Posts by Nicholas Bailey3

Lawrence Miller4 said:It's just the current way things are handled, but man, it’s hard to stomach seeing someone close to you laid out in a casket like that. It just feels wrong.

I can't pin down exactly what triggers the blaming part. About ten years ago, I moved away to Washington, D.C., and ever since then, I've had this nagging feeling that I missed my chance to be a better son and be there more for them, even though I was back home every week or two, mowing the lawn, fixing stuff around the house, and all that. My dad was obsessed with fishing, but I have zero talent for it, so I never went with him. Looking back, I really regret that. Then again, even if I had gone, we probably would've spent the whole time sitting in silence or just talking about mindless nonsense instead of actually getting into the deep life stuff that matters.

My mom is one of those people who will never tell you she needs help; she'll insist she can handle everything herself. The only way you can actually help her is by just showing up and doing the chores you know need doing without waiting for her to ask. I help her out financially—it's strictly on me—because I've got enough to cover myself and others, and my half-siblings have never asked for a dime, nor would I ever want them to be the ones footing the bill. At the end of the day, I have a legal support agreement in place for both my mom and my late father, so it wouldn't be right for anyone else to be paying the bills if I'm the one eventually inheriting the house.

The half-sibling connection is on my mom's side.

Alright, so you've secured everything, you have your legal agreements in place, and you're taking care of your family properly.
Until death—which could come tomorrow or in ten years.

Look around you; people are panicking left and right. They're blaming the "mandates" or "anti-vaxxers" (and the lack of decent funerals) for everything.
Corona is here, and people are going to die regardless of what happens. Can we do better? Sure. Will we? Probably not. And that's fine.
Your mother will pass, and you will bury her, just like you did your father.
Will you wonder if you could have done things differently? Yeah. Can you live without those thoughts? Not really.

Welcome to adulthood.
Stop overthinking it and go focus on your wife—keep at it every day until you've made a baby.

Cheers to you...

Lawrence Miller4 said:Hey everyone,

My dad passed away five days ago. He’d been battling breast cancer since 2009, which eventually spread to his bones and lungs. On top of that, he was dealing with spleen issues. He ended up in the hospital two weeks ago because of fluid buildup in his body, caught COVID while he was there, and that’s what ultimately took him. Because of the quarantine rules, we couldn't even get to his side to be with him during those final moments. The whole funeral process felt so cold and undignified too—they put him in a plastic bag, then a metal liner, before finally placing him in the actual casket. We put his suit, shoes, and everything else right in there with him. Honestly, just not being able to hold his hand and seeing how they handled his body... it’s just added this massive layer of trauma to an already devastating situation.

Now my mom is all alone. My half-sister lives about 15 miles away, and my half-brother is living over in Germany. We all share her as our mother. She’s 74, struggles with high blood pressure, takes pills every single day, and sometimes her nose will actually start bleeding from the pressure. About a year ago, around Christmas, we ended up in the ER because her left arm and leg started going numb. They ran all the tests and said it wasn't a stroke, but man, I can't tell you how terrified we all were in that moment.

I live about 45 miles from her, and I carry the heaviest load when it comes to looking after her. Don't get me wrong, my siblings help out, but because of how my life is set up, the brunt of the responsibility falls on me. Every other weekend—and lately, it’s been every single weekend—my wife and I would drive down to her place just to help out and be there for them. For the last six months, I was basically driving my dad to Washington, D.C. almost every week for checkups and treatments, dropping him off, then rushing back to Washington, D.C. to be with my wife. It was absolutely draining, both mentally and logistically. It's exhausting.

The anxiety started way back in high school when Mom first started having blood pressure issues. That was the beginning of this constant, gnawing fear that I was going to lose one of them. That dread only intensified when I moved away for college in 2001. So, for a full 20 years—if you don't count high school—I have lived in this perpetual state of waiting for one of my parents to die. Naturally, that fear just kept snowballing as Dad’s diagnosis got worse and his health declined, and now, that nightmare has finally become a reality. Mom is left alone, and I lost my father in such a gut-wrenching, undignified way.

If I had to describe my mental state, it’s like a severe pathology of caregiver burnout and grief. Now that Dad is gone, my head is spinning with a thousand different thoughts, and I find myself partially blaming myself for his death. When I try to talk about this to people around me, they practically treat me like I’m losing my mind, because they saw how much I poured into him. They saw the alternative therapies I tried, the endless hours I spent driving on the highway for him, and all the fun stuff in life I missed out on just to care for him. I even went to a bioenergy course just so I could potentially perform treatments on him myself.

