Jerry Bailey47 said:I’m honestly reaching my breaking point with this one friend—she is constantly rubbing our stroller purchase in our faces just because we spent a premium on it. 🙄 No matter what we’re talking about—whether it's iPhones, dinner plans, or vacation spots—somehow the conversation pivots back to our stroller and its price tag. It’s bizarre. And if we even dare to mention that something else is expensive or that we have a bill to pay, her immediate response is always some variation of, "Well, you shouldn't complain, considering how much you dropped on those strollers." 😠 Between the sheer annoyance and my pregnancy hormones, I am hovering dangerously close to telling her to take a hike if she brings up those wheels one more time!!!! 🙂
Well, I have officially reached that stage myself... 😁 I ordered my stroller, and when I mentioned the price, all I got was shock and disbelief. Then, when I remarked the other day that I felt like I was picking out a luxury car instead of baby gear (which is no small feat 😳, since I'm clearly not built for this kind of stress 😬), she just told me that I chose to spend the money, so now I shouldn't complain 🤣
feralmoose32 said:I really feel like the hardest part hasn't even happened yet And that's exactly what scares me... I might just need to go get myself a 🙂 somewhere
I won't have any trouble dealing with my own people, but when I face his, there won't be any mercy left after everything they've put me through so far...🙂
feralmoose32 said:What do you think will happen when I mention I'm planning to use a private hospital for delivery? 😬 It'll probably be just as pointless as the stroller thing—she'll likely say there are plenty of public hospitals available if I really wanted to, or that it’s just such an unnecessary expense... 🙄 I mean, why does it concern them so much? I really can't stand it when people act like they're auditing my bank account while they're sitting there drowning in credit card debt from their own car payments, furniture, summer trips, and ski vacations. 🤮
I don't even tell everyone I'm going the private route—only a select few—and honestly, some people have been nothing but judgmental... whatever... right now, I'm just saying I haven't decided where to give birth yet; I haven't settled on a single hospital or facility... period. The only time I slipped up was once when I asked about the cost of an amniocentesis... but I caught myself before it went any further.😬
As for baby gear, unfortunately, we'll be paying for everything ourselves since we're getting older...😬 most of our friends have already had their kids or aren't planning on it anytime soon... we have friends we could ask, but they won't help us because they claim they're barely scraping by (which is a total lie 😬), even though every time they show up, they're wearing designer clothes worth hundreds of dollars and would probably go broke if they actually tried to help us out...
Jerry Bailey47 said:I’m honestly reaching my breaking point with this one friend—she is constantly rubbing our stroller purchase in our faces just because we spent a premium on it. 🙄 No matter what we’re talking about—whether it's iPhones, dinner plans, or vacation spots—somehow the conversation pivots back to our stroller and its price tag. It’s bizarre. And if we even dare to mention that something else is expensive or that we have a bill to pay, her immediate response is always some variation of, "Well, you shouldn't complain, considering how much you dropped on those strollers." 😠 Between the sheer annoyance and my pregnancy hormones, I am hovering dangerously close to telling her to take a hike if she brings up those wheels one more time!!!! 🙂
My mom basically tells me "tough luck" 😁 and honestly, I can't disagree... I've pretty much realized that people with more money tend to be even more greedy and stingy... and look, I'm not trying to be ungrateful, truly, but these same people often bring in double or even triple what our household makes, yet they act like they're constantly broke and struggling to make ends meet, all while looking at us like we have nothing we can't afford... I just... 😬
I won't even get started on my in-laws. I finally stood my ground during the first quarter of this year and told them straight up that I am never going to let them drain me or treat me with the kind of malice they used to show. So, once the baby arrives, I'll be waiting with a metaphorical sword ready; if they even think about making one wrong move, my patience and my tendency to just swallow my pride will be strictly in the past tense... 😬 which means: we aren't communicating until things settle down. Occasionally, their passive-aggressive comments still get under my skin, but I'm still learning how to stop letting it hurt me. For years, they've tried to paint me as whatever version of me suits them, and now that I've finally drawn a line and decided I won't play along anymore, they've become even more passive-aggressive...
