Sexual Dysfunction Discussions

Maybe I’m just seeing things, or maybe I'm totally blind here, but I think this lady has some seriously bizarre experiences going on if she can look at something and somehow link his self-gratification to a malicious plot to ruin someone's life or just a desperate cry for attention.

- briskjackal5 -

Almorah said:Like I was saying, I really think you're being totally biased in this whole thing!

So, basically, she’s feeling totally unwanted or just flat-out humiliated because her guy is out there checking out other girls. That’s really the heart of the whole issue right there. She needs someone who isn't taking sides—just someone neutral—to sit her down and explain that this kind of thing happens way more often than people admit. I mean, maybe if she insists on finding some guy who doesn't have those kinds of habits, she might actually end up pushing people away instead. It's a tough spot to be in, I guess! 😁
Thank God I’m here to chime in, because honestly? This idea that he’s doing all this just to get some attention is like... I don't even know, it's probably the wildest reason I've ever heard. Like, seriously, how did you even dig that up? I guess maybe you have some similar story or something? Or like, an experience that makes you think that? I mean, I'm just wondering!

So, about him fooling around on the job... I mean, honestly, that’s just an extra thing to deal with, right? It definitely can't be pleasant, I guess. But really, her main issue is exactly what I was saying earlier...

And of course, the guy just keeps picking at his wife—who, let’s be real, clearly can't stand him because of how he acts—and honestly, he’s just making everything ten times worse!

So... I was just sitting here thinking, and honestly? I feel like I've been having some seriously bizarre ideas lately. Like, really out there. Maybe it’s just me, or maybe I’ve just had way too much caffeine today, but my brain is definitely running on some strange tracks right now! I guess I just wanted to throw that out there and see if anyone else gets those weird, random sparks of inspiration that make absolutely zero sense at first glance. It's kind of fun, though, don't you think? Just letting the mind wander into the totally unexpected! 👎
Look, you’ve gotta try to realize that he isn't doing all that just for her... I mean, maybe he thinks he is? But honestly, it feels more like he's just doing it for himself and his own little ego trip. He's just chasing his own vibe, I guess.
I mean, honestly? It’s really not that complicated. I guess you could say it's actually pretty straightforward! 😁

briskjackal5

briskjackal5 said:The part that kills me is "he doesn't realize he's addicted."
What is that actually supposed to mean? Are you going to be the one to decide when his limit is?

My take? If it isn't hurting him, and it isn't hurting her—meaning she’s perfectly fine with it—then everything is fine. Leave them alone.😁

- Stipe -

No. What that means is that if someone actually pointed out that spending hours every single day on porn sites is an addiction, he'd come up with every excuse under the sun to justify it. He'd probably break out in hives at the mere mention of the word "addiction."😬

And clearly, things aren't "fine" if a woman feels the need to start a thread about it... right?🙄

Besides, if I recall correctly, John Price mentioned that whenever there's a chance to take advantage of it—like hitting up a public library—he'll wander through parks or hang out by cars just to catch a glimpse of someone's body. He spends hours staring at porn every single day; when he had internet in his room, that was basically his full-time job... You really don't think that's a porn addiction, briskjackal5?

Give me a break..

Look, we all know guys masturbate. We know they do it even when they're in relationships, and yeah, they'll take any visual opportunity to check out a girl's chest or ass. That’s totally normal and fine. But every single damn day for several hours?

That has nothing to do with sex. None.
It's pure mental sex.

Because—and this is just my take—that's when you can play out every fantasy in your head that you'd probably never actually try in real life (which is probably for the best 😁). You can build whatever scenarios you want in your mind, whereas with a partner, there's always that nagging thought: "Wait, what will they think if I yell this, or want that, or try to stage this specific situation? Will they think I'm a freak?"

And that's why masturbation exists: so you can do in your imagination what you'd never do in person (since you know it's all make-believe and anything goes), and the release takes away all that tension.

But when it becomes an absolute necessity and a multi-hour daily obsession—when being online is your only association with getting off—well, sorry... you can't call that "normal behavior."

It's just a matter of time before John Price starts feeling like sex with her is just something he "gets through" because they happen to be together, while the actual pleasure is found exclusively in porn. 😁

The guy is only obsessed because he tries to ignore everything else just so he can spend his time playing video games until his brain turns to mush...

