Sexual Dysfunction Discussions

Look, what if you just "beat him up" a few times in a row?

briskjackal5 said:Why would you even want to quit?
It’s way less damaging than smoking.

If I had to choose between a girl with a sex addiction and one who smokes, I know which one I'm picking.😁

- Steve -

Spending the whole damn day obsessing over this? 😕 It's just escapism. 🤔

Godiva said:It’s not even about the porn—it’s your ego. You just want this guy to have zero interest in any other woman besides you, which—let's be real—would be a biological miracle in the animal kingdom.

That is totally wrong!!!
Look at me, for example.

briskjackal5, are you venting to make a point or just to feel better? 😬

Look, here’s the reality: the guy is an addict, regardless of what anyone else says about it.

In this specific case, we’re talking about porn addiction.

Addiction manifests quite simply: every single time he touches a computer, he ends up on porn sites. 😁

Sure, guys tend to have a higher interest in porn than most girls, which isn't exactly shocking or "abnormal" 🙄 , but when it turns into daily hacking sessions lasting hours, or when he can't even open a browser without landing on, say, www.pornsite.com or something similar, then we aren't talking about "sexual freedom" or "libido." We're talking about an addiction.

Alright, let's assume at least your sex life isn't suffering because of it:

It would be much worse if you were lacking intimacy in bed while he spends every day scrolling through porn. Regardless of ego, women don't exactly enjoy it when their partner is constantly preoccupied with videos while they lie there feeling neglected and undesirable. It makes them feel small.

The second thing is that this truly HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU. It's exactly what he told you: it's his imagination and his way of "unwinding." 😁

But no, he is definitely addicted. Every addiction is defined by a chronic, repetitive return to a source of pleasure, and he clearly has a constant need to visit those sites for the physiological hit he gets from the combination of watching and masturbating.

The only question left is what's driving it.

So, bottom line: men certainly engage with porn far more intensely than most women, who often prefer doing it together and rarely need visual stimulation—just some privacy and maybe a toy.

But staying up until sunrise staring at a screen, being unable to resist clicking on porn sites the moment you go online, and spending every day watching or downloading clips? I don't think anyone could convince me that isn't a form of addiction.

If this bothers you, do something about it, no matter how much people chatter in the background. Just don't lower your standards 🙄 because someone is calling you intolerant or whatever. The fact remains: his addiction BOTHERS you, you are sexually open, and your partner is an addict.

The truth is, you can't do anything until he realizes he has a problem—if he ever does. To him, this is perfectly normal, and you're just being "clueless" because you don't see it his way.

Because once things start failing in the bedroom while his virtual activity stays at full throttle, that's when the real hell begins. 😉

Honestly, the part that really gets me is when people say, "he doesn't even realize he's addicted."
Like, what does that actually mean in practice? Are you supposed to be the one to step in and draw the line for him? Or are you guys just sitting there judging whether he’s an addict or not? I don't get the big deal—what's the actual issue with slapping that "addiction" label on someone??

I mean, my take is this: if it isn't hurting him, and it isn't hurting her—meaning she's perfectly happy with the situation—then everything is fine just the way it is. I say just let them be and stop breathing down their necks.😁

- Joe -

Jamie Newman4 said:Look, here’s the deal—the guy is an addict. Period. The real question is what’s driving it... If this is eating you alive, you need to take action regardless of whatever nonsense people are preaching at you. Just don't go lowering your "ego's boundaries"🙄 because some random person is whining that you're being intolerant or whatever. The reality is simple: his addiction bothers you, you're a pretty sexually open person, and your partner is an addict.

Honestly, you can't do a damn thing until he actually realizes he's addicted (if he ever does, which is a big if, since he thinks this is perfectly normal and you're just being "clueless" because you don't see it his way).

I want to know the root cause too, but how am I supposed to find it? Does an addiction like this even have a specific trigger? I asked him why he feels this constant need to watch porn. His response was: "There's nothing better than watching a woman reach her peak!"😲 😲 😲
And it doesn't even matter who it is—whether it's some overweight, unattractive woman or a teenager—as long as it looks "real" and isn't "acted." It's always the same cycle...
What can I even do about this?😢
Just like you pointed out, he thinks this is completely fine. He doesn't even realize there's a problem, like the fact that he’s starting to view every woman he sees as just a sexual object, and lately, his fantasies have been getting increasingly extreme...

briskjackal5 said:Look, if it isn't hurting him, and she’s happy too, then everything is fine exactly as it should be. Just leave them alone... 😁

It "hurts" me! Is being sexually satisfied really the most important thing if his habits are driving us apart emotionally? There is such a thing as "how things should be"... for instance, we could watch together (I would never turn him down), or if he's doing it alone, there should at least be some boundaries—like, HELLO, at least NOT in public or at work!!!