I am pushing myself just to feel like myself again—trying not to be irritable, overly sensitive, or constantly on the verge of tears. I’m forcing myself through workouts and sticking strictly to my diet (though, full disclosure, I’ve already gained 7 pounds) 🤷 which makes me wonder why I haven't been flagged for complications, or why I haven't had to undergo a thousand different tests (including Torch and all those other screenings)... and of course, why I choose to handle everything privately and how much that actually costs 🙂 (especially for people who are drowning in credit card debt because they wasted money on useless junk and designer clothes). Plus, I’ll just have to wait and see if things take a turn for the worse and how my private doctor handles it (usually involving people who have never even stepped foot in a specialist's office and are far too old to bother going 😬). Sometimes it feels like I'm being punished simply because I don't fit the "perfect" mold or because I'm choosing to act like a normal human being (thank Quincy I can) ... as if they are all just sitting there waiting to say, "See? We told you so..." 🙂
shadowfalcon43 said:Honestly, you should be ashamed of yourself for NOT READING WITH COMPREHENSION and drawing conclusions completely out of context! Now, please, just take one single minute to scroll back through the last two pages before you post again.
And I am over and out!
You aren't going to be a good, "real" mother😬 unless you understand the whole sacrifice factor and how to manage that crushing guilt—something every true (future) mother understands... 😁 (Let’s be honest, I definitely fall into your category too)
I'm frustrated right now, but my hormones are also running the show (which is a pretty decent excuse for anyone God gave them) 😬
edit: I get my hair colored regularly every four weeks because I refuse to let my child feel embarrassed by an old-looking mom🙂
shadowfalcon43 said:It’s funny how quickly people jump to name-calling... personally, I wouldn't give a second thought to someone's opinion if I felt like I was just acting according to my own "mental state"... basically, if I believe my behavior is justified 🙂
EDIT: seriously, just relax... if you actually took the time to read through the last page or two of posts, you'd realize this whole thing got unnecessarily complicated... mostly because someone misread what was actually said! Or they totally misinterpreted it... or whatever. There was zero malice intended here... and heaven forbid anyone was actually attacking pregnant women with complications. OMG! relax!
I completely agree 🙂 that everyone acts according to their own capabilities and how they feel, and that part isn't even up for debate. What *is* questionable (as it is in all aspects of life) are our expectations, and when someone fails to meet them, we end up tearing them to pieces 😁. Looking at the bigger picture, I believe every household has its own crises (and I mean no offense to anyone by saying this, nor am I trivializing anyone's struggles) and nobody asks us what kind of pain or fears we are living with or waking up to (to be honest, most of us don't even think about others that way anyway), so I don't know why there is an expectation of understanding and empathy from anyone in our surroundings (meaning strangers) only to then feel frustrated when it isn't there 🤷. But that is just my opinion 🙂
I haven't been able to help myself, I've mostly just been lurking lately 😬 but what really gets under my skin is how people act toward pregnant women—and specifically how some other pregnant women act toward me 😳 I mean, honestly, ever since I became pregnant, it’s like my perceived value has suddenly skyrocketed in some people's eyes (it's such a total catastrophe). Like, why? If I hadn't had kids or wasn't pregnant, I would have just been treated like some nobody 😕 Everyone keeps pushing these complications on me, like, WTF? I'm not sick, I don't need someone to make my bed for me, and then they start questioning my belly because I'm only in my sixth month and still look thin 😠 I want to exercise, and everything is scheduled for pregnant women at noon, so I do that, but now that I'm back in a regular group, I've sorted that out 🙂. Forgive me, ladies, but I truly don't see any reason why anyone should have to step out of my way in a line or move aside for me? 😳 Oh my god, please, who cares... there was this scene in the grocery store checkout: I stand there waiting my turn, and then my partner arrives a bit later with the shopping cart, and he gives me this absolutely stunned look (you really should have seen his face) pointing out that I need to go behind the woman behind me because she's pregnant and arrived after me 😕 I turn around and this woman absolutely murders me with her eyes because I "killed her mom" or whatever 😲 So I said to him, hey, I was perfectly in line, by the way, and why did you forget that I'm also pregnant? As if it isn't obvious enough to kill me? I think we understand each other, and frankly, I'm dealing with my own crisis and my ligaments are killing me 😁 (that's what I call it when my uterus feels like it's splitting apart from time to time) but so what? This is a different situation 🤷 Fala Bog thank goodness I don't have any actual medical emergencies right now that would require people to clear a path for me... but the rest of this just goes into describing my current state...