And honestly, it’s probably not even the huge deal you girls (especially youuuu0.00007) make it out to be..

I mean, the dude is just bored... find him a hobby or something... maybe tell him you're going on a month-long retreat up in the Rockies without all that stuff that distracts him... then he'll probably stop obsessing over it once you get back...

But yeah... it's really not the massive issue you women think it is...

Kyle Nelson2 said:the guy is only addicted because he’s trying to tune out everything else by throwing monkeys at a wall in some basement library...

>The guy's just bored... find him a hobby. Send him on a month-long retreat in the Rockies without his usual distractions... he'll probably stop doing it once you get back.

Idle hands make for bad habits, and bad habits turn into addictions.😁

Kyle Nelson2 said:in principle, it isn't the massive issue you women (especially youuuuuuu) think it is.

But it really isn't the big deal you ladies make it out to be.

That's fair.

I don't think any girl on this forum actually thinks watching porn is shameful or sick. I certainly don't.

It all comes down to context and frequency.

That's why this thread exists, right? To trade perspectives. Just as we shouldn't ignore how women sometimes blow things out of proportion, we shouldn't ignore why it bothers them in the first place.

briskjackal5 said:Honestly, this should be a relief for him. These are completely different categories, and it’s just silly to stress over it. It makes no sense. Just accept that guys masturbate even when they're in a relationship. Accept it. Understand that sex with you is one thing, and what he’s talking about is something else entirely. If you can wrap your head around that distinction, things will be great between you. Be glad he’s being open with you instead of hiding it. He's being honest, and that's how he chose to share this with you.

- Stipe -

I totally agree with this. 👍

But I'd add that many women don't see it this way for one simple reason: they judge it based on their own views of pornography. Everyone's approach is different, and it can be hard to wrap your mind around something that feels "alien" to you. I'm speaking from experience here: I also needed a little help understanding 😍

I mean, I guess that's why you guys are here to explain things to us, right? 😉

Still, I don't think any reasonable woman would complain about her partner watching adult content if everything else is fine. If she's satisfied with her relationship and their sex life, and if she understands that him watching those videos has absolutely nothing to do with her personally, then there shouldn't be an issue.

Just as an example: one of the reasons my friend ended up getting a divorce was because her husband was constantly glued to porn. I'm not saying that was the sole cause, but in the context of him spending every single day on those sites while she was busy running the household—cooking, cleaning, laundry—it took a toll. Their sex life went from once a week to once a month, and eventually, once every three months. At that point, she had every right to be fed up with the porn habit. 😁

Add to that the fact that whenever they tried to talk about improving their intimacy or daily life, he would just shut down. He'd claim nothing was wrong and then immediately retreat to those websites just to avoid the conversation. It becomes a vicious cycle.

Ultimately, I think we can all agree that no woman who feels neglected by her partner is going to find "understanding" for endless porn consumption. How can you even communicate with someone who, in a case like this, is focused solely on finding naked women and jerking off every single day?

Large breasts aren't the issue themselves—they’re just a symptom of a deeper underlying problem, whether that's psychological or relational. Simply cutting out porn won't fix the root cause, and frankly, it won't solve anything.

I think we can all agree there’s nothing inherently wrong with porn or masturbation, but when things reach an extreme level, that’s when you actually have a reason to worry.

placidranger said:skinny aunts aren't really the issue here...

Thanks. I feel much better now...

Almorah said:...The whole point is voyeurism, and honestly, that really is a disorder.
So please, stop blaming yourself. You just happened to end up in a relationship with a guy who has an issue, and there is absolutely nothing you can do to fix him. He needs to realize he has this problem, recognize that you're being hurt by it, and frankly, most women would have packed their bags and left long ago.

Yeah, the issue existed in his previous relationship too, except back then he was doing everything behind her back! He laid it all out for me right at the start of our relationship. We agreed to have zero secrets and no hiding anything from each other. I understood his reasoning—it was mainly because their sexual needs were totally mismatched (he wanted it every day, she was maybe two or three times a month; he was down for anything, she just wanted the basics...) We both concluded that without those specific triggers, there shouldn't be any need for the extreme stuff (like voyeurism), but after a while, we're facing almost the exact same scenario, even though those original reasons are gone.
I notice he feels embarrassed about it sometimes, and I actually feel bad for him. I don't want people pointing fingers at him or labeling him a maniac, because he isn't one. Whatever problem he's dealing with, I'll help him as much as I can. I am certain he is THE one—my partner for life—which is why I refuse to give up on him. He finally agreed to talk to a therapist and actually set an appointment for today!👍
Hopefully, we'll get some actual answers soon! Thank you to you and everyone else for the support and understanding!
PS. You haven't posted too much 🙂

I’ll try to define addiction my way... though I get the feeling this thread is pretty much wrapping up anyway...

