and it’s not even a big deal... I guess what I'm trying to say is you just need to get into the habit of questioning your own views... you know, making yourself the standard you measure everything against...
Harold Anderson3 said:I actually called my old man today and just laid it all out—told him exactly what I think about his parenting and how he has absolutely no right to demand academic results from me at college when his own upbringing is the root cause of my struggles. It wasn't like he reached out to check in on me out of the goodness of his heart, after all.
Naturally, things got pretty heated. He’s convinced this is all just laziness on my part, or that I'm some kind of manipulator who only moved back in with my mom because I can get away with whatever I want... His mindset is just so narrow; he doesn't have any concept of psychology or the fact that people actually have feelings, let alone understanding anything regarding mental health. And honestly, he ended up marrying someone struggling with schizophrenia. I mean, the whole thing fell apart after three years, but still... In any case, I feel a little lighter now that we've talked, even if it was through a massive argument. I just needed to vent those negative emotions and make sure he knows that I hold him responsible for where I am today. Am I being fair here, or am I totally off base?
You're making a mistake... Not because you let it all out, but because you're asking strangers for their opinion again... If you feel better now that you've vented, there's probably a good reason for that.
Harold Anderson3 said:@ Paul Perez and fadedbear8 I appreciate the responses, and honestly, you're both right about almost everything except one thing: I truly hate them. I realized that clearly after talking with my psychiatrist today. I hate them for messing with my head and stealing my youth. I hate that because of what they did, I can't just live like a normal young guy and enjoy these years; instead, I'm withdrawing from society and spending my time in therapy. I hate my stepmother for exactly who she is—whenever her angry face pops into my mind, I literally feel a chill run through me. And I hate my dad for letting her be that way. I really doubt any kind of relationship with them is possible. By the way, thanks for the help, you guys have genuinely helped me out a lot! My doctor didn't quite agree with me posting here, because she felt like I was doubting her psychotherapy, which isn't true at all. But she's the professional, so I'm going to follow her lead. Thanks to everyone, and a big 😘
Well, looks like you're finally moving forward... Just don't feel ashamed of how you feel (especially not around those old folks)
Alright... let me try to explain my "findings" on this path:
1. Growing up in a broken home mostly leads to a total distrust of your own emotions. I mean, when you're watching your parents scream at each other, or feeling like you're just being used as a pawn in their guilt-tripping games, or just dealing with a constant stream of bad stuff... you basically get the message that you aren't allowed to trust how you feel. Why? because: - Your feelings aren't valid, because apparently they know better than you do. - Your feelings are wrong, because you're stupid, or too young, or blame your dad, or your mom, etc. - Because you're chronically pissed off, so how could those emotions possibly be right? - Because if you actually admitted what you were feeling, you might grab an AK-47 and turn some prom into a bloodbath... so let's just shut up.
But honestly, that pattern follows you long after you finally leave that house behind. The big thing is that once you move out and start a new life, you have to begin relearning things. You have to shed those old layers of armor that you don't need anymore (though, I guess, you'll eventually need different kinds of armor later on).
That’s when all those emotions, memories, and flashbacks start hitting you out of nowhere. It’s basically a sign that what happened was real—that the pain you felt back then was legitimate and JUSTIFIED.
You have to learn how to acknowledge your own feelings and live by your own beat... if you're angry, just be angry. You just have to find ways to let things out and, I don't know, actually listen to yourself and your own gut. In my opinion, this is huge, because people from homes like that can end up trapped in this state where they feel nothing, totally detached from themselves... and that isn't really living. You can usually spot these types by how calm or composed they are—sometimes it's even unnerving, almost fake (I call them "glass-faces") because they show zero signs of emotion. It just shows how far gone that defense mechanism went.
Besides, this matters for guys, too, because women tend to be wary of men who don't show any emotion. They’re instinctively afraid of that kind of guy, even if they don't know why, and eventually, that emotional distance comes back to haunt you like a boomerang. At some point, you're just going to have to face everything and everyone inside yourself...
(That's just... well, one of the lessons, I guess)...
Look, I just wanted to check in and let you guys know they’re actually out there, and some of them actually managed to clear up those (forced) questions...
Look, you really have to move past that trauma and that feeling of emptiness... however you can manage it...
Either find a way to distance yourself from an experience that offers zero life lessons, start looking for different role models, and try to find a sense of self-worth within yourself instead...
I guess joining some volunteer group or a non-profit to help people is fine for a little while, but don't get too sucked into it. You shouldn't let that become your entire identity...
Maybe get the thyroid checked out, run some liver enzyme tests, and see what those labs say... if it turns out to be a neck issue, I guess you could start hitting the foam rollers or something.
I’m honestly all for drugs... I mean, if there isn't any chance to die out hunting or something, then some kind of natural selection process has to exist, I guess. ☕
Brandon Hall88 said:Which ego is supposed to tear down the other? Do you honestly believe these spiritual gurus don't carry a self-image around with them? What's even the difference between a "social" self-image and a "spiritual" one?
The point isn't about acquiring some new spiritual identity; it’s about losing both. You could define identity simply as identification. But who exactly is doing the identifying with any specific identity in the first place?
If you truly understood your own fundamental nature—as you claim to—then it would be crystal clear what your ego actually is, and why it exists at all! Do people actually lose their ego just by parroting the need to "lose the ego" like mindless sheep? Or is the ego only lost when someone completely abandons every single form of identity?