shadowmason6 said:That is wonderful, Nivia179! I am sharing in your joy, especially because my own mom’s results have come back clear too—it's been a year since her surgery and all those treatments, and everything looks good on the CT, colonoscopy, biopsy, and markers) 🙂
... and yet, even though I’m keeping it to myself (because she’s finally starting to relax and feel encouraged by the news), I just can't shake these doubts... To be honest, her marker levels are still technically within the normal range, but they have been steadily climbing across three different tests since the surgery. Her next check-up isn't until December (which will be almost six months since the last one), and I can't help but wonder if her oncologist should have scheduled it sooner, maybe at the three-month mark... or perhaps ordered more scans, like a chest X-ray or a PET scan... 😕
I am truly happy for you🙂 let's stay positive; it's good to be cautious, but please don't let doubt take over🙂
Ladies, please, try to be patient... I know it’s incredibly difficult and honestly terrifying, but your mothers just went through surgery. Bowel surgery is an massive undertaking; the body needs about a year and a half to truly recover. For my mom, it took at least six months just for her bowel movements to stabilize. It's also completely normal for her to deal with constipation moving forward since the intestinal tract is shorter now. As for bloating and other issues—you really have to be careful. Avoid broccoli, cauliflower, onions, and any vegetables that cause gas. Later on, she might even experience gas buildup causing internal pressure against the surgical site (that's something my mother deals with)... Lots of broths and teas, but absolutely no sugar. My mom drinks kukisha constantly (about a liter a day); it’s a tea used in macrobiotics to help regulate acidity in the stomach and intestines and all that. There’s actually another one too—one uses the twigs and the other uses the leaves, so you choose based on which part of the intestine was affected... it's all detailed in the book Kushi ishrana...
I am wondering if there is an alternative to a CT scan with iodine contrast, since my mom is allergic to iodine, specifically for the purpose of safely identifying any changes in the liver?
I remember exactly how my mother looked when she first came home from the hospital... she’d had some serious post-op complications. She could barely even pull herself up out of bed. My father was such a nervous wreck, constantly hovering over her and obsessing about what she should or shouldn't eat—he was a total panic merchant—but she just ate whatever she could manage. I was cooking for her every single day, so after those first few miserable days where she could only handle tiny bites, we slowly transitioned into more substantial meals over the next month... little by little. But the truth is, she was clearly getting better with every passing day. It wasn't about the scale, but you could see it in her face; she started to get that healthy glow back. Her clothes were hanging off her like she was on a coat hanger, but there was this spark of energy growing inside her every day, and I truly believe that’s what matters most. Everyone else was just obsessed with the number of pounds she'd lost 🙄 and it drove me crazy because I could see the actual progress in her spirit, while they were all just fixated on the weight...
Nancy Hernandez43, I am so incredibly happy to hear about your mom 🙂 It is so beautiful to see things turning around 🙂
You can do the math yourself, but right now 😵 my mom was 50 when she finally got discharged from the hospital, even though she was 64 before—well, actually, let me correct myself, she lost 14 pounds . You really need to keep all of this in mind because what matters most is eating high-quality food... lots of vegetables and light broths 😬. It isn't about the number on the scale; it’s about how you actually feel, because those pounds always find a way back eventually 😘. Like I always say, nobody ever died from being hungry 😘. Take care ...
shadowmason6 said:Does anyone have any advice?... How does one actually put the weight back on...? It’s much harder than losing it... I find myself constantly searching for ways to regain those lost pounds... and it feels like such an uphill battle... But wouldn't that cause harm... and potentially lead to an intestinal blockage...? I am genuinely terrified that once this surgery is over, I’m going to lose even more...