At the end of the day, everyone is just chasing happiness.
But look, there’s a difference between finding fulfillment through freedom versus just chasing cheap thrills...
Chasing pleasure isn't actual happiness. It’s just a fleeting moment you’re desperate to relive... it feels more like a Band-Aid for that deeper sense of fulfillment we’re actually missing... (because when we aren't truly content, we start running toward these little compensations)...
And then it just turns into this endless loop of hunting for the next hit of dopamine...

I guess it really comes down to a personal realization—that point where you notice a certain habit is actually starting to drain your life away. Like, when you're becoming obsessed with it... when you start letting everything else slide... that's when it becomes an addiction. In my opinion, anyone can decide for themselves whether they've crossed that line or not...

Henry Garcia10 said:The issue isn't you, absolutely not. You cannot fight against his impulses or his needs. .
Voyeurism and an addiction to pornographic content is a psychological issue, most often linked to severe sexual inhibitions and imbalances that can manifest in truly any way imaginable. He isn't even comparing you to any woman; for him, those are entirely separate categories.

Look, so this thread doesn't just die off, I'm jumping in with my own thoughts. I've been lurking here reading all of you for a long time before I finally worked up the nerve to speak out.

My partner keeps that part of his intimacy very well guarded. In fact, I only know what I’ve managed to pry out of him myself—often through great difficulty and sometimes in ways I am certainly not proud of, simply because the "beautiful" truths were kept from me. So, even though we have been together for several wonderful years, I am mostly just guessing.

Sorry, Henry Garcia10, I wasn't paying close enough attention to gender markers in your posts to know if you're male or female, but you wrote this so eloquently and professionally (if you post again, I promise I will learn 😉) that I simply had to ask: what kind of experience do you have with psychology, specifically regarding this particular issue?

John Price, I truly hope that your efforts to resolve this lead to success. I know from personal experience just how much strength it takes to face a part of your "other half" every single day—a part you can't accept, yet can't bring yourself to leave... there was a time when I would cry in the bathroom every single morning because I didn't know how to move forward with him, let alone how to exist without him.

To clarify, in my case, the obsession with pornography hasn't reached those extreme levels, but our sex life is practically non-existent, which only makes everything worse. It torments me deeply, especially since he refuses to even discuss it at all.

Right now, I am in a phase of ignoring the problem because I desperately need some peace, but I know the moment will come when I have to start working on it again. After all, I don't want to live this way—or maintain this status quo—forever.

Good grief!

northerndrifter said:... there was a time when I’d spend every single morning crying in the bathroom because I just didn't know how to move forward with him, let alone how to function without him.
To clarify, my situation hasn't quite hit those extreme levels of porn addiction, but our sex life is basically nonexistent, which honestly just makes everything feel way worse. It's incredibly painful for me, especially since he refuses to even address the elephant in the room...

Right now, I'm just in this phase of ignoring the whole mess because I desperately need some peace, but I know deep down there's going to come a day where I have to face this head-on again. I mean, I really don't want to live like this—or stay stuck in this status quo—forever...

I am so sorry you're going through this, and I truly get it. It is exhausting trying to deal with all of this when your partner isn't being open or honest, but instead chooses to shut down and neglect you.
If he won't talk, then you need to lay your cards on the table. Tell him exactly what you found out. Explain what your needs are and how neglected you feel. Openness is everything in a relationship. Sometimes a partner doesn't even realize how deeply we're hurting or how unsatisfied we are simply because we haven't learned how to communicate it effectively...
I know you're looking for some peace right now—like a total time-out from the chaos—but ignoring things doesn't actually solve anything, and the clock keeps ticking... It's good that you aren't willing to settle for a life like this. You deserve a relationship without the tears. A relationship where you're happy, fulfilled, and where the effort is mutual. Don't settle for less than you deserve! 😘

northerndrifter said:Sorry, Henry Garcia10, I’m not really sure if you’re a guy or a girl—I don't pay much attention to pronouns when people write online—but you wrote this so beautifully and professionally (if you come back, I promise I'll learn 😉) that I just had to ask: what kind of experience do you actually have with psychology, specifically regarding this issue?