Honestly, it sounds like your guy is an addict. If you swapped out "sex" for "drugs" or "booze," nobody would even hesitate to say he’s spiraling. He’s got a problem because his whole life is revolving around sex now—you said he sees every woman as just an object, things are getting extreme, his job is tanking, and obviously, your relationship is trashed because of it. It's obvious. 😉

There’s clearly something deeper driving this. Something is definitely off since it keeps escalating past what's reasonable (look, most guys watch porn, but it's usually just a way to blow off steam, not a 24/7 obsession like some total creep). But he doesn't give a damn about the root cause because he refuses to see there's even a problem. That's classic addiction: pure denial. I don't know how you're supposed to force him into seeing a therapist to dig into his psyche when he doesn't even realize he's broken. It's like telling a junkie they need rehab because their habits are out of control—some people will get pissed at me for using the word "control," but whatever, it exists. He denies it all and thinks everyone else is just tripping. The only way people realize they have a problem is by being left alone with it. Right now, you're the one trying to fix everything—starting fights, cutting the Wi-Fi, burning magazines, dressing up just to grab his attention. Maybe he's actually using that to keep you on a leash or manipulate you or something.

Thirdly, YOU have a problem here because this is messing with your head, and frankly, you have every right to be upset. You seem to have a healthy drive, but this is just too much. Especially since it feels like he's degrading you. Intimacy and sexual compatibility are the foundation of any relationship, but he’s basically signaling that you’re fine, but not enough. If the roles were reversed and you were constantly whining about money while he worked his ass off, people would call you a gold digger and tell him to dump you. You need to take a stand. Either shut your eyes to it (which clearly isn't working) or really weigh up how this makes you feel and if anything can actually change. Just remember: he’ll only change if he wants to, not because you told him to. And he probably needs solid therapy.

That's just my two cents. Do what you gotta do.
Viel Glück!

p.s. honestly, since briskjackal5 has an avatar that’s... questionable, I’d take anything he says with a massive grain of salt. you know how it is, birds of a feather flock together.

Raymond Baker58: 👍
You hit the nail on the head regarding that feeling of being humiliated—it really was just pure DEGRADATION!
It’s that nagging sense that I’m just not enough for him. Like, as if I’m some kind of cold, lifeless object, and if I were 🥳 or 🙂 then he wouldn't have an issue—like I'm just supposed to satisfy his needs regardless. I’m starting to realize the problem isn't actually me, despite what some people were saying (including himself) about how those things are just separate categories in his mind, but honestly, it still weighs heavily on me.
That comment about him maybe using this to punish me? That one really stuck in my craw. 😕
As for seeing a therapist... maybe there will be something to that. Thanks for the well wishes! 😉

Raymond Baker58 said:p.s. honestly, given that briskjackal5 is rocking an avatar with some pretty questionable content, I’d take everything he posts with a massive grain of salt. you know how it is... people tend to look out for their own...

🤣 🤣 🤣 I just realized what it was, though it looks fine to me at first glance...😁

Look, if he actually manages to get himself into therapy, there might be a fighting chance. To me, this whole thing just looks like stupid behavior, and the real issues run way deeper. And watch out—don't let him convince you he's kicked the habit when he’s really just doing it behind your back. That’s even more pathetic. Though, I doubt he will, because that’s the whole point: he wants to stay the center of attention by acting out. It keeps you hovering, worrying, feeling like crap... it's a classic move. There are plenty of ways to make a partner's life miserable; he just picked this one. He could’ve been cheating, staying out all night with his buddies, being aggressive, or getting hooked on drugs... those are just different flavors of the same thing. The goal is always to act like a spoiled kid demanding constant attention. It should be obvious the real problem is buried much deeper than this...

