Peter Murphy6 said:Personally? I don't regret anything. If there's something I want that I don't have—I go out and get it. Sure, sometimes I need a reminder to appreciate the awesome stuff I already have in my life. But my struggle isn't about finding motivation from the people I love or the things I own... it's about finding it within myself. How do you live purely for yourself if you're trying to lead a "morally upright" life? Because when you don't have anyone you care about, being selfish seems a lot easier. That's the real question for me: how do I live for myself while still loving the people around me and not stepping on them? I've been alone before, but not long enough to really know what living truly solo feels like.
Winter just crushes me because the workload drops off, leaving me with way too much time to be alone with my own thoughts—all those things I've been pushing aside for months suddenly come rushing back. This winter hit me harder than ever... but I think I've finally managed to accept that part of myself. You have to deal with it—you've got to push that darker side out. The trouble starts when that depression or anxiety becomes someone's whole identity.
I gotta tell you, though—sometimes I actually lean into that moody autumn and melancholic winter vibe.
When someone tries to fake happiness instead of just sitting with what they're feeling, they’re basically overloading their brain and causing a massive backlash. In those cases, forcing it is a disaster. You end up feeling guilty just for not being happy. I think way too many people tell themselves "I *have* to be happy" instead of asking, "Why am I not happy?"
I honestly can't imagine not having anyone to love, and I definitely don't want to be shamelessly selfish, even if that seems like the easy way out. It gets tough, though, especially when you face constant rejection—when it feels like your heart is giving way more than it's receiving.
Maybe taking the honest, uphill path, as grueling as it may be, is actually where you find the strength needed to handle whatever life throws at you next.
At the end of the day, I can look back on certain moments with actual pride. I can even smile when telling stories about those few jobs where I did trial runs for a couple of days—times when I was *this* close to getting hired. Even if I didn't get the job, I gained experience, and that helped me feel better about myself and my place in the world. I didn't make lifelong friends during those trials, but at a recent gig I held for about three months, I met some genuinely kind people, including two really great girlfriends. And hey, I started a new job about a month ago! It took me a few weeks to find my groove, but over the last few days, I've finally hit that sweet spot of being relaxed yet super productive.
As for that forced happiness thing? Yeah, it’s awkward. Sometimes it becomes a habit, and other times it's just a temporary phase. Just like a suit doesn't define a man, optimism doesn't define a person either. Sometimes optimism acts as a shield against things we aren't ready to face yet. Still, to me, optimism feels like a much more logical way to live than pessimism, even if it can be a bit misleading sometimes.