I just wanted to say thank you to everyone who reached out via DM... Honestly, there's no doubt in my mind that the greatest support I've found is right here on this forum... and... hiddentiger80Hey, clear out some space in your inbox—I wasn't able to send you my reply! 🙂
Cleaned up... 😁 I'll be brief (and I still owe a few people PMs—Nusa, please forgive me)... 🙂)
Please, don't you dare start with that food! That whole way of eating... it’s just this deep-seated American fear of hunger and being underweight. I have serious trauma from growing up around that mindset... 😁 Sorry for jumping in like this, but people are being so incredibly draining. Look, you can't force anything, and it’s completely normal that my mom is losing weight. Once she gets through the surgery, her weight will stabilize at a lower level. But please keep in mind that since this is a digestive tract disease, trying to force-feed her just to gain pounds could actually backfire... The recovery period regarding weight takes about a year and a half, though regaining strength and stamina really depends on the individual. In my mom's case, I don't think she'll ever go back to exactly how she was before, which honestly doesn't make sense given her age and everything else she's dealing with. She lost 12 pounds and hasn't gained them back even now. People have been driving me absolutely insane, constantly questioning what she isn't eating or telling me she needs to eat more slowly. She was on such a strict health diet, but in America, that practically feels like eating air... if there isn't a solid piece of meat or fat floating in your soup, people don't even consider it a real meal. And whenever they saw her, they’d just harp on about how thin she looked and how "terrible" it was. They had no idea until I finally snapped and told them that it would be much more terrible if she were six feet under just because of ten pounds... then they all just stared at me like I was some kind of monster. 🙄 I realized that after some time, once the Zeldac started spreading and she began obsessively stuffing herself because of how everything around her just felt so dull and numbing, she would weigh herself on the scale every single morning... I mean, it’s just awful. Or take lunch, for instance—everyone would just stare at her plate like they couldn't survive without seeing what she was eating. It makes me want to snap at them in my usual obnoxious way, telling them to get lost or they might as well go eat rocks instead... But honestly, it's so obvious that I have deep-seated trauma regarding meals. People are constantly forcing me to eat when I just don't want to, but I got used to avoiding that kind of violation while living abroad, and as for my own business... 😁Well, at the end of the day, that was her call to make... and I'm just trying to... 😁I respect that. Sometimes I might spit venom, but even then, people tend to hold back when they're standing right in front of me... 😬
Regarding the vegetable soup... I’ve been giving it to my soul, but please, don't go adding any thickeners! No flour-based roux either. Miso soup is actually quite wonderful; you won't gain any weight from it, but it provides that much-needed nourishment... and that's exactly what is required... 😘
nusa, I’ll shoot you a private message later today so we don't clutter up the thread with off-topic talk. Honestly, my mom has decided she doesn't need to stick to such a strict diet, and then she tells me how it goes: she'll cook some kale and sausage stew, and even though she claims she isn't eating the sausages, she ends up sipping up all that greasy 😲. Or take me, for example—I'll head out, and my husband tells me he greased the entire pan with that heavy oil used to sear the chicken 😲. I really don't know what to do; it seems like this is just how things go with everyone. I bet even someone like Poskrizecki is stuffing himself with sweets... Basically, she can't be bothered to cook just for herself, so she either whips up something random or does exactly what I just described... But then her stomach is constantly hurting, likely because the food is sitting there or moving too slowly through the area where they did the sigma connection, so it bothers her more sometimes than others. Her internal scar tissue gets irritated too, which creates internal pressure and everything... but she insists that as long as she's up and moving, she doesn't need any 🙂. For the first time in my life, I am actually thanking God that she is so stubborn, because her being this way used to drive me absolutely crazy 😁
feralwolf24 said:hiddentiger80 :-)) Sending big greetings!!!! How have you been? It feels like it's been ages since we last spoke, or maybe I just missed your updates :-)) Is everything okay?