Thanks😢
I'm a girl😬
What exactly do you mean by having "experience" with psychology?
I've never dealt with sexual issues like this myself, and I haven't been in a relationship with anyone who has either.

I have a feeling you might be blowing things a bit out of proportion, and if there really is an issue here, it might actually be stemming from something else entirely. But, if this truly is the only sticking point and he’s great in every other way, then perhaps just try to overlook it.

I honestly can’t wrap my head around how some people can look at all of this and claim it’s just being dramatic or that there isn't even a real issue here. If things weren't actually hitting a breaking point, you wouldn't see this thread blowing up like this, right?
Most folks seem to think the core issue is just bad communication, but I really don't buy that. It's not. If people were actually honest with one another about what they were thinking, things would stop right there. Instead, everyone just retreats to their own little corner because nobody wants to be the one to actually take a step forward. I know, because I've lived it. It’s not even that I want someone to completely scrub those sites from existence, but rather that the habit should taper off—you know, maybe instead of scrolling through everything first thing in the morning, you actually get out of bed before checking the latest updates! Is that even asking too much!? Seriously, I'm a grown adult in my thirties! And the weekends are the exact same story... wake up, check the feed... end of the day... and I find myself wondering, how long can this go on? Will it ever change!? Because then you hear people saying everything is perfectly fine as long as they enjoy watching it, but honestly, isn't it kind of absurd if your entire day feels empty unless it's filled with that kind of content? I don't know. I truly have no clue. Should I just stay quiet? Suck it up? Play dumb? Act blind and deaf? Just ignore it all and live my life? And eventually just drift away... because to me, this whole situation just makes zero sense. Where does it all end, goodness gracious... 🙂

Just a quick update: he’s decided to go ahead and talk to a therapist. I really believe he’ll find a way to break free from this porn addiction. I assume most people here are adults who have seen their fair share of adult content, but what isn't common knowledge is that dedicated support groups for porn addiction have been around for quite some time. It’s not about being judgmental—everyone watches what they want online or offline—but when that "hobby" starts running your life or dictates how you spend your entire day, you've got a real issue on your hands. And just so we're clear, this isn't strictly a guy thing, even if it shows up more often in men.

stormylynx4 said:Just a quick update—he finally decided to actually sit down with a therapist. I really hope this helps him find a way out of his porn addiction.

Hmm, I’m not feeling quite as optimistic today... He went to the appointment, but he ended up spiraling into all these other issues instead (since that wasn't really the main point here)... There has to be a way out, even if walking away feels like my most realistic option right now...😢

Reading through this thread and seeing how some people are downplaying the issue, I stumbled upon some research yesterday. Some authors actually argue that kicking a cocaine or crack habit might be easier than breaking an addiction to porn. Obviously, comparing drugs to digital content isn't a perfect science, but when you're spending most of your day hunting for clips, the distinction starts to blur. The gist of the research is that with drugs, the body eventually processes the substance out of your system. With porn, those images stay hardwired in your brain. Just a quick flashback can trigger arousal, which releases those natural opioids—the stuff that makes you feel good. It’s a massive simplification, but that’s the basic idea.

Joe is definitely out of line here—especially when he claims: You think your boyfriend is the only one watching porn? That’s just standard behavior. Every "normal" man acts this way . Now, whether those men are actually "normal" enough for you to date is a different story, but claiming they all behave this way is simply untrue. To me, Joe comes across as quite immature—honestly, a bit unformed. It’s obvious your boyfriend is dealing with some issues, though I suppose there is a silver lining in the fact that you’re self-aware enough to recognize it. Perhaps he will realize it too. If he doesn't, and if this is clearly bothering you, please don't feel pressured to accept it as "normal." You really should consider if he is the right partner for you long-term. I suspect you’d find it even harder to stomach within a marriage—which is actually a good thing, because I believe (call me conservative, outdated, or whatever you like) that using pornography or similar things somehow undermines marital fidelity. Again, that is just my personal take. 🙂