And how can anyone even begin to work on this, or even harbor the idea of shedding a social persona to build some vague spiritual one, if they aren't thinking through it using their ego? The ego is an inherent part of consciousness. But it is identified consciousness. Once you de-identify—once you detach from both the social and the spiritual identities—who is left to do the thinking about the ego?
But... It’s really about uncovering. You are merely revealing what you have known all along. You aren't learning anything new, nor are you gaining anything extra. It’s just a process of rediscovery. Your entire purpose is to uncover yourself—to strip away everything that gets in the way of you being *You*. And then, to manifest that in this reality.
Best, Brandon Hall88
If I were to translate what you're saying into plain, small-town talk: punks? Please. They're just posers with a slightly different wardrobe...
The amount of radioactive fallout (like Cesium-137 and stuff) released during Chernobyl was definitely not nothing... but I guess they say the stuff dumped back in the 50s and 60s from all those various nuclear tests was supposedly 100 to 1000 times worse than what happened at Chernobyl... so, yeah, there are plenty of reasons to think about that.
Jonathan Ruiz10 said:Thanks, everyone. I’m feeling absolutely terrible right now. And to make matters worse, I'm still ten days out from my period—which usually means I'm dealing with major bloating and water retention. Anyway, I've decided today is the day for a total reset: lots of raw fruits and veggies, no processed junk, plenty of water, some sparkling mineral water, and maybe some kefir... hopefully, that'll help me feel human again in a day or two.🙏
Look, I’m no expert here, but...
So, does anyone else feel like they’re basically turning into a water balloon right before their period hits? I feel like I just swell up and hold onto every ounce of water imaginable. Is that actually a thing? Or am I just losing my mind? Heart? Kidneys? Liver? What are we even talking about here? I don't know, maybe I'm overthinking it, but it feels like everything is constantly under fire. Is it all just one big question mark at this point? I guess it doesn't matter. Just feels heavy.
crimsonhound80 said:Look, there's no need to apologize, but honestly, your argument mostly applies to artists —think painters, musicians, poets—who might be geniuses in their craft but end up completely unhinged due to excessive drinking, partying 😁 or an old-school addiction to opium followed by more modern narcotics. And let's be real, a person doesn't actually have to be highly intelligent just to be a good painter.
Forget all this talk about having seven or eight different types of intelligence; there’s really only one kind that’s actually been scientifically validated.
I think there are more than one, though... I went through a psych evaluation once (over at Mayo Clinic), and the psychologist there put me through at least ten different sessions. We did all kinds of stuff—memory tests, spatial orientation, naming things, connecting concepts, all that. Out of those ten minimum tests, at least four of them were definitely measuring different types of intelligence (not counting the concentration or memory stuff, obviously)...
To be precise, she called them "cognitive abilities" in her report.
quietranger14 said:So, quick question... I can talk about the abuse now without breaking down—I mean, it still hits me occasionally, but it's rare. Is that just my brain using some defense mechanism like isolation of affect, or what?
I've got a few questions myself...
- How much do you actually let yourself vent negative emotions toward other people? (you know, when they're the ones causing the problem) - How much of a negative attitude or a defensive guard do you allow yourself to have around others? - How much do you let yourself maintain that guarded stance, even if someone really hurts you? (like, if someone starts verbally attacking you and you have to defend yourself)
wiredmarlin20 said:Look, if you leave water in a 10-liter plastic jug, it’s going to taste like plastic. We’ve been over this—run an experiment if you don't believe me!
It's the same deal with standard plastic bottles, it just takes longer. Like, water sitting in a big jug for a week? It starts getting that slight plastic hit...
Plastic—specifically PVC—isn't biodegradable. It takes about 500 years to break down in nature. But let's say the water actually speeds that process up and it only takes 50 years. An average bottle weighs about 50 grams. That would be roughly 1 gram per year. So, if you store it for a month, you're looking at 0.1 grams per 2 liters, which works out to about 0.005 grams per deciliter...
If I had to try and estimate how much volume that is (since I don't know the exact density of PVC per cubic centimeter), let's just assume it's similar to the weight of water. So, 10 cc³ is about 1 liter or 1000 grams. 10 cc³/20 = 0.5 cc³ = 500 mm³ (which is the volume of the bottle). If the bottle breaks down over 50 years, that means about 0.2% of the bottle dissolves every month. 500 * 0.2% = 1 mm³ for the whole 2-liter bottle, or about 0.05 mm³ per deciliter of water.
So, in a worst-case scenario, we’re talking 0.05 mm³ of dissolved PVC per deciliter if the water sits for a month and the bottle decays in 50 years (instead of 500). Honestly, I think it’d be closer to 0.03 mm³ max. Just for context, a grain of cornmeal or wheat grits is usually around 0.15–0.3 mm³.
Regarding corrosion... I'll ask the crew tomorrow what the pipes are actually made of, but don't you think standard water main pipes would rust way too fast if they were just plain iron? That mix of dissolved oxygen and chlorine would speed things up big time.
The plumbing inside buildings is iron, but the stuff underground isn't—it's some kind of plastic. I saw them installing it (black and blue color), and I know my water tasted like plastic or rubber for about six months straight...🤮
No clue what the old pipes were before these new ones went in!
If PVC or whatever polymer they use actually messed with the taste, then every single bottle of flashy water out there would taste bland as hell.
Okay... so was that actually an argument for being afraid of bad water, or against it? (I mean, great, if it's being tested on the EPA level)
As for the corrosion thing... I'll ask around tomorrow to see what those pipes are actually made of, but don't you think that if they were just basic iron, they'd start rusting way faster in a municipal system? I guess the combination of dissolved oxygen and chlorine would pretty much speed that process right up.