Oh, feralwolf24... 🙂 I truly hope you are doing alright and staying strong (I happened to stumble upon your heartbreaking story on another thread and my heart just aches for you 🙂 please don't give up, just take things one step at a time :-)). About two months ago, my husband decided to rearrange our entire apartment 😲 all by himself. It went on for days, and my dad almost ended up in a psychiatric ward 😁 (since he really shouldn't be getting stressed out), but he's hanging in there—he's headed for a checkup this summer (even though I'm constantly worried about what he's eating, but I can't bring myself to nag him too much over it...). Anyway, I feel the need to share something else. With my mother, it felt like we had survived every possible hurdle, and we were all trying so hard to stay positive, and things finally seemed to be moving in the right direction, slowly but surely. And then, what happens? My father, while working abroad, takes a direct fall from five meters up—they had to airlift him from a small local clinic to the biggest hospital in the region because they couldn't wake him up. I jumped straight in the car and drove 435 miles for five days straight just to be with him, and the whole situation was just... terrifying. There were surgeries, him demanding to come home, me driving him back in that state... honestly, it's hard to even believe it happened. But I won't ramble on too long; anyone looking at his medical records today (he’s still going in for follow-ups and medication therapy) would be shocked to realize he isn't dead or a severely disabled person. I used to think nothing could ever get worse than what we went through with my mom, but then I realized there are absolutely no guarantees for anyone or anything, and you just have to live day by day. That's why I try to look forward, and I won't let myself break, and I won't let any of you break either. Sending love to everyone, please take care of yourselves 🙂
shadowmason6 said:Regarding the diagnosis, everything I know so far has just been relayed to me verbally. Today, I finally saw it written on my chart: NPL colon desc. i.o. I assume I can't be entirely certain yet since we're still waiting on the biopsy results from the colposcopy... I'm guessing NPL stands for neoplasia?... hmm, that sounds even worse than adenoma :-( ???
Bokic 🙂 basically, "neoplasia" is just a broad term used for any kind of abnormal cell growth in the body. An adenocarcinoma is a very specific type of cancer—in this instance, it involves cells responsible for secretion or discharge. Honestly, in the intestines, adenocarcinoma is the most common finding because, as they told me, there isn't much else it could be... The "colon descendens" refers to the descending part of your large intestine. As for "i.o."—I'd guess it means *in observatio*, or a conclusion drawn based on current processing, though I'm really just speculating here
The thing about an abscess is that it develops this little capsule, which is why it just keeps filling back up over and over again. That’s exactly why doctors usually recommend a surgical procedure to deal with it. If the surgeon doesn't manage to clear out the entire capsule during the operation, you're just left with leftover pieces that will eventually cause it to refill...
If everything keeps acting up and giving us all a hard time like it used to 😁 . Everything is going to turn out fine, no matter what happens, we just have to take it one day at a time. Keeping my fingers crossed... 🙂
Carol Edwards81, we went through something very similar with my mother. They actually found some spots on her liver, and when they went to perform the CT scan, she suffered a horrific anaphylactic shock from the iodine contrast... please, be extremely careful during any diagnostic testing. We opted to handle everything privately—both the colonoscopy and the CT—so we could move faster. Once the pathology results came back and they pinpointed exactly where the issue was, she was in surgery within two weeks. Your father really needs to get onto that operating table as soon as possible. Just stay strong... if they see anything at all on the liver (my mom just has cysts and a hemangioma), they won't rule out the possibility of metastasis until he is actually "on the table" and they can examine everything thoroughly. Fortunately, it wasn't more than a bowel resection, which is, let's say, a relatively routine procedure. However, the postoperative complications were absolutely brutal; I was already losing my mind from the stress, and she had lost twenty pounds while stuck in bed. The recovery process was incredibly grueling for both of us, but here she is now—she's practically jumping around the house 😁. Truthfully, God willing, she isn't quite her old self yet, but recovery for something like this is a massive undertaking that takes about a year and a half. Her prognosis was initially very grim, but in the end, she didn't even need chemotherapy, so you truly never know with these things. Just take it one step at a time and stay brave!!! Please, give him all the support you can and try to be by his side as much as possible; it means the world to them, and honestly, I think that’s the most important part of the whole journey. Wishing you the best!