Yeah, and what happens when he hits 60? Gross.
Look, it’s pretty obvious the issue isn't you. No woman could satisfy him, not even ten of them at once. The whole thing is built on voyeurism, which is straight-up a disorder.
So don't go blaming yourself. You just ended up with a guy who has an actual problem, and there's nothing you can do to fix it. He needs to own up to his issues and realize how much this is hurting you. Honestly, most women would have bolted by now.
It’s a mess. I think you should just walk away and see if he actually has the guts to fight himself for you. If you're dead set on making this work forever, then fine, fight alongside him—but get this straight: you aren't the one fighting the main battle. (I get the feeling you're the type who crushes everything in life and thinks you can just "fix" this too.)
Maybe I'm rambling, but this situation is wild and sounds like a nightmare to solve.

John Price said:It "hurts" me!

Man, I don't know, look, he’s just, like, addicted, right? And that addiction is definitely the issue here, but honestly, his addiction isn't really hurting him—it's hurting you.😁 😁

- Steve -

John Price said:🤣 🤣 🤣 I think I just finally wrapped my head around it, even though the video looks pretty decent to me😁

Yeah, totally 😁

- Steve -

Raymond Baker58 said:Look, if he can actually manage to get himself into a therapist's office, maybe there's some hope for him. I mean, I honestly think this kind of behavior is just plain stupid, and the root causes go way deeper than what we see on the surface. And hey, you've gotta watch out—don't let him convince you he's kicked the habit when he’s really just doing it behind your back. That would be even more disgusting. Though, I guess he probably won't, because that's kind of the whole point, right? He wants to stay front and center by doing exactly this. It keeps you on edge, constantly worrying, feeling miserable... it's classic. There are so many ways to make a partner's life a living hell, and he just picked this one. He could have been cheating, staying out all night with his buddies, being aggressive, drinking too much, or getting hooked on drugs... those are all options, but really, it's all just different ways to act like a toddler who needs constant attention. It's pretty obvious the real issue is buried somewhere deep under all this stuff...

Joe

Joe, seriously, Joe. Just... wow.
The guy is basically doing this just to grab attention and make things difficult for his partner.
But man, you sound pretty shaken up here.
😁 😁 😁

- briskjackal5 -

Look, Steve, don't just cherry-pick a single word and ignore the entire context! 🙂
It’s taking an emotional toll on me, and honestly, it's hitting him in a lot of ways too, even if he refuses to admit it!
As far as "seeing things clearly" goes, believe me, when you're standing right next to him, there is absolutely no need for any kind of "blindness." 😁
But it sounds like you might actually need to go see a decent eye doctor!

John Price said:Raymond Baker58: 👍
You totally hit the nail on the head regarding that feeling of humiliation—it really is—it’s just SO demeaning!
It’s that exact same sensation, like I’m just not enough for him! Like, maybe I’m some kind of cold, lifeless robot, and if I actually 🥳 or 🙂 then he wouldn't be complaining—he'd have to find a way to satisfy those needs somehow! I'm starting to realize the issue isn't actually me, even though some people commented (and he said it himself) that in his head, those things are completely separate categories, but man, it still weighs on me.

Look, see, now you're finally heading toward something that actually makes sense.
He’s just doing what he likes. Some women love ice cream (or chocolate) and they'll devour tons of it every single day. It’s the same thing here; he loves masturbating and (or) voyeurism, so that's why he does it all the time.
It has nothing to do with you. You nailed that part! That's just something that brings him joy—they are totally separate things, and honestly, it seems kind of silly to let it get to you. Just come to terms with the fact that guys masturbate even when they're in a relationship. Just accept it. Accept that sex with you is one world, and this stuff he's talking about is another. If you can just wrap your head around the idea that they're separate, things might actually be great between you two. And hey, be happy that he's being open with you and that you actually know what's going on. He isn't hiding it; he's being honest, and you're in the loop. That's how he chose to share it with you.

- Steve -

Like I already said, you're being totally biased here.
Of course the guy is mistreating his wife—she's clearly fed up with his crap, and he’s just digging the hole deeper. Maybe "blindness" isn't just about eyes; maybe it's mental, but hey, I guess things are just too complicated for you to wrap your head around... keep doing your thing. 😘 😘 😘

briskjackal5 said:ž maestralno.

Brilliant. Truly brilliant.
The guy is just jerking off to get attention and make his partner's life a living hell.
But honestly, you sound pretty triggered right now.

You’re clearly deluded! It isn't even about the actual porn or the masturbation—though I think you've gotten way too deep into this specific rabbit hole, so I'm giving up on trying to explain myself again...