As for Mom, she’s supposed to be living by herself now. She’s mobile and can handle things—she actually does more than she should. Money isn't the issue; she's financially stable. But the fear of losing her in some sudden, horrific way is overwhelming; it dominates almost my entire existence. I have a friend whose mother lived alone in her apartment, collapsed, and he didn't find her until three days later when she wasn't answering the door—finding her lying on the floor in a house that had basically fallen apart. It’s terrifying. I can't even fathom how I’d feel if that happened to me. Mom has good neighbors who would step up if she asked, but I’m haunted by those moments where her condition might take a turn for the worse and nobody is there. To make matters worse, she’s the type of person who insists to everyone that she’s perfectly fine and there’s nothing to worry about. She’s the polar opposite of a hypochondriac—she’ll act like nothing is wrong, even when it's serious.

So, to wrap this up... my psychological state is hitting me from two different angles:

1) My father's death, the crushing self-blame, and this endless loop of questioning whether I did enough, if I was a good enough son, or if there was something else I could have done differently to keep him here.
2) It’s this constant, gnawing fear for my mom. She’s still active, she’s mobile, she handles her own business—but at the same time, she’s battling chronic heart and cardiovascular issues. The terrifying reality is that once she’s gone, I’m basically an outsider with no one left in my corner. My relationship with my half-brothers is... complicated, to say the least. We aren't exactly tight, so I can't really lean on them.

I’m married to an amazing woman, she’s 35 and I’m 38, and we’re both ready to start a family. But man, the sheer amount of stress I’ve been carrying lately—over the last few years specifically—is absolutely killing our chances of getting pregnant. Honestly? I could go a step further and say that worrying about my parents is tanking my libido and just sucking the life out of everything. It’s messing with my drive, my career, my ability to travel, even just hanging out with friends. It’s like this heavy cloud over my entire existence, and it’s hitting me hard.

I’m looking for some perspective on what I’m going through and how I can actually break free from these chains of guilt and anxiety. I’m not dodging the idea of seeing a psychologist or a psychiatrist; if anything, I’m admitting that this massive mental weight is totally paralyzing my life. If anyone here has dealt with something similar and found relief through a professional, please, let me know who you’d recommend.

Best,
E.

"the way he was laid in rest"
Hmm..
Are you saying they were intentionally disrespectful, or is that just the standard procedure these days?

1. How does this "self-blame" actually manifest—what triggers it and when?

2. How exactly are you caring for your mother if she doesn't ask for anything? It doesn't quite add up, honestly..

I'm assuming those half-siblings are from your dad's side?

If anyone in here happens to be clean-shaven—man or woman—I’m going to be pretty disappointed.. ☕

I get it—for some people, saying "I would never" isn't just an opinion; it’s basically a way to signal which political tribe they belong to. So, in a sense, I see where they're coming from.

Benjamin Taylor90 said:Never am I eating dog poop. Did you hear me? Never! So go ahead, try to prove me wrong, you losers. 😵

Are you really that confident about everything you've eaten up to this point? 🤔
Don't bet on it—food safety standards are clearly a foreign concept to you.

Sounds a bit like alternative medicine to me

I really miss Maystor—this shell of a person posting the psychocalendar just isn't the engine that keeps the psycho-couch running. Scandals pretty much wrecked him.

quietrider25 said:Yeah, it's going to be tough. They're incredibly stubborn and set in their ways, but we aren't giving up. We have to help them, and we're going to.

Glad you guys are here.👍

quietrider25 said:Thank you all so much for the advice! We're honestly really worried about her. I'm just hoping we can find a way to help. Thanks again for stepping up.

Don't mention it. Honestly, though, that’s usually the best way to get someone to see a psychiatrist for the first time—otherwise, they just shut you out.

quietrider25 said:Hi there!
I hope I’m posting this in the right place. I’m really worried about a family member; I’m scared she might be dealing with schizophrenia, and I honestly don't know what to do.
She was always an unusual kid—very introverted, spent most of her time holed up in her room, and struggled to maintain friendships. She also tended to blame everyone else for her problems. She had these intense outbursts of anger and would just scream. At the time, we all thought it was just part of her "difficult" personality, so we didn't think much of it. She grew up in a small town and eventually moved abroad for work after college. It hasn't been easy for her, especially since her parents always stepped in to handle everything on her behalf.
Things really took a turn during the lockdowns. After being stuck at home for over six months, her behavior changed. Since she was working remotely, she started claiming people were stalking her online and that everyone at her company was mocking her. Once she went back to the office, those delusions intensified; she insisted her colleagues were malicious and were psychologically harassing her. Now, she claims she’s being followed through the city. Sometimes she sends us messages saying she wants to end her life, implying we somehow know what she's talking about, even though we have no idea. She still has those angry outbursts, complains of constant headaches, and says she feels completely empty inside. The problem is, she refuses to see a psychologist or a psychiatrist, and she won't even quit her job. Her parents are at a total loss. One relative even flew out to meet her overseas to try and talk some sense into her, but I have my doubts about whether that will work. Please help! Based on your own experiences, what could this be, and how can we help her? I know she needs to see a therapist, but how do we even convince her? Please.

