'll have a great time with him.🙂

- Stipe -

John Price said:He’ll take every single chance he gets!

Look, if you actually want to stay with him—and you think he wants to stay with you too—and you really mean what you're saying here, just ask yourself one thing: would *you* be into having sex out in the middle of nowhere, or maybe in an elevator, just because he's looking for "any chance he can get"?
Some girls are just built that way, and some aren't. Some totally love that spontaneity, some only like it once in a while, and some don't want anything to do with it at all. If that's not your vibe, or if you're more of a "let's stay in bed" kind of person, then that's just how it is.

But honestly, two grown women acting all shocked that a guy might want to hook up whenever the opportunity arises? Seriously? What, are you guys living in a convent or something? Did you somehow manage to go your whole lives without meeting a single man until you were twenty-five? Are you really that terrified of the basic truth that men actually enjoy sex?? 😁

- Stipe -

John Price said:Fine, I'll accept what crimsongull20 said and ask for help. How do you deal with the negative feelings porn triggers in me? When does it stop being just "fun" or spice for a sex life and start becoming an addiction? Where's the line? Right now it's teenagers watching it, tomorrow it'll be kids...🤮

It’s not actually a problem with porn. It's an ego thing. You just want him to be incapable of wanting any woman other than you, which would be a world-first case in the primate kingdom...

John Price said:That’s exactly why we don't have Wi-Fi at the house, even though getting it hooked up tomorrow would be easy...

🙂

John Price said:We’re sitting together right now in a university library over here in Germany—and get this—guess what he’s looking at? A public space.

John Price said:When he watches porn, he always masturbates.

cultured guy👍

It doesn't strike me as a sexual dysfunction or anything—what he's doing is perfectly normal—it's just the lack of shame that gets me. He isn't even embarrassed to be doing it in front of people.

But 😁 I mean, if they're already acting out like that while sitting in a library, then they definitely have a real issue 🤣

Honestly, I don't think I fully grasp this whole situation... Watching porn or getting turned on by it is pretty much standard behavior, nothing to stress about, but if someone is doing that for ten hours a day, then we're probably looking at an addiction 😁 Could you explain a bit more? 🙂

Joe:"I don't get why you're so shocked by the idea of someone being a voyeur"
Look, I get where you're coming from regarding Big Brother. In a way, everyone watching those shows is a bit of a voyeur, but there's a line... Creeping around residential neighborhoods at night, scouting out houses just hoping to catch a glimpse of people undressing or having sex, hanging around parking lots in certain areas wearing dark clothes just to lurk... To me, that’s crossing a major line. You're invading people's private lives and stripping away their right to privacy.
Thankfully, that whole voyeurism thing seems to have faded out of the mainstream... Or so I hope...