Basically, pay for sessions with a local psychiatrist near her and have whoever traveled to see her just take her there without making it a whole thing. That's how you handle it.

It might not be schizo, but she clearly needs professional help regardless.

mistyjackal842 said:I mean, you all seem so content living on all those medications. I was reading this case study recently where someone was in a truly dire situation. Honestly, they went way too far with the therapy. It left her with such severe side effects. They eventually decided to scale back the treatment, which actually helped her health, but they write about it so openly, almost like it was a success story. It’s a miracle she even survived that initial dosage when things were so overmedicated. And then, to top it off, they claim the patient gave consent for the case study?! If she hadn't survived that massive overdose, she obviously wouldn't be around to give consent. A family member of mine used to work in a similar field. He's passed away now, but I think he moved away from direct hospital care to a different role just so he wouldn't have to witness the unnecessary degradation of patients. He had that choice, you know. Even back then, he told me how bad things are in geriatric wards—people are dying in droves. The real problem is that nobody is doing anything about it. We had a mobile, active elderly neighbor pass away after only a week in one of those units. And don't even get me started on this one young man; I'm not saying he wasn't ill, but they basically turned him into a vegetable with those heavy-duty drugs.

Are you bringing this same nonsense here too?

Gerald Gomez43 said:I agree that this is important, but when you've spent years enduring psychological and verbal abuse while witnessing nothing but toxic human dynamics, pulling yourself out of the mud is a massive undertaking. Don't get me wrong, I know how much effort goes into it, but let's be honest: it's an uphill battle.

Self-confidence. You aren't going anywhere until you're fully standing on your own two feet and actually learning how to function independently. There is no easy way out.

When it comes to whether you stay or go, that's entirely on you—you’re the one who has to live with the fallout. You can play it your way and make whatever call you want.

As for the guy, please—don't waste your breath on some loser. What would he actually bring to the table if he sat down to figure out a future with you? Absolutely nothing. He’d just throw around big words and empty promises, then resort to whining and throwing a tantrum the second things didn't go his way.

Just be patient. Your family isn't going anywhere if they're truly your people.

Jessica Collins34 said:I’m not necessarily looking for a lecture—it’s more that I’m curious about how people who have actually been through the wringer think, you know? Like, where did they stumble along the way? 🙂 I'm standing at a bit of a crossroads right now, sooo...
Thanks anyway! 😊

Honestly, my own experience might not be much help here—what I’d tell my 26-year-old self probably won't apply to you, so giving general advice feels a bit hollow. Beyond the standard "use your head and work hard," the biggest pitfall is trying to find solutions to your problems in other people instead of looking inward—in your own mind and your own actions.

If there's something specific on your mind, feel free to lay it out..

Don't eat the yellow snow
It's hardly worth gambling with the seafood.
Try to make better calls next time
Ignore everyone else's advice
☕

They stripped him of his land, then his wife actually let him write this—yet here you all are, still tearing him apart...

Chloe Cooper10 said:Why the obsession with Terci? — honestly, I don't get it. 🤣

Drew Lee9, JBL is way too overpriced—honestly, stick to the budget brands if you're trying to save a dime. 🕺

Since I’m an optimist—I mean, let’s face it—I can only imagine that their loud barking sounds like a duet between Kenny Rogers and Dolly Parton. It would be nice if the whole thing was just one big cacophony.

stormygardener93 said:She’d probably have something to say about it—especially if I actually managed to land a point. 🤣
I think I’ll just stick to a straw and enjoy a thick one with whipped cream—last time I had something like that was ages ago, and honestly, it’s about time for a repeat. 🙂

Am I cracking? No—not a chance.
Even if you flip it upside down, it’s still the same story.

Come on... we’re all pretty much battle-worn by now anyway—so welcome to the club ☕

Chloe Cooper10 said:No matter the era, ☕

Anyway... you might as well pull up a chair next to Wiki and Hopa 😛

I’m heading over to Wiki and Hopa myself. While they're busy talking nonsense, I’ll be over here enjoying the creamy texture—letting them grind everything down into fine dust

Did someone mention coffee? ☕